My mom gets drunk EVERYNIGHT. And denies it the next morning. Hello, Dad almost left us permanently because you drink "your wine" everynight!

I wish I could tell my best friend about the devil that comes out in my mom at night and the biggest fight that happened between my parents about a year ago. But, I can barely talk to my sister (my twin) about what happened that night.

I have had a crush on this guy at my school for almost 3 years. We used to be friends. Then he didn't want to be my friend anymore. I got so upset that I stopped talking to him. Now I wish that it could be the way it used to be between us. And to make it even more awkward, we have all the same friends. I feel like I could tell him anything and everything, if only we were still friends...

I love dance, but I don't know, sometimes I hate it with such a passion that I just want to quit. My teacher critiques me sooo much and I know that it is supposed to be constructive but there's a point where it isn't constructive anymore. I could never switch studios because I love her and the studio too much. I just wish I could do better in class so that I could stop being the center of all her critiques.

My best friend is the best ever but sometimes she can be so judgemental that I don't want to even try telling her about the problems I have had to face at home.

None of my friends listen to anything that I say. I can see there eyes glaze over. Yet I always listen to what they are going through but I know that they could care less about me.

But you know what? I have it a lot better than so many others and am thankful for everything that I have. So I guess I really shouldn't be complaining.

God Bless.

If I have a calorie deficit below 500 any day in the next two weeks, I will cut myself.

I just needed to put this somewhere permanent, so I know that I'll stick by it.

I ate almost 3000 calories today... I was doing wonderfully until my mom decided that we had to get Ben and Jerry's. Ugh. My BMI is perfect for now but I'm going to get huge... I just don't want to be fat. I'm going to have to work out hard tomorrow.

I LOVE SEX.
I LOVE ANYTHING THAT HAS TO DO WITH SEX, AND PORNOGRAPHY, AND BONDAGE.
I WATCH PORNOGRAPHY ON AN ALMOST DAILY BASIS, AND I MASTURBATE TO IT.
I LOVE TO WATCH PEOPLE HAVE SEX.
I HAVE HOOKED UP TOO MANY TIMES WITH PEOPLE I DIDN'T DATE.
I AM TRYING TO FIND SOMEONE WHO WON'T BE JUST A ONE NIGHT STAND

I'm severely questioning my sexuality. I'm a guy and I've only had desires for girls. I love girls, I only want to date girls, I want to be in relationships with girls, I want to eventually marry and have children with a girl, etc. So why do I love giving my hot guy friends oral sex? Why am I so sexually attracted to them in this manner? I don't consider myself bisexual because I don't have any attraction to guys in any other way, but am I wrong?

I'm so unhappy right now with everything. I'm doing horribly in school and I have no direction. I'm overweight and I'm too scared to lose the weight because I'm afraid of failure. I have no idea what is going to happen. I just wish sometimes that I would get cancer or something so that I could die without having to try to do anything else.

I can't take responsibility for anything I do. I'm too scared to.

I really don't care about anyone but myself, but I do a damn good job of pretending I do.

My hot guy friends like getting oral from me because I swallow. They think that's awesome. I do to.

I just wish that I had another penis in my mouth and that I didn't WANT to have another penis in my mouth.

I have a lot of secrets and I feel like a terrible person because of them.

I really don't enjoy sex that much. I mean it's fun and I like feeling connected with him, but it's just not this explosively amazing experience that I yearn for. It's just "meh."

I never got along splendidly with my parents. I'm in college now, and not having to deal with them is wonderful. However, there's this deep guilt inside me that wishes we could just get along, and I always feel like it's my fault. However when I tell anyone about a fight we had, they always think my parents are ridiculous. I think about the day that they die, and how terribly sad I will feel that we never got along. They freaking raised me from birth, being a parent isn't easy, and they love me, but they just don't show it very well. Especially my dad. We absolutely do not get along. But when he's gone I will hate myself for having lost the chance to get along with him. Every time I try to mend things it never works...

I struggled with anorexia in my mid teens, severely enough that it required a month of hospitalization and a year of out patient treatment. I often wish I still had it. Feeling empty and cold is comforting to me, and I wish I still was sick. I always have that little voice that tells me I'm fat and I shouldn't eat. Frankly, I'm ok with it.

I hate myself most of the time. I feel like I'm awkward, mean, lazy, selfish, stupid, irresponsible, childish, and a failure. I know this isn't true, but sometimes I hate myself so much I just want to die.

When I was really little (2nd grade I think) I saw a blind girl at a park. I thought it would be funny to run up, tap her on the shoulder, and run away. So I did. I'll never forgive myself. It makes me cry to think that I was such a monster.

This past week has been terrible. I'm under tons of stress that revolves around school, and I just feel like giving up. I really wish I would get hit by a bus or something so I didn't have to deal with all this stuff right now.

I posted some secrets on here a while back, no one replied and that uspet me. I don't mean to sound selfish.

I can't bare not being able to wear my short sleeve shirts or take off my jacket now I've moved up to 6th form, cos no one there knows about my self harm scars.

