Forum: Arts / Diaries

Page:
Page 1 of 5: 1 2 3 4 5
Rediscovering Me
By Liritmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Fri Dec 07, 2012 06:23 AM

I'm going to be blatantly honest here, this time. I don't care who might be reading it, and feeling sensitive about things that are said. The last thing I've ever wanted to do is hurt anyone, but over the years I've learned that even at my most careful and cautious, I'm upsetting the proverbial apple cart. So the hell with it. If I hurt your feelings, I am very sorry. It is not my intent. I will not repeat that disclaimer/apology, however, so if your feathers are going to be ruffled in spite of it, I don't want to hear about it.

This year was a year of broken hearts. Maybe the least of which was my own, but I'm going to assume that I have the right to believe my own broken heart is a big effing deal. If not in the grand scheme of the world, then in my diary. So there.

In all that, though, it's also been a year of renewal. Because this past week, I found myself. I didn't know I'd been lost. But I so clearly was.

I have a two year plan now. I get that life doesn't always go as planned and time tables are just as easily used to point out where you're missing the marks you've set for yourself, but my point here is to give myself goals and time in which to meet those goals. First things first, finding a new voice teacher. My old teacher passed away a couple years ago, so... anyone know of any amazing voice teachers in the Miami, FL area, drop me a line. When that is met, I'm going to start looking for a couple of dance classes - it's been a very long time since I've danced, and goodness knows, I need to get the basics back under my belt. I will never be the dancer I was, but I don't need to be. I was never the dancer I wanted to be anyway, and as long as I can move without tripping over my feet, I'm good. I don't need the big song and dance numbers to make a go of it.

Then, when that is said, I train like a mad fiend for 3-6 months. Then I start auditioning for small gigs. Wedding singer, piano bars, community theater. Resume building. Headshots. In 2 years, I'm moving to NYC. Full stop. I'm done dreaming. I'm ready to do. I could beat myself up for letting it all go the way I did, but in these years I've gained valuable life experience that can be drawn from. It's there, it's part of my history for a reason.

I'm so excited. I simply couldn't be happier. I thought, all this time, that I had made my peace with not pursuing these lofty ambitions. Really, I had just repressed them, and forgotten my me-ness. I'm glad to have me back.

105 Replies to Rediscovering Me

re: Rediscovering Me
By panicmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Fri Dec 07, 2012 07:59 AM
If you want voice teacher recommendations, you should message my facebook friend Octavio Campos. He worked at New World for many years - mostly teaching dance and theater - but he knows everyone in the art scene down here. He went to high school with Corinna, and he was our housemate for a few years in the 90s. Really nice guy, too.
re: Rediscovering Me
By Liritmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Fri Dec 07, 2012 01:21 PM
Have I mentioned that you're my favorite, Panic? I will drop him a line if not during my lunch break, before Shabbos comes in tonight. Thank you!
re: Rediscovering Me
By PinUpGirlmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Fri Dec 07, 2012 03:32 PM
Congratulations on pursuing your dreams again. That takes a lot of balls & I hope you succeed. I need to get off my butt & figure out a way to start pursuing mine. I think our biggest regrets in life are things we never went after. I don't want to wake up in 10 years in the same job with the same complaints wondering why I never took any action to change it.

More power to you, girl!
re: Rediscovering Me
By Liritmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Sat Dec 08, 2012 08:54 AM
I think I've met Octavio, now that I've been to his profile. (Oh, and clearly, Shabbos is sucking it tonight. That's what teshuva is for, right? Of course right.) Probably not, though. But I do actually have other mutual friends with him. So maybe. But it's not really important, either.

Ugh. Can't sleep. It's almost 4am, and I only slept about 4 hours last night. But then consumed way too much coffee today. I guess it's just as well that I didn't go camping this weekend. I have a feeling everyone else is passed out drunk by now. Of course, then I'd be drinking too, so the alcohol might have counterbalanced the caffeine. Things to ponder.

