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Family member TOO excited???!
By pinktights27 Comments: 425, member since Thu Mar 01, 2007
On Sat Aug 15, 2015 07:53 PM

My step mom is WAY too excited about my pregnancy. It's driving me crazy and I don't know what to do. I am 12 weeks along with our first child and we just told our families. Everyone has been supportive and happy for us - but one person is going A LITTLE too far and I don't know how to cope with it.

I love my step mom, she is a great person and we get along well. However, she is just OVER THE TOP with joy about our first child. So are we! Of course! But we are pretty laid back people to begin with as well as private people - we're not posting on Facebook about baby, not doing any sort of announcement, etc. She frequently shouts loudly "she's pregnant!" or "she's having a baby!" when we're in public places, which makes me really uncomfortable. I've tried to make it clear we're not totally public with the baby news yet, we are not posting on Facebook (which is apparently a travesty according to EVERYONE), it's still very early, etc. but it doesn't seem to matter.

The thing that is bothering me the most is that she keeps buying us things. Constantly. I get something from her almost daily. She drops off gifts in our front door, or gives me something when we see her, etc. Onesies, maternity clothes, tea, stretch mark lotion, onesies, random decorative junk from the dollar store, cards, HAVE I MENTIONED THE ONESIES? Several people have told me that I am callous and ungrateful for being annoyed by this - but much of this stuff I am not even going to use and it's just taking up space in our small apartment. I have told her (and my dad) that we are excited to make our registry - IN A FEW MONTHS - and that there will be plenty of time to buy gifts later on, that we don't have much storage space, etc. But it doesn't seem to matter. She also wants to help out with EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME. I have been eating a lot of ice cream lately, and the other day she dropped off ice cream. Another day she stopped by with a flyer for a house down the street for sale that would be "perfect" for us (we're not even looking to buy and it's WAY out of our future price range). I could go on....

We really appreciate her excitement and love that she wants to help and be a part of baby's life. But I feel like I have to say something. I can't handle anymore unwanted/unneeded baby things and excess attention. Any ideas on how to politely but effectively ask her to cool it??????/

6 Replies to Family member TOO excited???!

re: Family member TOO excited???!
By MissTalia Comments: 985, member since Mon Jul 26, 2004
On Sat Aug 15, 2015 10:52 PM
Edited by MissTalia (101138) on 2015-08-15 22:54:54
I don't have kids' but my mom has the personality of your stepmom. In a sense it is wonderful to have someone so supportive and happy for you, the other side of this is it can be overwhelming to those of us who are less excitable. I have actually told my mom before I got married when I was still at home. "Mom, I love that you think of me, but can you ask me what I might need first? We are minimalist if and also don't have or need the space and you know even if we did that clutter of any kind makes me very nervous. She, rarely, has gotten things we don't need or us on occasion and I donate or sell them, but she really holds back.

As for the hyper excitable personality, try to understand this is her nature. I try to liken it to my own ways(i.e. I become easily upset, it's just how I am). A gentle, "Mom, please don't publicly announce that I'm expecting I feel like it begs a lot of unwanted attention from strangers. Sometimes it's easier to accept things and put the in a bag for donation. Hello, we are dance teachers, and this is part of the job. I've had so many generous gifts over the years that I didn't need or wouldn't use or was allergic to. I re gifted, Ebay-ed, and sold.
re: Family member TOO excited???!
By Theresamember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 34891, member since Wed May 22, 2002
On Sun Aug 16, 2015 11:44 AM
You're going to need onesies. A lot of them! It's nothing for a little baby, especially a little baby with a sour stomach like my cousins little one, to go through 5 or 6 outfits in a single day. So if there's any that you know for sure you'll never use - like if she's buying primarily feminine colors, and you find out it's a boy - quietly donate those, or throw a big lot up on ebay and try to get a few bucks back, but otherwise, you'll be glad you have those later!

My craving food for my first trimester was ice cream, and I would have been OVERJOYED if someone was literally delivering ice cream to my house. That sounds positively magical. Heck, I'm not pregnant now, and I'd still get pretty psyched. That's an area that I have a hard time imagining is a problem.

