Forum: Advice / Secrets PG-13

Secrets PG-13
Not sure if the guy I'm interested in is actually single or not.
By Anonymousmember has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 27671, member since Fri Aug 03, 2001
On Mon Aug 14, 2017 06:16 PM

The answer to this is obvious, just ask the guy but I'm afraid too.

Okay, so I met a guy while doing a show. He's really nice and I'd say he's my friend. We've been texting everyday since the show has ended. He came over to my house and we talked and watched tv for about 2 hours. I really enjoy talking to him. He's mentioned that he'd like to take me out (I'm assuming as a date).

He is 15 years older than me and he has 3 kids one is 8 years younger than me and the other two are in high school. He's never mentioned a wife and doesn't wear a ring, but I noticed on Facebook it says he's married (but no further detail than that).

I until I saw thatI had assumed he was divorced or something.

I'm just a tad bit worried but I do really like him. I'll try to get more information out of him when we talk again. I could have been wrong about thinking he meant a date. He could have meant as friends.

But, his son was also in the show and he never mentioned his mother.

I don't know.

10 Replies to Not sure if the guy I'm interested in is actually single or not.

re: Not sure if the guy I'm interested in is actually single or not. (karma: 1)
By CinderEmma Comments: 143, member since Mon Sep 05, 2016
On Tue Aug 15, 2017 07:23 AM
Even if the guy isn't interested in a date, but just going out as friends, why would he be spending time at your house if he is married? Furthermore, sometimes things like this could turn into something more than was meant to be. Before you spend any more serious time with him, I think you should find out if he is single or not. Because if he's not, he might be getting into dangerous waters and run the risk of falling for you and his wife later finding out and entering the picture. That is something you do not want to get mixed up in. Plus, if the guy is over forty, he might also be having a "midlife crisis" sort of thing--where he tries to feel young again by seeking relationships with a woman a whole lot younger than him. Removal of wedding rings is one sign of this. It happens all the time. If that is the case here, any "romance" (if there is any) between you two would just vanish once the midlife crisis is over.

On the other hand, if he is divorced, than you're home free! But until then, I would maybe not ask the guy outright if he is married or not, but instead ask leading questions that might result in him spilling the beans himself. But be subtle about it.
If he is a golden ticket and truly single, you don't want to scare him away by making him feel like he is being interrogated. Try to feel him out and maybe try to get him to talk about his past. If he has children, then obviously there was another woman at some point in his life as well as his childrens' lives. Hopefully, if everything is legit, he'll probably volunteer information with words like "ex-wife" or something. On the other hand if it seems like he is hiding something, then I would be a little concerned.

Don't get me wrong, I really do hope that this guy is single and he truly is interested in you, but even though romance is a wonderful thing, it can often cloud our judgement, especially if we want something bad enough to convince ourselves that that something is true when it could very well not be. Just remember: If something just doesn't feel right, then it usually isn't..
re: Not sure if the guy I'm interested in is actually single or not. (karma: 2)
By hummingbird Comments: 10426, member since Mon Apr 18, 2005
On Tue Aug 15, 2017 07:28 AM
Apart from stalking the guy (which I don't suggest you do) you're going to have to get your courage up to ask him. Perhaps look upon this meeting as friends going out together but try to get your courage up to ask him then.
re: Not sure if the guy I'm interested in is actually single or not.
By Anonymousmember has saluted, click to view salute photos
Original Poster Comments: 27671, member since Fri Aug 03, 2001
On Tue Aug 15, 2017 10:10 AM
CinderEmma wrote:

Even if the guy isn't interested in a date, but just going out as friends, why would he be spending time at your house if he is married? Furthermore, sometimes things like this could turn into something more than was meant to be. Before you spend any more serious time with him, I think you should find out if he is single or not. Because if he's not, he might be getting into dangerous waters and run the risk of falling for you and his wife later finding out and entering the picture. That is something you do not want to get mixed up in. Plus, if the guy is over forty, he might also be having a "midlife crisis" sort of thing--where he tries to feel young again by seeking relationships with a woman a whole lot younger than him. Removal of wedding rings is one sign of this. It happens all the time. If that is the case here, any "romance" (if there is any) between you two would just vanish once the midlife crisis is over.

