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Diaries
Today I walked away from a Cheeseburger.
By Spiorad Comments: 2156, member since Sat Jul 22, 2006
On Fri Oct 17, 2014 01:00 PM

Be prepared for drabbles, rants and random musings!

So I am trying to "get healthy". And step one is actually being honest. So, I think my long term goal is to eventually "get healthy" but for now I just want to lose weight.

Almost 2 years ago I herniated 2 disks in my lower back. I had just lost about 15-20lbs and was actually feeling happy about my body. And then I got hurt. And I gained back all the weight I lost, plus 15 more pounds. I basically found out how GOOD food could actually be by eating whatever the heck I wanted because it was the only thing that made me feel better.

I am 5'3(ish) and so that amount of weight is SO FRICKEN apparent. I am a cosplayer and I just hate the way I look in my outfits. I hate that none of my clothes fit me. I hate that I just can't seem to lose weight now.

Before when I lost the weight I was swimming 3 times a week, eating 5-6 times a day, tinny little meals, riding my bike everywhere and teaching and dancing 3-4 hours a day. I couldn't keep that up when school started and so now I don't know what to do.

I started seeing a trainer to help me get back in shape. 2 times a week and its a good work out. But I have MAYBE lost ONE fricken pound in 5 weeks.

I don't want to go back to the way I was when I was losing weight. By the end I was FRICKEN MISERABLE. EVERYTHING EVERYDAY was consumed by food. I could never stop thinking about it and I became so crabby and hungry all the time.

I don't want that again. And I worry that even if I do lose weight, I wont be happy. Because last time, sure, I was getting happier with how my body looked, but I was always hungry and always angry and always thinking about food. And now, I don't even eat completely unhealthily, but its not healthy either. So do I stay the way I am now, eat things that I like and stuff but be completely unhappy with the way my body looks, or do I work to lose weight, but be constantly crabby because of the crappy tasting healthy food?

Because that is my real issue. I don't eat because I'm hungry, I eat because stuff tastes so darn good and then I overeat! I am getting better at portion sizes, but if I don't like the way something tastes I end up not eating it. And healthy food doesn't taste good.

So I got the idea for the title of this diary because all week I have been miserable with my changed diet. I think I'm going through sugar and salt withdrawals. And boy have I been crabby.

So basically I started to realize that several times each day I have turned down unhealthy things. So I wanted to remind myself that I haven't COMPLETELY failed. But I kind of did fail because I gave in to junk food right after I went out again. So.... its a process.
These are just the junk food things that I have turned down, I have overhauled my diet and am eating a lot of healthy stuff that I absolutely hate.

So today I turned down:
*A breakfast burrito (packed with bacon, eggs, cheese, chili, potatoes)
*Mixed popcorn (caramel and cheese)
*Halloween Gushers
*Donuts
*Chocolate Bars
*Cheeseburger

Today I failed because:
*I scarfed a bag of Doritos chips
*I bought gummy packs and ate way to many
*I gave into the cheeseburger I originally walked away from.


I wish that I had been doing this all week because I would be able to see how much I actually have turned down in terms of unhealthy food. This is the first time I gave into my cravings and I totally felt completely awful. If I had been keeping this diary since I started, I would see that I have succeeded more than failed.

I am keeping a food/fitness journal on My Fitness Pal, but it doesn't show me the stuff I have been strong enough to turn down.

I'm hitting my protein goals, been going a little over (marginally) on my sugar (I think it's all the fruits I'm putting into my protein shake), and everything else is looking good. But I am not losing weight!

And I know its because I need to get more cardio in. I'm not working out as much as I should be. But I HATE the gym. I should be dancing. But I can't afford it. And as awful as it sounds, I don't want a technique class. I need a class that is just choreography and dancing pieces over and over. Not zumba. I can't stand it.

My other biggest issue is needing self control! I wish that I could get a bag of chips and just eat one serving. Or buy a box of gushers or gummy packs and only eat one. But I can't. I will end up eating the whole box in a day or two.

Ugh. So this was all over the place. Lets hope it gets better. I just don't know.

8 Replies to Today I walked away from a Cheeseburger.

re: Today I walked away from a Cheeseburger.
By Spiorad Comments: 2156, member since Sat Jul 22, 2006
On Sat Dec 06, 2014 08:08 AM
so in all honesty I forgot about this thread. But now I'm back. Blah.

So as of last Sunday I have gained 6lbs since I first posted this. Talk about hating yourself.

