Priority Slow Dance








Forum: General / General

Page:
Page 1 of 21 2
General
Do you consider it rude when guests show up uninvited? en>fr fr>en
By YumYumDoughnutPremium member Comments: 7988, member since Sat Jul 10, 2004
On Tue Aug 27, 2013 03:53 PM

This is a bit of a spinoff on another thread.
I was wondering if you would consider it rude for guests to show up at your house without any warning or a phone call?
I am sure the opinions will differ, considering that we have people from all over the world.

25 Replies to Do you consider it rude when guests show up uninvited?

re: Do you consider it rude when guests show up uninvited? en>fr fr>en
By slice Comments: 1152, member since Fri Oct 15, 2004
On Tue Aug 27, 2013 04:05 PM
The pop in? Without knowing more details, I would say "yes" in general.

I'm sure some people have the sort of sitcom relationship (or think they do, which could be a problem!) where coming over unannounced is A-OK, but it's never been like that for me growing up. During college, yes, but that overall tends to be a time when customary social etiquette is quite relaxed.

I've never done it... and don't think I would even if someone said I could. I never know what other people could be doing in their spare time and frankly I don't want to.
re: Do you consider it rude when guests show up uninvited? en>fr fr>en
By YumYumDoughnutPremium member Comments: 7988, member since Sat Jul 10, 2004
On Tue Aug 27, 2013 04:24 PM
For me, I would never show up at a persons house uninvited. I would at least call first, to give them the option of saying "no".
I would never turn away a guest at the door, so when I've had drop ins, it ruined my schedule for the whole day.
I feel that a 30 second call is just common thing in polite society.

How do you guys feel about people inviting themselves over for vacation? I live close to a tourist destination, and I have family who invite themselves over to stay the week at our place. Would you consider this impolite if they said " we have vacation July 4th and we are coming to stay at your place! ".

I've always been taught that you should give the hosts an option to say " no" and always give a quick call before going over.
re: Do you consider it rude when guests show up uninvited? (karma: 1)  en>fr fr>en
By SiyoNqobamember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 7049, member since Fri Aug 02, 2002
On Tue Aug 27, 2013 04:54 PM
No, I really don't mind.

Usually the only people who do are people I know really well, and I enjoy their company.

The only exception was when I first had my baby. I LOVED having guests, but there was a time each day where I just wanted to be alone, and if the baby was sleeping, I wanted to sleep too.
re: Do you consider it rude when guests show up uninvited? en>fr fr>en
By Jonellemember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 3866, member since Fri Jul 25, 2008
On Tue Aug 27, 2013 04:59 PM
I would never show up uninvited to anyone's house except my parents'. My husband does this to his mom too. I've often thought about how weird it is that I just expect them to welcome me with open arms at any time (and fortunately they do!), but I would not like it if they did the same thing to me. If someone showed up at my house, I don't know that I would necessarily think they were being rude, depending on the circumstances, but I would really prefer that they let me know so I could at least make sure the house is clean.

The vacation thing I would not do to anyone, and I can't imagine anyone doing it to me. Asking is one thing, but TELLING someone you're going to sleep in their house is just crossing a line.
re: Do you consider it rude when guests show up uninvited? en>fr fr>en
By RulerOfTheArts Comments: 1173, member since Sun Mar 05, 2006
On Tue Aug 27, 2013 05:12 PM
I would not mind if close friends showed up uninvited. My house is their house; we all understand that among my circle.
re: Do you consider it rude when guests show up uninvited? en>fr fr>en
By OMGjaimyemember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 537, member since Fri Mar 26, 2010
On Tue Aug 27, 2013 05:21 PM
I feel like in this day and age, there's absolutely no reason TO drop by someone's place unannounced. With simple texts, emails, facebook, etc .. it's not like years ago when you couldn't get ahold of someone and you thought, "Oh, I'll just stop over." We are all so connected now that it's almost silly.
re: Do you consider it rude when guests show up uninvited? en>fr fr>en
By Tansey Comments: 2202, member since Fri Mar 27, 2009
On Tue Aug 27, 2013 05:51 PM
YumYumDoughnut wrote:

How do you guys feel about people inviting themselves over for vacation? I live close to a tourist destination, and I have family who invite themselves over to stay the week at our place. Would you consider this impolite if they said " we have vacation July 4th and we are coming to stay at your place! ".

