Forum: Adults / 20 Something

Freezing eggs.
By YumYumDoughnutPremium member
On Wed Dec 03, 2014 05:38 PM
Edited by YumYumDoughnut (99333) on 2014-12-03 17:42:22
Edited by YumYumDoughnut (99333) on 2014-12-03 17:47:39

I am turning 25 soon, and starting to seriously consider my reproductive choices. I just want you to bear with me on this one.

Right now, on my current plans, I am not thinking about having kids. My Bf doesn't want children! and I don't see myself finishing school for at least 6+ years.

I don't want to base my reproductive choices on my Bf though. I know several women who have had their tubes tied, gotten divorced and deeply regretted not being able to have children with their new husbands.

I also don't want kids, but I am still 25 and who knows how I will feel in my 30's and 40's. Several people I know are having their multiple children in their 40's, but I was talking to a few people and they are saying that it is best to have the first child before 30. Less risk that way.

So, knowing that I won't finish school until I am at least 31, and I don't plan on being financial stable until I've worked for at least a couple of years in my new profession. So realistically, I don't see myself having kids before the age of 35.
I know women in their 30's trying to have their first child, and it is a lot harder and their IVF treatments aren't covered by insurance. I don't want to start thinking about IVF in my 30's or 40's, but I would rather use my 25 year old eggs if that makes sense.

I have been looking into the cost of freezing my young eggs, with the possibility of using them when I am 35 or 40. If I feel at that point that I don't want kid, I can stop paying the egg storage fee.( which is only $500 a year).

Several companies are now offering this as a benefits package, ( apple, Mac, google etc) and it is becoming more and more affordable to do so.

I am 100% sure I don't want kids in the next few years, but who knows who I will be married to 20 years from now, or what if my Bf changes his mind in the future. I don't want to lose the option of having children, because I was " too late" or whatever.
My parents recently got divorced, and talk of new baby with the new partner is in the works. My parents were 100% sure they didn't want a kid, and my dad even had the procedure done to prevent it from happening, But then, the divorce happened and his new Gf wants a baby.

Just trying it brainstorm a bit here, I guess I am just hitting my quarter life crisis and want to think about this a bit.

16 Replies to Freezing eggs.

re: Freezing eggs.
By dancin_til_death
On Thu Dec 04, 2014 01:11 AM
I wouldn't do it. The success rates from frozen eggs to live births are pretty poor. Its really only something you should do if you have no other choice, eg you have to have chemotherapy/radiotherapy or something. I have heard the success rates of frozen embryos is a bit higher, but you do need to have sperm (or donor sperm) for that.

I am also 25. My solution is simply making sure that I can start trying for kids at 30. IVF sounds like an expensive nightmare.
re: Freezing eggs. (karma: 4)
By Louisemember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Thu Dec 04, 2014 02:39 AM
I don't want to lose the option of having children, because I was " too late" or whatever.

I get where you're coming from but that's nature.

Side note, I genuinely thought this was going to be a post about freezing hen's eggs to cook at a later date.
re: Freezing eggs.
By CaffeinePremium member
On Thu Dec 04, 2014 03:36 AM
The common belief that fertility goes into a stark decline after 30 is based on outdated research* that doesn't take into account our increased lifespan and improved quality of health/modern medicine.

(*I want to say research done in the 1800's or earlier on a small section of French mothers, but I can't find the source at the moment)

Unlike most literature out there, my awesome obstetrician doesn't classify a new mother as "old" until she hits 40. I was 35 when I had M. No complications, no issues whatsoever.

If you want to have a rough guess at your future fertility, talk to your mother. It's likely you'll follow a similar pattern, so if she was ovulating until she was 50 (for example) chances are you'll do likewise. If she hit menopause early, you may well do, too.
re: Freezing eggs.
By YumYumDoughnutPremium member
On Thu Dec 04, 2014 07:02 AM
Edited by YumYumDoughnut (99333) on 2014-12-04 07:07:32
Edited by YumYumDoughnut (99333) on 2014-12-04 07:11:25
My mom started to have fertility problems at the age of 32. She had me at 29, and she kept trying to have my younger brother, and had to get medicial intervention to have him. After him,the doctors said it was too risky to have another.

I think I am also feeling a bit of pressure because of that. My mom keeps saying I should have my first child before 30, because she started having fertility issues in her early 30's.