I've got a whole lot of nothing going on tonight. Just big dreams in my head that I want to accomplish RIGHT NOW, but I know I'm better off sticking to my plan. Not going to lie though, financing it all is a daunting thought.

Voice teacher, dance classes, acting coaches, all cost money. Plus, I need some dental work. And then there's the keeping up a day job and finding time to squeeze it all in. I guess insomnia has its perks after all? I refuse to be discouraged though. I need to do this. Not because I'm concerned about regretting not having done it, but because I know I'm not happy not doing it.

Sounds like that could be about regrets anyway, but ultimately, it's come at the price of being able to identify the person I seem to be with the person I am. The best way to explain my goals at this point is to say, I don't want to brag that I've sung in Carnegie Hall. But today, the only way anyone outside of my friends and family would ever know that this is a statement of fact is because I've done exactly that. (Because let's face it. Just saying, "I've sung in Carnegie Hall" is bragging, whether the intent is to gloat or share.) Instead, I want people bragging that they have tickets to see me at Carnegie Hall.

That's not too much to expect of myself, is it? (I don't think so.)
re: Rediscovering Me
By panicmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Sun Dec 09, 2012 01:13 AM
Edited by panic (116436) on 2012-12-09 01:15:08 I added stuff. Duh.
I think I've met Octavio, now that I've been to his profile.
You probably have. I told you he knows everyone in Miami (and New York and Berlin).

edit: OH, I forgot to say Happy Hanukkah!
re: Rediscovering Me
By Liritmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Mon Dec 10, 2012 05:34 AM
Early this year (late January), I had pneumonia. It's the only time I've ever had pneumonia. I'm not a fan. All year, every time I've been even a little congested, I get paranoid if start coughing. And my lung capacity never quite bounced back to where it was before. Even after I started running - I noticed an improvement, but never saw it at 100%. I hope singing seriously again helps that. I'm not giving up hope.

Past my bedtime. I suck at sleep.
re: Rediscovering Me
By Liritmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Fri Dec 21, 2012 01:28 AM
So, I seriously suck at keeping this thing up to date. I'd be more surprised if I hadn't sucked at keeping every other diary I've ever started here too.
re: Rediscovering Me
By tumblebugPremium member
On Fri Dec 21, 2012 02:13 AM
<3
re: Rediscovering Me
By Liritmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Wed Jan 16, 2013 02:40 PM
Time for a check-in. I'm going to the oral surgeon in a bit, so I'll probably be dead later. No, really. Dentists and their ilk terrify the crap out of me. If I weren't so sick from my tooth last week and only semi-conscious, I probably never would have gone then. As it was, my mom still had to drag me into the office and hold my hand the entire time. Yes, I'm 33. If I were still living alone in Ohio, I'd probably be dead from an infection that spread to my brain now. BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE BETTER THAN LETTING THE DENTIST IN MY MOUTH. I'm the person they created sedation dentistry for. Except that I can't even get in the chair without having a full-blown panic attack and they don't want to sedate you for the exam, only for the procedures. So... either way, I have a panic attack. Joy.

I went to my first vocal workshop Monday. It was very back to basics, which is just fine with me because it's been 7ish years since I last sang seriously. It was just nice to be in a rehearsal space, with mirrors and black curtains and a piano. And the teacher said she would have more information for me about finding a private instructor at the next session which is great, because I keep striking out on my own. So yay!

So much more to say, but it's going to have to wait. Assuming I don't die in the dentist's chair. In which case, it doesn't really matter anyway. So there you go. Either I'll update later with it, or... I'm dead.
re: Rediscovering Me
By Liritmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Fri Feb 08, 2013 06:43 AM
Dentist didn't kill me... yet. There will be return visits, and the very thought of them makes me anxious with sweaty palms, an increased heartbeat and difficulty breathing. Ugh.

Dad is leaving my mom. For an old, high school girlfriend that he reconnected with on Facebook 3 months ago. He made the announcement 2 weeks ago. They've been married for almost 38 years. Apparently my mom doesn't give him enough sex. And the onus of solving all their marital problems was apparently on her. And he's upset that she allowed me to move home, because apparently - even though I contribute to household expenses and upkeep. I'm not exactly thrilled to have moved home either, but the alternative was homelessness. But thanks, Dad, love you too.