I never realised up until a few months ago, but I was emotionally and physically abused by my old stepdad. I just thought it was normal at the time.

I've fallen for a guy at my new sixth form, and it turned out he liked me back. Drawback, he has a girlfriend. We kissed a lot at a party, and he fingered me. I wish I'd done further with him, and the only reason I didn't was because I was scared of someone walking in on us. Is that slaggy? I really REALLY like you, but you're still with your girlfriend, even after all the nice things you said to me, and even worse, you cheated on your grilfriend and she doesn't know.
Now you don't speak to me, since returning to 6th form after christmas holidays, and that upsets me. Just give me a hug at least, or say hi? I hate akwardness.

I came to DDN thinking people would be warm and accepting. People in real
life are so harsh, and the people here seemed so supportive. I just
joined, and already I feel attacked and rejected for no reason. What
happened to benefit of the doubt. I was just saying hi.

A year ago I was not eating very much and when I was I was throwing it up again.
I was cutting so I could get some of my frustration and anger out.
I was popping pills and drinking all the time.
I was sleeping with guys just to try and prove to myself that someone wanted me, but those guys never knew anything about me, nor I about them.

Today I am a completly different person. I have not thrown up my food in 8 months.
I have not cut in 10.
And have seperated myself from those guys for about a year.
The pills I have not been doing so well with as I slipped a month ago. But I am back on track now.
The drinking is also under control. I now only drink occasionally, and not nearly as much.

I thank my new best friend for all of the positive changes in my life. She and I have helped eachother overcome a lot in our short friendship. She has helped me to see that not all guys are going to hurt you. And that things are not as bad as they may sometimes seem.

If you asked me a year ago where I thought I would be today I probably would have said, dead.
If you asked me today I would tell you, I don't know but I am going to be here to find out.

Life isn't that bad and it is worth living.

I really just need advice and I don't want to make a post about it...I was in the situation with this guy for almost a year. I HATED having sex. He didn't care if I was into it, so it hurt terribly bad. On more than one occasion, we started to have sex and I told him to stop because it hurt too bad, that I didn't want to continue. He would tell me no and proceed. Basically, I just want to know if that would be considered rape. I'm not going to do anything about it (legal action or anything), but I'm just curious. I told him to stop, and he wouldn't, but I didn't struggle against him or anything. I just laid there. Ugh, I don't know. I've never told anyone about this, so I only have my thoughts about it. Advice please?

I really just need advice and I don't want to make a post about it...I was in the situation with this guy for almost a year. I HATED having sex. He didn't care if I was into it, so it hurt terribly bad. On more than one occasion, we started to have sex and I told him to stop because it hurt too bad, that I didn't want to continue. He would tell me no and proceed. Basically, I just want to know if that would be considered rape. I'm not going to do anything about it (legal action or anything), but I'm just curious. I told him to stop, and he wouldn't, but I didn't struggle against him or anything. I just laid there. Ugh, I don't know. I've never told anyone about this, so I only have my thoughts about it. Advice please?

I cant even send a secret in without stuffing up (it was me who sent to willselfdestruct.com)
I am such a failure.
I am not good at anything
I cant even be popular on ddn.
no one replies to my threads/
I never get any karma.
they fact that there is a top 100 list of ddn\'s just reminds me that I cant even be accepted on the internet. go figure.

Midterms are over. After chem I said to my mom, I don't know, it's chem, it's not like I failed. She responded in a rude tone with, "Well obviously not." After physics I told her it was okay. She said, "It's your best subject you should be doing better than okay."

I got an 84 in physics. Out of 125. Very near if not the lowest grade in class. I'm better than that I thought.

I failed chem. People who were doing worse than me got 80s. People who came from regents chem into AP. And because there are certain people, at least one, that did exceptionally well, there is no curve. Last year the midterm was curved 12 points. I'd be passing at least. No curve. Not passing. What the hell am I supposed to tell my mom?? This grade still counts.

And worst is how much effort I put into studying. Into reviewing. Into trying. Into caring.

And...I'm going away on February 16th with a friend and her parents. I cut. I have been cutting for a while. But I know that I can't have her parents finding out. So, I brought the blade into school to give to the only person who I've willingly told about it. I brought it in on the day of my math midterm. I didn't get a chance alone to give it to him though. So I had it the night before chem. I cut a line from my ankle to my hip, with chem written on top. There's no way that will go away in time. It takes much longer than I thought to heal each cut. I never realized. I'm going to have to be so incredibly vigilant on the trip. I can't let my friend, or well definitely her parents, find out.

I wanted to come home and cut more. There are other blades and sharp things in the house I could use. But I promised I wouldn't at least until after the trip. So instead, I walked home in the rain, went to the park, and laid down on the monkey bars and fell asleep for 2 hours. After which I was shivering down to my bones, but I stayed at the park for another hour in the icy rain, limbs numb from the cold, just to think, and to keep myself from the house. If I wasn't going to cut, I was going to have to find something to do. And I know that that very well may be overdose on some pills.

