Forum: Irish / Irish

Still on hiatus (possibly ED triggering) (karma: 1)
By novicedancer1991member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Sat Apr 19, 2014 08:40 PM

So about a month ago I posted something about how I was on hiatus because my TC was worried about my health. Well, since then, I was hospitalized and officially diagnosed with an eating disorder, so it looks like I'll be out of dance longer than I'd expected.

At times I've felt like I'm coping pretty well. I've started the recovery process by going to therapy and pushing myself to eat more, and I'm doing strength exercises and yoga, and I'm also practicing the beginner dance steps every now and then. I started a recovery blog, I've opened up to my family a lot. Even though I haven't put on weight, I'm starting to feel stronger as well.

But at times I'm still finding it really depressing to be out of dance. Next week we have a feis, and I'm even signed up for it, because my sisters already had met the family max fee. I still can't help but to hope I'll somehow be able to dance next week. I'm so frustrated right now,I want to dance so much that I keep on forgetting I'm still sick.

9 Replies to Still on hiatus (possibly ED triggering)

re: Still on hiatus (possibly ED triggering) (karma: 1)
By GannTheGloriousmember has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Sat Apr 19, 2014 10:24 PM
Disclaimer: I've never been officially diagnosed, but I did go through a bulimic period. It was never bad enough to have external signs to others, and I carefully hid it from my doctors. I still have crappy body image and struggle to have a healthy relationship with food, so even though I've never been diagnosed, I understand where you're coming from.

An eating disorder is primarily a mental health thing--it's only when it goes on long enough that it causes physical symptoms. For that reason, I say if a doctor clears you to be healthy enough to dance, go for it! Yeah, you may have to do simple steps, but if dancing will make you happier, that is what you need! I know that physical activity is what I need to keep all of my mental health issues at bay, and dance is just like I like best.

If you're worried about needing to gain weight while upping activity, try eating calorie dense but healthy foods like nuts and dairy. They also have the protein to power your dancing!
re: Still on hiatus (possibly ED triggering)
By novicedancer1991member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Tue Apr 22, 2014 06:48 AM
Well, the thing is I haven't exactly been cleared to dance. It was my teacher, not my doctors, that put me on break, but she wants me to get a doctor's note to say I'm ready to come back. And since I haven't actually gained weight, I'm afraid to ask for a note.
re: Still on hiatus (possibly ED triggering)
By GannTheGloriousmember has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Tue Apr 22, 2014 09:41 AM
Well, if you ask your doc, the worst they can do is say "no." :)
re: Still on hiatus (possibly ED triggering)
By rosalinde
On Wed Apr 23, 2014 04:03 AM
The first one to ask is your doctor. Period. You may feel stronger, but your doctor can check whether you ARE stronger. The last thing you, your family, the feis committee or anyone else needs on Feis day is for you to collapse because your body just couldn't cope. Unless you are one of those exceedingly rare people who never get nervous (I am one of those), you'll have to combine physical exercise with a strict timetable (no doing your dances when your body feels good, but you'll have to be physically ready when the feis says so) and the stress of a feis. Your doctor needs to assess whether your body is ready for all this, even when your mind may already be.

Also: can you go up there and live with not dancing your best? I have never had an eating disorder so please forgive me if I jump to the wrong conclusions, but I have heard and read that people with ED tend to be fairly perfectionist. It may be best for your body to do simple steps, but will you be able to resist the urge to give that advice the finger and do the hard steps anyway -- and risk collapse? I'm not in any way saying that this is so (I do not know you after all), but it may be a point to think about if it applies to you.

It sucks to be sitting out a feis (been there, done that), but you really need to get your body ready for a feis. There will be feiseanna after this weekend after all, but if you ruin your health now, there may not be any for you ...

Good luck with your decision! It is a hard one and I wish you all the best.
re: Still on hiatus (possibly ED triggering)
By novicedancer1991member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Fri Apr 25, 2014 07:04 PM
So I asked my TC, and she said she's okay with me doing a couple dances at the feis as long as I don't push myself! I'll be doing beginner steps in prizewinner, but I'm really happy just to get back onstage at all.
re: Still on hiatus (possibly ED triggering)
By boleyngrrl
On Fri Apr 25, 2014 07:27 PM
Just focus on doing them well instead of the fact they're beginner steps. If you do them well you'll be good. :)

Most importantly, CONGRATULATIONS!!!! Being cleared to dance, even a little bit, is great! Best of luck and I'm very happy for you! Let us all know how it goes!!!!
re: Still on hiatus (possibly ED triggering)
By sarahrID
On Sat Apr 26, 2014 05:08 PM
If you've been hospitalized in the last month, PLEASE also talk to your doctor before dancing. Wishing you well on your recovery!
re: Still on hiatus (possibly ED triggering)
By novicedancer1991member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Tue Apr 29, 2014 04:10 PM
So I danced soft shoe only at the feis (doing beginner steps in prizewinner). It went as expected. Not great results, but it did feel good to be onstage.

But in the meantime, my depression has gotten worse, and even though I am eating better and feeling more healthy, I've not gained weight in the past month. So now it looks like I might have to go inpatient, and I'm REALLY freaking out about how that'll affect my dancing. I'm pretty sure they're not going to be letting me dance there, and I'd have to go out of state so I'd be far away from my dance school. So it'd probably mean being back out of dance for a few more months, and I don't know how I could stand that.
re: Still on hiatus (possibly ED triggering) (karma: 1)
By PogMoGilliesmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Tue Apr 29, 2014 08:01 PM
I know it seems like a death blow to your dancing, but your first priority is to be healthy and strong.

Dance will always be there- I say this as a 35 year old prizewinner dancer. You need to realize that there isn't a timer counting down your dancing days. There are many adults who are making it to championships, to opens, and competing very well.

As you go through your program, do whatever exercise they allow you to do, and focus on the mental aspect of your dancing. Picture your steps in your mind, hand dance, write them down, sing them to the music. These are all things that don't burn calories, but do allow you to keep your dancing as a part of you.

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