This is not just insecurity talking either. These are direct quotes. I'm a freeloader and my mom is enabling me to be one. And I didn't try hard enough to find a job in OH once my mom suggested to me that if I couldn't find anything I could move back. It's very difficult to live under my parents' roof again and not feel like a petulant, angst-addled teenager on the best of days. And part of that experience, for me, has always been a desperate need to feel like my dad is anything more than indifferent towards me. His words and attitude these last couple weeks have brought all that right back up to the surface, and in my lowest moments, it's difficult not to spiral back down that rabbit hole.

But. After this stunt, my opinion of him about as low as it can get. He's a liar and a cheat. And I need to be strong for my mom - who, ultimately, will be so much happier once she's used to him being gone.

In other news, I saw Wicked last night. Going to see it again on the 17th. Yay!
re: Rediscovering Me
By imadanseurPremium member
On Fri Feb 08, 2013 05:41 PM
*Hugs*

Been thinking about you a lot lately. I'm sorry for all the drama, and yet perhaps his decision to leave will make you happy to be home and more productive in all areas of your life...and you can really grow, have other relationships evolve, etc. because you will be in a better place. That sounds all fine and good when you aren't the one dealing with all the crap and trying to help your mom who must be emotionally broken.

Thanks for the update on the dentist. I might think about making an appointment this year due to your bravery. I used to have a panic attack just calling and making the appointment that would either result in me hanging up, or crying for 30 minutes after booking the appointment. One of the most irrational fears I have and though it is better, it is never going to go away.
re: Rediscovering Me
By Liritmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Sun Feb 10, 2013 01:32 AM
So, dad's gone. He said he'd leave Sunday morning, but instead decided he couldn't stay through dessert tonight. Shocker, that's just another promise he couldn't be bothered to keep.

I feel sick.
re: Rediscovering Me
By tumblebugPremium member
On Mon Feb 11, 2013 02:45 PM
(((hugs)))
re: Rediscovering Me
By Liritmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Mon Mar 11, 2013 10:38 PM
Edited by Lirit (28370) on 2013-03-11 22:40:00
It is time to get this diary back on track. The year so far has not been without its difficulties, but part of living is to struggle.

Back in January, I did that round of vocal workshops. It felt familiar and cozy, and as I mentioned after the first night, was a good back-to-basics primer. And even if that weren't true (it is), it was good just to be back in a space dedicated to the arts of performance, with black, marley flooring, acoustic tiles, and a piano. It was good for the soul.

Part of my purpose in being there, however, was to network and find a teacher. Networking was limited as we were a small bunch, and that's okay. I still managed to make acquaintances with a couple new people, which can never hurt. On the teacher front, however... Well. The instructor of the workshop seemed great. While it's hard to say for sure that she'd be an amazing teacher without a private lesson, the workshop was enough to sell me on pursuing further study with her.

She gave me her phone number and email address. After the last workshop, as soon as I got home, I shot her an email. And waited. A couple days later, I tried calling her. And left her a voice mail. I waited another couple days, checking my email maybe just a little obsessively. Then I called her again. And left another voice mail.

Normally, I would be very 3 strikes and you're out oriented, however, I knew (during the workshop, I had decided I'd like to see it and had already purchased my tickets) that she was also busy pulling her one-woman show together, which was opening in the next week, so after that third try, and another few days, I sent her another email. Finally she responded, apologizing for the delay, explaining that she was pulling her calendar together and would email it back to me in the next few days. I thanked her, offered my availability and told her she could just fill whichever of those times best suited her and let me know when she was expecting me.

The next few days came and went. Nothing. I decided to wait it out that week, since that was the week I was going to see her show.