People keep saying I will change my mind about children when I get older, and I kind of believe them in a sense. I am not 100% against motherhood, but I don't have a driving sense to have kids either. I just feel a bit of a rush to decide now, because my mom was already having a bit if tiny issues having me at 28, and by the time 32 rolled around, she was having a lot of issues and needed hormone treatment.

My period started to get super uneven now. Last time, I went 50 days inbetween my periods. Because I am not planning on having a child, I don't track my ovulation time...but only my period. I've been to the doctor about it, and had blood work done...and the only thing that showed up was a vitamin D deficiency. My weight is normal, and everything else is normal. My mom started having uneven period issues around 32 and that's when she had a super hard time trying to have my brother.

My grandma, also had issues by the time she was 27. She kept trying to have another child, and she tried for years but it never happened. They didn't really have medical options for that back then.

I am just feeling really pressured about turning 25, because if I am anything like my mother....I feel like I have to decide between a career/school VS children at a younger age. I know freezing eggs seem to be a common compromise in this area,because there are a lot of women with high powered careers or engineers...and they just want to pursue motherhood a bit later. I also don't want to freeze and embryo, because I don't want a sperm donor. The whole point of the eggs, would be to use a future husbands sperm, if he decided that he really wanted children. If he doesn't, then I guess I won't be having kids at 40.

If my Bf doesn't want a kid, I have to breakup with him, and go find a husband to have a kid with,,,all within 3 years. That doesn't sound appealing to me AT ALL. I don't think kids are worth breaking up for, because they aren't really this calling that I have in life, I quite enjoy being child free.

I keep getting pressured by friends and family, because of fertility problems and I get told " you are young,you will change your mind. You will regret growing old, without a family".
re: Freezing eggs.
By sjerosemember has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Thu Dec 04, 2014 07:28 AM
My sister just had twins through embryo adoption. The frozen embryos were not hers biologically, and the babies come from two different sets of biological parents. There's a center in Tennessee where they went through the process, so she was able to experience a pregnancy and bear children, as they were not able on their own due to infertility issues.

There are many other options out there for you to experience motherhood later on in life than freezing your own eggs, which as mentioned already has a low fertilization success rate. If you do change your mind at a later date, there are many other motherhood options available.
re: Freezing eggs.
By d4jmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Thu Dec 04, 2014 07:45 AM
I am experiencing an interesting thing in my fifties and that is I am getting kind of a having children fix through owning and teaching in my own dance school. Now there are days when the problems of owning a dance studio make me question whether it is worth it haha, but still I get to love on and be sort of maternal with a whole bunch of girls who I love and who drive me crazy at the same time - not too much different from parenthood with the bonus of not being fully responsible for them. :) As someone who wanted multiple children but was unable to have more than one for various reasons, my career path has had this nice bonus. I'm mentioning it just to point out that there are ways to have children in your life without actually having children.
re: Freezing eggs.
By YumYumDoughnutPremium member
On Thu Dec 04, 2014 08:31 AM
D4J. I do love being a dance teacher and working with kids. That sure is a benefit and being a nanny is also nice!
re: Freezing eggs. (karma: 1)
By majeremember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Thu Dec 04, 2014 09:30 AM
I don't think it is worth it to freeze eggs. From what I've read the process alone isn't worth it.

I feel as though, if you are having fertility issues, it just might be a sign to not have children or to not have more children. If someone really did want a child I think adopting would be the better option.
re: Freezing eggs.
By LizDancermember has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Thu Dec 04, 2014 11:28 AM
YumYum, if you change your mind & decide you want kids later, would you be open to adopting a child? It seems to me that adoption could be a really good option for you at that point. If you knew you definitely wanted kids one day, then I'd say freeze your eggs. But since you're so uncertain, combined with the expense & the risk that it may not even work, it just doesn't seem worth it to me. Especially since you could absolutely have the option to have children later, even if they aren't necessarily your biological children.
re: Freezing eggs.
By CaffeinePremium member
On Thu Dec 04, 2014 04:35 PM
YYD! given your mum and grandmother's fertility issues, I am going to buck the trend and say that if you can afford it and think you might want biological children kater down the track, go for it. As you said, if you decide later that you don't want them, then you can cancel the service.

I strongly, strongly disagree with the "fertility issues mean you shouldn't have children" viewpoint. If you can afford the treatments, then you are entitled to try (just be aware that IVF can be fiendishly expensive and a physically/emotionally difficult journey to make).

