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re: Stay at home wives. New status symbol? en>fr fr>en
By UberGoobermember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 6414, member since Sat May 15, 2004
On Wed Nov 27, 2013 03:48 PM
The "waste of a degree" I'm talking about is women who become lawyers, doctors, etc. then leave lucrative jobs to play house. Why spend 6 figures for a fancy advanced degree to play house?


People are allowed to change over time, Amy. The end. I can think of a million reasons why a woman might leave a career in medicine to devote more time to family or self.
re: Stay at home wives. New status symbol? en>fr fr>en
By slice Comments: 1247, member since Fri Oct 15, 2004
On Wed Nov 27, 2013 03:55 PM
YumYumDoughnut wrote:

Slice as for you bringing up college students not being able to cook. I met some who didn't know how to balance a checkbook, do laundry, bake or cook. They said their parents were both too busy working so they had a housekeeper come and the parents never had time to spend with the kids.


Out of the 5 of my friends who shared an apartment with me last year only 2 other roommates could do more than bake a pizza in the oven. I remember I had to teach my friend how to make an omelet. I'm pretty sure that was the first thing my dad taught me how to cook when I was a kid, lol...

Both of my parents worked all my life, but skills like (I feel like "skills" isn't even the right word) doing laundry, balancing a checkbook, reading recipes, folding clothes, sewing (nothing fancy, just to fix tears and stuff) etc. were all things I learned how to do. My mom is a neat freak and doesn't like anything less than a meticulous home, so you best bet I learned how to pick up after myself and clean up messes. I don't think having a parent at home all the time necessarily makes it more likely that someone will learn these things. I have friends whose moms did all that stuff for them right up until college and then got to college and were completely lost.
re: Stay at home wives. New status symbol? en>fr fr>en
By YumYumDoughnutPremium member Comments: 8686, member since Sat Jul 10, 2004
On Wed Nov 27, 2013 04:20 PM
Makes sense slice. I do have to go back to you saying a stay at home wife is an American Ideal and Sitcomes and commercials have mothers who stay at home. People in the media are usually white, it doesn't represent the majority. It is possible that most people judge a woman who doesn't work but the media commercials only so a minority. I watch Greys Anatomy and Scandal. Both shoes don't have women staying home. Which sitecoms are you watching where you think it is the majority?

People on this thread negatively to a woman not working, why is that the case if people think a stay at home wife is the ideal?

I've only dealt with negative thoughts and I am part of the American Culture too.
re: Stay at home wives. New status symbol? en>fr fr>en
By dancin_til_death Comments: 4381, member since Sat May 08, 2004
On Wed Nov 27, 2013 06:00 PM
Edited by dancin_til_death (92905) on 2013-11-27 18:01:10
I think it did make more sense in the 50s. Volunteering was popular, lots of 'wifey' tasks about.

I think it looks rather isolating from the outside. I gain so much satisfaction from working towards projects at work, and feel really good working with colleagues. I am also a little wary because I have known men who want their partners to stay at home, but its actually a control thing, they don't want their wives to go out at all. Also I was raised to be quite independent. The idea of having to use someone else's money to buy things I want doesn't bode well with me. I want to have my own money and spend it how I wish.


As for it being a status symbol... I want to be part of a power couple. One of those "omg they're both incredibly awesome in their respective fields".
re: Stay at home wives. New status symbol? en>fr fr>en
By lux Comments: 1177, member since Mon Jun 02, 2008
On Wed Nov 27, 2013 06:08 PM
Edited by lux (197070) on 2013-11-27 18:29:46
For me at least, there's a world of difference between being a SAH mother and being a SAH wife. The only point at which I feel the two are comparative is when a SAH mum's kids reach an age where they can cook for, clean up after and transport themselves.