Also, keep in mind, that all this reaching out and waiting is happening concurrently with my family falling to pieces. The prospect of getting started in this business again was what was holding me together, emotionally. Even though I was getting more than a little frustrated by it, I couldn't invest anything other than positive energy into her and this potential, because everything else was consumed by my dad, and if I hadn't directed the positive energy away from him, that would have been gone too. So although the lack of response and commitment from her was concerning to me, I was mostly okay with being patient.

Besides, that weekend I was seeing her show. I had half a hope that I could speak to her afterwards. I knew it was unlikely, and that I probably couldn't sell my friends on hanging out long after it was over, but stranger things have happened. That hope, however, proved to be futile. So the next day, I decided to call her again.

For the first time in the 3ish weeks I've detailed above, she answered her phone. She thanked me for coming to the show, asked how I liked it, and said she had not forgotten about getting me her calendar, but said she was waiting on the studio she would be renting to get back to her with their available times so that she could build her calendar. She expected to have that within a couple days, and would get back to me.

At this point, I could afford some healthy skepticism. Mostly because it was, more or less, the same thing she'd said the first time, and almost a month had passed since then. Where, after all, does one draw the line?

But because she had answered her phone and was therefore communicating, I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt. After a few days, though, I tried calling her while I was on my lunch break, and left a voice mail along the lines of, "Hey, it's me again. Really looking forward to seeing your calendar so that we can start working together. Give me a call back." By the end of the day, when I still hadn't heard anything, I was done being patient. I called her again, left the same voicemail message again, and decided after I got home that it was time to start looking elsewhere.

In spite of that, though, I was feeling that if she did get back to me, I would give her a chance. Because I know that I like her teaching style, and I'm confident that, in spite of this incredibly lame game of phone tag (one that I'm clearly losing), she would be worth the investment. At the end of the week, however, when I still hadn't heard anything back from her, I called one final time, leaving a message that went more like, "Blah blah blah, introduction. As I'm sure you're aware by now, this is something I'm taking very seriously. I need you to take me seriously too. If you have decided not to take on any private students after all, please let me know, so that I know I should redirect my efforts into finding a teacher who is."

That was about a week ago. It has been six weeks since the end of her workshop. I have not had a single voice lesson in 6 weeks. I could have spent those six weeks looking for another teacher, and those efforts would have likely been far more fruitful. As it is, since Thursday, I've spoken to 3 potential teachers, have an email from another one, and am waiting to hear back from someone who came very highly recommended by an old friend. (She would be a major commute, but considering the recommendation, I want to speak to her before ruling her out.)

Now, while on the one hand I feel it's ridiculous that I let this drag on as long as I have, I have learned a few lessons in it.
1. No one takes anyone else as seriously as they take themselves. This lesson is twofold. If you don't take yourself and your goals seriously, you can't expect anyone else to do so. Also, if someone else doesn't take their own word seriously, you can't expect them to take your word seriously.
2. It's a lot easier to say you want to or will do something than it is to do it. This is a lesson I've learned over and over in my life, and each time I learn it, a new layer gets scratched into it. No matter how much someone means it when they say they're going to do something, they will only do it through their own inner sense of motivation. No amount of prodding from anywhere in the world is going to force them to do it. Action comes from motivation comes from within.
3. A lot of time can be lost in trusting and benefiting doubt. Trust the instincts. If they tell you one thing to start, and then change, trust that too. Instinctive behavior is still learned, albeit subconsciously, and as you learn more about a situation, environment, or person, your instincts will change. That doesn't mean they were wrong before and are right now, or were right before and are wrong now. It simply means change is constant, and your instincts when trusted and acted upon, serve to protect you and propel you forward.
4. This is, in fact, what I want to do. I will not be discouraged by the challenge. I won't be turned off by the wishy-washy others. I will not be rudely awakened to a reality that is not my own. I will persevere. This is all on me, and that's okay. I may not live in a vacuum, and I may need other people, but they will not and cannot make or break me.

So while I could be much further along had I not been strung along by the wishy-washy voice teacher who was not meant to be, I was not stagnant in those 6 weeks and therefore cannot be bothered to regret it.

