Forum: Arts / Diaries

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...and buy a little mercy (karma: 1)
By Sumayah
On Thu Jan 02, 2014 01:32 PM
Locked by Sumayah (204191) on 2014-06-22 14:31:09 new diary incoming!

PinUpGirl wrote:

The mattress may be lumpy.... It hurts and it feels stagnant and stuck.

Celebrate the small and mundane.

Being cynical just perpetuates the negative cycle.

It might be a psychological ploy, but what's to say it doesn't work? Bucking your usual routine creates new neural pathways and challenge your brain to change. Might even change your outlook a little tiny bit.

Sometimes you just need an outside perspective to flip things on its head and make you realize that you're going about things backwards and upside down. The mattress may still be old and lumpy, but at least the sheets are fresh and clean. <3

Image: . . .

66 Replies to ...and buy a little mercy

re: ...and buy a little mercy
By MarlaSingermember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Thu Jan 02, 2014 03:22 PM
^ and ^^ I love both of you ladies and the way you look at life. Looking forward to another year's worth of eavesdropping on your thoughts! :D
re: ...and buy a little mercy (karma: 1)
By Sumayah
On Sat Jan 04, 2014 10:37 AM
Hello lovlies! ♡

Okay, yesterday was busy and long (but at least I wasn't at the mall!). I had three make - up ballet classes from when I missed because I was sick in December. Then I had my private lesson. Then I went grocery shopping, and that took two hours because I was shopping for ingredients to make dog food. Wish me luck, I don't think that it's something I can keep up with but I'm willing to try. Then I deep cleaned my office and had a Dr. Who-a-thon. Almost finished with season 4.

Today I'm going to tidy the housr, watch more Dr. Who, make stew and cornbread and have friends over. Looking forward to that! Okay, I'm out for now!
re: ...and buy a little mercy
By ChristinePremium member
On Sat Jan 04, 2014 04:41 PM
Dog food.... I've been considering giving this a try.

Please let us know how it goes.

The last bag of lamb and rice cost 60 bucks and only weighs 40 pounds. My dog is sensitive to a whole bunch of stuff, but I swear I could make it cheaper and better.

On another "cloud", I often consider making dog treats to sell at my studio as this crumby economy is going to kill me with unpaid tuition. Unfortunately, most of the recipes I see require refrigeration which is a drawback.

Maybe I'll go back to considering bake sales and houseplants.

Sorry to digress...

So glad you're facing the new year with a (perhaps forced?)smile. Pollyanna is so proud!

Keep On Dancing*
re: ...and buy a little mercy
By Sumayah
On Mon Jan 06, 2014 09:37 AM
Edited by Sumayah (204191) on 2014-01-06 11:35:57
Saturday was great. The stew turned out great. I think I want to play with the cornbread recipe a bit. It turned out heavier and drier than I would have liked. Also the flavor wasn't quite there. B made a rootbeer cake (so. good.) and A&A brought the champagne and beer for Black Velvets. We played the Big Bang theory game (hilarious by the way to any of you card game players - even if you don't watch the show it would be fun) and then watched the Day of the Doctor since B hadn't seen it yet. (She's the one who hosted the Dr. Who Christmas party.) A is going to be graduating in May with her doctorate and is having a Jim Henson themed party. SO EXCITED!!!!!! I *will* be dressing up. But as what!? Part of me is thinking Red Fraggle and buying some yellow jeans and a red turtle neck. Do my hair up with some maribo in pigtails with pink bows....
Image hotlink - ''
She was always my favorite!

I ended up not making pet food on Sunday. It was just so. nice. to have the day off with no responsibility that I ran with it. I slept in til noon, got up and watched Dr. Who all day. B got the box set on BluRay (worth it - the picture is gorgeous) so I started with the 9th Doctor and have been watching it through. I'm up to season 5. Just got to the Weeping Angel episode. Even though their attack is the most benign they scare me the most. Even the Silence doesn't scare me as much as the Weeping Angels. Though it would be a good stopping point before bed, haha.

Back to the normal schedule. I still don't have any music picked out for recital. Think I'm going to get on that right now since it's quiet. I should be doing work, but really, don't care. Recital music is slightly more important right now. the theme is Celebrating 10 since it's our ten year anniversary. So I have no idea what to choose. If you have any suggestions, I'm open! Mostly ballet (all ages), three tap dances, and one preschool class. All right, here goes...