Can you get a referral to a fertility specialist to discuss your options realistically? Because it's not just the eggs you need to think about, but the health of your uterus, hormones (as you know with your mum's issues), and a variety of other factors. Then you can make a better informed decision abour egg freezing and your likelihood of conception and a healthy pregnancy.

Good luck!
re: Freezing eggs.
By slice
On Fri Dec 05, 2014 06:31 AM
Given the hormonal rollercoaster the menstrual cycle already is for me (as was the pill back when I was on it) the thought of doing what it takes to prepare to have eggs frozen (or donate an egg, it's much the same process right?) gives me the heebie jeebies. I don't think I could do it.

I don't think having hormonal problems is a "sign" that you shouldn't bear children biologically... what kind of BS is that. But I also think you're cutting your options a bit thin in this case, which is understandable in a situation where you already feel pigeon-holed.

Someone mentioned adoption - I'd think very seriously on that. Not because adoption is a hassle-less or inexpensive option by any means, but because it allows you to start making plans to have a child if or when the time comes instead of stressing yourself and your body out for something that may never materialize as want in life.

But it wouldn't hurt to do a consultation, speak with physicians, do your research, etc. If the success rate is that poor though, consider not just the cost of the procedure/storing but also what state you'll be in if you're relying on this as a 100% failsafe - 'in case of maternal drive' - and you reach that point only for it to, well, fail.
re: Freezing eggs.
By Kekoamember has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Sat Dec 06, 2014 01:56 PM
I was prepared to do a bit of an eye roll and back pat (lovingly, of course), until I got to the part about your mom/grandma. If you can afford it, I'd absolutely do it. As a woman, the more choices you have regarding your body and fertility, the better. If you decide you want children in 5 years, conceive naturally and don't need frozen eggs, at least you know you had that safety net. If you decide you don't want children or biological children, at least you gave yourself the option. If, however, you do want children and do need to make use of the frozen eggs, that'll be worth it's weight in gold to you in 10 years, you know?

Do you have the opportunity to go in and chat with a fertility specialist? I think it'd be nice to go over the ins and outs.
re: Freezing eggs.
By YumYumDoughnutPremium member
On Sat Dec 06, 2014 04:42 PM
Edited by YumYumDoughnut (99333) on 2014-12-06 16:43:42
My physician wrote me a referral to see a gynacologist, and she said I can speak with them first. They said after that i can maybe go in to see a specialist. I brought this up a few days ago with my doctor, and she thought it would be a good idea to go in and at least discuss my options.

I just feel so weird, because I've never had this insane to drive have children, and I always thought " I can worry about it later". But now that I am realizing that I may not be able to have children later, all of a sudden, I feel like I want to look at options.

It is like, not wanting to eat any cookies...but seeing the last one, makes you want to grab it before someone else does.

Am I crazy to even be thinking this? I feel like I am a bit crazy to be looking at this at only 25. Please tell me I am not overreacting.
re: Freezing eggs.
By UnderwaterBubblemember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Sun Dec 07, 2014 11:46 PM
If I reach 30 and I'm not actively trying to conceive/already had kids I will freeze some eggs. My mother conceived me when she was 41 so my genetics are probably a little more on my side compared to yours so I see no problem with you looking into it now at all. I think it's wise to keep your options open as long as you have a thorough understanding of the process :)
re: Freezing eggs.
By Coccinellamember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Mon Dec 08, 2014 08:58 AM

Am I crazy to even be thinking this? I feel like I am a bit crazy to be looking at this at only 25. Please tell me I am not overreacting.

No, you aren't crazy. What is crazy is the lies that young women are told about their abilities to "have it all". You are smart to recognize that you can't just pursue a career until you are 40 and then wake up one day and also have a marriage and 3 kids and be healthy and, and, and. Something has to give and you see that.
re: Freezing eggs.
By CaffeinePremium member
On Mon Dec 08, 2014 06:10 PM
Am I crazy to even be thinking this? I feel like I am a bit crazy to be looking at this at only 25. Please tell me I am not overreacting.

Given your family history, you're not crazy at all - you're realistic. Most women either don't know of any family fertility issues or simply don't have them in their background, so the fact that you are looking into ways to minimise your known issues is sensible. People (generally) take preventative measures if they have a family history of diabetes or heart disease or cancer; why would fertility be any different?


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