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Single mom baby shower: hosting. People not attending?! (karma: 1)
By YumYumDoughnutPremium member Comments: 8688, member since Sat Jul 10, 2004
On Fri Nov 06, 2015 05:21 PM

I am hosting a baby shower for a single mother my age.

I got some RSVP's back and some people are saying that they don't attend showers for young single moms. Their pregnancy out if Wedlock shouldn't be celebrated.

WTF, I've never even heard of this before being a thing. Has anyone else heard of people NOT attending a baby shower because the mother is single? The baby is coming either way, why aren't they thankful that another life is being brought into this world?

I am in shock and just so angry. I said " Thank you for the RSVP" but I am just fuming so badly!

15 Replies to Single mom baby shower: hosting. People not attending?!

re: Single mom baby shower: hosting. People not attending?! (karma: 1)
By hummingbird Comments: 10413, member since Mon Apr 18, 2005
On Fri Nov 06, 2015 09:21 PM
Have they forgotten what century we live in now???? That's just freakin' crazy.

I would just say thank you for your RSVP, sorry that you're going to miss a wonderful shower for a wonderful person and her innocent child.

I hope they choke on their communion wafers!
re: Single mom baby shower: hosting. People not attending?!
By CaffeinePremium member Comments: 3194, member since Wed Aug 08, 2007
On Fri Nov 06, 2015 09:23 PM
That's awfully rude and judgemental. :( If anyone needs a hand preparing for baby, it's a young, single mom!

The child didn't choose the circumstances of its birth, and it's coming regardless, so the decent thing to do would be to offer support rather than give the cold shoulder.

Unfortunately people like that will judge her for putting bub in daycare and going back to work to make ends meet OR staying at home and living on benefits. She's going to meet a lot of Judgy-McJudgerson's, but I hope she will also have a good support network around her and be strong enough to stand up for herself and her child.
re: Single mom baby shower: hosting. People not attending?!
By Theresamember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 34891, member since Wed May 22, 2002
On Fri Nov 06, 2015 10:07 PM
When I got pregnant with James, Jim and I weren't married. I worked with a lady named Patti at the time. Her actual name, and no, I don't mind outing her here.

She decided to straight up harass me about it. No, not harass - bully. I was being bullied because I was an unmarried mom. In a long term, very stable relationship, with the father of the child. I was 27 at the time, so it's hardly like I was a teenager. It got so absurd, that at one point I was venting about a friend of Jim's, and she asked me if the friend would marry me and take care of the baby. That's not even a joke. The friend lived out of state and is himself married with three kids.

She didn't care, she'd talk about it when there were customers in the shop, when our boss was there, whatever. Didn't matter to her. Sometimes I'd go days where the only time she spoke to me was to give me crap about being pregnant.

She actually - and this isn't a joke - ended up finding the fact that she was being asked to work along side a unmarried pregnant woman so upsetting, that she quit her job, rather than have to work with me. Again, that's not a joke.

Point? People are stupid sometimes. Fight back if you feel the bother, or just thank your lucky stars that they're not coming to the party to ruin it, and call it a day.
re: Single mom baby shower: hosting. People not attending?!
By kandykanePremium member Comments: 16415, member since Mon May 01, 2006
On Fri Nov 06, 2015 10:51 PM
Sometimes, I think we have regressed to the 1950s. How unbelievably callous and rude. I would not allow them in the same room as that mother to be and would really like to tell them so. Grrr!

kk~
re: Single mom baby shower: hosting. People not attending?!
By ChristinePremium member Comments: 6817, member since Wed Feb 04, 2009
On Fri Nov 06, 2015 11:30 PM
Send me their names and addresses. Every year on Mother's day, my church as a baby shower for the local home for unwed mothers. I'd like to send them an invitation.

At all three masses on that weekend everyone brings a baby shower gift. Cute little baby outfits, homemade quilts and blankets, diapers, toys, maternity clothes, laundry detergent, you name it.... The social concerns committee buys a few "Pack and Plays" and everyone loads them up with shower stuff. It is fun! Everyone really gets into it. The church vestibule looks like Christmas by the end of the last mass. Beautiful new gifts wall to wall.

The items are given to the Good Shepard Maternity Home which is a groop home that has about a dozen rooms for moms and their babies. Most of the moms are teenagers, many very, very young. The home helps moms stay in high school, arrange health care, learn to care for their children, find a job and services to live independently by the time the child is a year old. And YES.... a baby is cause for celebration. But the shower isn't a "reward" or a celebration of the baby even, but a centuries long tradition of the women in the village helping with the needs of a new citizen of the village.

I assume there is a reason these awful people were invited? Co-workers? Family? This poor, poor mom. If they are close enough to be invited, but act like this, this woman has bigger problems than being an unwed mother. They will be mean spirited and judgmental about every. little. thing. FOREVER.

Be glad they won't be able to ruin your party.

Seriously....

Good luck with the planning. Hope it goes well.