My response to a SAH who thinks her day is just as busy as a working person's would be, in all honesty, pretty incredulous, but I wouldn't doubt a SAH mum for a minute!
re: Stay at home wives. New status symbol? (karma: 1)  en>fr fr>en
By PinUpGirlmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 25878, member since Tue Jul 16, 2002
On Wed Nov 27, 2013 06:09 PM
Amy-You say that women who give up high paying jobs or don't use their degrees are "wasting" them to be able to stay at home. You look down on them for it. Do you have a degree you're currently using? If not, then isn't that a "waste"? You've established yourself as someone who has to work to make ends meet. You've established that you have to endure all these hardships to work and make money. You conveniently ignore the gap between your current employment and what you studied to become. You're very quick to point that out in others.

In the very same breath, you make sure everyone knows you're married. Your life clearly revolves around your "MRS". You parade around your marital status like it's a status symbol in its own right. Married = better. Unmarried = worse. It's consistent across your posts, regardless of topic. Wouldn't that make you guilty of the flip side? Treating your husband as a status symbol? That's pretty hypocritical to me.

Pick one side of the fence or the other. It's one thing to change your mind over time. It's entirely another to be internally inconsistent with your own statements.
re: Stay at home wives. New status symbol? en>fr fr>en
By Dancing_EMTmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 3410, member since Wed Dec 08, 2004
On Wed Nov 27, 2013 06:26 PM
I'm unable to use my current degree (EMS) due to a car accident. Big difference in being unable to use your degree and CHOOSING not to.

In the very same breath, you make sure everyone knows you're married. Your life clearly revolves around your "MRS". You parade around your marital status like it's a status symbol in its own right. Married = better. Unmarried = worse. It's consistent across your posts, regardless of topic. Wouldn't that make you guilty of the flip side? Treating your husband as a status symbol? That's pretty hypocritical to me.


No where have I ever said married is better. I enjoy being married. Sorry if you can't understand.
re: Stay at home wives. New status symbol? en>fr fr>en
By lux Comments: 1177, member since Mon Jun 02, 2008
On Wed Nov 27, 2013 06:45 PM
Edited by lux (197070) on 2013-11-27 18:46:07
Edited by lux (197070) on 2013-11-27 18:47:34
Dancing_EMT wrote:

No where have I ever said married is better. I enjoy being married. Sorry if you can't understand.


It won't let me bold in quotes, but your last sentence. .. eek.
re: Stay at home wives. New status symbol? en>fr fr>en
By YumYumDoughnutPremium member Comments: 8686, member since Sat Jul 10, 2004
On Wed Nov 27, 2013 07:22 PM
Edited by YumYumDoughnut (99333) on 2013-11-27 19:24:37
Edited by YumYumDoughnut (99333) on 2013-11-27 21:17:35 Edited out a bad word!
Lux, I was a " homemaker" for 3 months right after college graduation. Obviously I wasn't a wife, nor was it long term. I have to say, it was a lot harder being a stay at home person then it is working. At least with the job, you are getting paid to do the boring things, but a stay at home wife doesn't get paid.

In that time, I spent about 8 hours each day out of the house, running errands, volunteering, and getting the house in order. I paints all the wall, got my Bfs taxes in order, planned a charity event which raised over $20,000. Volunteered etc.As soon as my feet hit the ground I was running and went to bed tired each night. I spent 3 hours dancing ( training for auditions), and at the gym. I didn't get paid to do all those things, but now I actually get paid to stay in shape.

I was also in the process of starting my own small business.

My point is, I think that you have this stereotype that if a woman isn't bringing in income, she isn't working. A small business owner may " work" for a long time without actually seeing income and fruits of their labor, the majority of stay at home wife's have a hobby that brings in some income. Whether it is teaching dance once a week or painting etc. Those 3 months being a " stay at home" burned me out so much faster then working. I was up at 6 Am and I didn't come home until 10ish.

I was an accountant, house cleaners, home chief and gardener and I didn't get paid. Now I actually get paid doing some of that stuff, so in the end it worked out.
To be honest, my day was more busy when I wasn't working.

I would like to think that even if I wasn't working, I was valuable as a person to society.
re: Stay at home wives. New status symbol? en>fr fr>en
By majeremember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 5866, member since Sat Sep 29, 2007
On Wed Nov 27, 2013 07:34 PM
Edited by majere (186163) on 2013-11-27 19:34:56
Edited by majere (186163) on 2013-11-27 19:45:20
This is nothing new. If I married some one who made enough that I didn't have to work, I wouldn't work! Well, I'd work enough to pay off my student loans, but other that that, I'd be all over not having to work. However, once I get to a certain point in my career I probably wouldn't drop everything to be a housewife. I am sure for anyone it is a tough decision. You don't have to work to have fulfilling life. There is more to life than to work.