<3 <3 <3

Preschool combo 2/3yr
Preschool combo 4/5yr
Pre-Ballet 4-6yr
Beg Ballet 9-11
Beg Ballet 6-8
Int Ballet 6-8
Beg/Int Ballet 9-11
Int/Adv Ballet 10-12
Beg Ballet 11+
Int/Adv Ballet 11+
Adv Ballet 11+
Pre/Beg Pointe
Adv Pointe
Beg Tap 6-8
Beg Tap 11+
Open Tap 9-12

These are all the classes I'm trying to find music for. I'm looking at videogame and anime soundtracks as I spent a lot of time playing and watching stuff back in those years. But, I'll take any suggestions! I'm thinking of maybe using something from Radiohead's "In Rainbows" since that was their 10 album. Any other decennial ideas?
re: ...and buy a little mercy
By PinUpGirlmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Tue Jan 07, 2014 10:11 AM
Butch Walker has a song called "Canadian Ten". I can't remember off the top of my head if there's any foul language in it, but I don't think so.

Not the best recording since it's live, but here it is: . . .
re: ...and buy a little mercy
By Sumayah
On Tue Jan 07, 2014 11:27 AM
Okay, so I forgot three classes, here's what I'm playing with music-wise so far:

Beyond Good and Evil: . . .
Katamari Damacy: . . .
Wolf's Rain: . . .
Wind Waker: . . .
Wind Waker: . . .
Ratchet and Clank: Going Commando: . . .
Rathcet and Clank: Up Your Arsenal . . .
Pikmin 2: . . .
Serenity: . . .
Firefly: . . .
U2: . . .
Radiohead: . . .

Still gotta find more. And who knows, maybe I won't use any of those. :/
re: ...and buy a little mercy
By Sumayah
On Mon Jan 13, 2014 11:59 AM
Hello lovelies! All right. I don't really do New Year's Resolutions because I don't really believe that the beginning of the year really signifies anything terribly important, and sticking with something for a year is way more dedication and follow through then I believe myself capable. However, that said, I'm making a New Year's Resolution to sleep better.

I really, really don't want a repeat of last year and the insomnia fueled depression I slugged myself through. I've done better with getting and staying asleep lately, and I think I can train my body to do better and perhaps get more restful sleep? I put myself to bed at 10:30 last night. I read on my phone for a while and B came to bed and I was asleep before midnight. Which is better than usual. I set my alarm for 6:30am and finally rolled out of bed at 8:30am. Gotta work on that aspect. But as I start adjusting to an earlier bedtime, hopefully I'll adapt to an earlier rise time.

What brought all this on? Well, lately (TMI) my periods have been fairly awful in regards to pms symptoms and cramping. I've talked about this before - I think I tend to experience pmdd or am at least borderline. Things that help? Rest. Exercise. Eating healthy. For the most part my diet isn't awful, except I do drink a ton of caffeine (in the form of coffee - at least it isn't soda?). So part of this experiment is to be able to wake up and spend some quality time on the elliptical and eat a real breakfast instead of drinking loads of coffee and eating pastries (my one dieting downfall). Ideally, I'll lose some of the holiday weight I put on and then be so inspired that I'll follow through with that thread I started two years ago about getting back into my wedding dress and lingerie. But mostly, I just want the pms/pmdd symptoms to be more manageable. So wish me luck!

Much love to you all!
re: ...and buy a little mercy
By ChristinePremium member
On Mon Jan 13, 2014 10:02 PM
This site re-design is not liking your big picture.

The end of all you sentences are cut off.

I'll try to "out smart" reality with short sentences.

Sleep... oh yes.... water, sleep, laughter, and dance.

The most important elements of survival.

Good luck with the plan.

I hope the next page isn't cut off too.


Keep On Dancing*
re: ...and buy a little mercy
By Sumayah
On Tue Jan 14, 2014 07:49 AM
So, in bed by 12:30am. Curse you Dr. Who and my lack of self control. But that was season 7's finale so, time to watch Day of the doctor again and then the Christmas episode and it will be over for a bit. I'm also still in bed. Come on Suma, get your sleepy butt up and go fix breakfast.