On the other hand, if he is divorced, than you're home free! But until then, I would maybe not ask the guy outright if he is married or not, but instead ask leading questions that might result in him spilling the beans himself. But be subtle about it.
If he is a golden ticket and truly single, you don't want to scare him away by making him feel like he is being interrogated. Try to feel him out and maybe try to get him to talk about his past. If he has children, then obviously there was another woman at some point in his life as well as his childrens' lives. Hopefully, if everything is legit, he'll probably volunteer information with words like "ex-wife" or something. On the other hand if it seems like he is hiding something, then I would be a little concerned.

Don't get me wrong, I really do hope that this guy is single and he truly is interested in you, but even though romance is a wonderful thing, it can often cloud our judgement, especially if we want something bad enough to convince ourselves that that something is true when it could very well not be. Just remember: If something just doesn't feel right, then it usually isn't..


You've hit on all of my concerns. He's early 40's and I'm late 20's. I wasn't concerned at all until I saw that on Facebook. Most people with spouses they come up in conversation pretty quickly. Next time I talk to him in person, not texting, I'm going to try to get some information out of him.
re: Not sure if the guy I'm interested in is actually single or not. (karma: 2)
By ChristinePremium member Comments: 6834, member since Wed Feb 04, 2009
On Wed Aug 16, 2017 06:14 PM
Edited by Christine (207347) on 2017-08-16 18:16:42 corrected punctuition
Perhaps I am being dense here....but why can't you just say, "I went to send you a friend request on Facebook and noticed your relationship status is, "Married". You've never mentioned your wife. What's her name...."

If that doesn't open the door for him to be completely forthcoming, he doesn't want to be...which is a good indication to END THIS FRIENDSHIP NOW.

I must also ask... he is watching television with you at your place and he has three kids? Sorry.... this is no time to be coy. Ask.

Keep On Dancing*
re: Not sure if the guy I'm interested in is actually single or not.
By Anonymousmember has saluted, click to view salute photos
Original Poster Comments: 27671, member since Fri Aug 03, 2001
On Fri Aug 18, 2017 05:24 PM
We are going to do something tomorrow. So, I'm going to ask him them. He really does act like he's single, so I'm hoping maybe he just never changed his relationship status on Facebook. If not, it's going to be awkward.
re: Not sure if the guy I'm interested in is actually single or not.
By hummingbird Comments: 10426, member since Mon Apr 18, 2005
On Sat Aug 19, 2017 09:29 AM
I hope it all works out well and you have a great time.
re: Not sure if the guy I'm interested in is actually single or not.
By Anonymousmember has saluted, click to view salute photos
Original Poster Comments: 27671, member since Fri Aug 03, 2001
On Sat Aug 19, 2017 10:12 PM
Got me some answers! He brought it up before I did. He has been separated for two years and is in the process of filing for divorce.
re: Not sure if the guy I'm interested in is actually single or not.
By hummingbird Comments: 10426, member since Mon Apr 18, 2005
On Sun Aug 20, 2017 07:53 AM
Good for you, I'm glad it was easier than you thought to get an answer.
re: Not sure if the guy I'm interested in is actually single or not.
By CinderEmma Comments: 143, member since Mon Sep 05, 2016
On Sun Aug 20, 2017 10:40 AM
Edited by CinderEmma (277630) on 2017-08-20 10:42:21 Emoticon
I'm so happy for you! :) Now, go out there and have a good time!
re: Not sure if the guy I'm interested in is actually single or not.
By Anonymousmember has saluted, click to view salute photos
Original Poster Comments: 27671, member since Fri Aug 03, 2001
On Fri Aug 25, 2017 06:04 PM
Just wanted to update and let you know things are going really well with this guy.

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