Forum: Advice / Girls & Guys PG-13

Girls & Guys PG-13
Insecurity and being a tomboy
By SwordInStone Comments: 192, member since Thu Aug 11, 2011
On Mon May 15, 2017 01:44 AM

Bit strange to ask this here, but I've been struggling with image insecurity a lot lately.

I have a nice face and pretty hair, but am only 5'3. I have a signature perfume, wear a little bit of lip tint and always a blue dress. But the thing is, the blue dresses are made for running around, and to avoid looking girly, I always wear hiking boots, a sports backpack and a field jacket from the boys' section of the store. These are the clothes that make me feel comfortable when I'm completely alone, but almost every week I feel a bit insecure. Sometimes I'd run into a dancer looking pretty in lip gloss, a floral dress, heels and a feminine trench coat, and sometimes I'd also run into the mean girl who gives backhanded compliments and just feel bad, because even though she has a plainer face, she's taller and dresses really well. She wears tight jeans and pencil skirts, and pulls them off so well that even with a sports backpack she looks more like a properly sexy young woman, whereas I just look like some kind of scrappy girl. The effect is something like Eleven from Stranger Things, or at least some people have said so.

I've tried wearing a light trench coat over the dress, but it felt awkwardly girly, and I felt fake. I also tried making the top of my dresses more corset-like, but the effect doesn't change. Anything else would make me look too girly. My current clothes really work for me, and I have no trouble talking or even flirting with boys, but I just feel so insecure around elegant young women who look like young women. I don't feel that way around older women, even celebrities, but when a girl my age looks so polished and mature, I start feeling self-conscious about my height, jacket, boots and backpack. Recently I ran into a teenager I haven't seen in two years, and whereas she used to be a shy student in sports jackets and skinny jeans, now she's much taller than me, wears tight skirts and carries handbags. She said hello in the tone that sounded more respectful than casual, and I felt so embarrassed for myself, being four years older and dressed like a combination of her younger sister and younger brother.

Any thoughts on how to overcome this?

2 Replies to Insecurity and being a tomboy

re: Insecurity and being a tomboy
By Sumayah Comments: 6875, member since Wed Nov 12, 2008
On Mon May 15, 2017 09:21 AM
Be you.

You is always better.

I've always been a bit of a girly tomboy. Back in the late '90s my outfit du jour was some fitted babydoll teeshirt, men's pants, a black grommeted belt, boots, a hoodie, curled/styled hair, flawless make-up. It was a look. I'm not saying it was a good look, but it was a look.

Point being, I dressed for me and how I wanted to dress. Because I was who I am, and if someone was going to be interested in me, they needed to know ME, not some faux facade of me.

So, dress how you want, chin up, and own the style. The only thing really separating you and those "elegant" young women is confidence. If you wear your look confidently, you'll be fine.
re: Insecurity and being a tomboy
By CinderEmma Comments: 135, member since Mon Sep 05, 2016
On Tue May 16, 2017 09:39 AM
I agree with yourself. Don't let others decide who you should or should not be.

In terms of fashion, and me being an obsessive tights enthusiast (wearing sheer ballet tights like sixteen hours a day), I can't resist the urge to bring up the idea. But I'm not talking about ballet tights, (although that is certainly an option), but maybe some black opaque tights, or some sort of fashion tights...maybe something like opaque Heather tights with zigzag designs or some soft opaque gray wool tights. You could wear the tights beneath raggady denim shorts or cut off the legs of an old pair of jeans. You could then add some boots to give your image that feminine tomboy look.

Look through a bunch of VOGUE magazines and you will find a lot of women dressed like this, and they not only look feminine and sexy, but they sort of have a tomboyish look about them at the same time.
I hope this helps.