It's times like these that make me think I was a bear in a previous life. Sleeee p. Oh how I love it. Unless of course it's actually time for bed, then not so much. Morning person I'm not.

re: ...and buy a little mercy
By Sumayah
On Wed Jan 15, 2014 11:26 AM
So far this whole "New Year's Resolutions" is a bust. I was in bed by 11:30 last night, but slept poorly as my body wasn't ready to sleep. And all I'm doing in trying to wake up earlier is teaching myself how to sleep through my alarm. Well, just gotta keeping trying. It's not like I'm magically just going to sleep great all right at once.

Okay. Fixing pet food tomorrow. I totally had a lazy binge and decidedly DID NOT WANT TO DO IT. But tomorrow the cat is out of food so, no choice in the matter really.

Right, off to the grocery store. Time to get motivated again. No more of this self-destructive behavior. Time to get a grip on my life, stop feeling miserable and do something. Unfortunately that involves *doing* something (which my inherent laziness is not inclined to do). Oh yes! Pet food will be made! Real food for meals will be made! The house will be cleaned! Unless I get sucked into another TV show. Damn you Dr. Who for not being on right now! I need to catch up on my Sherlock anyway...

Alright lovlies! ♡ ♡ ♡
re: ...and buy a little mercy
By Sumayah
On Thu Jan 16, 2014 09:29 AM
Procrastination, thy name is Sumayah.
Image hotlink - ''

Just finished breakfast. Omnomnom. Oatmeal, check! Egg, check! Coffee, hasn't kicked in yet. But it's time to go get up to my elbows in raw chicken. Yum. :/ I'm gonna make the dogs food too. Wish me luck because I have limited time and no desire to be productive. Bleh. Time to shut down the computer, turn on some loud music and get my ass in gear.

re: ...and buy a little mercy
By Sumayah
On Fri Jan 17, 2014 11:53 AM
Edited by Sumayah (204191) on 2014-01-17 11:54:44
Edited by Sumayah (204191) on 2014-01-17 11:55:16 stop eating my picture link!
Image hotlink - ''
My diary post just was eaten maliciously by the interweb gremlins of mass text based destruction.

Image hotlink - ''
Stupid self-satisfied gremlin. Screw you, dude, screw you.

Okay... where was I? What was I saying? *grumbles to self* Right. I did it. I made the cat and dog food yesterday. I swear, making cat food ranks high on my list of things-I-loathe-having-to-do-but-because-I'm-a-grown-up-I-have-to-do-anyway list. You know that list. That list that contains such favorites as "go to the dentist" and "stand in line at the DMV." That list. Well, making cat food is right up there.

I don't know about you, but I think that chicken fat is probably one of the grossest things ever. It's just so... bleh. And here I am, ripping the skin and fat off a whole chicken carcass and putting in the meat grinder so it becomes all smooth and blendable. Bone, cartiledge, organs, skin and fat all go through the grinder until it's this disgusting pink slurry. I mean if anything will put you off your lunch, that description will. But I love my cat so... *said through gritted teeth* No, it's not his fault he has IBD, and it's not like I can just ignore his allergies and illness. That's not fair to anyone involved.

Making dog food though was pretty easy and actually looks decent. Christine, I know you were interested in how that went, so here is the recipe I followed:

2 lbs ground beef (browned in olive oil)
16oz cottage cheese
16oz dry lentils (soaked then pureed)
2 eggs
1/8C olive oil
2C sweet potato (cubed and lightly steamed)
1C broccoli (chopped and lightly steamed)
1C carrots (diced and lightly steamed)
16oz cranberries (frozen) (pureed)
10oz spinach (fresh)
1/8C basil (dried)
1/8C rosemary (dried)
1/8C turmeric
1/8C sage
1tsp eggshell powder

As the ground beef browned stovetop, I lightly steamed the sweet potatoes, broccoli and carrots. The lentils and cranberries went through the food processor. In a large mixing bowl I mixed the lentils, cranberries, cottage cheese, herbs, eggs, eggshells powder, and olive oil. In another large mixing bowl I combined the beef, sweet potatoes, carrots, broccoli and spinach. Then it the largest bowl I own (and it was barely big enough - I sometimes use it as a cake server because it's so big) I gradually mixed the two bowls together. I ran out of time so I still need to can and freeze it, but at least I got it made.

