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Married Life
in laws aren't very supportive of my dancing, also having other problems
By swanQueenNY Comments: 82, member since Mon Jan 14, 2013
On Sat Jan 26, 2013 07:42 PM

I have been with this person for about six years. everyone keeps saying give him a chance, but it's been six years it's a long time.
I feel like in wasting my time.
everytime he gets any kind of job he quits in about a year and wants to run home to live with mom and dad, dragging me with him.the living experience makes me feel like we are brother and sister, it's really unhealthy.he hasn't landed his dream music job so a regular mundane job just don't work for him.
then the pressure is on for me to work two jobs because their son who didn't want to work won't look. and of course they lecture me to stop dancing and teaching dance which i think is none of their business. My family is livid, they couldnt just write a check for my classes like his parents could, i had to work hard on scholarships.

they have no right to ask me to change my life . they knew he had issues and didn't tell me until a few weeks ago. i get the feeling they wanted to have someone come along and be his new "mommie". now this just feels creepy and weird.he is 30 now, yikes. I just feel I can't give him chances anymore.

6 Replies to in laws aren't very supportive of my dancing, also having other problems

re: in laws aren't very supportive of my dancing, also having other problems
By teenydanseur Comments: 513, member since Mon Nov 23, 2009
On Sat Jan 26, 2013 07:51 PM
Why are you considering giving this guy more chances. Leave now. You don't have kids and clearly do not own any property together.

Not to be a total downer too, but I can sort of understand where his parents are coming from. He's their kid so I'm sure they feel like they have to let him move back in, and I'm sure they feel responsible for some of his issues. However, you are not their kid. With the relationship so strained, and with this not being about you guys falling on hard times, just one party being flippant about their career, you really do not need to be moving into his parents house. You're not handcuffed to him, he is not "dragging you along" and at that point your dance classes are their business if you are living in their house.

Keep dancing! If you need to rent a cheap room (for yourself, not for this guy) or move back in with your parents while you get back on your feet, do it. But you need to get out of that house and away from this guy.
re: in laws aren't very supportive of my dancing, also having other problems
By swanQueenNY Comments: 82, member since Mon Jan 14, 2013
On Sat Jan 26, 2013 01:05 PM
Edited by swanQueenNY (256153) on 2013-01-26 13:07:11
Edited by swanQueenNY (256153) on 2013-01-26 13:08:40
teenydanseur wrote:

Why are you considering giving this guy more chances. Leave now. You don't have kids and clearly do not own any property together.

Not to be a total downer too, but I can sort of understand where his parents are coming from. He's their kid so I'm sure they feel like they have to let him move back in, and I'm sure they feel responsible for some of his issues. However, you are not their kid. With the relationship so strained, and with this not being about you guys falling on hard times, just one party being flippant about their career, you really do not need to be moving into his parents house. You're not handcuffed to him, he is not "dragging you along" and at that point your dance classes are their business if you are living in their house.

Keep dancing! If you need to rent a cheap room (for yourself, not for this guy) or move back in with your parents while you get back on your feet, do it. But you need to get out of that house and away from this guy.


My classes are free, they are company classes.Fortunately, the last time we lived here a company here remembered me, but his family doesn' t want me to go. I'm going anyways, I didn't ask to live here, he keeps moving back here because they are wealthy and life here is so easy.
Financially I can't afford to just split when he pulls these stunts. Unlike others I cant move in with my family,or run home to my brother.
Its not an option for me. I'm just stuck.
I need to stick to my guns and move out when I can.I'm still dancing it' s not their business.I'm making money, he is not. This is what I do for a living. I am not a stripper I'm a classically trained performer.Sometimes I feel they all ask me to quit out of jealousy. They spent 150,000 for him to become a music teacher and nobody hired him.They get very red in the face when I just land a music or dance job as soon as I get here, that s when their attitude changes.
Your right, I need to stop giving chances and get out of here.
re: in laws aren't very supportive of my dancing, also having other problems
By dancemomtoo Comments: 2643, member since Fri Jan 09, 2004
On Sat Jan 26, 2013 10:03 PM
1) it is so NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS what you are doing. they need to keep their mouths shut-and your 'man' needs to tell them that. but, since he is not a man in any way shape or form (depsite the fact that he is 30) you need to look out for yourself.

If you could have forseen all this 6 years ago before you started dating-would you still have dated him-or passed on by. You know what to do-and if you don't extricate yourself from this mess you will be singing same song different verse three eyars from now-is that what you want?
re: in laws aren't very supportive of my dancing, also having other problems
By Louisemember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 17315, member since Thu Jun 06, 2002
On Sun Jan 27, 2013 10:50 AM
Where you see this relationship going? Are you going to marry him? Have kids with him? How's that going to work?

You sound like you're sick to the back teeth of him and don't even like him that much anymore.

What's in it for you? What are you achieving by staying with him? You almost sound as if you're staying with him because you think you should, or because you think it's "too late" to find somebody else.

You shouldn't, and it isn't.
re: in laws aren't very supportive of my dancing, also having other problems
By imadanseurPremium member Comments: 16604, member since Thu Dec 04, 2003
On Sun Jan 27, 2013 03:10 PM
I stayed with someone for 7 years that was a dead end relationship...trust me this is a dead end relationship. Mine didn't run back to his mom, but he was attached to her by his umbilical cord. I was judged because I didn't make as much money as he did and she was expecting more.

You said you work, and you have supported him/you in the past when he wasn't working which means you can support yourself too.
re: in laws aren't very supportive of my dancing, also having other problems
By swanQueenNY Comments: 82, member since Mon Jan 14, 2013
On Mon Jan 28, 2013 09:14 PM
thank-you everyone for the feedback. It really hit home for me and made me think.
I've worked so hard at this against incredible odds, and I don't put paychecks up my nose in the way of drugs or alcohol. It just didn't feel right being with him anymore.
To answer your question he dislikes kids because he said they would ruin his life and it would be too much pressure.

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