My mom doesn't work. She doesn't have to. There have been times when she would get a job because they needed some extra money. She doesn't get bored, there is plenty of stuff to occupy her time.

When I go to my yoga classes in the middle of the day, most of the women there don't work.

A lot of housewives volunteer, go out for lunch with friends, work on their hobbies, go work out etc.

I don't understand all of this hating on housewives :/

EDIT: why are you calling housewives stay at home wives? They are called housewives.
re: Stay at home wives. New status symbol? en>fr fr>en
By CaffeinePremium member Comments: 3194, member since Wed Aug 08, 2007
On Wed Nov 27, 2013 07:35 PM
Edited by Caffeine (183827) on 2013-11-27 19:38:24
^^ YYD, I think what Lux is saying (and I apologise if I put words in your mouth, Lux), is that those of us who work outside the home ALSO have to find the time to paint the house, run errands, do taxes, volunteer (if that floats your boat or you have time for it) etc. It's not homemaker vs career; it's homemaker vs homemaker AND career.

Being a SAH wife/mother is a luxury, and unfortunately some people simply aren't afforded the luxury of being able to make that choice in the first place.

I would love to have the luxury of being a SAHM again - I did it for a year while my son was a baby, but the money ran out. I am now the sole breadwinner for our family, and it sucks. Right now, I have a three hour round-trip commute which keeps me out of the house for 11+ hours per day. Depending on the trains and work events, I may not see my son at all on the days I work. After work I'm cooking a late dinner for myself, eating alone(because N eats when M does) and cleaning the house. Oh, and we're renovating soon, so I'll be painting until midnight, then up again 5 or 6 to start the whole thing again.

Many of us don't have the time to spend 3 hours dance training, or at the gym. (Heck, the only time I have to myself is the train journey to and from work!) And we similarly don't get paid to do the washing, dishes, cooking, gardening, etc etc etc ON TOP OF the 9-5 stuff we have to do to pay the bills.

So yeah, I can understand some of the jealousy and feelings of unfairness Lux mentioned when talking to SAH wives/mothers. And comments about spending 3 hours in the gym (a recreation activity) don't really garner sympathy from the time-poor when they're lucky to have three hours per week to chill.
re: Stay at home wives. New status symbol? en>fr fr>en
By YumYumDoughnutPremium member Comments: 8686, member since Sat Jul 10, 2004
On Wed Nov 27, 2013 07:42 PM
Edited by YumYumDoughnut (99333) on 2013-11-27 19:44:13
Edited by YumYumDoughnut (99333) on 2013-11-27 19:49:07
Caffine,I understand what Lux is saying, but my point to her is that not everyone CAN do both. Sure they volunteer, but are they able to do it on a consistence basis like I did when I wasn't working. I spent 5 hours after school each day volunteering with elementary school children. When I work, I don't have 2 hours for the gym anymore, unless I was getting paid to go and train.

The gym isn't quite recreational. My Bf gets paid to work out on the job, and I also get paid to stay in shape. It can be, but sometimes working out in part of the job.

I think it is unreasonable to expect someone to be a perfect homemaker AND a career woman. There just isn't enough time in the day. Most houses I been inside of wasn't perfectly clean, because they didn't have time to clean. So no, I don't think career women are able to do what stay at home wives do, on top of their work. There just isn't enough hours in a day. Imagine spending 8 hours at work, then volunteering 5 hours a day, spending 3 hours house keeping, then gym for 2 hours and hime cooked meal each night, plus starting your own business from home. There just isn't enough time to be a perfect home keeper and a career women.

I don't see women working 9-5, and then volunteering hours each day, cleaning 3 hours etc. who in the world has time to do all that?

I think it is more like Perfect Homemaker= so so homemaker/ career.

