Forum: Advice / Support

My Dad is Dying
By maureensiobhan
On Fri Jun 15, 2018 09:29 PM
Edited by maureensiobhan (80481) on 2018-06-15 21:32:10 added one more item on the list of diagnoses

Over the past ten years, we've lost one close family member after another. On December 20, 2008, we lost my uncle to cancer. On October 1, 2011, My mom died of a brain hemorrhage. On july 29, 2014, my aunt (mom's sister) died of lung cancer, as well as many other lung problems. Now, it could be at any time that we could lose my dad.

He's had a myriad of lung trouble over the past year. First, we was diagnosed with lung cancer. He was treated with chemo and radiation. That got the cancer. He went for a PET scan last September. When he got home, I said, "How did it go?". He said, "Well, the cancer is still gone.". I sensed he was leaving something unsaid. I said, "But...". He said that the PET scan showed severe COPD, and he was going to have to start using supplementary oxygen. He's been on oxygen since then. A recent PET scan showed that the cancer has begun to come back. I saw the after-visit summary the last time he went to the doctor. On the list of diagnoses, I saw cancer, COPD, severe bronchitis, low blood oxygen, and pleural effusion. All of us in the family have noticed that my dad has been deteriorating rapidly. He was looking more and more frail, and had lost a lot of weight. I saw that he was eating less and less, and wasn't keeping himself well hydrated. When he struggled to walk down the hallway to go to bed, his blood oxygen level would go down to 65. One more thing I noticed, too, was that he frequently switched on our heater and sat beside it. Three weeks ago, it got to the point where he couldn't get out of his recliner-rocker. Even when he tried to sit up, his blood oxygen level would go down to 72. I did all I could to help him. When I went to work, I mentioned to the boss and another co-worker about how my dad wasn't doing well. By that time, he had been lying in his recliner for five days/. My boss and co-worker immediately said, "Go right on home, and call 911.". I called 911 as soon as I got home. This was on Tuesday. The ambulance came and took him to the local hospital. He was transported to a larger hospital, where he could see a pulmonologist. The next day, Wednesday, my cousin and I went to see him. We were told that he was in the hospice unit. He's been there ever since, for the past two weeks. He's hung on there, but it's obvious that he's quickly declining. His breathing seems to be a bit calmer. He has to wear an oxygen mask now. He's responding somewhat, but it seems to be a bit less. The staff at the hospice unit said it be hours or days.

It's really a bit scary, to be faced with the loss of both parents.

9 Replies to My Dad is Dying

re: My Dad is Dying
By hummingbird
On Sat Jun 16, 2018 09:26 AM
I'm sorry your going through this, my thoughts are with you and your dad.
re: My Dad is Dying
By maureensiobhan
On Sat Jun 16, 2018 12:31 PM
Edited by maureensiobhan (80481) on 2018-06-16 13:05:51 fixed typo
My dad passed last night about 1:30. When my cousin and I went to the hospice on Thursday to see him, I didn't thing he'd make it through the weekend. At least he wasn't in any pain.. He has specified that he doesn't want a funeral. He wants to be cremated, and his ashes scattered at a place called Pleasanton Fields in England.

I spoke with my cousin a few minutes ago. She told me that already, my brother is starting to argue and trying to take over the whole thing himself, without waiting to hear what's in the final will. Why must these cans of worms always be opened at the death of a loved one?

It's quite scary having both parents gone. The uncertainty of what's to happen next I think ads to the grieving process.
re: My Dad is Dying
By ChristinePremium member
On Sat Jun 16, 2018 08:21 PM
I am so, so, sorry.

I will keep you in my prayers. I feel terrible that you have to be going through this again, and even more terrible your family is not being kind.

Once again, "There is nothing so bad it can't be made worse."

Hugs xoxo
re: My Dad is Dying
By schuhplattlerPremium member
On Sun Jun 17, 2018 02:11 PM
The only thing I can suggest is Smileywoman's sticky at the top of this board and the comments thereto.
re: My Dad is Dying
By maureensiobhan
On Tue Jun 19, 2018 11:34 AM
Today, we're going to hear the final will. I have a feeling that this is especially the time when the holy crap is going to start to fly. We'll just have to cross that bridge, though, when we come to it.
re: My Dad is Dying
By maureensiobhan
On Mon Jun 25, 2018 08:12 PM
I thought I'd share some of the funny things my dad has said.

He used to go on quality inspection trips for the company where he worked. On one of these trips, he ordered a steak and potato for dinner. The waitress asked him, How would like that, sire?". He said, "I'll have it soft.". She said, "Oh, I meant your steak, sir. How would you like your steak?". He thought she was asking how he would like the potato. On one of the flights, quiche was being served for breakfast. He said to the flight attendant, "I'll have some of this kickie.". He didn't know the correct pronunciation of quiche. He and my mom went up to Windsor, in Canada, one day. My mom told me that on the way home, when they were coming through the Customs, the Customs officer asked, "Where are you from, sir?". He looked at her and said, "Where are we from?". She said, "We're from Ohio.".

That shows that my dad was a real "man of the world".
re: My Dad is Dying
By maureensiobhan
On Wed Jul 18, 2018 02:20 PM
I thought I'd tell you about beautiful sunset I saw almost three weeks ago.

I was out for a walk one evening. I happened to look up at the sunset. Normally, I don't look at brilliant sunsets. This one, though, held my attention. There was the main ray of the setting sun. Through some clouds, the sun's rays fanned out from the main ray. I thought, "I wonder if that might hold some significance, since I saw it so soon after dad died.". Do any of you think that sunset held that sort of significance?
re: My Dad is Dying
By hummingbird
On Wed Jul 18, 2018 10:27 PM
Maureen, I'm a strong believer in their being more things in heaven and earth than we will ever know about or understand, there is still so much that we're only just beginning to understand. It sounds like it had special significance for you and I'm glad you were able to find that.
re: My Dad is Dying
By maureensiobhan
On Sun Aug 05, 2018 07:27 PM
It still feels empty and lonely here at home. I hope I don't come across as melodramatic, but I've started sobbing out of feeling lonely. I'm still hanging in there as best as I can.

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