Secrets PG-1320 weeks pregnant and feel like my dance teacher is bullying me
By Anonymous Comments: 27664, member since Fri Aug 03, 2001
On Sat Jul 15, 2017 06:29 PM
I'm 31 years old and 20 weeks pregnant with my 3rd child and I'm so ready to give up dancing.
I have been feeling this way for awhile but things came to a head yesterday when after class i was given a lecture once again by my male teacher about my weight and stamina, in the guise of being concerned about me and my unborn baby. I know I'm overweight but I don't need constant lectures about it to the point i end up breaking down in tears. He kept saying i make excuses for my weight when i know being overweight is something that's prone in my family especially in females. He even made a comment that i could have my kids taken off me because of my weight problem if I don't sort it out. He then told me i should just go home and not dwell on it and just forget about his lecture, but how can i when i feel like I'm being singled out and bullied by my teacher who reduces me to tears.
I danced last weekend at a comp at 19 weeks and he literally said i was an embarrassment to his school. (Mind you i was the only one that went.) and that my best wasn't good enough, baring in mind I was suffering from pregnancy backache. Also if he felt like i was an embarrassment why let me enter the competition in the first place.
I have literally lost what little passion i had left in dancing yesterday and I don't know if i can go back after the baby is born, as i know my teacher will still go on about if/ when i go back next year. When i told him yesterday through floods of tears that i just wanted to quit he said i don't want you to etc. I don't think he even gets how hard it will be to go to a dance class with a newborn in tow etc.
My partner doesn't want me go back at all and I don't blame him. He hates seeing me stressed and this is about the fourth time in the past 12 months i have broken down like this at home after one of his lectures.
I'm just so over it and how I'm being treated by him that I don't want to go back at all. I don't need the stress and constant lectures etc, or be made to feel like I'm some form of embarrassment to him and his school.
4 Replies to 20 weeks pregnant and feel like my dance teacher is bullying me
|re: 20 weeks pregnant and feel like my dance teacher is bullying me (karma: 2)
By Christine Comments: 6815, member since Wed Feb 04, 2009
On Sat Jul 15, 2017 09:54 PM
You need to find a better class.
This is abuse. And unless the abuser is an medical doctor who has done a complete physical exam including a lipid panel and charted your blood pressure over several months, he is totally unqualified to make such stupid statements.
Speak to your OB.... when I was pregnant, the gym where I worked out wouldn't let me do all kinds of things because they said the baby might "overheat" and didn't have a way to cool off. I ended up wasting my gym membership and for years I'd wished I'd spoken to my OB about it as several of my friends continued normal activities.
There are MANY excellent ballet teachers who are able to see beyond weight... You are not in a professional company... this guy is delusional about his expertise, and his school.
I took a few classes with Wayne Sleep at the DTW conference a few years ago. He is formerly of the Royal Ballet and was doing a very interesting series, Big Ballet. He was EXCELLENT. Smart, funny, soooo informative about technique and choreography. If you have a chance to look up any of his old shows, I think you will agree that your current teacher is an ass.
(Just one clip)
Keep On Dancing*
|re: 20 weeks pregnant and feel like my dance teacher is bullying me (karma: 2)
By CinderEmma Comments: 135, member since Mon Sep 05, 2016
On Sun Jul 16, 2017 06:47 AM
Edited by CinderEmma (277630) on 2017-07-16 06:56:02 spelling and grammar
Edited by CinderEmma (277630) on 2017-07-16 06:58:25 additonal info
Edited by CinderEmma (277630) on 2017-07-16 06:59:19 spelling and grammar
It is most definately abuse and I agree with Christine about finding a better class if you can. Whether or not you should be dancing while pregnant is up to you and your OB, not your dance teacher. Some women cannot dance while they are pregnant and some can. Everybody is different. And your dance teacher being a male, he obviously doesn't know what it is like to be pregnant.
I also noticed that you never mentioned what kind of dance it is that you do. Is it ballet? Tap? Zumba? In terms of the baby's safety, I think the type of dance that you do is a very big factor. For example, Irish Dancing is going to be a lot rougher for your little one than ballroom dancing. As for your dance teacher, good riddens to him! He is just a dance teacher and nothing else. He isn't "Dance" itself, which means that you were just being judged by nothing more than a rude person. Only YOU can truly judge how you feel about dancing. If you like it, KEEP DANCING! If not, then stop.
Furthermore, look around you and try to find other fountains of positive support such as friends, fellow dancers, or family members. Keeping them close will help cheer you up and they may even be able to help with the problems at hand. I know that situations like this are often much more complicated then we think due to variables in your life that we do not know about,but just remember that your stress may have an impact on your baby's development. You need to be happy right now, and if it means dancing on your own to get away from this jerk, then so be it.
Your dancing skills belong to YOU, so take charge of them and do whatever makes you happy! Don't even listen to this dance instructor because he obviously doesn't know anything about motherhood! Besides, once your little one is born, would you rather her (or him) look up from her crib to see her mother dancing with a smile on her face, or her mother dancing with a frown on her face?
|re: 20 weeks pregnant and feel like my dance teacher is bullying me (karma: 1)
By hummingbird Comments: 10412, member since Mon Apr 18, 2005
On Sun Jul 16, 2017 08:01 AM
You need to get out of that environment! No one needs that kind of negativity especially when you're pregnant. I totally agree with Christine and CinderEmma, it's abuse.
|re: 20 weeks pregnant and feel like my dance teacher is bullying me|
Original Poster Comments: 27664, member since Fri Aug 03, 2001
On Sun Jul 16, 2017 04:39 PM
The type of dancing I do is Irish Dancing i did it when I was 12-18 originally and then got back into it when my youngest was 3, he's now 10.
When i told my teacher I was pregnant at 8 weeks he wasn't impressed at all that I was pregnant. I already decided and with the agreement of my partner to stop dancing after the competition I did when I was 19 weeks pregnant. My teacher wants me to dance at a comp when I am 28 weeks when we have dancers coming from interstate n he says everyone has to dance. I'm like not happening but he still tries to get me to agree. When we were at the comp last weekend he said I should do the competition in Melbourne next March only 3 n a half months after I have given birth. I just don't think he gets just how impossible it would be for me to do it on both a physical and financial level.
After his lecture he still wants me to come to class every week and like work hard for at least an hour, which wont be happening, as I'm going to get a letter from my OB in a few weeks to say I cant dance for the foreseeable future, I just hope he listens to the letter and not think I'm making excuses, as he usually does.
Unfortunately there aren't any other classes that cater for adults where I live so I would totally be giving up, which I'm ok with as i will have more important things to focus on and realistically I might be soo over whelmed when the baby comes that dance will be one of the last things on my mind, especially as its been 10 years since I had a newborn.