I can't imagine it being homemaker or homemaker+career. There is no way that a career woman has enough time to be the type of homemaker, that some people dedicate their lives to being.
re: Stay at home wives. New status symbol? en>fr fr>en
By YumYumDoughnutPremium member Comments: 8686, member since Sat Jul 10, 2004
On Wed Nov 27, 2013 07:52 PM
Edited by YumYumDoughnut (99333) on 2013-11-27 19:55:54
Majere, I think stay at home wives imply caring for the house along with doing small business stuff, charity, volunteering. Vs Housewives is more like her entire occupation is dedicated to homerelated stuff and cleaning.

I would call someone trying to start a small business, home daycare, teaching part time to be a " stay at home wife". Housewife would mean she sits along all day and just cleans.

Obviously this isn't an official or anything, but that's the difference in my mind.
Housewife= full time career and joy in life is household
Stay at home wife= someone who takes care of household duties but works from the house, maybe with an income but not always necessary an income. Maybe volunteers to start an after school program dedicating 6 hours a day to it, but " staying at home" and not getting paid.
re: Stay at home wives. New status symbol? en>fr fr>en
By majeremember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 5866, member since Sat Sep 29, 2007
On Wed Nov 27, 2013 08:02 PM
YumYumDoughnut wrote:

Majere, I think stay at home wives imply caring for the house along with doing small business stuff, charity, volunteering. Vs Housewives is more like her entire occupation is dedicated to homerelated stuff and cleaning.

I would call someone trying to start a small business, home daycare, teaching part time to be a " stay at home wife". Housewife would mean she sits along all day and just cleans.

Obviously this isn't an official or anything, but that's the difference in my mind.
Housewife= full time career and joy in life is household
Stay at home wife= someone who takes care of household duties but works from the house, maybe with an income but not always necessary an income. Maybe volunteers to start an after school program dedicating 6 hours a day to it, but " staying at home" and not getting paid.


That is really not what I inferred from reading the first post and all subsequent posts. The first post definitely sounded like you were just talking about housewives. Some of the other posts mentioned making an income, but it did not seem to be the main point of discussion on this thread.
re: Stay at home wives. New status symbol? en>fr fr>en
By CaffeinePremium member Comments: 3194, member since Wed Aug 08, 2007
On Wed Nov 27, 2013 08:17 PM
Precicely my point, YYD - I read your post as an assertion that housewives/SAH/homemakers were busier and had a tougher job than those who work AND keep house (I hate that phrase, btw. It's as bad as "play" house.), which is quite clearly not the case. Very few people can juggle that many tasks and not drop at least one ball along the way.
re: Stay at home wives. New status symbol? en>fr fr>en
By YumYumDoughnutPremium member Comments: 8686, member since Sat Jul 10, 2004
On Wed Nov 27, 2013 08:37 PM
Edited by YumYumDoughnut (99333) on 2013-11-27 20:40:00
Edited by YumYumDoughnut (99333) on 2013-11-27 20:44:43 Edit
Edited by YumYumDoughnut (99333) on 2013-11-27 20:45:53
^ and my point was that homemakers and career women may have the same amount of " work" but one gets paid for it. In the 8 hours she is getting paid to go to a job, the stay at home wife might be volunteering and doing hobbies or getting an education that might contribute to a future career.

I know wives who stay home because they are also full time students. They go to school and study for 8 hours plus they do chores around the house.

Stay at home wife+ daily chores = career woman+ daily chores.

My dad stayed home for about 5 years while he was trying to get his company running. He did " work" but he didnt see an increase in household income, infact he was losing money. He was a " stay at home dad" but his children were grown so he wasn't really taking care of us. He worked at getting his small business running, but for all intents in purpose he considered himself a " stay at home".

I guess the better question here is....is work valuable even if they don't get a monetary income. I know slice said that finances can been seen as a way of success, but do you think a person who stays home to make jewerly on etsy is also just as successful. I mean, unless she is quite good she probably isn't making a sustainable income to support herself. Hence she financially needs the support of the husband, even if she might be " working" making jewelry.
Or does she have to have a good job with benefits to be seen as valueable to society?

