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Girls & Guys PG-13
Mortifying (possibly hilarious?) story and vent about "noisy" neighbor couple
By Balleticmember has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 2413, member since Mon Sep 17, 2001
On Mon Nov 04, 2013 08:40 PM

My downstairs neighbors have really loud sex.

How's that for an intro?

Ugh. Me and my friend have rented the main floor of a house for over a year now. There is a couple that rents the basement. This is a bit of an older house so I'm thinking there isn't great insulation/sound proofing between the floors. Under normal circumstances, we can hear the mumblings of our downstairs buddies conversations. Depending on where you stand, you can hear some pretty clear words.

About a month after we moved, my roommate asks me to come to her bedroom for a minute for me to listen to something. Yup, that's for sure them going at it. Loudly. I mean, this girl is a screamer. When they have sex, we can hear crystal clear what she is saying. We can even hear, what I can only assume from her yells, him "slapping that ass".

Honestly, it didn't bother me too much. I'm grown up. I understand sex. When it happened, we would laugh about and turn up the music, television show, movie whatever. We just drowned it out. That is, until last Friday night happened.

My Mom, Dad, and younger brother (just turned 18!) came to visit me (I've moved away for school) and stayed the night at my house. We went to bed around midnight after visiting. I gave my bed up to my parents and me and my bro slept on couches in the living room. About ten minutes later the tenants downstairs came home.

You can see where this is going...

So they start going at. Yup, my parents are in the next room, me and my brother are trying to sleep and all I can hear is "oh baby!" moaning, banging headboard and thrusting. Yes, we can hear the thrusting.

I was horrified.

They were at it for an hour. My roommate was out and came home about half way through it. She said she could hear them outside. OUTSIDE.

I have never been so mad at people in my entire life. And of course I couldn't sleep for that whole time. So all I did was stew. Stew in my anger. And think about writing this post and sharing my embarrassment with you all!

I so badly want to leave them a passive aggressive note. I'm moving out in about a month, so I wont. This is just a vent. But I've really thought about what I would say. I think I would keep it short and sweet:

Dear neighbors,

We can hear what you say upstairs when you are talking normally.

When you moan and yell, we can hear you crystal clear.

Thanks for the show on Friday,

Sincerely,
Upstairs tenants and their visiting family.



And... vent complete. Anyone else got an embarrassing story about "noisy" neighbors?

18 Replies to Mortifying (possibly hilarious?) story and vent about "noisy" neighbor couple

re: Mortifying (possibly hilarious?) story and vent about "noisy" neighbor couple
By Dancing_EMTmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 3466, member since Wed Dec 08, 2004
On Mon Nov 04, 2013 10:40 PM
No stories, but maybe leave a ball gag with that note. :P

So glad my husband and I own a well insulated home. When we lived in an apt, I did sometimes forget we weren't in our own house. Whoops....
re: Mortifying (possibly hilarious?) story and vent about "noisy" neighbor couple
By LoriCook Comments: 1762, member since Mon Aug 17, 2009
On Mon Nov 04, 2013 11:15 PM
Why not just be straightforward with them? Knock on their door and let them know that their room is not sound insulated and as a good neighbor you want them to be aware to avoid embarrassment. You don't even have to mention sex. Most people, once they are aware, will try to keep it down. If the noise continues once you have warned them , notify the landlord.
re: Mortifying (possibly hilarious?) story and vent about "noisy" neighbor couple (karma: 2)
By Louisemember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 17315, member since Thu Jun 06, 2002
On Tue Nov 05, 2013 02:23 AM
I don't think you have any cause to be mad with them to be honest. They don't know you can hear them, whereas you know how loud they can be, and you've never given them the (sorry) heads-up. I don't know if they knew you had family visiting or not but regardless, they don't know you can hear them. So it doesn't matter to them whether you've got family visiting or not, in their mind they're doing something privately. They're not purposefully trying to annoy you so I think a passive-aggressive note is completely uncalled for. You could have raised it with them beforehand and you didn't - they're not in the wrong.
re: Mortifying (possibly hilarious?) story and vent about "noisy" neighbor couple
By slice Comments: 1247, member since Fri Oct 15, 2004
On Tue Nov 05, 2013 06:43 AM
Edited by slice (109495) on 2013-11-05 06:44:56
Agreed with Louise. It's not like you notified them prior to your family visiting. They have no reason to doubt the room this noise-insulated anymore than any other time.

