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How to find a great boy/girlfriend (karma: 126)
By Incarnadinemember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 9923, member since Thu Oct 25, 2001
On Tue Dec 23, 2003 04:31 PM
Made sticky by balletgurl (11968) on 2004-01-01 17:20:27
Moved to Girls Only by MIClogger (28613) on 2004-07-05 13:12:46 Moved To Girls Only

How to finds a great bog/girlfriend.

Here's some wisdom I have picked up here and there over the years that is valuable. This will be the first of two threads. First, how to find a great guy.
The second-will be about how to "keep" him and how to have a great relationship.

You're also welcome to add any wisdom you have from experience or from someone else. (a lot of this comes from both my experiences and my mommy. lol)

OK.

What makes a great guy great?
The basics:

1. In order to find a great guy, you have to figure out what MAKES a great guy. This can be different for everyone. Find people whom you love and respect and use them as the basis for your "great qualities," What do you love about your dad that makes him a great dad and father? What don't you like about him?
What about your brother, your guy friends, your teacher...WHOEVER. What are good qualities that make a good person?
The idea is to find people that are good examples of qualities you'd want in a boy/girlfriend. but- you also should look for things you DO NOT want.

2. OK-here's' the important part...
Grab a piece of paper and make two sections:
The quality List.
The non negotiable.

Under "the quality List" You will list the important characteristics of a good boy/girlfriend. DO NOT put things like "has blue eyes or drives a nice car."
If those are the types of things that are important to you-then you're probably not ready for a real relationship.
Examples:
- Has a good, solid family relationship.
- Has goals, and has plans to make these goals happen.
- Has respect for people.
Etc. ofcourse- you can make up your own-these are just examples. Make your list reflect what YOU want.

Under "non-negotables" you will list things you DO NO WANT in a boyfriend. These are the things you will NOT tolerate, and these are things that will "boot" someone out of getting to be in a relationship with you.
Examples:
- Does drugs.
- Cheated on past boy/girlfriend.
- Shows disrespect for men/woman.
- Smokes
- Has bad hygiene
Etc. again-your list is up to YOU.

Ok- Now there's "rules" to this-and the rules are what make this such a big success.
1. You can't "settle" for someone who doesn't fit this list. This list isn't impractical-because you only list things that are important to you. The point of this is to tell yourself
"I'm worthy of a good, healthy relationship. These characteristics are what makes a good "man/woman" to me-and this is the type of person I deserve. I will not lower my standards."
This also helps you identify the type of person you WANT-and the type you want to AVOID.

2. On the other hand-should you decide to date someone who has a "nonnegotiable" quality on your list-then you need to make a choice:
-end the relationship and find someone who meets your needs
OR
-Decide to take that thing off the list as long as you're dating this person.

Now here's the thing with this:
If you take this off your list and date the person-YOU CAN NOT complain about it later, and you can't try to "change" that thing about them.
So-If I dated a guy who did drugs I'd have to tell myself I'm taking the "no drugs policy" off my list-but then I CAN'T try to make him stop, or complain about it to him, my friends-anyone.
Basically, This is you taking responsibility for dating someone you KNOW has "bad qualities."
Another example-If I date a smoker and I listed "no smoking"- I can't complain about how he smells and try and talk him into quitting.

An over all good rule to remember:
People do NOT change. Do not try to "fix", "change" or "save" anyone. You can't-so don't lie to yourself. If they don't make the list-end it. Or be prepared for taking the responsibility of dealing with it when you're not happy because you settled or talked yourself in to him being "good enough."

Using this list and these rules will make finding a "worthy" person easier-and you'll date better quality people. Keep in mind-for this to work, you have to be honest with yourself while making the list-and be LOYAL to yourself in holding yourself to the list. By not being honest and standing by your list-you're only screwing yourself.

How to find a great guy.

Now that you have done some soul searching about what you want-now you have to go out and find it. This can be the hard part.
There's actually a million places to meet a great guy- EVERYWHERE!!!
The mall, book stores, coffee shops, school, work, the gas station...whatever. Keep an open mind. There's also "networking" what about your friend's boyfriend's friends? What about that cute male friend? what about the "geek" with the locker next to you.
A lot of times the man of your dreams might be right there all along. So give those guys a chance...you might be pleasantly suprized.

BEWARE:
There's jerks out there. (ummm.duh.)
So keep your eyes open, and use your good judgment. If a guy yells "hey baby nice ass!" out his car window at me-I'm positive I don't want to hang out with him.
If a guy acts like "Mr. cool" or a "player"- he's not my type either.
You need to be looking for that guy who shows respect and treats you like a lady.

This might sound obvious- but you know, for some reason some girls are dumb and fall for "Mr. Slick." *gag*

The moral? Use your good judgment if he comes off as a jerk, a player or a pervert-HE IS. (and before you say "he just acts like that around his friends" does a guy who "acts" like a jerk make him less of a jerk? NOOOO .)