I bring this point up because people said they would be not fulfilled with a job. Why do you guys feel that work is what gives you fulfillment? Is it the money?
Why can't you guys be fulfilled volunteering or working on hobbies?

Edit

For me, I probably wouldn't work full time unless I needed the money, I honestly felt that being rich and a nice career was my way to fulfillment, but I figured out that time is more important to me. I hate the inflexible schedule of working 9-5. If I could have my husband support me, I would love to teach dance full time and dance professionally. I couldn't use dance as my main income but right now, I am glad to have a boyfriend who is able to support me in terms of a mortgage.
If I didn't have someone to help me with my builds, I would probably not be able to afford to start a dance studio. I don't know many studio owners that don't have the support of a second income from their spouse. Running a studio and teaching is full time hours, but it isn't the 9-5 behind the desk job with benefits so I don't consider it " full time career" ( even if I sometimes work 60 hours a week)
re: Stay at home wives. New status symbol? en>fr fr>en
By YumYumDoughnutPremium member Comments: 8686, member since Sat Jul 10, 2004
On Wed Nov 27, 2013 08:51 PM
Edited by YumYumDoughnut (99333) on 2013-11-27 20:53:37
Edited by YumYumDoughnut (99333) on 2013-11-27 21:01:18
Edited by YumYumDoughnut (99333) on 2013-11-27 21:09:26
Caffine, for me, my time as a " stay at home" WAS tougher then now. That's just my personal experience. For me, my time not having a career was honestly tougher and busier. My schedule consisted of this.
6-8 am Gym
8-11 Work on small business plans or practice dance
11-3 errands and household
3-8 volunteer at school summer camp thingy.
8-10 teach dance( didn't get paid, it was a program I started for low income students)

Now that I am working, I am just getting paid for the 3PM-10PM hours that I volunteered before. It is the same amount of work, but now I just get an income.

I hope you see my point that even if I didn't have a job and stayed at home, I kept busy and I had it just as " tough" as someone with a paying career.
I wasn't sitting on my butt eating Bonbons all day.

I know people look negatively in housewives at times, but I am betting they have fulfilling lives with hobbies, part time jobs, volunteering on top of household stuff.
Thats just my point. I think it is a stereotype that stay at home wives just do household chores all day long. Lux, you even said they get up whenever they want, sit around, and visit their friends. What if she volunteers 8 hours a day? My friends mom works at a non profit church thingy, and she puts in 9-5 each day but she doesn't get paid. She is 100% financially dependent on her husband.

I think some things are getting lost in translation so I need to ask for clarification.

Lux you said you would be worried if your daughter didn't have a resume or if she had to depend on her spouse financially.

How would you feel if she got her nursing degree, quit her job to volunteer all her time to low income clinics as a nurse, because her husband made enough money to support them both? Are you also against this because she has to rely 100% financially on her husband?

Or are you just against the idea of a woman sitting at home with nothing to do?
re: Stay at home wives. New status symbol? en>fr fr>en
By lux Comments: 1177, member since Mon Jun 02, 2008
On Wed Nov 27, 2013 10:43 PM
YYD, I don't have time to respond in detail to everything that's been directed at me now, but I wanted to quickly point out- I don't know if you read the last line of my initial response (understandable if you didn't, it was pretty long!)

I consider volunteering INCREDIBLY important. If a woman doesn't have to work because her partner's income is enough to support them both, I think it's fantastic and admirable if she chooses to use this time to volunteering. I've no doubt that volunteering like your friends and yourself did keeps you all plenty busy, and I'm very sorry if anything I wrote implied otherwise.

I wouldn't even really consider a woman who volunteers full-time a "housewife" - she's working outside the home, she's just not getting paid for it. I wish more people (myself included, actually!) were able to do this.
re: Stay at home wives. New status symbol? en>fr fr>en
By lux Comments: 1177, member since Mon Jun 02, 2008
On Wed Nov 27, 2013 10:54 PM
YYD, I don't have time to respond in detail to everything that's been directed at me now, but I wanted to quickly point out- I don't know if you read the last line of my initial response (understandable if you didn't, it was pretty long!)