Wow. For my entire life I have lived in or near two tourist destinations; Boston, then Washington, DC and now Boston again. I've had a ton of house guests over the years, but not one of them has ever simply announced that they would be staying at my house on certain dates. They've been invited, or they've asked if it would be convenient if they stayed with us. I love having company, but having someone just inform me that they would be staying at my home would not work with me. Unless these are people you and your boyfriend truly want to host, I'd say "Oh sorry, those dates aren't good for us, but let's meet for dinner while you're in town; let me know if you need me to recommend a nice hotel close to all the fun stuff." If it was immediate family I'd feel comfortable saying um, you need to ask me before making any plans to stay here, as Boyfriend's got friends and relatives too and we might not be free.
re: Do you consider it rude when guests show up uninvited? en>fr fr>en
By Summer Comments: 1255, member since Sat Sep 09, 2006
On Tue Aug 27, 2013 06:27 PM
I don't think it's necessarily rude to just stop by. That being said, I'd really love a quick text or call before people drop in (you know, to make sure I'm wearing pants, and all...)

The whole, "inviting themselves over for a vacation" thing? Now that IS rude.
re: Do you consider it rude when guests show up uninvited? en>fr fr>en
By Moonlitefairy06member has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 6829, member since Fri Apr 16, 2004
On Tue Aug 27, 2013 06:29 PM
For pop ins, people do it at my parents house all the time, and we pop in to see other people too. Sometimes a phone call, sometimes not. Maybe an in-between like we'll stop by sometime this weekend. It's never been a big deal. I've never had someone just pop in to my apartment though. I think it's bit different when none of my friends have cars so going somewhere takes extra effort and it would stink if no one was home or they were busy. One of my friends that lives in the building has come unannounced, but usually it's to borrow a pot or something, no big deal, just some small talk. He scared my roommate once though when I let him in and she didn't hear it and then she came out of her room and just saw a guy and screamed. It was pretty funny.

As for the vacations things, yes and no. I will have friends say something to me like "i want to come visit you and see DC, will Veteran's day weekend work?". The main point being to see me, but having a ton of things to do in DC as well. I've never had people ask me to stay at my place while I had to go to work or something for it to just be their hotel.

In college, it was a bit different when I was studying abroad. For instance I went to italy and during my spring break I stayed at my friend's dorm in Ireland, but on some days she had classes so I did touristy things on my own but on most days we did stuff together, and that was fine, and it was college.
re: Do you consider it rude when guests show up uninvited? en>fr fr>en
By AlwaysOnStagePremium member Comments: 7286, member since Sun Apr 18, 2004
On Tue Aug 27, 2013 06:41 PM
If someone shows up at my house unannounced, there is a high likelihood that I am not wearing enough clothing to be considered "decent"...so I'd be rather miffed. I would like to host someone warmly, not have to run to put on a bra or apologize for the sink being full of dishes. I do not keep my house guest-ready, nor myself guest-ready most of the time, so i'd be very put-out.

As for vacations, I don't mind planning to meet with people but I absolutely DO mind when people assume they can stay at my house. I've told my mother that she is always welcome, but she still has the courtesy to ask if she could stay for XYZ if she plans a trip. The family that would assume they could stay with us without asking is usually the family that I least want in my home.
re: Do you consider it rude when guests show up uninvited? en>fr fr>en
By tumblebugPremium member Comments: 10099, member since Fri Mar 29, 2002
On Tue Aug 27, 2013 08:08 PM
People stopping by unannounced is a big pet peeve of mine, mainly because my MIL likes to do it so she can complain if my home isn't immaculate despite the fact that I work outside the home, homeschool, and take my daughter to 6 therapy appointments per week.
re: Do you consider it rude when guests show up uninvited? en>fr fr>en
By Meganmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 12798, member since Wed Mar 17, 2004
On Tue Aug 27, 2013 08:29 PM
We didn't get our apartment buzzer hooked up, so this never, ever happens to me because people have to call and get let in, and if I don't want to have company I can say I'm not home, haha.

