Forum: Advice / Secrets PG-13

Is this emotional abuse?
By Anonymousmember has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Sun Mar 01, 2020 04:09 AM

I really really need some advice. I don’t want to be right but unfortunately I have experience of being emotional abused/controlled before and it seems too familiar :(

I met a guy, after being single for a very long time after a bad relationship, who I thought was amazing - generous, kind, funny, would do anything for anyone, was so supportive of me and everything I do. But he can’t handle any kind of argument. He becomes nasty, will cancel all our plans and will fall out with me for days. I’m going to describe the most recent one, because it’s very typical of how things usually happen.

He was picking me up after dance, we were going for breakfast and then going away for the night with another couple. When I came out of dance I had a text saying he wouldn’t be long, so I waited around, he eventually phoned and he put the phone down on me because he said there was a parking attendant. He came flying round the corner and into a space, got out and walked up to the guy he had a problem with. I couldn’t hear what was going on but he was shouting and angry when he got in the car. Not with me but I really hate that kind of thing so I tried to keep busy sorting out stuff in the bags, listening to what he was saying but I sighed. He said we were going for breakfast and home, we weren’t going on the overnight anymore. I know when he says it he means it, he goes in a bad mood and there’s no talking to him. We drove to the breakfast place and I said I needed a minute, I’d need to phone my friend and say we weren’t coming. I went a walk round the corner to get some air and when I got back in he sat on his phone and ignored me for 10 minutes. When I asked what we were doing he started laughing at me saying it’s all my way and saying I needed time in a baby voice, making fun of me. We started driving home, when we got to mine he sat on his phone again and then got out and started taking my bags out the car. I walked away. I got a bus and came to my mums. He messaged me all night saying it was my fault and calling me names, he said he was having to drive around the city centre all night because he couldn’t go home and tell everyone the overnight was cancelled he was too embarrassed. The weathers horrible here, I told him to go and stay at mine because I wasn’t there anyway. He said I’d trick him and go back there and start shouting and arguing with him. Eventually he said he couldn’t find a hotel and could he stay at mine. Anyway, ever since it’s just been one big long argument. No matter what I say it’s wrong, I’m being twisted and trying to blame him, I deserved it because I sighed, I’m trying to make him look bad. I’ve tried to not respond and then that becomes an issue too because I’m ignoring him. He’s blocked me on WhatsApp and snapchat etc and will only speak to me through text but he keeps threatening to block me on that too.

I’m so confused. There’s a lot more to the story and background too but I realise I’m rambling a bit here so I don’t want to go on and on. I feel like this is really wrong but I don’t want to be right. I also know I wasn’t 100% perfect in this but I don’t think the way I’ve acted and his reaction are appropriately matched.

Please give me any advice you’ve got, one of my friends knows but I’m not ready to speak to anyone else yet. I appreciate it so much.
re: Is this emotional abuse?
By ChristinePremium member
On Thu Mar 05, 2020 09:48 PM
Please end this NOW....

His behavior was immature, mean spirited, and showed a total disregard for you and your feelings.

The fact that he then turned it all on you, called you names, and continued to abuse you verbally is a clear indication that he doesn't deserve you.... OR ANYONE.

RUN....and DO NOT LOOK BACK

This is just horrible to read....I am sorry you are hurt, and even heartbroken, but trust me...he actually did you a favor by acting like a total jerk now, and not when you shared a home or children.

I repeat....

RUN

RUN

RUN
re: Is this emotional abuse?
By CinderEmma
On Tue Mar 24, 2020 11:30 AM
Absolutely, this is emotional abuse. His behavior in blaming you is obviously not a good thing, is it? You should ask yourself "do I enjoy being with somebody who always treats me this way?"

Hope this helps.
re: Is this emotional abuse?
By Theresamember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Tue Mar 24, 2020 10:14 PM
Edited by Theresa (28613) on 2020-03-24 22:17:54 edit
Listen. I say this as a woman who is married to a man with a compulsive level of need to avoid confrontation - even ones he started. He'll just scream until I give up.

THIS IS NOT WHAT YOU'RE CURRENTLY GOING THROUGH.

With this "This situation is bad because YOU sighed and looked at me weird." thing he's got going, I've got even money on you being on a countdown clock until he starts swinging.

Get out. Get your dad to help you. Get any great big, burly male friends you can wrangle with a promise of beer and pizza to help you if you can't get dad. Because YOU are on a countdown clock until he starts swinging, but that doesn't mean your dad is. This kind of guy will steam roll anyone smaller then he is, but he's not about to trifle with someone bigger then him. Get out. Get your key back. Stay single until you can sort out why you keep falling for guys like this.

(Edited to add)

Have a little chill about your exit strategy. Cause if he gets a whiff of what you're doing, he's gonna knock you up real quick, so then you'll HAVE to stay. Read the story about what Katie Holmes did to get away from Tom Cruise. Reenact.

There's are multiple signs posted in the clubhouse in my subdivision that if you believe you may be in danger, you can qualify for up to six months rent free in their neighborhood, to just come in and ask someone. It might be worth it to low key arrange to move. Even if you go talk to the people running your apartment complex and ask if you can change units or something, so he's not going to know where your house is.

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