Forum: Advice / Girls & Guys

Why don't I like spending time with people anymore? (karma: 1)
By Caulfieldmember has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Sun Dec 30, 2012 12:13 AM

Guys, I think I'm broken. I'm supposed to go to one of my closest friend's birthday parties tonight - drinking, dancing, the whole bit. And I'm here, sitting in my pajamas, drinking ginger ale out of a Beatles coffee mug, and NOT wanting to gussy up and go out.

I've got a lot of friends and a boyfriend, all of whom I care about very much; I'd give the world for any of them. I've got two jobs, full time school, a position on our accounting assocation, dance classes, plus friends that like to hang out A LOT. It's gotten to the point that I literally just want to come home and do nothing. Nothing, meaning not see anyone. Just hop in bed at 10 and watch Dr Phil reruns. However, my relationships are important to me as well, so I've usually got coffee dates and bar nights scheduled in a few times a week.

Normally I love keeping this busy and having a great social life, but lately, I've just been exhausted and antisocial. Like, when I'm out with friends, I find myself not entirely engaged in my surroundings. Going through my head are thoughts about what needs to get organized at home, or when can I finally go to bed, etc. I've always been a bit of an introvert which explains why I find social events tiring, but it's just been awful these past couple of months. I'm worried that mentally I'm on the fast track to becoming a hermit. I love my friends, but I simply can't find the energy within me to get my sorry butt out of the house and actually enjoy my time with them. When I'm actually able to schedule time in for a social life, I can't enitrely immerse myself in the conversation or miscellaneous shenanigans.

I don't know, does any of this make sense? Can anyone sympathize? How can I enjoy my social life again? FIX ME.

Thanks in advance. :)

5 Replies to Why don't I like spending time with people anymore?

re: Why don't I like spending time with people anymore? (karma: 1)
By kandykanePremium member
On Sat Dec 29, 2012 06:15 PM
Edited by kandykane (157761) on 2012-12-29 18:16:39
Sounds to me like you are simply tired out and overwhelmed. And in that case, the best "fix" is simple. Rest! Tell your social circle you are taking a "me break". Don't schedule anything extra for a week, maybe two depending on how you feel. Stay home as much as you can and get some rest, sip your ginger ale and watch all the Dr Phil you want WITHOUT feeling guilty or feeling like you should be doing something else. At the end of your self imposed rest period, go back to your normal schedule and see how you feel. If you feel better, then you aren't broken, just tired. We all need time to ourselves sometimes. :)

kk~
re: Why don't I like spending time with people anymore?
By ChristinePremium member
On Sun Dec 30, 2012 01:20 AM
^Yes.

If your friends would be hurt by the "me break", you wouldn't be lying if you said, "There is something going around and I hope I'm not getting it. Right now I'm sitting here in my PJ's sipping ginger ale and PRAYING that I don't feel worse. I need to go to bed early. I'll be thinking of you, and you know I love you, but honestly, I wouldn't be much fun tonight."

Keep On Dancing*
re: Why don't I like spending time with people anymore?
By Tansey
On Sun Dec 30, 2012 02:30 AM
Caulfield wrote:

I've got two jobs, full time school, a position on our accounting assocation, dance classes, plus friends that like to hang out A LOT.

You're not broken, you're exhausted. You've got an extremely busy life, and it's catching up with you. You probably just need a break, as Kandykane and Christine said. They both gave you very good advice. I think if you do this, you'll feel better at the end of it. I like Christine's idea of inferring that you are not feeling well; it will cut down on the push-back from friends who don't want to take no for an answer. Rest up, be good to yourself, it will recharge and refresh you. We all need to do that sometimes.
re: Why don't I like spending time with people anymore?
By Cienmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Sun Dec 30, 2012 03:24 AM
You're definitely not broken, you're just an introvert! I am too, and although (like you) I have a great group of friends and an awesome boyfriend, there are times when I just don't feel like socializing with any of them, and all I want is to snuggle up all by myself and watch some How I Met Your Mother, or clean and organize my room or something. I agree with all the above posters--try giving yourself a night off from being social, and see if that helps you feel a bit more recharged. I wouldn't worry about this unless it becomes a constant thing, and spending time by yourself doesn't help.
re: Why don't I like spending time with people anymore?
By toroandbruinmember has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Sun Dec 30, 2012 04:29 AM
This is a good trait. Some people don't have a clue as to the benefits of being alone for a while. There are cultures, though, which encourage a periodic "Go off into the desert and meditate" activity. You just need to schedule some you-and-you-alone time. Once that need is fulfilled you'll be able to socialize happily again.

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