How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By Incarnadine
On 12/23/2003 16:31:08
How to finds a great bog/girlfriend.

Here's some wisdom I have picked up here and there over the years that is valuable. This will be the first of two threads. First, how to find a great guy.
The second-will be about how to "keep" him and how to have a great relationship.

You're also welcome to add any wisdom you have from experience or from someone else. (a lot of this comes from both my experiences and my mommy. lol)

OK.

[big]What makes a great guy great?[/big]
The basics:

1. In order to find a great guy, you have to figure out what MAKES a great guy. This can be different for everyone. Find people whom you love and respect and use them as the basis for your "great qualities," What do you love about your dad that makes him a great dad and father? What don't you like about him?
What about your brother, your guy friends, your teacher...WHOEVER. What are good qualities that make a good person?
The idea is to find people that are good examples of qualities you'd want in a boy/girlfriend. but- you also should look for things you DO NOT want.

2. OK-here's' the important part...
Grab a piece of paper and make two sections:
The quality List.
The non negotiable.

Under "the quality List" You will list the important characteristics of a good boy/girlfriend. DO NOT put things like "has blue eyes or drives a nice car."
If those are the types of things that are important to you-then you're probably not ready for a real relationship.
Examples:
- Has a good, solid family relationship.
- Has goals, and has plans to make these goals happen.
- Has respect for people.
Etc. ofcourse- you can make up your own-these are just examples. Make your list reflect what YOU want.

Under "non-negotables" you will list things you DO NO WANT in a boyfriend. These are the things you will NOT tolerate, and these are things that will "boot" someone out of getting to be in a relationship with you.
Examples:
- Does drugs.
- Cheated on past boy/girlfriend.
- Shows disrespect for men/woman.
- Smokes
- Has bad hygiene
Etc. again-your list is up to YOU.

Ok- Now there's "rules" to this-and the rules are what make this such a big success.
1. You can't "settle" for someone who doesn't fit this list. This list isn't impractical-because you only list things that are important to you. The point of this is to tell yourself
"I'm worthy of a good, healthy relationship. These characteristics are what makes a good "man/woman" to me-and this is the type of person I deserve. I will not lower my standards."
This also helps you identify the type of person you WANT-and the type you want to AVOID.

2. On the other hand-should you decide to date someone who has a "nonnegotiable" quality on your list-then you need to make a choice:
-end the relationship and find someone who meets your needs
OR
-Decide to take that thing off the list as long as you're dating this person.

Now here's the thing with this:
If you take this off your list and date the person-YOU CAN NOT complain about it later, and you can't try to "change" that thing about them.
So-If I dated a guy who did drugs I'd have to tell myself I'm taking the "no drugs policy" off my list-but then I CAN'T try to make him stop, or complain about it to him, my friends-anyone.
Basically, This is you taking responsibility for dating someone you KNOW has "bad qualities."
Another example-If I date a smoker and I listed "no smoking"- I can't complain about how he smells and try and talk him into quitting.

An over all good rule to remember:
People do NOT change. Do not try to "fix", "change" or "save" anyone. You can't-so don't lie to yourself. If they don't make the list-end it. Or be prepared for taking the responsibility of dealing with it when you're not happy because you settled or talked yourself in to him being "good enough."

Using this list and these rules will make finding a "worthy" person easier-and you'll date better quality people. Keep in mind-for this to work, you have to be honest with yourself while making the list-and be LOYAL to yourself in holding yourself to the list. By not being honest and standing by your list-you're only screwing yourself.

[big]How to find a great guy.[/big]

Now that you have done some soul searching about what you want-now you have to go out and find it. This can be the hard part.
There's actually a million places to meet a great guy- EVERYWHERE!!!
The mall, book stores, coffee shops, school, work, the gas station...whatever. Keep an open mind. There's also "networking" what about your friend's boyfriend's friends? What about that cute male friend? what about the "geek" with the locker next to you.
A lot of times the man of your dreams might be right there all along. So give those guys a chance...you might be pleasantly suprized.

BEWARE:
There's jerks out there. (ummm.duh.)
So keep your eyes open, and use your good judgment. If a guy yells "hey baby nice ass!" out his car window at me-I'm positive I don't want to hang out with him.
If a guy acts like "Mr. cool" or a "player"- he's not my type either.
You need to be looking for that guy who shows respect and treats you like a lady.

This might sound obvious- but you know, for some reason some girls are dumb and fall for "Mr. Slick." *gag*

The moral? Use your good judgment if he comes off as a jerk, a player or a pervert-HE IS. (and before you say "he just acts like that around his friends" does a guy who "acts" like a jerk make him less of a jerk? NOOOO .)

