Forum: Advice / Girls Only PG-13

How to tell a guy your not interested?
By DaintyDaisyPremium member
On Mon Sep 04, 2017 11:56 AM

Hi, so I've been seeing a guy recently who's 22 (I'm 26). At first the age gap didn't really bother me, he wasn't immature and we got on really well.

Just recently though I've got cold feet. I feel like I feel like this because of the age gap as I cant think of any other reason why not to carry this on.

I'm just looking for some advise on how to tell the guy? We've been dating a few weeks and we have slept together (not sure if that matters.. just thought it would be useful to say where we were at). We don't speak over the phone, just text and then obviously in person when he comes over etc.

Thanks in advance :)

3 Replies to How to tell a guy your not interested?

re: How to tell a guy your not interested? (karma: 1)
By Sumayah
On Mon Sep 04, 2017 04:02 PM
Okay, so you are interested, but you're a little weirded out. It's a four year difference, that's not much. But I get it.

Option A: Hey cool guy, I'm doing this weird girl thing where I'm getting hung up on the fact that I'm 26. And you're not. And for inexplicable reasons I can't justify it just really skeeves me out. Which sucks, because you, cool guy, are basically awesome. And I really dig you but alas, weird brain blocks are weird brain blocks and I don't know that I can push this aside. Sooooooo yeah.

Option B: Dear sir, it has come to my attention that I was a senior in highschool when you were in 8th grade/freshman and that's bizarre. I has effectively killed my libido and I feel like I can no longer to see henceforth.

Option C: Ehhhh... Okay, whatever. This probably isn't a longterm relationship since guys do change and grow-up a lot between 22 and 25, but until something bigger than an age difference presents itself, may as well have fun and companionship with a cool guy that really isn't sending up any red flags and I'm inventing problems because reasons.
re: How to tell a guy your not interested? (karma: 1)
By CinderEmma
On Tue Sep 05, 2017 12:12 PM
Edited by CinderEmma (277630) on 2017-09-05 12:23:11 additonal info
Edited by CinderEmma (277630) on 2017-09-05 12:29:16 spelling and grammar
Was it because you slept together and you're nervous that someone might find out? Do you regret sleeping with him because you aren't sure if you're ready to spend the rest of your entire life with him? Do you feel like you are rushing into things? Any of this is enough to create paranoia for anyone, just because it is such a big step in a relationship.

Now first of all, pay attention to your intuition because it may be trying to tell you something. But at the same time, make sure you can tell the difference between what might be intuition and what might just be nervousness or fear or whatever. I really don't think it would be fair (or very nice) at all to break up with the guy just over cold feet, especially since you slept with him and a committment has sort of been made. (Are you going to break up with a guy every single time you have a weird feeling?) But you also need to figure out what has you spooked and make sure that your own happiness is still a part of the equation.

If the guy is a decent man and isn't acting weird or anything I strongly suggest that you discuss your feelings with him before making any rash decisions. Maybe he's feeling the same way too? You both have rushed into a relationship pretty quickly and maybe you would both feel better if you two slowed the relationship down a little bit. Be on your guard, but don't jump ship just because of a four year difference in age. (Would you find it strange if a 52 year old man dated a 56 year old woman? Probably not.)
re: How to tell a guy your not interested?
By ChristinePremium member
On Wed Sep 06, 2017 11:23 AM
I am not sure why you feel the need to "Tell Him". If this is a relatively casual relationship (sex not withstanding)it is a rather easy thing to tone down, logistically speaking.

You don't chat on the phone? No problem with not taking his calls.

He texts you when he wants to hang out? Simply answer, "Today/tonight isn't good for me. Sorry."

You don't have to blow him off completely if this is just a matter of needing time to process your cold feet. You can simply reduce the time spent together and that space may actually provide you with some much needed distance from the situation to fairly evaluate your feelings about the relationship.

The age difference is hard to evaluate. Some 22 year olds are college graduates. Some are high school drop outs. Some live at home with their parents. Some have been on their own for 4 years. The same can be said for 26 year olds. If this were a 10 or 12 year age gap, I could see the concern in general terms, or, if you were 18 and he was 14. But you are both "twenty something" adults, so if it is just the numbers, I would look more deeply into your reasons for your second thoughts.

Do you share common interests? Goals? Politics? Views about money? Family? Does he have good manners? Does he behave respectfully toward you and others? Does he take responsibility for his own choices? Does he respect women? These are more important to the long term success or failure of any adult relationship than an age gap of a relatively few years.

I wish you well.

Keep On Dancing*


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