Forum: Adults / 20 Something

Marriage or babies - what did you do first?
By JosieJoymember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Mon Feb 12, 2018 01:01 AM
Edited by JosieJoy (130882) on 2018-02-12 01:03:20

Hello dance net lovelies,

I was just wondering if anyone was willing to share their stories?

I�ve been with my boyfriend for over two years and we bought our own house and moved in together last May. Since very early on I�ve said I would like to get married before having babies. Not necessarily for religious reasons but more selfish ones I suppose. I�d like us to be able to enjoy our wedding without worrying about where our child is or what they�re doing, I want it to be all about us. Secondly, as trivial as it sounds, I want to have the same last name as my children. Recently, we�ve spoken more seriously about having children and he suggested that we could start to think about trying after I�ve finished my current course of pills at the end of May. I�d love a baby, but I can�t help but still have a little feeling inside that I want to be married first! I don�t want to wait to long though as my boyfriend is 8 years older than me. Decisions, decisions!

2 Replies to Marriage or babies - what did you do first?

re: Marriage or babies - what did you do first?
By Believemember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Mon Feb 12, 2018 04:51 PM
I always wanted to get married first.
My husband and I bought our house three years ago, and got engaged about a year after that. We got married in 2016 and then we took a year to just enjoy being married, go on vacations, be young & careless etc. We started trying for a baby in August 2017, and I’m now 14 weeks pregnant.

My reasoning for waiting until after we got married was similar to yours- I wanted my wedding to be all about us. I wanted to be able to spend the whole year planning and just focusing on the wedding and how excited I was for it. I wanted the wedding to be the most important thing in my life at that time and I’m glad that it was. The year I planned my wedding we went on a lot of little mini trips just the two of us, I spent tons of time with my friends and took extra time off work to just enjoy wedding planning. Our wedding was all about us and I wanted it that way. And that’s okay.

Then after the wedding, I wanted to just enjoy being newlyweds! I wanted to be selfish a little longer. So we took a year and did all the things we wanted to do, saw all the places we wanted to see, splurged on ourselves and just enjoyed being the two of us. After almost a year of that, we decided we were ready and excited to grow our family. And so we did/are.

This is something you need to be really, really honest with your partner about. Tell him all your concerns, your reasonings etc and talk it out. Build a timeline if that helps. There’s no rush in life. If you really want to wait until after you’re married, then do that! If you think now is the time for a baby, then that’s okay too. Just make sure you’re honest with yourself and that you really know what you want before you decide!
re: Marriage or babies - what did you do first?
By Theresamember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Thu Feb 15, 2018 09:33 PM
We had a baby. We had a baby a fair bit of time first. Four years. In fact, our kid was the one who told us it was time to get married.

And we didn't do it that way on purpose. We didn't particularly have our claws in on getting married or having babies. But the little buggers find you, whether you're ready for them or not, and BAM! there I was, pregnant.

I (mostly) wasn't pressured into getting married once I was pregnant. My gramma let a couple of comments slip, and I worked with a lady who's reaction was so strong, it verged on harassment, but that was about it.

The two last names thing didn't get complicated until he was old enough to start being signed up for school. Long about preschool age, it started getting weird. And, waiting until you're married is no guarantee you and your kids will all have the same last name. I was born to parents that were married, and still spent most of my life with a different last name from my mom (which, when I got old enough was a blessing. Her last name was easier to forge, LOL...).

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