But in general, yes, it is rude in my opinion. I'm an introvert and I need time alone badly to relax. I love my friends, but I need preparation.
re: Do you consider it rude when guests show up uninvited? en>fr fr>en
By Dancing_EMTmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 3339, member since Wed Dec 08, 2004
On Tue Aug 27, 2013 08:34 PM
Edited by Dancing_EMT (115664) on 2013-08-27 20:36:08
Yes. Especially the time my in-laws popped by right after hubby and I got married, we were ummmm .....occupied. I don't think either of us had ever gotten dressed so fast.

He had a talk with his dad after that and it's never happened again. :)

Another scenario is if his sister and her kids stopped by, we keep a few firearms unlocked and loaded in our house, considering we don't have kids, it's perfectly legal. However, I'd be super pissed if they dropped by without warning. Especially since we also have breakables around.
re: Do you consider it rude when guests show up uninvited? en>fr fr>en
By imadanseurPremium member Comments: 16202, member since Thu Dec 04, 2003
On Tue Aug 27, 2013 08:52 PM
Completely rude especially in this day and age with cell phones and being able to text.
re: Do you consider it rude when guests show up uninvited? en>fr fr>en
By Leigha_Ballerina Comments: 490, member since Tue Dec 17, 2002
On Tue Aug 27, 2013 09:49 PM
Must be an American thing - I do not think I have ever contacted anybody before dropping in and nobody has every contacted me either, just must be out take us as you find life style here.
re: Do you consider it rude when guests show up uninvited? en>fr fr>en
By ballerinatwirler Comments: 2057, member since Sat May 29, 2004
On Tue Aug 27, 2013 10:01 PM
I think it's really rude when guests show up uninvited and I think it's rude to impose on someone for an entire week just because you live some that is convinent for them.

My grandparents always had uninvited guests but I think they really enjoyed it.

My mom's friend's family was in the habit of showing up at our house uninvited. It never bothered my mom but it bothered me because her friends would show up when my mom wasn't home.
re: Do you consider it rude when guests show up uninvited? en>fr fr>en
By kandykanePremium member Comments: 16115, member since Mon May 01, 2006
On Tue Aug 27, 2013 10:19 PM
The people in my life who are likely to show up unannounced at my home (close family and friends) are always welcome. No formalities required. Maybe that's a small town thing?

I usually call first if I'm stopping by because if I'm making the effort to go out I want to be sure someone is home.

kk~

Comment #10135862 deleted
Removed by imadanseur (79325) on 2013-08-28 00:11:32 double post

re: Do you consider it rude when guests show up uninvited? en>fr fr>en
By majeremember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 5018, member since Sat Sep 29, 2007
On Tue Aug 27, 2013 11:08 PM
It's rude. If it happens we pretend like we aren't home (this is what my mom want us to do) or if it is someone my dad is doing business with (selling a CB or something) they stay outside. We have three cars (and no garage) and usually at least one is gone, so it is plausible that we are gone most of the time.
re: Do you consider it rude when guests show up uninvited? en>fr fr>en
By panicmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 11509, member since Thu Dec 16, 2004
On Wed Aug 28, 2013 01:13 AM
Usually, I think it's rude. But I live in a very densely populated community (a tiny island packed with condos and apartment buildings), and I do sometimes pop in on my neighbors without calling. And they pop in on us too. But we all kind of have an understanding that if you're busy, you just don't answer your door. No hard feelings. But if I was going to get in a car and drive to someone's house, it would absolutely be rude not to call first. I wouldn't even do that to my brothers or my parents. Why would I? It's not like it's a burden to let them know I'm coming.
re: Do you consider it rude when guests show up uninvited? en>fr fr>en
By Louisemember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 17046, member since Thu Jun 06, 2002
On Wed Aug 28, 2013 02:16 AM
Depends. If they're just popping in to drop something off or borrow something then I don't expect a call although if it was me dropping round, unless it was my dad, I'd always check first. If someone wants to drop round for drinks, or to watch TV, or for a deep and meaningful chat then call first.