Also, made friends with a couple of new hires at work, who also happen to be or have been involved in theater. I feel like I'm relearning my first language with them. It's a lovely feeling. :)
re: Rediscovering Me
By Liritmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Wed Mar 13, 2013 03:53 AM
It is official, I have found a new teacher.

Not going to lie, some small part of me was afraid that maybe, somehow, in the last 6 years, I lost my singing voice. That in some way my lack of attention to the healthy vocal technique that I had spent years developing not only resulted in picking up some bad habits, but that it had somehow robbed me of my instrument too.

I am relieved to know now I was only being insecure.

Singing tonight, I was cringing, hearing myself. And absolutely beating myself up. I heard every bad habit I've picked up, and it was painful. But my range is still solid. The color of my voice has darkened, which I hadn't expected. And his response to me wincing in the pain of how awful I sounded? "If that's you at your worst, I can't wait to hear you at your best."

It also didn't hurt that his roommate, who is also a singer and hears all kinds of students come in and out of his studio, felt compelled to come downstairs and tell me he liked what he heard.

I wish I agreed, but I know what I've been able to do in the past, and that's what keeps me from loving any sound I can produce today. That's okay, I'll get there.

So my ego got a boost, plus I got to sing, and I had some other successes at work (responses from two Cook County offices! one of them was South Suburban! I rule!) and I'm just a bundle of happy.
re: Rediscovering Me
By imadanseurPremium member
On Wed Mar 13, 2013 04:13 AM
That makes me happy, and I'm so glad you shared this because I am dancing in a tap show and feeling all sorts of insecurities popping up when I don't pick up a rhythm as fast as I used to, or I'm not able to execute it as well as someone else etc. My husband reminded me that I am way better than so many other people and I don't need to be the best one in the show, I can celebrate all the talent that I have, and its enough...I'm enough, I'm worthy etc. SO, I'm identifying what you are feeling and I'm looking forward to rehearsal on Sunday.

love yah!
re: Rediscovering Me
By Liritmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Fri Mar 15, 2013 03:13 AM
Your husband is wise.
re: Rediscovering Me
By Liritmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Sun Mar 17, 2013 06:50 AM
My not-so-secret dirty little secret is that I'm a bit screwed in the head.

I'm not asking for sympathy or reassurance, nor am I fishing for compliments by saying one thing and hoping to hear the opposite in response. It's a basic truth that I've long since come to terms with. Between the ages of 16 and 24, I struggled with it, to be sure.

I was so overwhelmed by all the chaos going on up there, that I would have happily surrendered my life. I even tried on more than one occasion. I am scarred inside and out, and rather than wasting the energy regretting it or stressing it, I've come to accept it.

And for the most part, I've learned to live with the chaos.

This is the stuff that just is, mind you. There's been other stuff in the years, environmental and situational, that has crept in and taken root and brought me to more emotional harm than just being the crazy that I am. The problem is, when things like that come up, because of the crazy that I live with full time, I don't recognize it right away. I think, hey, I'm just in a down swing. And eventually, I swing back up, but maybe that up isn't as up as it should be or it's off the charts insanely up, because this other crap has worn me down and eaten away at the careful net of self-control I've knit for myself.

It gets to the point that it's hard to read what's really going on up there, and when crazy is the status-quo, not being able to read it can be trouble that leads to all sorts of stupid (and potentially dangerous, which thankfully, I mostly avoided this time around) and regrettable choices being made.

On the flip side, the good stuff can have an equal and opposite effect on things too.