[big]Nice guys finish last.[/big]
OK girls-let's be honest: we LOVE the "bad boys".
But WHY?
Now that I have done my share of dating and had relationships- I find the "bad boy" types overrated. Give me that sweet 'boy next door' any day-and I'm now a happy camper.
I dated the "fun party boy"- and ended up with an alcoholic druggie.
I dated the "ladies man"- and ended up with a cheater.
I dated the rebel-and ended up almost getting arrested for stuff I didn't do.

Give the nice boys a chance. Give the "geek" a chance. you'll be pleasantly suprized.

[big]It's not that "all guys are jerks"- it's that you're too stupid to pick them right![/big]

Ok this took me a long time to understand. I was one of those stupid girls.
I dated my share of losers.
You know what all those loser had in common???
I PICKED THEM.

Take some responsibility girls-it's your fault you got involved with a jerk.
9 times out of 10- there are "red flags" the guy was a jerk. Rarely does someone get screwed out of nowhere.
You probably failed to see the signs, OR you decided to ignore the signs.

The point is-for every rat you see, there's 100 rats you don't. That means any red flags you take note of- don't kid yourself into thinking that's where it ends.

Granted-there are times a girl will get screwed out of the blue.
It's up to you to end it then and there. A guy can't lie, cheat and treat you like dirt f you aren't around in the first place.
Boot him to the curb.

[big]Being alone is better than being with a butthead.[/big]
Some girls will take any loser they can't fine over being alone.
This is probably the dumbest thing you can do.

1. You're settling. AND-you're setting yourself up for a lifetime of bad relationships. The more you settle, the lower your standards will get, and the cycle repeats.

2. How will your Prince charming ever come around if you're attached to a jackass? For all you know the man of your dreams is there in front of you-but you're a taken girl. OR-he could be right there but you're too busy dealing with the Jackass to see Mr. Right.

3. With bad relationships come baggage. Unless you take responsibility and end the baggage-you'll take it with you, and that'll probably mess up future relationships.

Instead, stay focused on what you want and what Mr. Right is to YOU.
I'd rather be alone looking for Mr. Right than be with Mr. Right Now to soothe my ego.
Wouldn't you?

[big] the red flags-and how to spot them[/big]
These are things to look out for-and head for the hills when you spot them.

1. He acts like a "pimp" or a "player"

2. He is rude or disrespectful to people.

3. He's disrespectful to woman or treats them like objects.

4. He talks down to you.

5. He makes you feel bad about yourself.

6. He is verbally or physically abusive.

7. He acts different when he's around other people.

8. He's overly defensive or secretive about his past.

9. He cheated on you- or any of his ex girlfriends.

10. You're the girl he cheated on his ex girlfriend with.

11. He doesn't like you going out with your friends without him.

12. He doesn't trust you, and doesn't like you doing things without him Or he questions you about what you do when he's not around.

13. When you fight he yells or gets mean-EVEN if he's sorry later. RUN.
Remember-fighting is one thing, but being mean or getting out of control is NOT OK.

14. He justifies bad behaviors of his past. Such as "I only did that because" or "it wasn't my fault" "I had to because.." These types of people won't take responsibility for their past mistakes-which means they'll probably repeat them.

You get the idea-basically, if it doesn't look good-take note, and run.
It's not being judgmental or picky-it's called having standards!!!!

One last thought:
Look for the qualities you want in your husband when dating.

I used to think this was sooo dumb when I was younger. As I got older I realized this is the wisest advice I have ever been given. And my relationships are better because of it.
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By ladybug981
On 12/23/2003 17:19:53
that was a great post!! karma for you!! very sound advice on how to find a boyfriend w/o having ppl throw themselves at random guys and losing all self-respect. thank you so much!
How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By Jaina2000
On 12/23/2003 18:23:25
Yay for Crisy and her interludes of sanity!
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By tiny_dancer17
On 12/23/2003 19:40:44
what would we do without crisy? thanks that was brilliant. it made me re-think my current crush and.. i realized that hes actually a nice guy. thanks :)
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By KuteDancer4Life
On 12/23/2003 20:20:09
That's awesome!! Definitely something we all needed to know and hear!! Thanks Crisy!!
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By toria413
On 12/23/2003 20:43:40
Gosh, that is some great advice...very, very helpful. Thanks
Toria
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By Ava_Adora
On 12/24/2003 01:16:55
wow

your so wise. Karma for you!!!


it seems i have things in order now to meet a great guy. Only problem is im shy and have problmes talking to guys. I hope that some one sees me behind my shyness.

your list idea i thought was cool. The first column i dont think was nessicary. I ended up with a huge list of all the things everyone wants i guy and it kinda felt like i was getting my hopes up. The second list tho is the most improtant



great job


AVA
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By OhYeahTapper
On 12/24/2003 11:16:09
Wow! That was some awesome advice, from a girl who knows what she's talking about. :)

karma
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By Primadonna
On 12/24/2003 18:56:04
You're brilliant.

