Forum: Advice / Girls & Guys

Feel like I don't have friends
By jazzpanda
On Mon Nov 19, 2012 05:03 AM

Since high school started this year, I just feel like I don't have any friends. I have constantly been floating in between friendship groups, trying to fit in somewhere, but I just don't.

One group of girls I know is nice to me and I talk to them sometimes, but they all go to the same church and I don't, so I often feel excluded from their conversations. The girl who I guess is the closest thing I have to a best friend is part of this group. The thing is, we rarely hang out outside of school, even though we spend a lot of time together in between classes. I know I can call her whenever I need her, so that's a good thing I guess. She's one of my only close friends at school, and the rest are acquaintances.

Then there's another group of girls, who I've known a bit longer. This is my main problem. I am at a loss as to whether I should just stop trying to be friends with them or make the effort to be in the group. They are extremely exclusive and cliquey. If it wasn't for a few girls who are genuinely nice to me, I wouldn't even bother trying to befriend anyone in that group. However, I feel like they all come in "a package." Like I can't only be friends with a few of them, but I have to be part of the clique to actually hang out with any of them.

Some of the girls are just very cold to anyone outside of "the group." I'm convinced one of the girls hates me for no reason. Like, I have barely talked to her and for some reason she glares at me and ignores anything I say, even if I just have to hand her a paper in class or something like that. It makes me feel like crap.

I try my best to be a nice person, but I don't know why people don't consider me a real friend. They're nice to me at school, but then they never make time for me to hang out outside of school. Sometimes I have a hard time carrying on conversations, it just depends on who it is. If the person I'm talking to is nice to me, then I have been told that I am friendly and easy to talk to. But if the other person is being generally unresponsive, then I sort of panic and start to get awkward. I think that may be a problem when I try to make friends.

This has been a problem for me for a while now, but I really just started to notice it because it is a school break and everyone I know is having fun together while I either sit at home or go to dance. Last month, a girl from that clique I mentioned had a huge birthday party. She lives across the street from me, and she didn't bother to invite me. She asked people if they were coming to the party right in front of me too. I would never do that to someone else. During the actual party, I could hear them loudly yelling and laughing through my closed window. I don't consider that girl a friend anymore.

I am rarely invited anywhere. I always have to invite myself places. If my group of so-called friends goes somewhere without me, they openly talk about it in front of me as if I'm not there. It makes me feel so alone, and I can rarely contribute to conversations because of it.

I don't know what to do at this point. If I drop my current friend groups, then I will be losing some potential friends and I'll probably be more hopeless than before. I don't want to be like this throughout high school. If anyone has encouragement or advice, please share.

3 Replies to Feel like I don't have friends

re: Feel like I don't have friends
By majeremember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Mon Nov 19, 2012 05:13 AM
Yeah, that sounds like high-school alright.

Stay friendly with them but try to make some real friends.

During high-school, I always ate lunch myself, sometimes people would join me. I never did anything with any of them outside of school and when I went on out of state school trips, I had to invite myself along with my "friends" and I had to stay in the hotel with people I never even talked to before.

College was different. But I don't talk to any of those friends anymore.

Now I have work friends and our friendship stays at work and on facebook.

So... I don't know where I was going with that. I guess, just saying I know how you feel?
re: Feel like I don't have friends
By Cadbury_Eatermember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Fri Nov 23, 2012 02:52 AM
Keep in mind the dynamics of high school will change as you get older. I am not sure if it is probably a little different because where I live highschool is yr 7-12, but I always remember yr 9 as the most hormonal crazy year, which I assume is really lignified with the whole starting high scool thing.

Many people in my year calmed down considerably by the end of Year 10.

That said, I never bought much into the clique thing. Yes, I did have probably a group I did end up hanging around mostly, but I did visit other groups and always was chatty and friendly to everyone. Not popular with my group to a degree when we were younger, but they didn't care once we got a bit older. And in snr school, it was a great advantage to have a wider breadth of acquaintances as all the years came closer :)

Also keep in mind with only having a few months of high school, you may not have found your people yet. It took me half a year to cut ties with my old group from primary school and find a new group of people that were more for me.

I totally feel you on the party thing though, at least you knew the girl was bitchy to you in the first place. I had a girl be like a great "friend" etc. for the school year, and even helped her plan her party yet I wasn't invited *le sigh* (Oh and it was fifteenth too, right around your age). So feeling the pain on having to listen on and on about some party, you're not invited too.

For all that talk though about drama 7-9 in highschool, when I graduated I got along with the vast, vast majority of my graduating class as we all matured through the years. I find that at younger ages, you take these social blows more heavily than someone older.

Don't waste your time on people atm if they are super bitchy, ever ignore them till they grow out of it or if still like that at the end of HS, they will most likely be like that for the rest of adult life.

Also a thing to consider, are your friends hesitant to invite you to things because they feel like dance is in the way? This was a big thing with me growing up, but then they wouldn't invite me to things I could actually go to cause they'd assume I'd have dance. And do you have dance friends you can hang out with out of school time? :)

Hang in there, not sure how big your high school is, but there are plenty of people out there!
re: Feel like I don't have friends (karma: 1)
By jazzpanda
On Fri Dec 14, 2012 06:32 AM
Thanks majere and Cadbury Eater for your replies. I will write more when I have time, but I just wanted to let you know that I have seen the replies and that I haven't fallen off the face of the earth, LOL.


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