11 Replies to Do you ever feel this way? Leave me alone, forever!
Comment #10078506 deleted
Removed by Theresa (28613) on 2013-03-04 06:50:40 This is actually the 30 Something forum, and you're way to far from being a 30 Something to let this post stay, sorry. You can PM your response to the OP if you'd like.
Do you know why I love being alone? Because there's no one there to judge you, to look you up and down as if scrutinizing your body and your clothes.
There's no one there to criticize you or give you a hard time about something you did or didn't do. If you make a mistake you can choose to forgive yourself right away, or solve the problem and move on.
If there are specific people in your life who are making you feel judged or criticized, that's a whole other issue. There are times when I know I'm being hypersensitive, and even the slightest little comment that someone makes puts me on the defensive. But hiding in a dark room is not the answer. I need to confront those feelings head-on and figure out what is causing me to feel so sensitive. On the other hand, if you're pretty sure it's not an overreaction and that people really are passing unkind judgments on you, or criticizing you for not being perfect, I can understand wanting to escape from that. If these are people that you need to be able to interact with on a regular basis, you really need to let them know that they are hurting you. They may think they are helping, and they won't know how they're making you feel if you don't tell them.
You are also expressing that you (1) feel unhappy, (2) take no joy in anything, (3) don't enjoy being around anyone, (4) have low self-esteem, and (5) have no interest in sex. I am not a doctor, so I'm not going to try to diagnose you, but if these feelings have been persisting for a while, that is not healthy, and it's not something you should have to live with. You really might want to consider talking to a doctor or a therapist.
When my dad died my best friend was my rock, and my friend from Germany and a friend from Minneapolis that I haven't seen in 15 years flew out to see me. Their love was very helpful in my grieving process.
Definitely these feelings aren't going to help you be productive in many areas of your life, so you might want to check into some kind of therapy, personal growth work, yoga classes...something that pushes you out of your comfort zone, but also makes you examine yourself and learn things to like about yourself.
What is so wrong about having no interest in sex? The only problem with it is that I'm in a marriage. I mean, that sounds funny but if he had no interest either, we'd be great.
I know I am overly sensitive. You think you can't just hide in a dark room? Oh, that's too bad, because that would be easier than the confrontation option.
I was trying to think of some BE PART OF THE WORLD training exercises. If this is going to be an ongoing struggle in my life, I can't hide, I can't medicate it and don't want to, then I have to manage it.
So, training exercises for the lifelong struggle to BE PART OF THE WORLD:
Hug someone once a week: someone who isn't my husband. (That might be impossible, or at least just very, very alien and odd. I don't know who this person would be.)
Reach out to someone I know sort of, and ask them if they would like to do something with me.
Ask a stranger how they are doing and really mean it. And look them in the eye. And smile. Try to mean it. Do this 3 times a week.
If you are going to spend time alone, I suggest you spend it bolstering your self confidence because you are not 'ugly, stupid and dull'. Banish those toxic thoughts!
Comment #10078570 deleted
Edited by balletgirl4ever (252388) on 2013-02-25 14:02:29
Removed by oz_helen (35388) on 2013-03-04 15:29:22 Sorry, but we have age-specific forums for a reason.
The sex drive thing is a concern if you had one before and now it's gone. Some people have naturally low sex drives. That's not a problem. But if you were doing fine and it dropped off, that's a concern. I'm not married, but I don't think saying "well, I'm married" is a reasonable excuse. I know plenty of married people who have great sex lives. I've been having sex with the same guy for almost 3 years and we never have trouble keeping it interesting.
The judgment comment is also a concern. Firstly, people don't judge others nearly as much as is perceived. Most people are too wrapped up in themselves to give more than a passing thought to random people they see on the street. But if you're having problems with someone in your life being overly judgy, speak up! You teach people how to treat you and if you just lay down and take it, they're going to keep walking all over you.
I do think it's worth looking into some kind of therapy. If nothing else, you can get a clear diagnosis and figure out where to go from there.
It sounds to me like you'd rather avoid than deal. That's not being true to yourself. ... to avoid judgments and criticisms real or imagined.
Sounds accurate. What do you do when you want to avoid instead of deal? Is it so easy for most people that they can just tell themselves to deal with it?
It really is okay sometimes, to enjoy the freedom of being alone and the freedom of being self-serving.
It may feel selfish but, really, don't we deserve it sometimes to treat ourselves to our own undivided attention, or just the luxury of not having to pay attention to someone else and their needs and wants?
A lot of the time, when I want to be alone, something is wrong. I am often unhappy and want to hide.
But other times, nothing is upsetting me specifically except that I want to be alone. Have you ever found it difficult to explain gently to someone that you want to be alone?
I know there has got to be a healthy balanced point within me somewhere, where I am happy and not avoiding things, and just being alone.
My mom often says I'm the most anti-social person she knows, and even I haven't taken it to the extreme that you have.
There are times where you don't have to deal (you can get takeout and go home, for example, you don't have to sit in a crowded restaurant), but there are times that yeah, you have to buck up and deal with it.
Depression is a good thread to follow. I'd consider agorophobia too, although you don't seem to be as much *scared* to leave the house, as you are just avoiding doing it.
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