I mean that.
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By rosagurl27
On 12/24/2003 20:51:37
Okay...I really messsed this up, wrote about 2 pages and lost it all...let me try again later :(
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By dancinlilfool89
On 01/01/2004 19:23:17
Awesome Post Girl

Keep Um coming

Peace Out Girl Scout

MO
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By lilangelgurl458
On 01/01/2004 21:53:48
Oh boy crisy is on fire! SHe strikes again!!!! karma...
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By miss_india
On 01/02/2004 22:51:56
great post crisy !
you always have something wonderful .

karma!

luv
miss india*
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By beginner_dancer
On 01/07/2004 17:24:33
Karma 4 u! Great post!
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By louzer148
On 01/08/2004 17:36:49
Alright, so I don't really think it's necessary to list qualities desired in a guy/girl. I mean, honestly, my current boyfriend doesn't have many of the qualities that I think I would want. But as it turns out, I'm happier with him than I was with a guy who had them all. People just need to give others a chance before labeling them, and not dating them because they aren't what they want. You might be pleasantly surprised.
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By PinUpGirl
On 01/17/2004 21:41:19
I made a list after my last breakup. Two relationships showed me what I didn't want and I had a few ideas of my own. That list helps keep in perspective what I want and what I don't. I've been single for almost 2 years, and perfectly happy to be so. A decent guy hasn't come along and I haven't been willing to settle. I agree totally with everything you said.
~Itarilde
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By Dancerlicious
On 01/21/2004 17:18:36
That was a really great post! Just one comment, maybe if a guy acts different around you than he does his friends, it just may mean he likes you, but he's shy and doesn't want to admit it, of course this could be good or bad.

*:.:*:.:*:.:*
*:.:Jen:.:*
*:.:*:.:*:.:*
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By msindependent08
On 01/24/2004 18:07:31
wow! great post! i like this guy and he's supposidly a "bad boy" and i personally am kinda "afraid" or w/e that i'm not the type he likes... i wish i had more self confidence, any advice for that? thanx! karma for u!!!
~ash~
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By ballerina_bobby
On 01/27/2004 20:33:30
If I could give out karma I would give it to you.
How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By DanceQT22
On 02/01/2004 12:52:15
i loved your post i was think all weekend about this guy now i know 4 sure hes a really great guy i knew B4 he was but this just helps him look better!
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By marbear
On 02/03/2004 18:08:38
this post was so awesome and i totally believe everything that was said!!!!!
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By Incarnadine
On 02/07/2004 10:07:18
Msindependant:
Ehh- confidence IS kind of hard to muster- at first.
As I've gotten a bit older I'm not so hung up on that though.

I know this is going to sound so "mom-like"- but this is true:
In order to be confident on the outside- you have to be confident on the INSIDE.
And this does take work.

You need to focus on the things about yourself you like and are proud of- when you start being too hard on yourself: STOP.
And remind yourself of your great qualities- and yes- EVERYONE HAS GOOD QUALITIES!!!

IF you start making a habit of complementing yourself- it'll get easier and you'll even start to feel better about yourself.

Also- it helps to recognize that no one's perfect: EVEN this guy you're crushing on. So don't be so hard on yourself.
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By dixiedancedoll
On 02/07/2004 14:46:56
that was the best advice ever! i've been questioning whether to break up with my bf all day and now i know i should! thanx!
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By dauntouchablegrl
On 02/18/2004 22:14:34
Awsome post! After reading that I changed my whole perspective. I broke up with my ex 5 months sgo and I was missing and thinking about him lately. After reading the red flags I realized that he fit just about all of them. Great guy huh? Well thanx to you I have my head straight and I'll be keeping my eye open for the one.
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By blochgal
On 02/25/2004 19:09:01
Awesome, and very true! Karma for you!
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By tamora
On 03/04/2004 13:27:26
Really? wow great post!
HOW TO FIND A GREAT BOY/GIRLFRIEND
By HipHopChick2
On 03/13/2004 16:45:30
i think that advice is really good to use when looking for someone special. i think anyone who is looking for a guy should read this, it might help!
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By Frank_the_tank
On 03/20/2004 23:45:41
It's not that "all guys are jerks"- it's that you're too stupid to pick them right


so freaking true
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By xxkirstyxx
On 03/25/2004 16:36:44
wow excellent advice good on you
kirsty xxxxx
great
By beautiful637186
On 03/28/2004 20:29:48
i thought that was very very good i liked it alot. It made me realize a lot of things and thats good. i thank you for that.good job!:)
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By DANCER726
On 04/05/2004 21:20:25
Thanks a ton.
I am about to start high school and I have been freaking out about boys etc.
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By jazzy_chik169
On 04/24/2004 08:08:41
Crisy, put quite simply, you rock! You're so good at this advice thing that you should have your own talk show. That was a great post, and it should really help people who have all the "How can I get him to notice me?" "Why don't I have a boyfriend?" questions. Fantastic!
Love,
Rach
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By diva_child
On 05/23/2004 00:31:27
im printing this out and taping it to my wall!!!!...really...the printer is in function as of right now cause i know ill forget later, lol. Karma....if i had any, lol again.