Nice guys finish last.
OK girls-let's be honest: we LOVE the "bad boys".
But WHY?
Now that I have done my share of dating and had relationships- I find the "bad boy" types overrated. Give me that sweet 'boy next door' any day-and I'm now a happy camper.
I dated the "fun party boy"- and ended up with an alcoholic druggie.
I dated the "ladies man"- and ended up with a cheater.
I dated the rebel-and ended up almost getting arrested for stuff I didn't do.

Give the nice boys a chance. Give the "geek" a chance. you'll be pleasantly suprized.

It's not that "all guys are jerks"- it's that you're too stupid to pick them right!

Ok this took me a long time to understand. I was one of those stupid girls.
I dated my share of losers.
You know what all those loser had in common???
I PICKED THEM.

Take some responsibility girls-it's your fault you got involved with a jerk.
9 times out of 10- there are "red flags" the guy was a jerk. Rarely does someone get screwed out of nowhere.
You probably failed to see the signs, OR you decided to ignore the signs.

The point is-for every rat you see, there's 100 rats you don't. That means any red flags you take note of- don't kid yourself into thinking that's where it ends.

Granted-there are times a girl will get screwed out of the blue.
It's up to you to end it then and there. A guy can't lie, cheat and treat you like dirt f you aren't around in the first place.
Boot him to the curb.

Being alone is better than being with a butthead.
Some girls will take any loser they can't fine over being alone.
This is probably the dumbest thing you can do.

1. You're settling. AND-you're setting yourself up for a lifetime of bad relationships. The more you settle, the lower your standards will get, and the cycle repeats.

2. How will your Prince charming ever come around if you're attached to a jackass? For all you know the man of your dreams is there in front of you-but you're a taken girl. OR-he could be right there but you're too busy dealing with the Jackass to see Mr. Right.

3. With bad relationships come baggage. Unless you take responsibility and end the baggage-you'll take it with you, and that'll probably mess up future relationships.

Instead, stay focused on what you want and what Mr. Right is to YOU.
I'd rather be alone looking for Mr. Right than be with Mr. Right Now to soothe my ego.
Wouldn't you?

the red flags-and how to spot them
These are things to look out for-and head for the hills when you spot them.

1. He acts like a "pimp" or a "player"

2. He is rude or disrespectful to people.

3. He's disrespectful to woman or treats them like objects.

4. He talks down to you.

5. He makes you feel bad about yourself.

6. He is verbally or physically abusive.

7. He acts different when he's around other people.

8. He's overly defensive or secretive about his past.

9. He cheated on you- or any of his ex girlfriends.

10. You're the girl he cheated on his ex girlfriend with.

11. He doesn't like you going out with your friends without him.

12. He doesn't trust you, and doesn't like you doing things without him Or he questions you about what you do when he's not around.

13. When you fight he yells or gets mean-EVEN if he's sorry later. RUN.
Remember-fighting is one thing, but being mean or getting out of control is NOT OK.

14. He justifies bad behaviors of his past. Such as "I only did that because" or "it wasn't my fault" "I had to because.." These types of people won't take responsibility for their past mistakes-which means they'll probably repeat them.

You get the idea-basically, if it doesn't look good-take note, and run.
It's not being judgmental or picky-it's called having standards!!!!

One last thought:
Look for the qualities you want in your husband when dating.

I used to think this was sooo dumb when I was younger. As I got older I realized this is the wisest advice I have ever been given. And my relationships are better because of it.

196 Replies to How to find a great boy/girlfriend

re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend (karma: 2)
By ladybug981 Comments: 3127, member since Thu Aug 28, 2003
On Tue Dec 23, 2003 05:19 PM
that was a great post!! karma for you!! very sound advice on how to find a boyfriend w/o having ppl throw themselves at random guys and losing all self-respect. thank you so much!
How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By Jaina2000 Comments: 184, member since Sun Nov 23, 2003
On Tue Dec 23, 2003 06:23 PM
Yay for Crisy and her interludes of sanity!
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By tiny_dancer17 Comments: 657, member since Mon Mar 24, 2003
On Tue Dec 23, 2003 07:40 PM
what would we do without crisy? thanks that was brilliant. it made me re-think my current crush and.. i realized that hes actually a nice guy. thanks :)
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By KuteDancer4Life Comments: 1133, member since Thu Jul 31, 2003
On Tue Dec 23, 2003 08:20 PM
That's awesome!! Definitely something we all needed to know and hear!! Thanks Crisy!!
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By toria413 Comments: 51, member since Fri Apr 25, 2003
On Tue Dec 23, 2003 08:43 PM
Gosh, that is some great advice...very, very helpful. Thanks
Toria
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By Ava_Adoramember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 1600, member since Mon Aug 18, 2003
On Wed Dec 24, 2003 01:16 AM
wow

your so wise. Karma for you!!!


it seems i have things in order now to meet a great guy. Only problem is im shy and have problmes talking to guys. I hope that some one sees me behind my shyness.

your list idea i thought was cool. The first column i dont think was nessicary. I ended up with a huge list of all the things everyone wants i guy and it kinda felt like i was getting my hopes up. The second list tho is the most improtant



great job


AVA
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By OhYeahTappermember has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 565, member since Sat Nov 15, 2003
On Wed Dec 24, 2003 11:16 AM
Wow! That was some awesome advice, from a girl who knows what she's talking about. :)

karma
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By Primadonna Comments: 1406, member since Wed Oct 31, 2001
On Wed Dec 24, 2003 06:56 PM
You're brilliant.

