Forum: Adults / Married Life

MIL to be is driving me insane!
By reel_faerie85member has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Fri Mar 15, 2013 04:34 PM

My Mother in law to be is driving me nuts.

I truly understand that she wants to be a part of our wedding planning and help us but there are limits.

We already agreed that she could do the Church decorations as she is very good at arts and crafts and it gives her something to do. Along with that she then made matching table decorations (not asked for however I actually like them - but a pain in the backside when we already told the venue we would use their in house decorations) and now she wants to go to the dressmaker with me.

Now usually I wouldn't mind her coming clothes shopping with me. But really this is my wedding dress and I have already taken my Mum and had a fitting. I keep putting her off by saying the lady isn't available or I don't have any time off but she keeps bringing the subject up.

I do feel sorry for her, as I know she won't have any input in her own daughter's marriage and that she isn't really included in what H does but that doesn't mean I am going to let her take over here.

Martin has said I just need to tell her outright that I don't want her to come but I would feel so mean and nasty and I don't want to hurt her feelings. My Mum suggested just telling her there was a free vacancy with my dress lady on a day that I know she is at work and that I have now ordered the dress and I'm keeping it a secret.

Help. I don't know what to do without hurting feelings or compromising my secret dress.

2 Replies to MIL to be is driving me insane!

re: MIL to be is driving me insane!
By dancemomtoo
On Fri Mar 15, 2013 07:43 PM
I actually say either your fiancé or mom has a good idea-action is better than continual evasion. Its difficult for you to come up with a nice way to say I just don't want you there so I would see if you can work with your mom's suggestion. Have plans to eat lunch with your mom a day that MIL is working-then just tell her that you decided to stop by the dress store for fun and there had been a cancellation so you jumped on it. Tell her you want it to be a surprise but maybe ask her if she can go shoe shopping with you (or for some other part that you don't mind so much about-then after that just politely refuse her on anything else-you've done so much already-fiance and I want to do this part together-we have the whole day planned around it.
re: MIL to be is driving me insane! (karma: 1)
By ChristinePremium member
On Sat Mar 16, 2013 01:46 AM
In the grand scheme of things, this doesn't really sound so bad. Perhaps I am missing something, but why can't you just be honest with her?

"I hope I don't hurt your feelings, but this is my last chance to have a special, intimate moment with my mom and even before I ever met your son, we kind of established a plan to do this together, just the two of us, and make it a surprise for everyone until the "unveiling". I really appreciate everything you're doing for our wedding and I hope this doesn't hurt your feelings, as I would never want to hurt you, but this one little issue is the last "Mommy and Me" moment for my mom before I become a wife. I really appreciate your understanding."

It sounds like your future MIL is just excited and wants to help, but honestly, this is nothing to be insane over. Also, regardless of whatever the situation with her own daughter, she doesn't need you to feel sorry for her. She is a grown woman and I'm sure she can handle boundaries.

Best wishes. I hope this goes well.

Keep On Dancing*


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