*~@shlee
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By encore4
On 05/27/2004 21:15:30
omg, GREAT post!
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By Luv2DancePointe
On 06/13/2004 14:37:29
Definately KARMA for you!!! A lot of this I needed to take for myself, but I printed it out to give to my friend. She always screws herself over with dumb guys. But the red flag stuff, is definately something I need to remember! Thanx sooo much! :)

~Luv~
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By CdSDaNcEr2814
On 06/13/2004 23:32:37
great post...thanks for all the advice!
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By aikenforclay
On 06/14/2004 22:06:03
Thanx
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By balletfevergal
On 06/23/2004 18:36:09
that is such a great post...thanks for helping! karma for you
good post
By Dancingfever13
On 07/06/2004 01:41:18
yes thats the main thing we need to know guys love to act like a pimp ypu did the right thing to warn us



love,
jay jay
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By caspers_divas
On 07/06/2004 03:25:59
Fabby post - put alot of things in perspective for me! Fanx Crisy!
luv x x me x x
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By rejectedloser91
On 07/07/2004 08:30:39
WoW!!!That was a good post!!!Good job!!!
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By DancingPinky
On 07/07/2004 15:36:05
Wow chrissy another fab. post! KARMA!!!
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By flower_face
On 07/10/2004 06:46:33
Finally!! I've been telling my friends the SAME THING for years now and not one will even make a list,let alone follow it.I have been mostly single but always tell myself never to settle no matter how any people say "you're too picky". Yet they call me crying when the 20th guy has just been a jackass and they're heartbroken.I found someone amazing, it's unfortunate there's distance and neither can relocate.But..it's evidence there are great men out there & I try to not lose hope that one of these years I'll find another.It's so comforting to not be the only person who makes lists.lol
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By Incarnadine
On 07/10/2004 16:23:15
Flowerface:
There's nothing wrong with being picky! ;)

As a matter fact- girls (and WOMEN) should be MORe picky...maybe then they wouldn't be stuck with losers and complaining all the time. And maybe guys would realize they need to keep their noses clean too.
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By flower_face
On 07/10/2004 21:11:54
hehe Thanks Crisy. I think of it as "time saving".lol It's a good thing to know what you're looking for, and not settle or waste your time (or someone else's)just to be with anyone.As you said, at least you aren't putting up with Mr.Wrong when Mr.Right finally shows up.haha I'm proud of being picky.LOL
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By Incarnadine
On 07/10/2004 21:22:59
Totally.

Besides- I dated a guy for FOUR YEARS- and it didn't work out. That's a long time to datr someone without it going anywhere.

And i'm not getting any younger- not that I'm looking to get married- but still I think I'm at the age where relationships just aren't worth the hassel unless the guy is a keeper...therefore I'm picky- but being picky just means you have standards- and not a thing wrong with having standards.
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By flower_face
On 07/15/2004 09:40:47
WOW! 4 years is long time, but it's so true, even if you aren't getting married any time soon,if someone isn't great an it's going no where what's the point? I mean, I'm 27,not so old, but have always been serious minded and had high standards & don't want to feel I'm not enjoying the other things by settling.I'd regret settling forever, and feel the other person deserves someone who thinks they're amazing..if I'm not the person I shouldn't hold them back.Besides,I have so many other interests I still have fun even if I'm single & although having someone can be great,I feel bad and get annoyed with friends who have no other interests/hobbies are lost without a partner.I'm romantic at heart, but it's not so healthy or rounded if you can't discuss anything but your partner ,or being miserable without one.I feel kinda lucky to have other things, keeps me less likely to settle. I have a couple sayings *thick Irish accent*
"NUN FINER" & "NUN but the BEST" Keeps my spirits up. haha
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By DaNcEr4LyFe21
On 07/22/2004 18:28:46
That was a great post! karma.