But yeah I can see how that would be uber embarrassing! I honestly don't know what I would do in that situation; probably pretend I didn't hear anything? Which is dumb, but probably all I'd be able to come up with in that case.
re: Mortifying (possibly hilarious?) story and vent about "noisy" neighbor couple
By neptune1bond Comments: 46, member since Sat Oct 01, 2011
On Tue Nov 05, 2013 09:04 AM
I agree with what others have said, that they just might not be aware. In fact, even though you are moving out, I think that you should (very nicely) let them know about it. That way they can avoid the embarrassment with whomever may move in after you possibly hearing them (not to mention passers-by on the street). I doubt that they actually *want* people to hear that kind of stuff (unless they're just kinky that way). But if you let them know, maybe speak with them instead of leaving a note. Although if you would be too embarrassed then a note would probably be better than nothing.
re: Mortifying (possibly hilarious?) story and vent about "noisy" neighbor couple
By schuhplattlerPremium member Comments: 3037, member since Sat Dec 23, 2006
On Tue Nov 05, 2013 10:15 AM
Make sure you are cooled down,but thoroughly, then do what Lori suggested.
re: Mortifying (possibly hilarious?) story and vent about "noisy" neighbor couple (karma: 3)
By fairy_dustmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 6584, member since Sun Jan 20, 2002
On Tue Nov 05, 2013 11:00 AM
I had a similar problem for about a year - new neighbours moved into the apartment below mine (I'm on the 2nd floor), and they were a young couple who were very loud/vocal when having sex. I couldn't hear thrusting, but I could hear the girl moaning and screaming, the guy grunting, and the bed shaking. Several times a week. It got really annoying, so I used the passive-aggressive route - playing the most unsexy, annoying, mood-killing music I could find at full blast every time I heard them. I figured since I could hear them, they could hear me, and it often worked.

The first time I did this, I used the Bed Intruder song, but I also used the Trololo song, Nyan Cat, the Song that Never Ends, Who Let the Dogs Out, and Rick Rolled them several times. But my absolute favorite music to use was Bavarian yodeling. Especially this one:

www.youtube.com . . .


I know someone who also had the same problem - paper-thin walls and a couple on the other side of the wall who decided to have loud sex late at night (he says he could even hear the sound of skin slapping together) and wake him up when he had an exam the next morning. He blasted the first few seconds of Marvin Gaye's "Let's Get It On", and the noise stopped right away (and never started up again).
re: Mortifying (possibly hilarious?) story and vent about "noisy" neighbor couple
By schuhplattlerPremium member Comments: 3037, member since Sat Dec 23, 2006
On Tue Nov 05, 2013 12:19 PM
Your first response still should be what Lori Cook suggested, maybe two or three times if necessary, but if that couple ignores your requests, then play a recording that lampoons their disturbance, such as the last third of Ravel's "Bolero"
re: Mortifying (possibly hilarious?) story and vent about "noisy" neighbor couple
By Munkensteinmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 14381, member since Mon Aug 11, 2003
On Tue Nov 05, 2013 03:41 PM
I've gotta disagree with everybody saying that they just don't realize it...can you seriously be SCREAMING in a place with shared walls/ceilings/floors and expect it to be fine and dandy? That'd be a special kind of ignorance right there.

I'd leave them a note that is less aggressive than the one you have in your mind in the event that somehow they really ARE complete dolts with no idea how to live in a shared dwelling. Hopefully it'll embarrass them to really realize what you have been hearing and they'll cool it.
re: Mortifying (possibly hilarious?) story and vent about "noisy" neighbor couple (karma: 1)
By Dancing_EMTmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 3466, member since Wed Dec 08, 2004
On Tue Nov 05, 2013 07:28 PM
Munkenstein wrote:

I've gotta disagree with everybody saying that they just don't realize it...can you seriously be SCREAMING in a place with shared walls/ceilings/floors and expect it to be fine and dandy? That'd be a special kind of ignorance right there.

I'd leave them a note that is less aggressive than the one you have in your mind in the event that somehow they really ARE complete dolts with no idea how to live in a shared dwelling. Hopefully it'll embarrass them to really realize what you have been hearing and they'll cool it.


I'd write them a note saying I don't need to read erotic literature/watch porn because listening to them is enough. However, my popcorn budget would go up.

Then again, I'm the type of person who would yell back "Hell yeah!!!!! Smack dat ass!!!!!"
re: Mortifying (possibly hilarious?) story and vent about "noisy" neighbor couple
By fairy_dustmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 6584, member since Sun Jan 20, 2002
On Tue Nov 05, 2013 09:56 PM
Special kind of ignorance, possibly. But I personally think it's more likely to be exhibitionism.

I've ranted about my neighbourly problem on Facebook many times, and aside from different types of mood-killing music, my friends have also suggested:

-having even louder sex than the neighbours.
-recording it and playing it back to them.
-recording and giving the tape to one of our friends who often hosts "weird" events and might have some use for it.
-having a party, letting everyone listen to them, and then going to their apartment as a group to congratulate them.
-telling the landlord and saying it's a noise complaint.