I still need to figure out the serving portions, but it looks like one jelly jar in the morning and one at night will be plenty. Less for a while since I'm supplementing the dry dog food as well (so it's not such a shock to their system). I added yogurt, brewers yeast, and pumpkin seeds to the food this morning. I have papaya, but I need to cut it up still (see: ran out of time). Once I portion it out, I'll be able to see how long it will last and how practical it will be to maintain. (for instance, I won't have to deal with the cat food til March).

I took a 5htp last night before bed, and I think it helped me get a sounder sleep. Usually when I have to be at the mall by 10am, I roll out of bed at 9ish and leave by 9:30. This morning I was up by 8:30ish. It's a start, right? I'm feeling inspired by all the diet posts and I think I will be positive and set another New Years Resolution. I'm going to lose weight and I'm going to exercise. I have exercise equipment at home (an elliptical and free weights and videos), I have sneakers and apps for running, I have rollerskates. I have no excuse not to be active. I also think I'm going to take a page from the anon thread and buy marbles (where would I buy marbles?). I have some mason jars already, so I'm good there.

I always start great and then I get tripped up by self-destructive behavior. Or I get lazy (which I could argue is self-destructive behavior) and lose sight of what I was doing. he thread I had going last year and before was great - it was encouraging and had great community and we were sharing recipes. Then I sort of just stopped. Granted, I've had a pretty uphill battle with depression for the past few years, and that makes EVERYTHING feel like I'm Sisyphus, but I've been feeling remarkably more sane lately and I think I might be able to actually stay focused this time.

So there's one more New Years Resolution: don't indulge in self-destructive behavior.

1) Improve quality of sleep
2) Lose weight
3) Exercise
4) Avoid self-destructive behavior

And interesting, I think all of those things are pretty intrinsically tied together and are all things I lost focus on because of depression. It's time to take my life back.
re: ...and buy a little mercy
By Sumayah
On Sat Jan 18, 2014 03:11 PM
The mall is freezing today. I'm wearing a heavy sweater and standing in front of a mini-heater and I'm still freezing. I just love this, person walks into the store, "Wow! It's freezing in here!" Yeah, no kidding Sherlock. It's freaking freezing in here and I promise, if it were up to me, it would be temperate. I get to spend 9 hours in here, I'm perpetually covered in goosebumps with a runny nose. I swear, hearing people complain about it gets less and less funny every time I hear it (it was never funny to begin with).

Also, can I talk for a moment about my loathing of those e-cigarette things? I'm sorry, it's not cool or okay or hip or trendy to smoke. And smoking them in non-smoking facilities needs to be outlawed. If you want to smoke - whatever. I'm not your mom, I'm not going to lecture you on the health risks. But don't flipping do it in my store. What you exhale smells and is not just water vapor. There are chemicals and they do leave a fine film on surfaces the same way a fog or smoke machine does. Take that ish elsewhere and don't smoke in my damn store. It makes me want to kick and scream and throw a temper tantrum. OUT OUT OUT OF MY STORE WITH THAT.

Project sleep well is going iffy. I was tired and ready to sleep by 11pm last night, but my mind would stop. I remember being aware of the fact that I was dreaming. I *never* remember my dreams, I usually sleep like the dead. So any time I do, it means I'm sleeping really lightly. Which isn't restful at all. On the plus side, I was awake by 7:30 but I was freezing and didn't have to be at work til noon, so I turned on the heater and went back to bed for an hour until the house was warm enough. I was up by 9am, and had to deal with stupid banking crap right off the bat which means I was grumpy. Hateful, spite spewing and evil might be a more apt description. But got it resolved, had breakfast and did some light cleaning.

It's just after 4pm, just five more hours til I get to go home!

re: ...and buy a little mercy
By Sumayah
On Sun Jan 19, 2014 11:22 AM
I got home and took a shower and went to bed last night. And slept. And slept. And slept. I slept nearly 12 hours straight. I feel sort of amazing today. I'm in a good mood, even though there's stuff I need to do, I'm ready to focus and do them. I haven't felt this relaxed and at peace and dare I say happy? in ages!