DaNcEr4LyFe21
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By buttons425
On 07/23/2004 08:25:07
thats an awesommmeeeeee postt!!!!! wowwww. it helps.
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By lacey_graham69
On 07/24/2004 17:19:02
that was a great post although I did not totally agree with everything that you said but you did have a lot of good advice so good job!!!!!
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By ballerinagirl06
On 07/27/2004 22:39:59
This is EXCELLENT advice, crisy! Thanks very much for reminding us all! You are very open, and I think we all should follow your advice. Way to go...

ballerinagirl06
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By Libra69
On 08/09/2004 21:10:40
thats great
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By AJazzyDancer
On 08/30/2004 19:28:27
pretty cool... I don't go hunting for guys or anything though... guys think i play hard to get.... but i AM hard to get.. I belive in alot of the things you said.
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By RGfan
On 09/05/2004 14:03:47
Awesome point and true.But sometimes i feel lost.i know i'm very picky but i'm beggining to think i'm way too picky and maybe the problem is not him but me.like for example: i dated this guy and he would hang out alot with his friends at night(not that i have anything agaisnt it)but it kinda bothered me and i didn't know how to tell him, then i though ok i think i'm over reacting or maybe it bothers me because i don't and can't do the same.So i was confused.Does that mean i should date guys that don't go out at night just because i can't?lol but it's not just the going out at night part there were other situations.I and i was beggining to worry because little details like these can change a person completely just to satisfy him.
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By skizzo
On 09/18/2004 23:39:13
dope. karma.
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By sparxx
On 09/22/2004 13:42:50
Thanks so much Crisy,very informative
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By BabeStar
On 09/25/2004 09:53:40
HI
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By luvin_danz_bub
On 10/06/2004 22:07:14
GREAT POST!!! and some great advice!! thanx mate!
dani*
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By boyzarebull6421
On 10/11/2004 22:27:26
THANK YOU CRISY
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By chelciemoore
On 10/12/2004 15:26:33
very great advise 4 real
thankx
By Sammi1505
On 10/14/2004 18:36:45
U seem tew kno lots bout this stuff. So i think i could use ur help. I like this one guy but he has a girlfriend. But met this other guy who lives in my complex n he has a gf tew my friends say i should give the guy who lives in my complex a kiss n c wat he sayz. but i dont know wat he would say.
Let me kno wat u guys think PLZ.
thankx
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By ginger_dancer
On 10/25/2004 19:48:02
my bf well ex- is smoking drugs thats one of the reason's we are now finished. Hhas asked me to get back with him and to be honest i think it is love but there is one thing holding me backactually 2-----> 1) He is still using drugs 2) I am afraid he may ask me to get involved and i dont want to.

Another reason y i finished with him in the first place is that he gets very violent towards his younger siblings well step siblings but thats not the point , if he misses his dose of drugs he threatnes to punch someone's face in as they walk pat him. I am frightened of him now and beginning to feel desperate for some help for him.

It would be nice if someone could reply with some advice...thank you for taking the time to listen
Kirsty
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By Incarnadine
On 10/26/2004 09:09:23
[q][b]U seem tew kno lots bout this stuff. So i think i could use ur help. I like this one guy but he has a girlfriend. But met this other guy who lives in my complex n he has a gf tew my friends say i should give the guy who lives in my complex a kiss n c wat he sayz. but i dont know wat he would say.
Let me kno wat u guys think PLZ.[/b][/q]

I think it's super evil to go after another girl's man.

If these guys have girfriends- you should stay away from them and keep your hands off...be respectful of their relationships.

Secondly- I'm sure you'd be pissed if a girl tried to kiss YOUR boyfriend right? So why would you do that to someone else?

It's never- EVER ok to kiss another girls boyfriend- even if you don't know her, even if they're going to breakup, or even if he says he wants to- DON'T DO IT.

Finially- it'll make YOU look like a jerk.
Even if he does kiss you back- he'll now know you're the kind of girl who will kiss a taken guy- and he won't respect you.

To make matters worse, if he will cheat on his girlfriend with you- he'll cheat on you too. If he's the kind of guy who will kiss a girl when he has a girlfriend- then he's scum.

Bottom line- keep your hands off and find your own man.
That's the best advice for all the people involoved.
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By Incarnadine
On 10/26/2004 09:17:17
[q][b]my bf well ex- is smoking drugs thats one of the reason's we are now finished. Hhas asked me to get back with him and to be honest i think it is love but there is one thing holding me backactually 2-----> 1) He is still using drugs 2) I am afraid he may ask me to get involved and i dont want to.

Another reason y i finished with him in the first place is that he gets very violent towards his younger siblings well step siblings but thats not the point , if he misses his dose of drugs he threatnes to punch someone's face in as they walk pat him. I am frightened of him now and beginning to feel desperate for some help for him.

It would be nice if someone could reply with some advice...thank you for taking the time to listen[/b][/q]

This guy is messed up on MANY levels... he does drugs, he is violent...do you need another reason to get the hell away from him?

Seriously?

This guy has major issues. And it sounds like he has some behavioral and psychological problems too...and those are big red flags to keep far away from him.

Secondly- and I don't mean this rude...but did you not read the thread? Because at the very end of the thread there's a list of bad things that you should look out for- and RUN if you see...and this guy fits into ATLEAST 5 of them.

I know when you care about someone you want to help them- no matter how screwed up they are. I'm sure you mean well too.

But this guy can't be "saved" or "helped". He needs to take responsibilty for himself. You can't do anything to help him. And if you try you'll only be putting yourself in to a screwed up situation.

