So, yeah...my dad died a couple of days ago.

He was old. He had Parkinson's .... and he had a good life before he got old and sick.

The last several years my sibs have not behaved well. The medical professional in the family had his proxy, but did not take him to the doctor for the 3 weeks before he passed although it was clear he had a stroke. It was impossible to do this myself, as all attempts to give him better care than he was getting were met with hostility and nastiness. I set up a great doctor for him and took him several times, but the push back was horrible and since I did not have his proxy, it was counterproductive. When I took him to the doctor, the doctor's orders would be deliberately ignored. Heartbreaking.

Dad was listed on this sib's deed, and with his death, so goes the mortgage. Such luck.

Another of my sibs has been hitting my mom up for money and at last count managed to scam a great deal and still has a "gimme list". China, antiques, family heirlooms. Disgusting.

Another, married 3 times already, lived in a house my mother owned and never paid rent...like 17 years....and although rent was supposed to be paid, after a while she gave up and just let it go. Two weeks after signing over the house, sib secretly married the 4th spouse, needing a green card. This was all secret until the deed was done. She felt duped but now is "over it". There were two tenants in this very large house as well, and after driving one out, managed to get mom to sign the house over as well as the rent from the remaining tenant. When dad died, the rent check arrived at mom's house and when she tried to pass it on to "the new owner", it was refused. "No...you keep it." How generous.

The remaining sib is well off and says, "I don't want a dime. I don't need a dime." As the baby, college tuition, cars, big wedding, vacations the rest of us never had, were a given. This is not really about the money....as the baby, Mom felt more attached to this sib. Traveled together for years....and admires the high income lifestyle as it is more similar to a way of life Mom and Dad had once upon a time. Sadly, money is running out and Mom is frightened. I have assured her I would take care of her. My husband is a blue collar worker but we are careful with our money and would never let Mom go to a home. She insists she wants to stay in her very large, high maintenance home, until she dies. She doesn't know I know about how generous she has been with the others. I suspect we (my husband and I) will be "contributing" again soon. Until a year ago, I bought all their groceries but the hideous sibs just emptied the cupboards too often and although the "Baby" is also generous, the nest egg has dwindled since I stopped.

I am the oldest. Their income increased greatly after I married (at 19) and left home so mom has tried to hide many things so I won't think she is being unfair. As I said, I don't want anything from her but for her to be safe and secure.

Well.... there is one thing I did want.... I wanted my Dad to have a funeral mass. We were raised Catholic and although he wasn't, it was a really important part of our life. I spoke to the local priest and he agreed to do it. I told my mom how important it was to me, for many reasons, but in the end, the sib with the new marriage and the sib with the medical proxy who denied Dad medical attention, denied this request, saying, "Dad wouldn't want it." I do. My husband does. Our kids do. Mom doesn't want to get the others mad. It's her call in the end, so, although I am hurt, I will let it go.

Today..... the funeral home posted his obituary. It lists my husband and I, but says we live in a different town than we actually do. Got this wrong too. Our surname is not uncommon, so people who know us won't know this is my Dad, because the address is wrong. It also incorrectly says he is a veteran of a war that started when he was 11 and ended when he was 15. He was a veteran...in peace time....which is not to diminish his service. But it makes the obituary laughable in its inaccuracy. Need I say, I was totally excluded from this small thing as well?

I don't know how to deal with these hateful sibs. The burial is Tuesday, and they have left me out of everything. Right now, I feel like I don't even want to go. No mass, no time visiting and recalling his life. They were rude and hateful when I went there the day after he died, so I have stayed away the last few days. I call my mom everyday but she is always too busy to talk. No one has called me. I feel so alone.

Would I be a horrible person if I just went to the cemetery and went back home right afterward? We live about 3 hours away and I just don't want any more hurt feelings about being left out and I really don't want to watch one of the sibs take all my dad's guns, another take all his books and things like his chess set and his carpentry tool, as well as some sentimental jewelry. Am I being a big baby over this?

Thanks if anyone is still reading this.....