Forum: Adults / Children & Parenting

Children & Parenting
Losing Baby Weight/Getting Motivated/Problematic Relationship
By jlhaygoodmember has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 174, member since Tue Aug 03, 2010
On Fri Jan 17, 2014 01:10 PM

So I hate to be the "I thought we were ready!" mom...but we did. Technically speaking, we had everything together, so, when we got a little surprise, we took a deep breath & said we were happy about it.

I love my daughter. Our daughter. She is the light of my life. That said, at four months pregnant, everything fell through financially and Dad decided shortly thereafter that it was time to enjoy his life as young person while he still could. Only he's still pretty much enjoying it, and having adult conversations about that, or almost anything else, has gone the way of the dinosaur.

We're broke. We barely speak. We barely touch. We rarely agree on anything about the baby. I'm a shadow. He's a wreck. We work opposite shifts, and, to top it all off, I'm back at dance...if you could call it that. The more-out-than-in out-of-shape wistfully-pining sort of "back at dance" to be honest.

I was back to size 4 about 1 1/2 months post-baby, but have gained that and much more back since -- she's 7 months old tomorrow. (was size 1 pre-baby) When we met I was in the best shape of my life & trying to get back in with my old dance school post-sister/roommate-intervention-crisis, and, though I've since moved to a school where I'm much happier, now all I can do is get to work late, sit in an office chair all day, go home so he can leave for work, watch the baby, snack, pass out on the couch.

It just seems like what I want gets further away every day, even though I love being a mom. I've stopped confiding in Dad because he either shoves food in my face or cracks jokes about the state of my body. Or he scolds me for losing my 'muchiness'...I know he doesn't mean to be a prick, but I don't want to make excuses for him, either.

I can't be the only one who's had/having similar crisis? I don't know whether to stay, go, have less time with my kid, give up on my dreams for a few -more- years, or just keep dredging day after endless day. Seriously not sure of anything anymore. It's hard to even think about. Just tired inside and out.

Not sure what I'm looking for posting this. Maybe just an ear. I just want to be the girl who was so excited and active about her future again, and I guess I'm looking for someone who was able to do that. Just to know by example that it's possible...preferably without being a single mom or eating whatever crow is left on the table...although that sounds like asking a LOT.


2 Replies to Losing Baby Weight/Getting Motivated/Problematic Relationship

re: Losing Baby Weight/Getting Motivated/Problematic Relationship
By TheMidlakeMusemember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 11321, member since Sun Nov 23, 2003
On Fri Jan 17, 2014 01:37 PM
Edited by TheMidlakeMuse (78507) on 2014-01-17 13:39:30
Edited by TheMidlakeMuse (78507) on 2014-01-17 14:03:30
Wowzers. Gaining/losing weight is the least of your problems. Counselor, stat. And if "Dad" won't go with you, go by yourself. Search for sliding scale therapy in your community. It makes it affordable based on your financial situation.

Sorry, what I just said sounds really flip, but this kind of situation is so far above our pay grade only a professional is really going to help you sort this out.
re: Losing Baby Weight/Getting Motivated/Problematic Relationship
By leogirlPremium member Comments: 637, member since Thu Aug 15, 2002
On Sun Jan 26, 2014 08:23 AM
You are clearly dealing with a lot. Shortly after my daughter was born, I spiraled into depression, and climbing out of it seemed impossible. While I cannot say that I know what you're going through, I can say that I know what it's like to be desperately unhappy at a time that everyone seems to think you ought to be having the new mommy "glow." Please PM me if you want or need someone to talk to. I promise no fixes, but I do promise much empathy.