So in other words- cut your loses and RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN.
Don't talk to him. Don't hang out with him, don't even try to be his friend and help him- RUUUUN.
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By japori
On 10/31/2004 20:16:08
Crisy, thank you very much for your great post! It took me a long series of baaaad relatioships to come to the realization of what you just wrote. You're right. If we are with a jerk, it's because whe CHOSE to.
The good thing about this is that now I can look for a guy who will treat me right, who has the qualities I'm loking for. And if he doesn't I just won't bother getting involved. Trying to change a guy just won't work!
Way to go, thanks again :)
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By aliciaballerina
On 11/05/2004 01:27:52
thanks for taking your time and sharing!
its really great thanks sooo much!!!!

"dance for life"
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By JT50
On 11/06/2004 12:55:29
awesome post! great advice! thanks
hey
By hurricanedancer
On 11/07/2004 14:03:09
hey thanks for the comments i was looking for this kind of info for a longtime thanks so much and the info you have out knocks out the guy i was after because he was mostly all of them but theres plently out there i'm sure but thanks alot!!!!
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By Sapphire88
On 11/08/2004 18:57:37
Great Post!! I really liked it
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By dancesarahdance
On 11/08/2004 23:01:50
very good..
makes me evaluate my own situation..
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By ncblubonnet07
On 11/12/2004 16:18:12
that was great of you to put on here i am going to use it when i search for a new boyfriend thanks!!!
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By Luv2dance049
On 12/10/2004 17:32:09
wow...that was really helpful. it made me realize that they guy i like is a really great day!!
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By HipHopChick2
On 12/11/2004 10:03:06
That was definetly some great advice!!!
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By jazzie_razzie
On 12/18/2004 23:47:22
Thank you SoOoOoO much I greatly apreciate it!
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By StArPoInTe
On 12/30/2004 16:38:39
OH my goodness I feel so stupid. This is the best advice I have ever read or been given. Thank you soooooo much.

Luv STAR
How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By IndianQueen_001
On 01/01/2005 01:06:48
You can find a great boyriend/girlfriend by being yourself. Standing up for what you believe in. Don't try so hard looking for one. If you do you'll end up with a person that trys to hard to impress.
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By GhettoGal
On 01/22/2005 04:18:24
I fi8nk your post was gr8! cheerz!
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By je_danse66
On 01/29/2005 15:50:19
GREAT post! it's really important to think about those sorts of things before you just jump into them. sometimes it's hard to tell if a guy is really who he says he is.
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By nikki04
On 02/01/2005 05:51:15
great post!!
love nikki xxx
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By nikki04
On 02/01/2005 05:52:54
i rated you for that!!
great advice
love nikki xxx
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By Incarnadine
On 02/01/2005 08:35:03
[/q]Thank you for that advice. I really needed to hear that, but I have a 2 questions.

1.) Does this apply to lesbians too?[/q]

Well, I'm not a lesbian- but I'd say- yes. When your homosexual- you're still looking for a good boy/girlfried right? it just happens to be someone as the same sex as you. You should still look for the things you want in a person just like hetrosexual people do. And you should still look out for the "red flags" like a hetrosexaul person would.


2.) I understand what your saying but what if you have been in this kind of relationship for over 5 years, and you feel as though you still love them? I love my boyfriend but some the stuff you pointed out that was bad was some of the stuff he does. Can you help me?


Well- I'm not sure if I mentioned this in this thread- but the first boyfriend I ever had was a 4 year relationship. We started dating right before I turned 17 and were together until I was 21. We talked about getting married and he was my first love.

But as the years went by- he became a different person. He didn't treat me well anymore and got in to drinking and drugs. I was miserable- but I loved him. I realised that was no excuse to stay in a bad relationship.

Sometimes you feel love for people that you shouldn't. When this happens- you HAVE to get away and move on. YOU HAVE TO. Staying in a bad relationship just because "you love him" is a bad reason to stick around. It's not a healthy relationship to be in and it's damaging to you.

Instead- break away from that no matter how hard it is. It will be painful but you WILL get over it and be better off in the end. and you'll have the chance to find a good guy.

When I finally broke it off with my boyfriend- I was devestated. But I got over it and found love again- tis time with someone who deserves my time and love.
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By clutzydancerlife
On 02/15/2005 15:50:02
Wicked post karma comin ur way. Thankyou for all your great advice and for typing all of that out.
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By dancerelmo
On 02/19/2005 20:10:35
That was AWESOME! That was some really good stuff! Nice job! How long did it take to write all that?
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By Dian
On 04/06/2005 09:40:59
I think you have to go through a few boyfriends to know what to put on your lists ;). I've learnt not to go for the hot guys every girl wants and found my prince (who is goodlooking and so good to me) we've been dating 9,5 months now :D
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By faithdance22
On 04/08/2005 18:16:04
My heart is lost to you
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By Incarnadine
On 04/10/2005 11:18:17
Here is a question: i am not one of the girls like in movies who r "losers" but still have courage to ask an "popular" guy out. i am a "loser" who is afraid to talk ramdom guy on the street or mall. How do i get a boyfriend then?