For instance, no lie, it's almost a week later, and I'm still on cloud 9 for having been told that I can still sing. To know that the sounds I can make today, when I'm far from my best, can impress somebody who knows what good sound is, is an awesome thing. But it has been the dominant thought in my mind all day, every day, since it was said. It's distracting... Probably not even a little bit healthy. It's literally keeping me up at night.
re: Rediscovering Me
By panicmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Sun Mar 17, 2013 07:56 AM
Yeah sweetie, it's not a secret. But we're all screwed in the head to some degree. So meh. But here's a news flash - you're going through an emotional time right now. So OF COURSE you feel crazy. You have to expect that you're going to feel crazy for a while because that's only normal. There have been a lot of fresh changes in your life, and you're still dealing with them. This state of confusion and anger is not permanent. As much as I hate being optimistic, it will get better. And I'm sure you understand that intellectually. You have to give it some time, and just be pissed off for a while. Honestly, it would be weirder if you weren't freaked out right now. So hang in there, darlin! You'll get through this. And then you can move on to the next tragedy. lol. Life's great, ain't it?
re: Rediscovering Me
By Liritmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Sun Mar 17, 2013 10:22 PM
Edited by Lirit (28370) on 2013-03-17 22:30:43
Life is simply fantabulous!

But you know, for as crazy and upended as it's been lately, I'm a lot happier than I had been in so very, very long. Glad to have cut most ties with the ex, and even glad to have cut ties with my dad. Excited to be moving forward (again) with doing something I love. Even more excited to see people are starting to take me seriously about it again... it's, oddly, been an easier thing to do this time around.

In other news, an old friend posted a very old video on Facebook tonight. We went on a choir tour in the 90's together, and of course the whole thing was filmed for posterity. Near the end of the tour (in the last 4 days - we hadn't yet crossed the channel, but had said goodbye to our home-stay families in the Netherlands), they made a point of having each of us step in front of the camera and introduce ourselves and share what our favorite memory was so far. Mine was a story that still gets shared today: climbing over balconies to get into my hotel room in Austria.

We rode this obnoxious double-decker bus all through Europe. The seats were purple with triangles printed on them... Truthfully, as far as buses go, it was downright posh, but when you're spending 6 to 8 hours a day in it, no bus in the world is a place you want to be. Every time we traveled within a city, we rode that bus. And when we traveled from one city to another, we were told it was going to be 6 hours. It always took longer than 6 hours. Every. Single. Time. Paris to Chamonix? 8 hours. Took 6 hours, but was only supposed to take 3. Lugano to Rome? 10 hours. Rome to Bussolengo? 6.5 hours. Bussolengo to Salzburg? 8 hours. Salzburg to Burg Stahleck in Bacharach? 8 hours, plus a 20 minute hike because the bus couldn't fit on the roads leading up to the castle. (No, really. And I did that hike on an ankle I managed to sprain while standing still on the day we left. I got the mad skillz, yo.) And that day, the time on the bus was insane. Because the day we left Burg Stahleck, we were going to the Netherlands. With a brief stopover at Dachau. From Burg Stahleck to the camp was 4 hours. From the camp to Oldeberkoop was another 8. Plus two hours while the bus was stuck on a road that was too steep for it to handle.

But climbing over balconies... We didn't actually stay in Salzburg while we were in Austria, but in a smaller town outside it. It was an older hotel, fairly small - our entire choir took up all the rooms - with real keys instead of key cards for the doors, and it was a family run place. They only had one key for each room. Plus one master key that housekeeping (the owner's oldest daughter) could get in. Since we were taking up all the rooms, staying two people to a room, the rule was when we left the hotel, we would leave our key with the front desk. So that if one of us got back before our roommate, no one was ever locked out. But our last night in town, the tour directors had made arrangements for us to attend/participate in a Tyrolean folk show (with traditional storytelling, dancing, and music - it was so much fun) that kept us out later than usual. The family who ran the inn always closed the front desk at a certain time. We got back after that time. Everyone had gotten the memo that they should hold on to their key except my roommate. I was dressed and downstairs before her that day, so she locked up the room and handed the key to the front desk before boarding the bus. So when we got back and the front desk was closed we were locked out of our room. Problem was, we were leaving early the next morning and neither of us had gotten ourselves packed back up (even when you're living out of your suitcases, when you stop for a couple nights in one place, you end up leaving stuff out).