I got up, fed the animals, and made coffee and bacon, eggs, and french toast for myself and B. And I watched my portion sizes, and now I'm pleasantly full.

Feeding the animals is going to require me waking up earlier now. Baxter is of the unhinge jaw and devour food camp, while Cosmo is a grazing, spend the next 45 minutes eating kind of dog. That means, that I'm going to have to separate them so Cosmo can actually eat his food. And then they will definitely need to be let outside to do their business, so I'm looking at needing an hour to deal with the dogs each morning? I mean it's not hard, I fix them food, one pup on each side of the the pet gate. They eat, I get myself breakfast made. I let dogs outside. I do dishes and get ready for work. It's not like it's a hardship, but I absolutely can't be running late in the mornings now. I need that time to start my day now. Which is probably a good thing. It enables time for me to eat my breakfast and clean up a little and get ready instead of rolling out of bed and dashing out the door. That is the point of this whole "sleep better at night" project - to not be acting like a college kid who overslept their alarm for the rest of my life.

On that note, time to get busy!
re: ...and buy a little mercy
By PinUpGirlmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Sun Jan 19, 2014 11:49 AM
Yeah, still missing big chunks on your posts.

Lame tacos, DDN.
re: ...and buy a little mercy
By Sumayah
On Sun Jan 19, 2014 01:37 PM
^ Mine is just now working. The text was still cut off this morning, I'm in Firefox, but I played with both the zoom in and zoom out features (until the grey side bars were minimal), and the text zoom until I got frustrated and hit the reset feature. I then zoomed the forum back in to the amount I wanted, and closed Firefox and did some other stuff. When I came back, everything was adjusting itself so I could see. Not sure if it just took my browser a little bit to figure out the new settings or whether higher powers were at work (if so, thanks Andrew!), but everything is visible at home now for me as well as work.

I got all my music selections sent of the the SO (except one song, gah! my advanced 9-12 tap - suggestions?) and I feel better now that it's done. Time to get cleaning!
re: ...and buy a little mercy
By ChristinePremium member
On Mon Jan 20, 2014 09:23 AM
^I'm in Foxfire and I'm still missing big chunks at the end of every sentence.

Have a good day.

Keep On Dancing*
re: ...and buy a little mercy
By Sumayah
On Mon Jan 20, 2014 10:19 AM
Just gotta keep posting til I hit page 2 and not post or link any pictures, I guess. :/

Hello lovelies! Project go to bed was more a success today. I was in bed by midnight, asleep sometime before 1am (I know, I know) but was out of bed by 8:15am. Progress! I got up and made coffee (ogodcaffeine) and fixed the animals their breakfast(s). Then I planned out my meals for the day - I'm at the studio til late, so Mon/Tues are my non cooking nights, so I'm trying to find things that will be light enough to not make me feel gross while teaching, but filling enough to keep me going til 9pm. Then I got myself dressed and out the door.

Into the cold, cold hell of the mall. Whoever decided that hell is a firey wasteland of endless torture has obviously not worked in this freezer mall before. Grr. I've got on knee socks, a sweater, a jacket, a hat (I forgot scarf and gloves at home) and I'm about to break out the portable heater because this is seriously stupid.

It reminds me of when my mom and I would go to this three day religious convention up in Belton at the Expo center, and one time they had a skating rink up (in triple digit summer, in a giant expo center) and it was beyond cold. I think I actually started to get hypothermia symptoms. I naturally have a low body temperature (97.5F on average) so when subjected to cold environs where I required to sit still, my body temperature plummets. I was sleepy and couldn't focus, I was so cold I passed the point where my teeth were chattering, I was breathing shallowly and it wasn't a constant intake of air, it was stilted, and my pulse was really low. My mom made me get up and go outside. I stood there in the blazing summer heat in knee high leather boots, tights, a wool skirt, a blouse, sweater, winter jacket, scarf, and blanket for about an hour before I started to feel normal again. I just about started crying when I realized I had to go back in there. We ended up leaving early because I was so miserable. That's what hell is. This feels like that. Way too cold and no means of escape. Moving around just makes me more cold, so I typically hover by the space heater and that's that. I've been told not to call the mall to complain, so basically I just have to endure it.

