Forum: Adults / 30 Something

30 Something
Thanks but no thanks!
By Garnet_Juliet Comments: 134, member since Mon Jan 28, 2013
On Mon Feb 04, 2013 07:51 PM

I want to talk to my mother seriously about something. She means well, but I think she is hurting feelings without knowing it.

I am unsure of how to broach the subject because she truly does have the best intentions and I think that she considers herself someone who tries very hard to do nice things for others.

Every time she does something nice I make sure to thank her and express how I appreciate the trouble and expense that she went to.

But at times it backfires and I want to let her know, but without hurting her feelings.

She often buys expensive gifts for people, and the gifts offend people because they are very impractical for the person's lifestyle. I know that in her mind she's giving the best she can afford, and if it were her, she would want that pricey gift. But to some people an expensive, impractical gift is an insult.

She also does things for other people when they didn't ask for it - and in doing so she takes away their enjoyment of doing it for themselves. She decorated my brother's family's christmas tree for them. She planted flowers for my other brother's house in their yard as a surprise. I mean, she didn't even consult with them or bother to find out what kinds of flowers they wanted. She went to a lot of expense for me recently by buying me an entire bathroom collection - towels, curtains, etc. All in white and silver and I don't even like them.

I- and others - feel ungrateful refusing gifts and complaining but she is overstepping a bit, I think. Her generosity is misplaced.

She's really sensitive and really proud of the gifts she gives and she puts great thought and money into I don't want to just throw this back in her face.

I've tried addressing things on an individual basis but I think I want to say something about this behavior as a whole.