Forum: Advice / Emergency

Emergency
How to make sure my friend doesn't see something I'm tagged in on Facebook? (a couple of hours)
By FeisForFoodmember has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 2956, member since Mon Jul 17, 2006
On Sun Sep 14, 2014 07:03 PM
Locked by FeisForFood (163151) on 2014-09-16 12:32:55 it's over--I explain in the final comment that it turned out fine

I tried googling this, but it's hard to find an answer to my specific question--I keep finding answers to something similar but not the exact thing.

Basically: I'm a poet, and some of my work is being published in a literary journal. One of the poems being published is about my friend's sexual abuse situation. No one else in the world would know who it's about, but she'll know, and it might be triggering for her to read.

The journal issue goes live tomorrow (I didn't find this out until just now) and I need to find a way to prevent my friend from seeing the post on Facebook about it, because then she'll read the poem. It's likely that the journal will tag me in the post, and it's likely that some of our mutual friends will comment on that post and then it may appear on her newsfeed. Some of them might even share the post.

If I don't allow the journal's post (or anyones sharing of it) to be on my timeline (which my settings allow me to prevent), will she still be able to see it somehow?

Is there a way to do what I'm trying to do? I can add her to my "restricted" group, but the way I understand it, I can only use that on stuff I post--not stuff other people post and tag me in.

8 Replies to How to make sure my friend doesn't see something I'm tagged in on Facebook? (a couple of hours)

re: How to make sure my friend doesn't see something I'm tagged in on Facebook? (a couple of hours)
By Moonlitefairy06member has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 7177, member since Fri Apr 16, 2004
On Sun Sep 14, 2014 07:07 PM
I think the only thing you can do is untag yourself from the journal. Then if you want other people to see it. Post it yourself and restrict your friend from seeing it. It would probably be even better if you just asked the journal not to tag you in the facebook post.
re: How to make sure my friend doesn't see something I'm tagged in on Facebook? (a couple of hours)
By Tishwah Comments: 586, member since Sun May 17, 2009
On Sun Sep 14, 2014 11:34 PM
Why don't you give your friend a heads up that it is going to be published, then they can make up their own mind whether to read it or not.
re: How to make sure my friend doesn't see something I'm tagged in on Facebook? (a couple of hours) (karma: 2)
By Odessamember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 11250, member since Tue Feb 26, 2002
On Mon Sep 15, 2014 12:50 AM
Does your friend know you've written about her?

Erin.
::righteous babe::
re: How to make sure my friend doesn't see something I'm tagged in on Facebook? (a couple of hours)
By Gavrilushka Comments: 872, member since Wed Jul 11, 2012
On Mon Sep 15, 2014 12:56 AM
^ This. I had a huge legal battle with a friend who wrote about me despite me saying no. She got it published and won prize money out of my own suffering.
Does she know you had plans to get this published?
re: How to make sure my friend doesn't see something I'm tagged in on Facebook? (a couple of hours)
By SiyoNqobamember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 7113, member since Fri Aug 02, 2002
On Mon Sep 15, 2014 02:19 AM
Yeah, I think the only thing you can do is untag yourself, and/or ask the journal not to tag you.
re: How to make sure my friend doesn't see something I'm tagged in on Facebook? (a couple of hours)
By FeisForFoodmember has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 2956, member since Mon Jul 17, 2006
On Mon Sep 15, 2014 12:28 PM
Edited by FeisForFood (163151) on 2014-09-15 12:30:09
To those concerned about me having written the poem and publishing it: I understand where you're coming from. Please understand that this isn't something like a nonfiction essay about my friend's experience. It's a lyric poem that contains one line alluding to a pastor telling someone to "get on her knees," and it's otherwise more obviously about cutting down trees--it's one line. No, she doesn't know I wrote it. No, this isn't the type of situation in which (I feel) I would have needed to ask permission, and it's not any situation that reveals or exposes anything about my friend.

I knew what I was potentially getting into when I wrote the poem and submitted it to the journal. I'm in grad school getting a degree in poetry right now and I regularly publish work based in real life--mine, and those around me. My friend knows this and supports it, and this is not going to result in a legal battle or anything like that, and she would not be angry or hurt that I alluded to her situation. The worst that might happen is that she reads the poem and it reminds her of something that is upsetting to think about.

I knew some people would be concerned about that when I wrote the post, so I'm not surprised it came up--but please realize that isn't an issue in this situation. I chose not to explain every detail because it wasn't part of my question. Be assured, though, that everything will be fine.
re: How to make sure my friend doesn't see something I'm tagged in on Facebook? (a couple of hours)
By slice Comments: 1247, member since Fri Oct 15, 2004
On Mon Sep 15, 2014 02:37 PM
I'll leave off my thoughts on writing about somebody's business in a public context w/o consent...

But if you go into your "Timeline & Tagging" settings you can restrict certain people from seeing posts you've been tagged in on your timeline.

However, if the post (from the journal) is itself public and say, you or a mutual friend "likes" the post, the post might still pop up on your friend's newsfeed. Someone might also see you tagged in it and share the post, in which case she could also see it. Friends on multiple occasions have shared essays I've published online.

If I were you I would just warn your friend ahead of time. Even if they are upset, they'll likely be more upset if they happen upon the poem through a friend of a friend.
re: How to make sure my friend doesn't see something I'm tagged in on Facebook? (a couple of hours)
By FeisForFoodmember has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 2956, member since Mon Jul 17, 2006
On Tue Sep 16, 2014 12:31 PM
Just to reiterate--I didn't write "about somebody's business." I used a metaphor related to the experience of being told about it. I would have been more specific in my original post if I'd anticipated it would be that concerning. Though like I said, I understand where people are coming from, being unfamiliar with the full context.

Anyway, if anyone's curious how it worked out: the journal went live this morning (a day late) and they didn't post about it, so my issue was a non-issue anyway. Thanks for the help, though. I'll lock this since it's over.

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