I mean that.
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By rosagurl27member has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 1024, member since Mon Jun 16, 2003
On Wed Dec 24, 2003 08:51 PM
Edited by rosagurl27 (67195) on 2003-12-24 20:52:40
Okay...I really messsed this up, wrote about 2 pages and lost it all...let me try again later :(
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By dancingmaniac Comments: 1395, member since Sat Aug 16, 2003
On Thu Jan 01, 2004 02:22 PM
That was a GREAT post!! Thanks so MUCH!! lots of love

~dm
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By dancinlilfool89 Comments: 23, member since Thu Dec 25, 2003
On Thu Jan 01, 2004 07:23 PM
Awesome Post Girl

Keep Um coming

Peace Out Girl Scout

MO
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By lilangelgurl458 Comments: 995, member since Wed Dec 03, 2003
On Thu Jan 01, 2004 09:53 PM
Oh boy crisy is on fire! SHe strikes again!!!! karma...
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By fitness_addict Comments: 334, member since Mon Jun 09, 2003
On Thu Jan 01, 2004 11:39 PM
thank you!
:)
-bec
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By cmdancer154 Comments: 246, member since Thu Aug 14, 2003
On Fri Jan 02, 2004 11:51 AM
thats a really great post thanx alot
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By HotDancer87 Comments: 1989, member since Tue Feb 19, 2002
On Fri Jan 02, 2004 09:09 PM
another awesome post by Crisy! Girlie, what would we do without ya?!?! you are truly inspiring! thanks for always giving good advice and helping us remember to be ourselves!
Lotsa Love,
HotDancer87
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By miss_india Comments: 507, member since Fri Oct 31, 2003
On Fri Jan 02, 2004 10:51 PM
great post crisy !
you always have something wonderful .

karma!

luv
miss india*
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By CannedHeat303 Comments: 158, member since Sat Jan 03, 2004
On Sun Jan 04, 2004 05:38 PM
Great post... If i had karma... you would get some... but i dont! Sorry
THanks for posting!
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By oz_helenmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 11196, member since Sat Aug 10, 2002
On Mon Jan 05, 2004 09:29 PM
What Crisy has posted is exactly what I did five years ago and because of it, I landed a fantastic boyfriend who is now my husband. This is great advice. Heed it. Trust me, it works.

Karma to Crisy.

Helen
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By beginner_dancer Comments: 2219, member since Mon Nov 25, 2002
On Wed Jan 07, 2004 05:24 PM
Karma 4 u! Great post!
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By princessjen Comments: 694, member since Sun Dec 08, 2002
On Wed Jan 07, 2004 05:31 PM
Awesome post! Gotta love a girl who isn't afraid to speek her mind and tell it like it is. Don't forget the band geeks, they can make great boyfriends or girlfriends. You have seen American Pie, right? :)
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By louzer148 Comments: 23, member since Wed Jan 07, 2004
On Thu Jan 08, 2004 05:36 PM
Alright, so I don't really think it's necessary to list qualities desired in a guy/girl. I mean, honestly, my current boyfriend doesn't have many of the qualities that I think I would want. But as it turns out, I'm happier with him than I was with a guy who had them all. People just need to give others a chance before labeling them, and not dating them because they aren't what they want. You might be pleasantly surprised.
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By ballet_dancer_member has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 2340, member since Wed Oct 29, 2003
On Wed Jan 14, 2004 07:17 PM
That was a great post. Karma for you!

~ ballet_dancer_ ~
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By PinUpGirlmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 25878, member since Tue Jul 16, 2002
On Sat Jan 17, 2004 09:41 PM
I made a list after my last breakup. Two relationships showed me what I didn't want and I had a few ideas of my own. That list helps keep in perspective what I want and what I don't. I've been single for almost 2 years, and perfectly happy to be so. A decent guy hasn't come along and I haven't been willing to settle. I agree totally with everything you said.
~Itarilde
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By Dancerlicious Comments: 845, member since Thu Nov 06, 2003
On Wed Jan 21, 2004 05:18 PM
That was a really great post! Just one comment, maybe if a guy acts different around you than he does his friends, it just may mean he likes you, but he's shy and doesn't want to admit it, of course this could be good or bad.

*:.:*:.:*:.:*
*:.:Jen:.:*
*:.:*:.:*:.:*
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