Forum: Advice / Girls & Guys

How do I tell a guy I am OK with being just friends?
By Gioiamember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Mon Sep 24, 2012 06:44 AM

Ok, so I met this guy online. As a disclaimer I have to tell you that I live in a little town right next to an equally little town, altogether maybe 3K permanent residents. I had all but given up on meeting people in my area, there are a total of 6 guys on OkCupid within 15 miles of me, so I was surprised when this guy in my zipcode popped up in my matches. He just moved to the area so I know he hasn't made any friends here besides coworkers, which is the same position I am in. Our first date went well and afterwards he asked me over to his place. It was a work night so I declined. He walked me to my car, he told me multiple times that he would like to see me again so we scheduled another date for 3 days later and hugged goodnight. I asked him over to my place for that date to watch a movie. Nothing romantic happened, things were awkward, we were both talking and not paying attention to the movie, but still just in a friendly way. When it was time for him to go home we hugged and I gave him a kiss on the cheek, he seemed awkward and nervous but didn't try to reciprocate. Then to my surprise he told me we should hang out again that weekend.

This is where things got confusing. Saturday rolled around and he texted me to tell me that his grandmother passed away, he was obviously going home to spend time with his family and didn't know when he would feel like hanging out again. I replied with my condolences and told him to let me know if there was anything I could do. Cut to Wednesday and I decided to call him, he didn't answer but I left a message that I hoped he was doing ok and to call if he wanted to talk. The next day he thanked me for my message, told me he had just gotten back into town and was starting to prepare for school (he is a teacher and school was starting the following Monday). I told him if he would like to get a drink before school started to unwind, to let me know, he said that sounded good. Come Saturday morning he texts me to say he is working on lesson plans and will let me know when he is done. Never hear from him. 2 weeks go by and I assume he is silently telling me he isn't interested. I decide to give it 1 last shot and text him saying I hope the beginning of his school year was going well. A few days go by with no response, so I write him off. Then the next day, out of the blue I get a text from him. Says he is sorry, he thought about getting in touch with me a few times and never did, school was going well but taking up a lot of time and he had been out of town 1 weekend for his birthday and another weekend for a friends wedding. Tells me he would like to hang out again, how about dinner. We finally set a night for dinner, we go out, seemingly have a good time, but still it is awkward. I thought to myself that if I were going to make a move on him, this would be the time, but I just can't bring myself to do it. He didn't try anything either but does insist on buying me a drink. Again, it is a work night so we call it a night relatively early, walk to our cars and hug.

There was a festival last weekend, told him I was going if he was interested and he never got back to me. Texted a bit during the week. There was a music festival this weekend, again texted him the details, he responded that he was going to a football game. I just don't know if I should keep pushing to hang out with him, I am afraid he may see that as me having feelings for him, when in reality I really don't know if I do. I really like hanging out with him, he is the first friend I have made in this area that is in my age range, otherwise I only hang out with people from work. It is really hard to meet people around here and I don't want to write off some guy that I get along with just because we might not have a romantic connection. I feel like since we met on the pretense of a dating website that he may not want to see me again if he isn't feeling me. I also sort of assume that he has been dating other people, as far as I know he has been going back "home" every weekend. That doesn't bother me one bit, if I had another prospective date, I would go without hesitation. I want him to know that I still want to hang out with him, even if the relationship doesn't evolve past being friendly. I don't know if there is a proper way to tell him this without just assuming how he is feeling and making it sound believable. Or if I should just let things happen and keep inviting him out places (I am hesitant to do that because I don't want him to decline simply because he might think I have feelings for him).

If you got through all that, thanks, I posted on a relationship advice board somewhere else, but I am sure my post will get buried, and hoping my DDN friends will pull through =)

TL;DR went on a few dates with a guy, doesn't seem like we have a romantic connection, how do I go about still hanging out with him without being worried that he will decline because he assumes I have feelings for him?

1 Replies to How do I tell a guy I am OK with being just friends?

re: How do I tell a guy I am OK with being just friends?
By dancemomtoo
On Tue Sep 25, 2012 05:50 PM
Hey, even though I dont think we have a romantic connection ( and clearly you dont or he would have put some effort into contacting you) I wanted to let you know I think you would be a cool, fun guy friend to hang out with sometimes, not strings attached-so get in touch if you want to.

Always best to be straightforward-he can take it or leave it.

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