Well first off- you need to stop calling yourself a loser!

You probably can't talk to guys because you're so down on yourself you don't have the confidence or self esteem. Basically- you don't think you're worthy of a boyfriend...so you don't take the chance to find one.

I think before you focus on finding a great guy- you have to learn to love yourself and see yourself as a great girl. Once you do that- you'll be ready to look for a boyfriend. Afterall- how can a guy like you when you don't even like yourself?
how to find a great boy/girl friend
By devil_1
On 04/20/2005 11:07:59
great advice. have been going for the same type of boy for ages and everyone i have been huirt in. it is terrible. i hope there is one decent reliable boy out there who apreciates me for me and not cheat on me i have been through enough to go throught that again!!! devil_1 great advice well done!!!
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By dancing_doll1
On 04/26/2005 00:12:55
EXCELLENT post!!! Thanks so much for sharing. xxx
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By lou_loves2dance
On 04/26/2005 05:06:27
thanks for that.
great post, i just skim read it coz didnt realy have much time but from what i read it was quite good.
thanks again chick
lv lou xxxx :)
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By sugarbabie
On 05/06/2005 17:17:01
thanks i really needed that info!!!! love,mercedez
thats so true....
By DaNcEr16o9
On 05/12/2005 06:32:44
thats so true.... what i have to do is finally find a guy who has NOTHING about him that bugs me, cause theres certain things in guys that bugs me! but i think i finally found that one guy who doesnt have ANYTHING that bugs me!!!!!!!
right.......
By loesje123
On 05/17/2005 05:04:08
U got my interest at first, but you are one of the stereo-typical people youself. YOu are one of those people (in my eye's) who think that you knwo everything. Just because you already "dated" so many boys, ad you have so called "done" every type. And know u try to tell us not to make the same mistake us you did. Well its not our fault you did it. And people need some bad relationships, because everyone goes through it, and it only makes you stronger. Time heals all wounds.
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By queenofhiphop
On 05/21/2005 12:24:24
Oh my gosh! Thank you soooo much for the advice. It surely helped me a lot. Again thank you.

xoxo, Ty
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By APrettyBallerina
On 06/03/2005 19:49:53
Karma!!! Great post! It'll help out so many girls out there! :D Myself included, I'm going to go make that list right now! Now I'm pretty sure the guy I like is a good guy. It'll make a good checklist for future boyfriends. Thanks!

--Odette/Odile--
Oh My God!!
By Dancer1991
On 06/12/2005 08:24:28
That was a realy good piece of advice there crisy...how do you no all these things?! im currently trying to get a "great guy" and he knows i like him...now that you said all those things i know what i have to do...thank you x
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By Shiv_Dancepoint
On 06/12/2005 09:35:55
Hiya
wow very detailed and explantative (sp?) post.
karma for you
luv shiv xxx
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By Incarnadine
On 06/26/2005 10:13:20
'Bout what I said before.Karma anyway for a great post besides the Green Day insult.


LMAO- What Green Day insult? (I'm confused.)
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By luvin_danz_bub
On 06/27/2005 04:31:41
great post!
xXx~DaNnI~xXx
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By XxElysianDncrxX
On 07/07/2005 19:57:16
that was a great post! most girls will date anyone because all their friends have boyfriends IT IS OK TO WAIT FOR MR. RIGHT!!thanks again for the post it will help everyone
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By Snuffles
On 07/11/2005 17:36:27
that was sooo helpful. I have been having a little boy trouble because I am shy around them!
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By Rouxz
On 07/19/2005 12:09:57
Here is my adice...dont look for one...let one run up on you...
Rouxz
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By Jazzy26
On 09/10/2005 10:12:46
What a great post. That is somthing we all need to know.
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By primaballerinakl
On 09/26/2005 10:54:00
thankyou that has helped me a lot

kirsty
xxx
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By latinaspice83
On 09/28/2005 00:34:16
that is great advice. i just wish i could follow it. my husband cheats on me. and i know it. but for some reason i stay.
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By ChYt0wNHonEY
On 10/06/2005 19:55:36
you erally can't find a great boy or girlfriend. things just have to happen naturally b/c sometimes what you want isn't always gonna come. and the mre you want the harder it becomes to find the right one
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By emmydancer
On 10/08/2005 21:04:48
that was a great post! u have realy great wisdom![grin]
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By Mega_Dancer
On 10/17/2005 14:17:54
Those are really great advices, most of them are pretty much my mom's advices too. i'm very careful about choosing boyfriends
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By devils
On 10/21/2005 20:10:28
As stated many many many times above..THANK YOU! That was very interesting to read and gave me a few ideas about what I might be doing wrong as to why I always end up with the cheater, the liar, or the sleaze bag. So thanks again! Awesome post!

