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Have to get rid of my cat - and it's killing me.
By lorna_doonemember has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 1532, member since Tue Sep 12, 2006
On Thu Mar 19, 2015 10:02 AM

So my husband and I took in a 1 yr old kitty last year when our friend suddenly became allergic to him (weird, I know). Our friend had taken him in when a feral cat gave birth to kittens in a neighbor's garage and left them stranded.

My husband was hesitant to take him in (he is NOT a cat person), but I LOVE cats and when I knew the sense of urgency, my husband relented and we took Tucker in.

We had him for 10 months - he was already neutered and up to date on his shots - and he started going through behavioral issues (peeing EVERYWHERE). After a bladder infection and buying multiple litter boxes, he finally stopped peeing outside his litter box and I guess "grew out of it". In addition to the peeing, Tucker showed agitation every second of every day and tried to escape out windows, doors, etc. It seemed maybe he inherited his parents feral-ness and wanted to be an outdoor cat. I live in the city on a busy street and have neighbors whose pets have been poisoned (one even drowned) because of mean people who didn't like them. I refuse to let the cat outside because of this.

Last October, we adopted a puppy. We've been wanting a dog for the 5 years we've been married, and since Tucker came from a home with 2 other dogs AND another cat, we figured they'd get along fine together. Not. Every day since then, the dog and cat fight constantly. And I mean constantly. My husband and I have become constant referees and it's driving us crazy. Especially my husband, who would prefer we just get rid of the cat. My husband has tried to get me to get rid of the cat almost since we took him in January 2014. It may sound funny, but it has driven a huge wedge between us in our relationship. I'm from the mindset where, when you adopt an animal, it is your responsibility to care for that animal until the end of THEIR LIFE. If you desert an animal, you're a terrible human being. This is the way my animal-loving mom taught me.
My husband, on the other hand, comes from the family where if they got tired of an animal, they either put it down or dropped it of at the pound. I hate this about his family. They never once had a cat because everyone in their family hated cats, and the dogs they had either died in pounds or they had them put down.

Now that we're dealing with this together, I've come to the realization that I should start looking for a loving home where Tucker can come and go as he pleases (as an indoor/outdoor cat). I feel like I'm deserting him, but honestly, every time my husband and I discuss this, it ends in a huge argument and I'm starting to wonder if it's silly I'm putting a cat above my marriage.

Sorry for the word vomit. This just upsets me so much and playing a referee between our dog and cat 24/7 is EXTREMELY stressful. Thanks for any kind words/advice you feel like giving me.
:(

3 Replies to Have to get rid of my cat - and it's killing me.

re: Have to get rid of my cat - and it's killing me.
By Lauretta Comments: 1048, member since Wed Dec 01, 2004
On Thu Mar 19, 2015 01:24 PM
I completely understand your feelings on this, if my partner and his family had this attitude I would find that completely unacceptable. To have an animal euthanised for any reason other than medical necessity is abhorrent, to put it mildly. So I absolutely don't believe you are putting a cat above your marriage, you are asking for your husband to be appropriate and respectful. Even if he doesn't like cats, I don't think that's too much to ask for.

Your issue with 'deserting' the cat is a separate issue for me. Yes I think you have a responsibility to do the best thing for your cat, but that doesn't mean the cat needs to stay in your home. My mother has four cats and one of them blatantly needs to be an only cat. She refuses to see this and won't even think about trying to find somewhere she can live as an only cat. They've had the cat from her being a kitten, so they didn't know she was going to turn out like this. It wasn't mum's fault, but she can't see that rehoming her might be kinder in the long term.

I think it's the same principle here. Sometimes it turns out that the best place for an animal is not in your home and I think when that happens you should explore every avenue in finding the animal an alternative home.
re: Have to get rid of my cat - and it's killing me.
By mieka Comments: 26, member since Sat Feb 21, 2015
On Fri Mar 20, 2015 09:07 AM
It's more responsible to put pets back up for adoption if you know that they will have a better life elsewhere. You could post flyers and ask friends, if you can get someone you know to adopt the cat then at least you will know that it is in safe hands.
re: Have to get rid of my cat - and it's killing me.
By saaammiemember has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 440, member since Thu Apr 01, 2010
On Fri Mar 20, 2015 09:29 AM
The cat sounds like it's absolutely miserable at your place. It's not cruel to look for a better home for it. Keeping it is cruel.

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