I consider volunteering INCREDIBLY important. If a woman doesn't have to work because her partner's income is enough to support them both, I think it's fantastic and admirable if she chooses to use this time to volunteering. I've no doubt that volunteering like your friends and yourself did keeps you all plenty busy, and I'm very sorry if anything I wrote implied otherwise.

I wouldn't even really consider a woman who volunteers full-time a "housewife" - she's working outside the home, she's just not getting paid for it. I wish more people (myself included, actually!) were able to do this.
re: Stay at home wives. New status symbol? en>fr fr>en
By YumYumDoughnutPremium member Comments: 8686, member since Sat Jul 10, 2004
On Wed Nov 27, 2013 10:59 PM
Edited by YumYumDoughnut (99333) on 2013-11-27 23:02:19
^ Oh don't worry, I didn't take what you said personally at all.
Infact, I really valued your insight in this debate and it has been a great pleasure reading everything you wrote. I can totally see where you are coming from, but for the sake of this debate, I wanted to clarify what it was about "stay at home" that bothered you.

You mentioned that you were worried about a woman being stuck and reliant on a mans income, but a woman who volunteers her time...she is technically financially dependant on her spouse because volunteering doesn't bring in any income.
A woman volunteering is technically income free for all intents and purposes if her husband gets fired or they decide to get divorsed. It doesn't technically make a difference if she sits at home or she volunteers, at least on paper. So a volunteering woman is technically in the same boat financially risk wise as someone who sits at home and watches Soap Opera.

So after your clarification, is it safe to say that your issue isn't the fact that she isn't contributing financially but the fact that some woman tend to "waste" their talents if the ONLY thing they do is being stuck in the house? You aren't quite jealous of them having a rich husband, but you are jealous of the fact that you have to work but they don't HAVE to if they didn't want too?
I think that is what you are trying to say and I am hoping I am understanding you correctly. :)
re: Stay at home wives. New status symbol? (karma: 2)  en>fr fr>en
By Odessamember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 11250, member since Tue Feb 26, 2002
On Wed Nov 27, 2013 11:02 PM
But if she is volunteering she is still gaining valuable skills that can be parlayed into paid work if she needs to start drawing a wage for whatever reason.

Erin.
::righteous babe::
re: Stay at home wives. New status symbol? en>fr fr>en
By YumYumDoughnutPremium member Comments: 8686, member since Sat Jul 10, 2004
On Wed Nov 27, 2013 11:09 PM
Edited by YumYumDoughnut (99333) on 2013-11-27 23:11:19
Odessa, I would like to think that was actually the case, but I am not sure if hiring managers see it that way. If a woman has no actual employment for 10 years and explains that she spent it volunteering because she didn't need to work, it might make employeers question if she really valued a career.

I feel like having a resume with all volunteer positions might look a bit weird. On the other hand, it might speak volumes about her good character because she spent time volunteering even if she didn't NEED to.

I always put my volunteering projects on my resume but I was told by my professor that too much talk about volunteering might not come across in a good light. Something about me not being a hirable employee so thats what I had to do either a internship or volunteer. I wasn't "good" enough to get hired so I had to settle for any place that took me as a volunteer.

Kind of a tricky line eh? You never know what hiring managers are looking for, which makes it a super scary thing when you are on the job hunt. You either volunteer too much, not enough volunteering, over qualified, under qualified, too assertive, not assertive enough. I wish these things came with a handbook or something!
re: Stay at home wives. New status symbol? en>fr fr>en
By d4jmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 12470, member since Fri Aug 27, 2004
On Wed Nov 27, 2013 11:33 PM
Anyone who has been volunteering for a length of time, if they are smart, is putting together a network of contacts and can often get a job that way. It's not like you volunteer in a vacuum and then go off cold to find a job that has no connection whatsoever to all those people you have worked with. At least that is how I'd approach it. Ex: Volunteering with Rotary puts you in contact with pretty much every business in your community.
re: Stay at home wives. New status symbol? en>fr fr>en
By toroandbruinmember has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 3627, member since Fri Oct 10, 2008
On Thu Nov 28, 2013 12:22 AM
Both YYD and d4j and other people have good points about volunteer/unpaid work experience.