But, to a point, I get it. The first time I saw my gramma after announcing, she practically knocked me over to get to rub my belly. WOAH. Back off, lady! Love you, take a step back. We weren't in a place where we were super stoked for the pregnancy yet, so I wasn't feeling stellar about what was happening, and I'd literally just walked in the door!

Honest, know what I did? I told my "can't keep a secret" aunt (and everybody's got one...) that it made me uncomfortable when people touched my stomach. Cause I don't know what it is, somehow stomachs become public property when you become pregnant. People that wouldn't in 100 years rub your stomach if you weren't pregnant, suddenly can't stop. At any rate, I plant the seed with the aunt. And I didn't 100% consciously do it. I was just venting. After the fact, I was like "Bingo! That's PERFECT!" Sure enough...nobody rubbed my belly anymore after that.

You could also just go for the comic denial. "LOOK OUT, LADY WITH A BABY HERE!" "OOH! Who?! Who's pregnant! That's so exciting!" Sometimes you gotta fight fire with fire. ;)
re: Family member TOO excited???!
By pokomember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 9026, member since Sun Oct 31, 2004
On Wed Aug 19, 2015 03:47 AM
Random question - she's your step mum, does she have any biological kids of her own? Maybe her maternal instincts are just on overdrive?
re: Family member TOO excited???!
By DarcysReelmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 4545, member since Mon Sep 29, 2003
On Wed Aug 19, 2015 07:32 AM
First of all, make it clear to her (gently) that you are not ok with having the whole world know you are pregnant. Make sure she knows that YOU are thrilled that SHE is thrilled, but no one else needs to know.

Secondly...is this her first grandkid? She may just be over-enthusiastic because this is a new thing for her, too. I would gladly accept the gifts, too, to a degree. Maybe, if she really wants to help, hint that you'll be needing an extra set of hands once the baby arrives.

My mom used to give my husband and I random (unneeded) gifts ALL the time when we first got married. While I always accepted and thanked her, I hinted to her about things we actually did need, so if she felt the urge to help, xyz things would be much appreciated. Now, every time she comes over, it's with random household items such as paper towels/soap/etc. that never goes to waste. We're able to use it, and she gets the satisfaction of helping us out.
re: Family member TOO excited???!
By pinktights27 Comments: 425, member since Thu Mar 01, 2007
On Wed Aug 19, 2015 08:17 PM
She does have 3 adult children of her own. I am the oldest of the 4 of us. I do appreciate the gifts, but it's still just overwhelming. We live in a small apartment, and all the things are simply stacking up in the guest room/office (which I have mentioned numerous times we are not converting till after the holidays). The thing is, we don't WANT anything yet. We haven't bought anything, Neither has anyone else. The things just keep on coming. Now she has been asking nursery colors, can she PLEASE know so she can buy us nursery things, what else do we want, when will we tell her the gender ("I know you're not telling anyone...but I HAVE to know so I can buy you things!"). I have reiterated over and over, we REALLY do not have room and also that we will be happy to share our registry info when we give it out to everyone...IN NOVEMBER. Nothing works. I have lost all desire to look at baby anything. I don't even think any of the 20+ onesies are cute anymore. I'm sure part of it is my hormones and emotions getting the best of me, but I just don't know what else to say to her other than a very rude PLEASE STOP.
re: Family member TOO excited???!
By sjerosemember has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 1263, member since Thu May 11, 2006
On Thu Aug 20, 2015 07:34 AM
Have you actually said "PLEASE STOP" to her yet? Because saying "we don't have room" is nowhere near as clear as saying "Please stop doing this, it is making us feel uncomfortable and not what we need right now." She may just need you to sit her down for a few minutes and explain that while you are happy she is excited, it is still ultimately YOUR pregnancy, and you want to keep it low key until you announce it to everyone else. It is completely understandable to want to do this anyway - many people like to keep pregnancies under wraps until later on in term, for many reasons.

It is not rude or irresponsible to protect your well-being at this time. If her excited attention is stressing you out, tell her - don't allow her actions to continue if they are negatively affecting you; that's not good for the baby OR you. You can be gentle, but you have to be VERY CLEAR and specific about what you want her to do or else it won't stop. Make the focus about yours and the baby's health and it might soften the blow a bit; it is the truth, after all, and isn't that what matters more than nursery colors?

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