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Married Life
When a friend is CONSTANTLY talking about money.
By Krystalmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 8458, member since Tue Sep 02, 2003
On Mon Nov 11, 2013 04:09 PM
Edited by Krystal (73000) on 2013-11-11 16:14:54

It's driving me insane.

This is my best friend too, and I finally had to talk to her about it today. It's long overdue.

She's ALWAYS whining about how broke they are. Both of our husbands are in the Marines, they both get the SAME paycheck every two weeks (they're both the same rank). Even though she's always complaining about how broke they are and how their grandma is buying their groceries for the week, my friend always makes it a point to say, "Yeah we are WAY below our $3,000 cushion in the checking account! It makes me so mad! We are SO BROKE!"

It drives me absolutely insane. So today I said, "You know what? A lot of people would LOVE to have $2,000 in their checking account just sitting there. You know how much money we had at the end of the last pay cycle? THIRTY FOUR DOLLARS."

She looks at me with this almost disgusted look on her face and she's like, "That's it? Oh my god, (my husband) would lose his _______ mind. He thinks that's unacceptable."

It kind of hurt my feelings. I HATE talking about money and I choose not to. I think if people are constantly bragging about how much they have it probably is a good sign they don't have much. My husband and I are certainly not hurting for money either...even with only having a few dollars left last paycheck. It was a TOUGH pay period. Three weeks in between pay, I had to mail some gear for my husband to Afghanistan (talk about expensive) and I got a flat tire so I had to replace it. We have a savings account but I don't use anything from there, ever, since it's for emergencies only.

My friend just acts like this is the worst thing in the world. My husband and I own a brand new house, two brand new cars, and have money to pay all the bills, tithe at church, and do pretty much whatever we want. It doesn't bother us. Not many people our age (25 and 22) can say that.

I also told her that if I had thousands of dollars in my checking account (like they supposedly do) I would spend it all because I'm very impulsive, so it's better off in our savings.

Has anyone been through this before? I feel like I'm doing something wrong now because we don't have that much in checking at any given moment. I also feel like they really DON'T have that much and are just saying it to make themselves feel better. Ughhhh. I was so tempted to say "If you're so broke that you can't even buy groceries, then USE THE MONEY IN YOUR CHECKING ACCOUNT!" I know I shouldn't feel bad about my husband and my financial status, our system works for us and that should be all that matters, right? I'm not trying to impress anyone by how much money I have because quite frankly I don't care. I'd rather give my extra money away to church or charity because I know I'd spend it all on myself if I had the chance!

(Forgot to mention I am VERY budget conscious. I rewrite our budget every two weeks on payday, and I stick to it 99% of the time. If something I/my husband wants isn't allotted for, we don't do/get it. I have offered to help my friend budget money before, but she didn't seem interested at all. I guess they'd rather whine about finances...?) :/

10 Replies to When a friend is CONSTANTLY talking about money.

re: When a friend is CONSTANTLY talking about money. (karma: 1)
By Nyssasisticmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 3643, member since Sat Sep 20, 2003
On Mon Nov 11, 2013 04:51 PM
I'd just say "we don't discuss our finances. We live comfortably and that's enough".

She'll eventually get tired of talking at herself, so if you don't engage her when she talks about money she'll (hopefully) drop it pretty quickly.
re: When a friend is CONSTANTLY talking about money.
By DeStijlmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 7023, member since Sat Jul 17, 2004
On Mon Nov 11, 2013 05:10 PM
I find it really awkward to talk about finances. When I was a student I'd occasionally lament being broke , but that was usually just to explain why I couldn't go somewhere/do something. I'd never ever dream of telling anyone how much or how little was in my account.

I agree with Nyssa, just take money off the table as a topic next time you see her. Theres not much more you can say anyway.

