Forum: Advice / Girls & Guys

I should have been a dancer.
By Katagena
On Thu Aug 18, 2016 02:49 PM

Hello, dear dance lovers.

I would like to tell you my story, I would be so happy if someone could try to understand me and eventually help me a little bit. :)

I'm a 19 french girl, and I've always been shy, very introverted, and kind of lonely. I feel different from the other persons, it's hard for me to talk to them. As a resume, I feel lost on this planet, and I really can't find any point of life. Of my life, in any case.

I started ballet when I was, like, 9 years old. But I just had one class a week, and the professor wasn't really good. Plus, the performances we did at the end of the year was'nt really ballet. So I didn't learn a lot about ballet, neither technically nor about the feeling it could give.

When I was about 16, I changed for a little conservatory, where I had like 5 classes a week, but mostly, I really started to learn ballet, because the teacher was more exigent. And above all, I remember my first show at this conservatoire, which was a real ballet performance, inspired of spanish dance. I enjoyed the rehearsals like I never enjoyed anything in my life, and the day of the performance, it was like I never felt that much alive before. And that's how I understood ballet was something in my life.

As time passed, my love for ballet grew bigger and bigger but... it's just a little conservatory that doesn't offer to his students a professionnal carreer. We're actually supposed to be only amateurs.

But I can't see dance just that way. Ballet is the biggest part of myself. When I don't dance I feel lost, useless, I almost feel dead. That's the only thing that makes me feel happy. I can't find my place in this world except when I'm dancing. So it became obvious for me; I want to live from what makes me feel alive, I want to be a professionnal dancer.

Unfortunately, as I never studied in a great ballet school, my technique is far, far from the professional level, and oh my god, I'm already 19... I know it's too late, but I love ballet too much to give up on my dream! I just can't see myself doing anything else. :/

I don't have enough ballet classes, but I train regulary at home, I can say I made a lot of progress within few years. At my beginning at the conservatory I was tachnically the worst dancer, but now I'm part of the best ones!

I don't know how to confess to my mother, because inside I know it's kind of impossible and I'm not sure she would understand. I'm currently studying in design because I had to do something after my A level, but it actually decrease my chances to achieve my dream. Indeed, it takes me a lot of time, that I'd rather use for training! (knowing that studies are supposed to make me progress in my life, that's pretty ironic...) I have no idea what to do, should I keep on training and hope for my dream to happen? Or is it too late and I should withdraw to focus on my studies? I'm completely lost.

So, that's about all I have to say, sorry if that was pretty long. As I don't express myself a lot in real life, I feel happy to confess here. And sorry if there are some errors in the text, I remind you I'm french ^^

Endless thanks for reading! <3 And if you want to give me a litlle advice, some encouragement, or whatever you want (you can rebuke me if you think I deserve it haha...), it would make this day a really nice day for me! :)
Thank you again, my best regards to you! :]

3 Replies to I should have been a dancer.

re: I should have been a dancer.
By Theresamember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Thu Aug 25, 2016 10:34 AM
Stay in school. Do that, regardless. You need an education to fall back on. What if you go pro, dance for six months and blow out your knees and can't keep dancing at that level (happened to people on this very site!) Or what if you go pro, and then decide that maybe you don't want it as bad as you thought you did? (also happened to people on this very site!) Then, you've poured every ounce of your training into this goal that you can't meet anymore, and you're not trained to do anything else!

And let's be real about what your dream of being a professional ballerina means.

For every million girls that want to become professional ballerinas, there's about 10 jobs available. And not having any more experience then you do, that limits you even further.

So, what I'm saying is that your dreams of being the next Misty Copeland, given your experience, and training, and advantages and disadvantages, probably isn't that realistic. I'm sorry.

But cool thing about dreams? Sometimes they don't take the shape you expect (or wish that they would), but they end up working out great just the same. I thought I was going to be a professional performer, performing in a big stage show one day too. My specialty is clogging. Yeah. There's very little professional call for that.

But you know what? Now, I work at a dance studio, I can take any classes I want, I get to actually pass on my love of dance to the next generation of kids, and it's SO. MUCH. BETTER. then I'd imagined.

So I got to be a professional dancer, it just didn't take the shape I'd hoped for. Dreams don't always look like you expect that they will. Don't give up, but don't close off to other ideas, either.
re: I should have been a dancer.
By Katagena
On Wed Aug 31, 2016 07:25 AM
Hello Theresa!

Thank you really much for this developped answer! I would like to say that I agree with you, and anyway I never intented to quit school, as long as I don't have anything that guarantees me a dance career.

Even if I kind of still hope for it to happen and train as much as I can, I am conscious that the chances are poor and that I have to study in order to prepare my future, even if it's not the one I've been dreaming of.

And like you said, I also think that even if I can't realise my wish, I could still find jobs related to ballet, like being a teacher and share my love for dance. I'm soon having the diploma that is going to allow me to practice that.

Or, since I'm in design studies and, as I love drawing and create, I'd love to design stage's costumes for ballet, I'm really thinking about it.

Anyway, thank you so much for taking the time to read my complaints haha, and mainly for writing a thorough answer, it made me feel better!

Best regards!
re: I should have been a dancer.
By CinderEmma
On Fri Sep 16, 2016 12:18 PM
Edited by CinderEmma (277630) on 2016-09-16 12:21:03 to add a word
Edited by CinderEmma (277630) on 2016-09-16 12:26:52 To change a word.
Edited by CinderEmma (277630) on 2016-09-16 12:31:39 to add words
Edited by CinderEmma (277630) on 2016-09-16 12:48:01 to add words
It's not "I should have been a dancer" because you ARE a dancer, Katagena! It sounds like you have what my Native American father used to refer to as "dancer's blood". It means that dance is in your heart whether you like it or not, and that ignoring its call will only cause you more regret.

Of course, that doesn't mean you can't be anything else, like a designer, and Theresa is absolutely right about staying in school. Dance shouldn't conflict with the rest of your life; instead, it should be a part of it.

Do what you need to do in life, but always hold on to your dreams of becoming NOT a "professional" dancer, but a professional-LEVEL dancer! That is something that is within your grasp and not inhibited by the statistical limitations of the dance society. Your dance should belong to YOU. It shoule not belong to those who claim you "won't be" or "can't be".

I've always wanted to be a professional dancer, but I probably never will, yet I've been dancing for eighteen years now. I would't give ballet up for anything in the world. and I feel the same way towards ballet that one would feel towards a lover. Dance is a part of me and it always will be. If I did not have dance, I too would feel lost on this planet, and wouldn't see much point of life either.

So my suggestion to you is to embrace it ALL and love it all! So what if you never get to be a professional dancer? That doesn't change who you are or what you're capable of. Just focus on continuing to become a GREAT, WONDERFUL, and HAPPY dancer.

I wish you the best of luck in life, Katagena, and I hope you will let me know how things turn out.

Emma (AKA: Celestrial's Kiss)


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