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20 Something
Upset about Bf's reaction to ex. Advice needed.
By YumYumDoughnutPremium member Comments: 8688, member since Sat Jul 10, 2004
On Fri Jul 03, 2015 08:37 AM
Edited by YumYumDoughnut (99333) on 2015-07-03 08:40:33

I need some help navigating this, because I am unfamiliar on what the etiquette is or what " normal" is in this situation.

We are remodeling/redecorating the house and I came on some very valuable financial things that belong to my Bf's ex. ( They lived together for 3 years). I am talking several thousands of dollars, so it isn't something I just wanted to throw in the trash. I asked my Bf to call her, but he didn't realize that he lost her number 3 years ago when he switched phones.

Anyways, I found her on FB, asked her about me shipping her the things, gave her my Bf's number and she gave me hers to pass along to him.

Here is the part that got tricky. This was all through text. She said that I was beautiful and asked if I was his girlfriend, and he said yes.

The next day, they were talking a bit about my Bf's injury, if he was still living in the same house, some very basic catching up.
She congratulated him on the relationship and asked if we were getting married. He just said " no".

Here is where I am upset.

I've heard so much positive stories about her, and I know a lot about her. Whenever I talk to an ex of mine or anything, I always bring up positive things about my bf or relationship. She gave my Bf an opportunity TWICE to say something nice about me...but both times he gave 1 word answers about me.

Why does she get all this praise and how good she was....but he doesn't even mention OUR relationship to her?

He said HE is remodeling the back...when infact, WE are remodeling the back. I feel that I wasn't important enough to mention to her. She asked about me TWICE and he didn't say anything positive about me.

They only sent very generic texts like " how's your family doing" and " how did you get hurt in the job" kind of stuff. Nothing intimate or inappropriate,

I can't even talk to my BF about it, because I snooped through his phone. Which was totally a mistake. I've never snooped through his stuff, until this morning.

I know they had a better relationship then he/I did, but he says it was just a rebound after the two of them had their own divorces. They were together about 3 years, and moved on because they wanted different things in life. I can't even have the comfort of " he is with you and not her", because she left him.

I just can't help feel like my heart dropped because I've heard so many positive things about her....and he didn't even utter anything positive about me. Does he still think she is better then me? Did he love her more? Does he regret the relationship ending? Is he more proud of her then he was ever of me?

I shouldn't have ever contacted her, but I thought I was doing a nice gesture of trying to return something worth $10,000. I should have just freaking sold it.

I can't help feel that I am spinning downwards. Help me please.

4 Replies to Upset about Bf's reaction to ex. Advice needed.

re: Upset about Bf's reaction to ex. Advice needed.
By saaammiemember has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 440, member since Thu Apr 01, 2010
On Fri Jul 03, 2015 09:15 AM
Is he a private kind of guy, your BF?

Some people just don't like to discuss what's closest to them with outsiders. He might see it as fine to discuss her with you, his SO, but not you with her, something he's not close to anymore.

It might simply be a boundary thing.
re: Upset about Bf's reaction to ex. Advice needed.
By YumYumDoughnutPremium member Comments: 8688, member since Sat Jul 10, 2004
On Fri Jul 03, 2015 09:26 AM
Edited by YumYumDoughnut (99333) on 2015-07-03 10:27:51
He is a very private guy in general. He doesn't have any social media because he values his privacy. On the otherhand, I post what I eat for lunch on social media.

That makes a lot of sense, I think it might be a boundary thing.

EDIT

I talked to my bf, because she just called him. I told him how I was feeling, and he said he didn't realize that I was upset over this. He said " why would you want her in OUR relationship?".

I am just going to let this go now, but just curious, would you guys have felt the same way? This is my first time dealing with an ex who is active in our lives, and I don't really know how to navigate it.
re: Upset about Bf's reaction to ex. Advice needed.
By webstArmember has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 3639, member since Wed Jan 15, 2003
On Fri Jul 03, 2015 12:28 PM
I agree, it sounds like he's a pretty private guy from what you've posted about him over the years. He may also have not wanted to sound "braggy." Navigating relationships with exes is already a little awkward. Saying a bunch of wonderful things about you might have come across as him trying to make her feel bad or show off.

I'm not totally sure how I would have reacted if I were you, but I also don't know what I would say to an ex about my fiancé if I ran across him.. "He's amazing! Everything that was lacking in our relationship, he gives me and then some!" Hahaha :P

Honestly, I wouldn't be too worried!
re: Upset about Bf's reaction to ex. Advice needed.
By YumYumDoughnutPremium member Comments: 8688, member since Sat Jul 10, 2004
On Fri Jul 03, 2015 01:07 PM
You guys make me feel a lot better! I've had a really rough week, and this is the first time I took a shower in 3 days and actually shaved haha. I am feeling a lot more human again.

My Bf could tell I was probably still upset and he said " Well, she went through a divorse and I don't want to rub it into her face how happy I am with you. That seems kind if mean to do".

I guess you have a point . WebstAr, I am just cracking up about what you said. It is so so so true.

Thanks guys, I knew I could count on all of you! My little meltdown is now officially over!

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