So last sunday I prepared all my healthy, crappy tasting, disgusting meals and I've been eating them all week. I did eat out twice but I kept it to healthy meals. Mostly sandwiches without a lot of junk added. Except once when a friend let me try her potato soup and it was DELICIOUS. I want more in my life! lol

But I have turned down:
Tons of candy and snacks
Super greasy burgers and pizza


I need to work on:
Drinking more water. Usually isn't a problem because that's all I drink, but now that it's cold its harder to remember.
Finding healthy food that doesn't taste like cardboard.
re: Today I walked away from a Cheeseburger.
By imadanseurPremium member Comments: 16604, member since Thu Dec 04, 2003
On Sat Dec 06, 2014 11:31 AM
PM me...and maybe I can help. I work with a registered dietician at my new job and we have some good recipes, tips on eating out, eating on a budget, and I can throw in some exercise advice.

I like the idea of writing down the things you didn't eat. Instead of making the list of "failed" items. Maybe making it about things I chose to eat, things I chose not to eat. Then there is less good/bad associated with eating.

I know your struggle and I am there myself. Between all my jobs I am working about 50 hours a week. I don't have a consistent time to work out. I'm not making excuses...and its not like I couldn't find any time in my day. I'm just choosing other things as priorities. I know I can lose weight and do it, if it was my #1 priority, and right now it isn't. Eventually it will be. (I hope.)
re: Today I walked away from a Cheeseburger.
By Spiorad Comments: 2156, member since Sat Jul 22, 2006
On Sun Dec 07, 2014 08:29 AM
^Thank you ,I definitely will. Its so hard for me because I am a person who truly ENJOYS eating. I love the tastes and textures and its not that I CANT do the "healthy" thing. It's that I chose not to because I don't LIKE it. I end up getting really bitchy, this isn't an understatement, I get grumpy after a while because I am constantly hungry. But it doesn't happen at first.

2 summers ago when I lost a lot of weight it was because I had a HUGE competition and the costumes they chose for us were HORRIBLE. I mean absolutely AWFUL. The first 2 months were fine. But by the 3rd month I was cranky, hungry, miserable in general. So as soon as the competition was over, I started binging like crazy, stopped working out and gained all the weight I had lost back. Then I got injured and gained 15lbs on top of it.

Like you I KNOW I can lose weight. For me though, its not even working out that is the biggest problem, it is completely my diet.

On to this weeks weigh in:
I lost 4lbs this week since last Sunday morning when I weighed in. It sounds like a lot but this always happens to me when I first get on a diet/health kick. The first 2ish weeks I'll lose 3-5 lbs and then it evens out to 1-2lbs a week.

the biggest thing I turned down this week:
Candy. I am a candy FANATIC. I LOVE it. Chocolate, gummies, gushers you name it. I was eating a pack of sour patch watermelons, almost a day, so to not be eating any candy all week was a big step.

I craved it a little, but any time I've been craving something I have been drinking water and eating some type of fruit and that usually takes care of it.

I almost did an impulse buy at walgreens of some Garadelli chocolate, but I put it back, so that was a win.

I need to work over my salads. Its not that I dislike salad but the ones that I made for this week just... no. They had things I like, mushrooms, spinach, broccoli, a little bit of feta and one thing I'm not the BIGGEST fan of, carrots. Well, now its a new Sunday and I can try something new.

The most amazing thing is that since I did well all week, and it is FINALLY Sunday, it is officially time for my cheat meal. I don't know what it's going to be yet but I'm sooooo happy!
re: Today I walked away from a Cheeseburger.
By YumYumDoughnutPremium member Comments: 8688, member since Sat Jul 10, 2004
On Sun Dec 07, 2014 09:40 AM
I can help you come up with tasty recipies that are " healthy", so it doesn't feel like you are on a diet.

Is there specific foods you are trying to avoid? Like meat, or white bread, or sugar?
Since I am avoiding the majority of grains, I just have a cheeseburger without the bun.

Have you tried to add cooked things unto your salad? A plate full of raw vegetables are kind of BLAH for me. I usually cook up some bell peppers,mushrooms, and a little bit of chicken. I usually put it on a plateful
of spinach. When 50% of the things on a salad aren't cold and raw! it doesn't feel so much like a " blah food" if that makes sense.