Keep On Dancing*
re: Single mom baby shower: hosting. People not attending?!
By majeremember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 5889, member since Sat Sep 29, 2007
On Fri Nov 06, 2015 11:49 PM
That is just idiotic. I've only heard of not having a shower after the first kid. But if they are single! That is ridiculous.
re: Single mom baby shower: hosting. People not attending?!
By Moonlitefairy06member has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 7177, member since Fri Apr 16, 2004
On Sat Nov 07, 2015 12:16 AM
People like that frustrate me to no end because you know they would judge her even more if she had an abortion. The baby is coming, it needs things. If anything this woman deserves a shower and gifts more than a two parent household would. She will be doing everything with half the resources and I celebrate her for bringing the baby into the world in what may (I don't know) have been less than ideal circumstances. I hope these people are not who she considers her "friends". Because that is not being a friend at all.
re: Single mom baby shower: hosting. People not attending?!
By YumYumDoughnutPremium member Comments: 8688, member since Sat Jul 10, 2004
On Sat Nov 07, 2015 06:58 AM
They were invited because she wanted to invite people from her church.

I still don't know if I should tell her the reason that they aren't coming. If the people from church won't say anything to her, I won't mention it. My fear is that she will be ganged up on, during church or something.

I can't believe Christians are acting like this. Didn't god(God) teach that you should be compassionate and didn't he dine with prostitues and sick people?
Would Jesus have shunned a young woman who really needed help from the community?

Sorry for turning this into a religious thing, but I hope it is ok, because of the context.
Hummingbird, I do hope they choke on their crackers as well!
re: Single mom baby shower: hosting. People not attending?!
By shmcdona Comments: 857, member since Sat May 01, 2004
On Sat Nov 07, 2015 09:55 AM
THis just reminds me of this article I read. Unfortunately, religion doesn't mean a heck of a lot. Religious children are more judgmental than children raised without religion, so while some of you are shocked that its the people from her church not coming, to be honest, I am not.

I find the fact that they won't help and celebrate a friends pregnancy sad. More sad for them and their precieved "morals". Kindness and compassion are what the world needs. Not shaking your finger and scowling at those who you see has having bad morals or making bad decisions.
re: Single mom baby shower: hosting. People not attending?!
By majeremember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 5889, member since Sat Sep 29, 2007
On Sat Nov 07, 2015 10:28 AM
YumYumDoughnut wrote:

They were invited because she wanted to invite people from her church.

I still don't know if I should tell her the reason that they aren't coming. If the people from church won't say anything to her, I won't mention it. My fear is that she will be ganged up on, during church or something.


I wouldn't mention it to her - at least not before the shower. It would be upsetting. Some things are best not to share.

It would depend on what kind of church this is and if they have the balls to do that.
re: Single mom baby shower: hosting. People not attending?! (karma: 1)
By Nyssasisticmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 3643, member since Sat Sep 20, 2003
On Wed Nov 25, 2015 11:27 PM
I have an incredibly close relative that went to the baby shower of a single mom once, said that the holy spirit wasn't there, and now refuses to go to baby showers of single moms because of it. It makes me sad to think that there are people that twist their religion and use it as a weapon to hurt people instead. There is NO need to be a jerk, if you don't want to support someone then just thank them for the invite, politely decline, and go about your business.

Please don't tell the mom-to-be. Let her appreciate all the support she WILL get without having her day overshadowed by those absent. Those people don't deserve to be thought of.
re: Single mom baby shower: hosting. People not attending?!
By d4jmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 12490, member since Fri Aug 27, 2004
On Sat Nov 28, 2015 07:27 PM
They are afraid that if they attend it would mean that somehow they 'support' this and so they can't bring themselves to celebrate because of how it would look. I know someone who wouldn't attend her own sister's wedding because she was marrying a Mormon man and since she disapproved of the religion she didn't want to be seen as someone who supported Mormonism. It's so selfish and self-centered.
re: Single mom baby shower: hosting. People not attending?!
By hummingbird Comments: 10413, member since Mon Apr 18, 2005
On Tue Dec 01, 2015 01:53 PM
How did it all go YYD?
re: Single mom baby shower: hosting. People not attending?! (karma: 1)
By YumYumDoughnutPremium member Comments: 8688, member since Sat Jul 10, 2004
On Wed Dec 23, 2015 05:21 PM
The baby shower went great!

The people who did end up coming gave a lot of support for the mom, and the mom had such a blast.
She also got interesting presents and my favorite one was this handmade tiny rocking horse!

I can't wait to meet the baby!
re: Single mom baby shower: hosting. People not attending?!
By hummingbird Comments: 10413, member since Mon Apr 18, 2005
On Thu Dec 24, 2015 08:30 AM
That's great to hear.

It's such a shame that some people still look upon being a single mum as such a shameful thing it's even worse to think that with those people things haven't moved on since I was a single mum almost 30 years ago now.

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