Forum: Advice / Girls & Guys

Girls & Guys
I should have been a dancer.
By Katagena Comments: 3, member since Thu Aug 18, 2016
On Thu Aug 18, 2016 02:47 PM

Hello, dear dance lovers.

I would like to tell you my story, I would be so happy if someone could try to understand me and eventually help me a little bit. :)

I'm a 19 french girl, and I've always been shy, very introverted, and kind of lonely. I feel different from the other persons, it's hard for me to talk to them. As a resume, I feel lost on this planet, and I really can't find any point of life. Of my life, in any case.

I started ballet when I was, like, 9 years old. But I just had one class a week, and the professor wasn't really good. Plus, the performances we did at the end of the year was'nt really ballet. So I didn't learn a lot about ballet, neither technically nor about the feeling it could give.

When I was about 16, I changed for a little conservatory, where I had like 5 classes a week, but mostly, I really started to learn ballet, because the teacher was more exigent. And above all, I remember my first show at this conservatoire, which was a real ballet performance, inspired of spanish dance. I enjoyed the rehearsals like I never enjoyed anything in my life, and the day of the performance, it was like I never felt that much alive before. And that's how I understood ballet was something in my life.

As time passed, my love for ballet grew bigger and bigger but... it's just a little conservatory that doesn't offer to his students a professionnal carreer. We're actually supposed to be only amateurs.

But I can't see dance just that way. Ballet is the biggest part of myself. When I don't dance I feel lost, useless, I almost feel dead. That's the only thing that makes me feel happy. I can't find my place in this world except when I'm dancing. So it became obvious for me; I want to live from what makes me feel alive, I want to be a professionnal dancer.

Unfortunately, as I never studied in a great ballet school, my technique is far, far from the professional level, and oh my god, I'm already 19... I know it's too late, but I love ballet too much to give up on my dream! I just can't see myself doing anything else. :/

I don't have enough ballet classes, but I train regulary at home, I can say I made a lot of progress within few years. At my beginning at the conservatory I was tachnically the worst dancer, but now I'm part of the best ones!

I don't know how to confess to my mother, because inside I know it's kind of impossible and I'm not sure she would understand. I'm currently studying in design because I had to do something after my A level, but it actually decrease my chances to achieve my dream. Indeed, it takes me a lot of time, that I'd rather use for training! (knowing that studies are supposed to make me progress in my life, that's pretty ironic...) I have no idea what to do, should I keep on training and hope for my dream to happen? Or is it too late and I should withdraw to focus on my studies? I'm completely lost.

So, that's about all I have to say, sorry if that was pretty long. As I don't express myself a lot in real life, I feel happy to confess here. And sorry if there are some errors in the text, I remind you I'm french ^^

Endless thanks for reading! <3 And if you want to give me a litlle advice, some encouragement, or whatever you want (you can rebuke me if you think I deserve it haha...), it would make this day a really nice day for me! :)
Thank you again, my best regards to you! :]