*~*Danielle*~*
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By Arwen_
On 11/29/2005 21:25:31
I really agree with the making a list idea. I starting making a list and it turned out to have like 50 must haves on it! I was really surprised. But I think that as girl we settle for less far too often and it needs to stop! A real Prince is out there and all we have to do is find him and go get him!

Arwen ~
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By x_o_x_o_babii
On 01/01/2006 22:06:35
That is such a great post. I learned from it and i think most people will too. ;]
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By broadwaybalerina
On 01/27/2006 06:23:11
Great post and very enlightening, one point I didn't agree with:

Give the nice boys a chance. Give the "geek" a chance. you'll be pleasantly suprized.


The words "give him a chance" are the beginning of suicide of the soul.
I won't date nice boys.
It's not because I'm a massochist.
I don't like (or date) jerks either.

I'm not a nice girl, and they're not attractive to me. Too bad I won't date a guy I don't find attractive.

(And NO, he doesn't have to be a woman battering twit to be attractive, he just has to have goals and a bit of self confidence.)
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By Frilla
On 02/03/2006 10:31:48
Thank you SO much!!!
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By annchen
On 03/10/2006 08:16:25
it was very funny to read this thread.

i don't know why we all love the "bad boys".
i think, it's because of they are not so easy to reach. (sorry for my bad english. ;))
it's much more easy to handle a sensitive guy.
NICE
By sexymama1
On 04/18/2006 14:47:44
I REALLY THINK THAT YOU IS A NICE GIRL. AND ALSO I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT YOU AND ME CAN GET ALONG WELL BECAUSE WE BOTH IS VERY NICE. AND ALSO I REALLY WANT YOU TO SEND ME BACK AN MESSAGE. THANK YOU SO MUCH.
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By jonnyboy5
On 04/23/2006 17:40:44
great job karma i never heard anything quite like it for a long time ... lol
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By jmo684
On 04/25/2006 15:30:45
I waited forever, but i think i found mine.
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By xox_dancer09_xox
On 07/11/2006 17:09:15
brill post!!!

karma for you!! i needed that so much !!!

thanks x x x
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By highlandhearts03
On 09/06/2007 19:01:23
thanks for the great post!
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By Jada
On 09/30/2007 14:41:42
Great idea but I think its pretty pathetic that some people actually HAVE to be TOLD this! Shouldnt it just be common sense?
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By amii_bbe_xxx
On 03/13/2008 13:13:32
amazing post I love it...x
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By dancefreak365
On 02/14/2009 15:37:21
nice! basically, i think everyone should find out who the real person they have as a boyfriend/girlfriend are. yes it sounds silly but you have 2 know what your dealing with and if your with the right person for you
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By passion4danceXOX
On 03/08/2009 13:27:06
Wow thanks for all the tips. I haven't read them all yet but I wanted to let you know how much this is going to help me pick out the best guys. I love the thing about how we always think all guys are jerks, but WE are the ones that pick them! :D
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By hapadancer127
On 04/01/2009 19:31:06
wow this is oh so very awesome :D
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By WorkingOnIt123
On 04/19/2009 05:42:41
thanks so much! this is such a great post :)
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By dancegal2002
On 04/22/2009 00:46:16
I read this great advice about 4 years ago, and it is still so relvant and useful!!!! WELL DONE!!!!! :-)
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By Piano_on_Pointe
On 07/08/2009 21:03:27
Awesome thread! Karma for you! My friend's mom told me & my friend once, "Never date someone who you wouldn't marry." And it's true. I'm about to go soak in the tub with a notebook, make a list like you said, and look at the guys in my yearbook and see which guy fits the qualities best. =) Sounds like something fun to pass the time by. Thanks!
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By KeepOnSingin
On 09/07/2009 19:08:46
I don't get the never date someone you wouldn't marry thing...my ex broke up with me because we weren't gonna get married...but honestly, how many 17 year olds are dating their future spouse?
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By dancing_rokker
On 04/10/2010 00:13:07
This is amazing advice, thankyou for posting this up.
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By KODancer202
On 12/11/2010 12:49:05
My advice: Don't think about it and it will happen. :)
re: How to find a great boy/girlfriend
By CelticBelle
On 01/22/2014 15:58:21
Thank you for posting this awesome message! My daughter attends an all-girl high school, and they need to "hear it straight" sometimes, from someone other than their parent! I especially like the part that its better to be looking for Mr. Right than being with Mr. Right Now. (And...who even needs a Mr. in her life when she is too busy discovering the great, big, amazing world on her own terms! ;-)

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