But, we hadn't left the door out onto the balcony locked. My roommate was too much of a chicken to do it herself, so she crashed in someone else's room that night. While I climbed over balconies to get into our room and passed her pj's and toiletries to her. (Even though we could open the door from inside the room, it wouldn't unlock. So the door would open, but if it shut, it would lock again. So I slept in a room all to myself - which was SO luxurious - and as soon as she could get the key from the front desk, I went down and had a quick breakfast before getting on the bus. I had the forethought to pack both our suitcases before I went to bed.)

But the actual act of climbing over those balconies? Pure comedy. I really will never forget it. So glad to have the opportunity to reminisce on that tonight.

And? First full voice lesson with the new teacher tomorrow. Huzzah!
re: Rediscovering Me
By Liritmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Tue Mar 19, 2013 03:33 AM
My voice lesson tonight? Was awesome. I am not just taking people at their word anymore, I know I can still sing. And I still have a solid C6, which is just great. Also figured out why my voice teacher looked so damn familiar. He was one of my counselors at choral camp many moons ago.

He was friends with Mike, who, although he was "asked to leave" for behaving "inappropriately" with one of the campers (They were caught having sex. It was a big scandal. She was only 16. He was 20.) was not kicked out of school. And people wonder why the University of Miami has a reputation for turning out criminals...

No really, this little factoid about some ancient gossip is far more hilarious than it sounds. Seriously, in spite of the detour I took the last several years, I'm so happy to be back on track. And so happy that it hasn't been as hard to get back onto it as I thought it would be.
re: Rediscovering Me
By Liritmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Wed Mar 20, 2013 03:12 AM
For everything that I love about my mom, the most and least of it is that I can always count on her for some perspective.

See, the thing is, I'm itchy. I hate that I have to dedicate the best 50 hours of my week to a day job instead of using that time to pursue my dreams. Squeezing my dreams into the hours between work/commuting and sleep makes them feel more like hobbies than my bread and butter. I don't mind the idea of some instability, but by the same token, it wouldn't do me any good to quit my job now and be unable to pay for the training I want to get back to where I need to be before I will feel capable of pursuing this full time. It's a balance, and I know that, but when I get itchy, my mommy centers me. So she's awesome.
re: Rediscovering Me
By Liritmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Thu Mar 21, 2013 05:08 AM
One of these days, I'd like to meet Murphy and take a look at his law books. And maybe throw them at him.

So tonight I get an email. From the voice teacher that never was. Apologizing for the delay, saying that studio space fell through "at the last minute" and she's been scrambling, but that she has decided to open up her home studio because she didn't want to waste anymore of my time.

Seriously? Seriously?! For one, that's not last minute. If it just happened, what have you been doing the last 2 months? And if you'd just said that you didn't have the space yet, and would let me know when you did, that would have been FINE!

And what does it say about me that I'm feeling guilty for having looked elsewhere now that she's gotten back to me, even though I'm completely happy (and dare I say, a wee bit smitten) with the voice teacher I've found?

Also, what does it say about me that I'm actually considering working with her as a coach, if not a regular teacher? I don't want to burn any bridges, after all. And she is far more familiar with the contemporary music performance scene than Angelo is. Angelo is, after all, an opera singer. And while I am not at all knocking that (in fact, I believe it's important to train classically), I would be foolish to deny that coaching in the nuance of applying that technique to contemporary genres and performance could hurt.

But mostly, I'm stunned by the chutzpah. A little bit of communication would have gone such a long way. I need advice on how to respond. I don't want to burn any bridges, but how reliable could she really be?
re: Rediscovering Me
By Liritmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Mon Mar 25, 2013 03:38 AM
So, I responded Friday afternoon. And shocker, she hasn't said a word back.

It only reaffirms my decision to move on. And on that note, I need to get back to Pesach prep.
Page:
Page 1 of 5: 1 2 3 4 5

ReplySendWatch

Powered by XP Experience Server.
Copyright ©1999-2020 XP.COM, LLC. All Rights Reserved.
XL
LG
MD
SM
XS
XL
LG
MD
SM
XS