Also, don't worry about justifying the way you run your accounts. If it works for you, it really is none of their business.
re: When a friend is CONSTANTLY talking about money.
By Tansey Comments: 2367, member since Fri Mar 27, 2009
On Mon Nov 11, 2013 05:10 PM
Edited by Tansey (209516) on 2013-11-11 17:12:15
^^Good advice from Nyssa. Just refuse to engage on this topic and your friend will get bored with it. I'd be willing to bet, based on a similar experience a long time ago, that something in her life is making her very unhappy, and that she is displacing that worry by talking about money. It's a bonus for her if she can make you feel bad in the process. I wouldn't be surprised if you're right in your hunch that she doesn't have that $2,000. Don't let her make you feel like you aren't doing well. I'm a real estate agent and I don't know any 22 year old homeowners. I only know a few people age 24-25 who have been able to buy a home. You're doing just fine!
re: When a friend is CONSTANTLY talking about money.
By Krystalmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 8458, member since Tue Sep 02, 2003
On Mon Nov 11, 2013 05:54 PM
This is the first time I've actually had a conversation about money with her. Whenever she talked about it before today I just wouldn't really respond. But today I just kind of snapped...I've had a terrible last few days and my friend whining about money really was the icing on the cake for me! If she brings it up again I'll just have to make it clear to her (again) that I don't talk about money! Sorry for the vent everyone, I'm just so frustrated!
re: When a friend is CONSTANTLY talking about money.
By LoriCook Comments: 1762, member since Mon Aug 17, 2009
On Mon Nov 11, 2013 08:54 PM
I was just talking about this on another thread. My friend likes to pretend she is broke. She complains on Facebook how she can't buy shoes. Tells me she wishes she could afford to buy clothes, groceries, phone card etc. but yet she has all kinds of expensive new things and her husband plans on retiring early.

If you are needing essentials PRIORITIZE! Don't buy toys and don't retire early, buy some dang shoes. I am really tired of thinking she is starving to death and nearly homeless.
re: When a friend is CONSTANTLY talking about money.
By Krystalmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 8458, member since Tue Sep 02, 2003
On Mon Nov 11, 2013 09:48 PM
^EXACTLY! My friend is always buying whatever she wants but she puts it on a credit card. Priorities, people!

It's so hard for me because she's my best friend, but I feel at this point in our relationship I should be able to tell her when she's being kind of irrational, right?
re: When a friend is CONSTANTLY talking about money.
By CaffeinePremium member Comments: 3194, member since Wed Aug 08, 2007
On Mon Nov 11, 2013 10:00 PM
Call her out on it: "Friend, you seem to be stressing over money all the time. Would you like me to sit down with you and work out a budget?"

She'll either accept your help, or she'll realise just how much she harps on about it and (hopefully) rein it in. You may have to repeat the offer over a few visits before it sinks in.
re: When a friend is CONSTANTLY talking about money.
By TheMidlakeMusemember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 11321, member since Sun Nov 23, 2003
On Tue Nov 12, 2013 06:48 AM
I favor the direct approach--just tell her talking about money is boring and irritating. Because it totally is! Whatever happened to "don't talk about money, politics or religion"?

BOY HOWDY do I ever feel you. People who complain about being "poor" or "broke" when they live totally comfortably and don't even know the meaning of the word...just gets my goat. I had a frenemy in college that would talk about how "poor" she was when she didn't work and got all her spending money from her parents. Meanwhile I was working 30 hours a week, paying all my own bills, while trying to maintain a scholarship load, 15+ credit hours, at school...yeah. And I never claimed to be "poor" ONCE, because I was emphatically not.

About the only people I talk about finances with are my husband and my sister. My sister and I do road trips together all the time and split costs, so we kinda have to be in each other's business. She's also not a jerk, which helps.
re: When a friend is CONSTANTLY talking about money.
By kandykanePremium member Comments: 16415, member since Mon May 01, 2006
On Tue Nov 12, 2013 07:01 AM
There is a difference between being "broke" or "poor" and having a cash flow problem. Which is what it sounds like is happening with your friend, especially since they have a cushion and apparently some savings, too.

I would take this opportunity to recommend she talk to a financial advisor before those credit cards get her into some serious trouble. They can give her the kind of help she needs in managing her finances. Sometimes, a little reorganization can free up some cash. Surely you have access to a financial advisor on the base? There's no shame in needing a little help in budgeting and financial planning.

kk~
re: When a friend is CONSTANTLY talking about money.
By Krystalmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 8458, member since Tue Sep 02, 2003
On Tue Nov 12, 2013 07:59 AM
Thank you for all the advice guys! I guess I forgot to mention that she doesn't work...I don't need to go into all the reasoning behind it but in my opinion it's just because she doesn't want to. It would obviously help them out though! Sheesh.

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