Living in the shared house, Tim's mom used to drop in twice a day to pick up the boy's washing and return it clean. And Thursday was shopping day. And sometimes she'd pop in with his niece just to say hello. I found it really disruptive at times so I said to Tim that I wasn't comfortable with her having a key to our house and dropping in whenever, and he agreed. I also didn't want Rose running round and frightening the cats, because she has cats at her house who are far more tolerant of a toddler. Unfortunately she's taken that to mean I don't want her in my house ever, so while she does call Tim to ask if she can pop round, it's only ever when I'm not there, which is a shame. I just didn't like the idea of someone letting themselves in and shouting hello when I'm trying to nap or am not well, or whatever.
re: Do you consider it rude when guests show up uninvited? en>fr fr>en
By ShadowLunaCatPremium member Comments: 8709, member since Sun Sep 12, 2004
On Wed Aug 28, 2013 03:45 AM
Oh. Lord. Yes yes YES! Arrrrgh!

I've had people come, ring the bell, and expect to come in. And I'm not in the mood. We have this handyman who expects to just come waltzing in and start helping himself to anything.

Some friends have come knocking on the door, and for a few of them, and I kid you not, I just hid. Sometimes when there are loud voices, my cat runs off to a closet of sorts. And yes, in regards to hiding, I've followed her on more than one occasion.

I try to always call. And, if I go over to someone's place, and suddenly they say "I might need to do something in n minutes" I never permit myself to be comfortable. I'm ready to jump up and go when they say "Okay, I have to leave."

In fact, if I HAVE to go to a friend's I try to make things as brief as possible, unless I get invited in, and timing IS good. And I try to always ask, "Is this a good time? Should I call and/or come some other time?"

Calling. Yes, Please! Calling is safe. calling is where one can flag the call, see caller id, let the machine get it, decide what one has available, e.g. enough fruit, cookies, little sandwiches, tea ready, etc. so that one can be prepared.

"Arrrgh! It's Larry, and Tom, and Teddy and Jennifer, and Molly, and viv, and Brenda, and Stephen. Oh, you have HOW long?"
:O :O Image hotlink - 'http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcT87n_TClFcVJvqGwVh_NX7iT2hi0DjJKPuroBEB0wQpLkwb9ps'

hmmmmph! Found this and thought it was fitting!

www.huffingtonpost.com . . .
re: Do you consider it rude when guests show up uninvited? en>fr fr>en
By toroandbruinmember has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 3519, member since Fri Oct 10, 2008
On Wed Aug 28, 2013 05:54 PM
With family it's OK. If my grandsons are in the neighborhood and have a chance to drop by, that's fine. They've both lived here at one time or another and I still consider this as one of their homes. If everyone is out they know where to find the emergency key and come in.

As for other people -- it's been so many years that this invited vs uninvited question came up that it makes me quite nostalgic. Nobody I know sets out for someone's house without calling ahead to see if anyone will be in. Anything else would lead to a lot of fruitless driving around!

In a small town where it would be possible to just drop by I'd still call ahead. An exception is a quick errand to an immediate neighbor's home. "Here -- the mailman mistakenly left these letters for you in my mailbox." Then if the neighbor really wants company she can say, "Oh, thank you -- and do come in! I just made lemonade and would love to have someone to drink it with!"
re: Do you consider it rude when guests show up uninvited? en>fr fr>en
By DeStijlmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 7007, member since Sat Jul 17, 2004
On Thu Aug 29, 2013 02:16 AM
Generally, yes.

I loathe the 'pop in'. I am sure it comes with good intentions but I am introvert and a home body and having company in my space is something I like to be forewarned about.

I dont mind if people invite themselves over, as long as they clear it with me first. I like to think I am a gracious host when given some notice, but if you turn up on my doorstop unannounced I probably wont be too accommodating. At the very least, you've made me anxious and I wont be great company.

We had a family friend growing up who had no boundaries. She was my mums really loud and boring friend, so whenever us kids heard her car in the driveway and someone yell "Um. Carols Here!" we would escape out the backdoor, climb the neighbours fence and leave via their side gate so we didn't have to see her. :P Sometimes she'd just rock up right at dinner time and just sit at the table with my family while we ate. it was so awkward.
Page:
Page 1 of 21 2

ReplySendWatch