Yes, in a volunteer role you can use your degree and prior experience to maybe even a greater extent than in a paid role. And the experience you gain that way can be even more extensive and worthwhile than in a paid role; so you're even more qualified. And it SHOULD count for something if you enter the paid job market. But often it does not.

In today's world I'm with the viewpoint that a woman needs to work outside the home and keep up her own marketable skills and career track even if she does not need to do so financially at the moment. ESPECIALLY if she has kids to feed and raise. Fate is unpredictable.

Now, this can be awkward if she falls in love with a man who needs her to be a full-time wife. Let's say he is a politician and needs her beside him at all sorts of functions as well as on the campaign trail. It can also be sticky if he has a whole lot of money and in her career she is not yet making much and/or does not have the power to make her own hours. If he needs her to attend luncheons with important clients, it isn't going to go over well if she has an 8 to 5 position where she can't take off unexpectedly all the time without losing her job. Nor is he going to be happy if he gets a week's lul in which he could fly to Europe for a short break and wants her to go with him but she can't schedule the vacation time on the spur of the moment.

In this kind of marriage the only way she can work outside the home is if she has high-powered enough skills and career that she can write her own ticket.

Well -- status symbol or not I don't think doing without an outside career is the most practical way of life. It's a pity because a lot of women could do a lot of good in a stay-at-home-wife situation. I remember some years ago reading an interview with a well-thought-of poet who said she was able to accomplish what she did thanks to a not-affluent but very-benevolent sponsor, her husband.
re: Stay at home wives. New status symbol? en>fr fr>en
By lux Comments: 1177, member since Mon Jun 02, 2008
On Sat Nov 30, 2013 05:29 PM
I realise I'm a little late to the party, but I wanted to come back and address a couple of YYD's questions.

First of all, Caffeine is bang on here with her interpretation of my post:
Caffeine wrote:

^^ YYD, I think what Lux is saying (and I apologise if I put words in your mouth, Lux), is that those of us who work outside the home ALSO have to find the time to paint the house, run errands, do taxes, volunteer (if that floats your boat or you have time for it) etc. It's not homemaker vs career; it's homemaker vs homemaker AND career.


I guess what I'm trying to say is I find the SAH wife line of "I don't spend my day on the couch eating chocolate and watching TV" a little clueless. The thing is, for me at least, being able to spend hours at the gym and lunching with friends every day IS the equivalent to chocolate and TV - it's a luxury I can't afford, and it bums me out.

This is obviously a petty and personal gripe, but none the less it rubs me the wrong way to hear a woman who doesn't have to work tell me her life is just as hectic as mine because she's redecorating the house and hitting pilates class daily whilst I'm stuck back at the office until 6pm because my client decided to wait until 5:55 to call me with a major problem. If a woman doesn't have to (and doesn't want to) work, good for her. But it seems a little graceless when people are unable to recognise that being able to choose exactly what you do with the bulk of your day is an incredible luxury.

YYD wrote:

A woman volunteering is technically income free for all intents and purposes if her husband gets fired or they decide to get divorsed. It doesn't technically make a difference if she sits at home or she volunteers, at least on paper. So a volunteering woman is technically in the same boat financially risk wise as someone who sits at home and watches Soap Opera.


To elaborate on Odessa's point above, there is a HUGE difference between sitting in front of an interview panel and outlining 7 years' worth of volunteering work (through which you can likely demonstrate your ability to work in a team, work to deadlines, communicate effectively, take direction etc etc), and sitting in front of the same panel and saying "I spent the past 7 years cleaning the house, paying my bills and going to the gym".

YYD, I think the points you made about the negatives of volunteer work experience are both interesting and valid. That said, as someone who is somewhat involved in hiring at my current workplace, if I had the choice of two applicants with minimal paid work experience, the candidate without volunteer experience would seem the MUCH bigger risk. I think it's also worth considering that you don't have to specify that your experience was unpaid on a CV (unless it was an official internship) - I have a couple of roles listed on my CV that were unpaid, and I only mention this fact if I'm asked.
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