Here is what really worked to help get my weight down, and help me get all my nutrients in. I always had a pot of vegetable soup shimmering. I added a bunch of garlic and herbs so it wasn't so boring. I would have a cup or two before dinner, and since the soup took up space in my stomach....I would have normal dinner, but not eat so much of the unhealthy stuff.

I would maybe try to cut back on fruit a bit, depending on how much you are eating. Fruits have natural sugar, but it is still sugar for your body.

Congratulations for turning down foods too. I also love cooking and baking and eating food I'm general, but once I stopped " dieting" and started to cook healthy and good tasting food....I wasn't as crabby.
re: Today I walked away from a Cheeseburger.
By Spiorad Comments: 2156, member since Sat Jul 22, 2006
On Mon Dec 08, 2014 08:33 AM
^Thank you! I would really appreciate any suggestions on healthy recipes that aren't so blah.

I have a feeling this week is going to be hard. Yesterday was supposed to be my cheat day and I was going to get wing stop, but I was on campus studying so long that by the time I got out it was closed. So now I'm going to be craving it all week.

And I didn't really sleep last night because I just started my period and all last night I had cramps and back pain so bad I had to keep getting up, even though I was curled up with a heating pad.

I know that I need to be more positive in order for this to work, but I'm feeling so crummy right now and I just want my wing stop. :/

I am still seeing my trainer but this week we wont be able to because of finals and the fact that I have 2 photoshoots. And it just sucks to be having photoshoots when I feel so disgusting in my own skin.
re: Today I walked away from a Cheeseburger.
By Spiorad Comments: 2156, member since Sat Jul 22, 2006
On Mon Dec 08, 2014 09:01 AM
And I just realized that I completely didn't answer your question YumYum!

the biggest thing I am doing is watching my portions. I have the BIGGEST problem with portion control. If something tastes good I want to eat it all. Which hasn't been a problem lately as all this healthy food is so blah.

I am also looking to cut back on sugars. I eat either a banana, apple or clementine with either lunch or dinner, so I'm not eating a ton of fruit. I also need to cut back on simple carbs, starches and fats.
re: Today I walked away from a Cheeseburger.
By Spiorad Comments: 2156, member since Sat Jul 22, 2006
On Wed Dec 10, 2014 06:54 PM
ended up going to Village Inn last night at about midnight because I had been gameing with a friend and then we just ended up there. So yeah. Yummy unhealthy food.

I had a boudoir photoshoot today. I hate my body. I hate that I take comfort in eating and thus I hate myself even more.

On my way home I was so fricken hungry so I managed not to get:

Candy
Wing Stop
Burger King
Arby's
Dions

I'm sure I pass more places on my way home that I could have eaten at but these are the ones that I remember.
re: Today I walked away from a Cheeseburger.
By Spiorad Comments: 2156, member since Sat Jul 22, 2006
On Wed Dec 10, 2014 09:06 PM
I was so exhausted I fell asleep in my car. In the driveway. No I'm not kidding. After being asleep for a bit I felt way less hungry and much less crabby.

I know that I have to exercise more, but I really do believe that the major issue with me, is my diet. So I started researching meal plans and all this stuff, trying to find a layout that I can follow. I'm good with following a set of directions. If I can say, "OK! This is what I'm going to eat this week!" and have a shopping list done up and all that. I can stick to it. But when I'm sitting around just trying to figure things out, I'm like "I'm getting wing stop."

But here is my issue. IF THE FOOD DOESN'T TASTE GOOD I'M NOT GOING TO EAT IT!

My BIGGEST issues are:
1) I eat because it makes me feel good
2) I eat because food tastes good (a lot of times I'm not even hungry any more)

And if food tastes like cardboard, or just plain disgusting, I wont eat it and then I just stop eating because I eventually reach a point where I can't force myself anymore. Then I'm not taking in enough calories and I'm making things worse for myself.

Unfortunately there are so many healthy foods that I wont eat. I'm trying. I really am.

Some of the healthy foods I wont touch:
Yogurt - It makes me gag and throw up. No I am not kidding.
Fish - Disgusting. Can't handle it.
Bran- Seriously, do I even need to say why? It is fricken BRAN.
Eggplant
beets
radishes



Healthy foods I like:
Fresh Spinach
Celery
Mushrooms
Most fruit
Bell peppers
onions (white, red, green)


I also prefer warm meals. Cold meals don't leave me feeling as satisfied.

How bad is potato soup? I just discovered it I WANT IT IN MY LIFE. Which probably means it's actually horrible for me. :(

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