Funny story (unrelated to the neighbours) - Tutuless (Christina) from DDN came to visit Montreal last spring and she stayed at my place. When I brought her here from the train station, my roommate and her boyfriend were obviously having sex, based on the sounds coming out of her bedroom (moaning and heavy breathing) and the fact that they immediately slammed the door shut after hearing us enter the apartment (it was partly open when we walked in). Christina and I just looked at each other in embarrassment and giggled, but let it go and didn't say anything about it when they came out to introduce themselves later.

Comment #10151854 deleted
Removed by hummingbird (128773) on 2013-11-09 20:13:27 Double post.

re: Mortifying (possibly hilarious?) story and vent about "noisy" neighbor couple
By Balleticmember has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 2413, member since Mon Sep 17, 2001
On Tue Nov 05, 2013 11:35 PM
Oh I absolutely won't be sending that note to them! I totally realize I have no reason to be angry with them, they didn't know my family was visiting. I didn't tell them, so it's not like they were being inconsiderate on purpose. Besides the fact that we have heard them many times before and never said anything after those instances. They may in fact have no idea, who knows? This was just what was stewing in my mind as I couldn't sleep on Friday night due to the horrifying nature of the situation I got myself and my family into haha

Thanks Lori for the very adult response! Although I'm an extremely unconfrontational (is that a word?) person, I'd love to work up the nerve for that. And I agree, not even mentioning the sex would be appropriate. Just a general "we can hear you, just so you're aware" type of conversation.

fairy_dust, I love that idea :) My Fiance actually used to do that when his brother got a little too rowdy in the next room (they weren't living with their parents). But his go to song was "Can you feel the love tonight" from The Lion King. Gotta say though, with my love for the The Lion King I'm not sure if that wouldn't just make the mood for me ;) haha

Comment #10151882 deleted
Removed by hummingbird (128773) on 2013-11-09 20:13:40 Double post.

re: Mortifying (possibly hilarious?) story and vent about "noisy" neighbor couple
By aerial Comments: 1170, member since Sun Sep 02, 2001
On Wed Nov 06, 2013 06:17 AM
Been there done that! We had a lovely neighbor at at apartment complex we lovingly called the "wh*** next door" I seriously think she was running a brothel out of her apartment as it was like all night every night different men. Plus her bed was squeaky to top it off. And we could hear everything. I often considered leaving her a gift box with a gag ball, a can of WD-40, a box of condoms (keeping it safe) and an anon note (I'm passive aggressive) But then we moved. Still I have her to thank for many sleepless nights and tired days at work. Looking back I would have left the gift box for sure.

Comment #10151915 deleted
Removed by hummingbird (128773) on 2013-11-09 20:14:24 Double post.

re: Mortifying (possibly hilarious?) story and vent about "noisy" neighbor couple (karma: 6)
By MuffinHeadmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 5172, member since Thu Jun 10, 2004
On Sat Nov 09, 2013 08:42 AM
Slip a note under the door.

Dear Neighbor,

I am becoming increasingly concerned with the loud screams I hear late at night.

I've compiled a list of possible things this could be.

1. Home invaders. (Get a new lock!)
2. You're filming a horror movie! (Any roles available? I'm a pretty good screamer too.)
3. You get really excited about winning a ping pong match! (I would be too, I'm terrible at hand/eye coordination!)
4. You never quite got over jumping on the bed. (I remember my excited cries of almost touching the ceiling when I was a child too!)
5. You're a priest who performs illegal exorcisms. (Is that going to affect anyone else in the building? I can't fathom dealing with Pazuzu right now.)

Regardless of the situation, it's very unnerving. Let's try and keep the screaming to a minimum.

Best of luck with your adventures!
Concerned Neighbor.
re: Mortifying (possibly hilarious?) story and vent about "noisy" neighbor couple
By Celebrianmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 7921, member since Thu Mar 31, 2005
On Sun Nov 10, 2013 10:41 PM
Totally was there back in the day in my old childhood apartment. Spent piece of high school traumatized by my nasty next door neighbor. Led to weeks and months of substandard sleep. Used to hear his girlfriend's fake moaning his name and I don't even want to reiterate (I've talked about it before on DDN!) what he used to say. Turned me off to all guys with that name for a very long time. I'd meet a guy, be interested and if he told me that was his name, I'd seriously just pick up my stuff and go home, no questions asked.

I told my mom, she told management and management had a word with them, the end...technically. There were still some wild times occasionally, but they seemed to try harder (bah hahaha!) to keep the sound modulation under control.

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