Ugh. AND! I bought a coffee maker and took it to our other store where I was almost always scheduled. So, I can't even make myself hot coffee here because the maker is at the other store. /facepalm

Anyway, enough complaining. I'm going to hook up the space heater and write a bitchy email to my boss. I'm done working at this store. It makes me sick. Literally, sick. Not just sick of working here, like, I'm going to catch a cold if there's nothing we can do about the temperature.

Image hotlink - ''
But not literally.
re: ...and buy a little mercy
By hummingbird
On Mon Jan 20, 2014 01:55 PM
It's working fine for me in Safari, but it could just be the magic mod wand.

Hugs to you so that you feel warmer from another obviously cold blooded person here who just never warms up. I always look like the Michelin woman I wear so many layers.

Incidentally, don't do that sign as peace in Europe, it's the same as flipping the bird that way round, you have to have the palm facing away from you to make a peace sign.Isn't it strange how different things can be just on the other side of the pond?
re: ...and buy a little mercy
By Sumayah
On Tue Jan 21, 2014 11:58 AM
^ Good to know! Should I ever go abroad... :)

All right folks, I've got a food diary going. Feel free to jump in with recipes or other miscellany. I feel good, my blood sugar is pretty stable, project get some sleep is benefiting from project eat better and overall, I feel pretty superb. And here's where I /facepalm for ever stopping in the first place. But I need to give myself a little love and forgiveness. Depression sucks. It makes everything a million times harder and I have fought and kicked and screamed and given up in defeat and gotten back up and tried again and again, and I'm finally starting to make ground. The inability to stay focused on losing weight and eating right was a direct repercussion of the depression. It's really hard to stay motivated and engaged when all you want to do is erase your name from existence and just fade into oblivion with all the other faceless and nameless people. Don't get me wrong, generally speaking I never wanted to actually, physically die, I just wanted to not exist. So, I've turned a corner, and while it's not immediately oh happy happy joy joy it's not dark and hopeless either. The more I heal, the easier it will be to fight through the rough patches and stay committed to getting healthier.

I got up at 7:30am today! I was in bed by 11pmish last night. Not bad. I think I can live with going to bed at 11 and waking up at 7:30. I slept all right, not great, but not poorly. I got up and threw the dogs outside, made coffee and fixed the animals breakfast, fixed myself breakfast, entered in my food goals for today on Sparkpeople (I have a four day streak! My longest is 12 days, but I'm going to beat that), got dressed and got on the elliptical, then still had time to get ready and get to work on time. I think shooting for a 11pm-7:30am sleep is reasonable and something I can manage. Just gotta get used to it. It's like anything - brushing your teeth, flossing, cleaning your face - the more you do it, the easier it becomes until it is routine. I want that to be my routine bedtime.

Even Zeno's Arrow eventually goes through enough moments to arrive the target, so will I.
re: ...and buy a little mercy
By Sumayah
On Thu Jan 23, 2014 12:18 AM
Project "Go the [CENSORED] to Sleep" is having a hard night. It's after 1 am and I can feel the insomnia rubbing its greedy hand together. Last night I awoke with a cry from a bad dream. Like I had to talk myself down and calm myself and really comprehend that it was a dream, it was not reality, there's absolutely no reason to get upset.

As such, I over slept a bit. Out of bed by 8:30am. Despite that, I had a pretty great day. Until bedtime. I don't want another bad dream. But I know I need sleep. But I'd rather stay awake until I pass out from sheer exhaustion than tempt Morpheus. *sigh*
re: ...and buy a little mercy
By PinUpGirlmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Thu Jan 23, 2014 09:02 AM
I can read all your posts now! Yay! No more dropping of sentences. :D

I was woken up by a nightmare 20 minutes before my alarm was supposed to go off. I ended up dozing off again (literally never happens) and the nightmare restarted completely. No fun. Bad dreams = le suck. Je n'aime pas. BEAUCOUP.

As silly as it sounds, I do some affirmations while I'm falling asleep. Things like "I welcome a deep and resful sleep" and try to sync it with my breathing. If nothing else, it relaxes me enough where my body can recover a bit. It's corny, but it might work for you.
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