But I don't want to cause that much drama. At least not yet. At least let me suffer some first. I've had spurts of not eating for several, up to four, days at a time, followed by binging and throwing up, followed by a day or two normal, followed by starving again. It's been two days thus far without food, water, anything. Let me be thin and frail and weak, then I'll OD if it's still such a strong urge, which right now, I fear it will be. And let me not ruin my friend's vacation with my problems.



Sorry this is so long, I haven't posted a secret in a while, and a lot has happened...



I told my guy friend very cautiously and nervously that I thought I was falling in love with him. I'm not used to male attention, and he and I click so well together, and he's very playful, but that's just how he is. He has a "girlfriend," though everyone who knows him thinks they aren't a real couple...for multiple reasons. Anyway, I told him one night, and I only wish I could take it back. Not because it isn't true, but because of the events of the next day, which I only just found out (this was about 3 weeks ago).

The next day, he said he was confused and felt like he should have known and wasn't used to having drama, so when a few friends said they were going out drinking, he went along. He's only 17, and he's such a good kid. He came home later and imed me about something very important that he really wanted to say but couldn't...and the way he was typing and speaking made me joke that if I didn't know better I'd think he was drunk. But he had me so worried thinking something else was wrong. But alcohol? That freaks me out to no end. And he has no idea what the important thing was. But he was drinking because of me. He wanted to get away from it all. And he regrets it so much. I feel so guilty.

I'm a senior, but I honestly don't know if I can survive until college. It's too hard. It's not worth it. In retrospect, nothing has been worth the anguish I've had to go through to live. Maybe it won't come to the overdosing stage...maybe I'll just slowly starve myself to death. I wouldn't mind. I've contemplated suicide, but anything I would actively have to do I can't bring myself to, just in case it doesn't work. Then what would happen? But without food...one dies...and so, if I can last...

Sorry for such a long, pointless, depressive teenage tragedy.

I'm so lonely right now. I want a boyfriend so badly. I've had them before, but each time the relationship ends worse than the one before it. I like to think I'm moderatly good looking. And I know I'm smart and funny. I also know I'm fat, but I think in clothes I hide my weight very well. I'm a 16 but everyone thinks I'm a 12. And I'm vain enough to be proud of that. I'm just so tired of being alone. I wish I knew what it took to find a guy in this damn town, without having to resort to the internet.

The closest thing to a boyfiend I have is my best guy friend, who lives two states over for college. I'm visiting him in April, and all I want to do is get totally drunk off my ass and sleep with him. We were basically a missing condom away from sleeping with each other 2 years ago, and even though that experience ended very badly (he freaked out and ignored me for two weeks) I want to do it again. He's admitted himself that he feels horribly about how he treated me, and want us to hook up again as well. I know in type this sounds like a horrible idea, but I really think we'd make good friends with benefits. I feel like he's the only prospect I have. And I don't even find myself that attacted to him. I just want someone to be close to me, even if it doesn't mean anything. I really can't find words to describe how empty I feel. It just aches all the time. I deserve better than this!

I like to look at guy on guy porn/ read yaoi.

I've never kissed a guy.

I've never had a real relationship with a guy.

I used the only guy I went out with.

I'm starting to get fat and I hate it. I can feel my jeans getting tighter. I used to be so skinny, and I took it for granted, I have to get back on track.

My ex-best friend was a huge bitch to me. She is basically the reason I'm so messed up now. I have no self-confidence when it comes to dating guys anymore. I was asked out by many guys a few years back when we were friends, but she'd always turn them down for me. They would ask her first and she'd say, "She'd never go out with you." before I even got a word in edgewise. She used to tell me all the boys I liked were ugly and that I was stupid for liking them.
She was the only person I was allowed to hang out with. If she found out I hung out with other people, I'd have to apologize to her. That is one of the main reasons I am the way I am. I never got to hang out with guys. I feel so inexperienced. I've never had a real boyfriend or a proper first kiss and I'm embarrassed to admit it. I want a boyfriend.

I hate people who do zero activities and eat like cows, yet still manage to fit into size 00 jeans. Some of my best friends are like this.

I also hate people who get by in life just being pretty, but are really clueless. Yes, you are drop dead gorgeous. No, you do not have one relatively interesting thing to say. And yet guys are still all over them.

My friends are boring. They never want to hang out with new people and they never want to do new things. Sometimes I wish I had different friends.

I sometimes find it awkward to talk to someone one-on-one. There will be this haunting silence and I never know what to say.

I never tell anyone my deepest feelings. I am the only one who knows. I could never tell my ex-best friend anything because if I did she'd spread it around or make fun of me for it. I know my new best friend would never do that, but I still have trust issues.

I fear rejection, which is one of the reasons I keep it to myself when I start to like someone.

I love my sister, she's the only one who really understands me. I wish I could tell her everything that goes on in my mind.

I've started crying more than ever in the past 2 months. Even certain song lyrics or a TV show can send me off the edge.

I feel as if it's only the bitchy/slutty girls that get the guys. Can't they give the equally pretty, but 10 times nicer ones a chance?

I only talk shit about other people when I can't think of anything else to talk about.

I stress over everything. E V E R Y T H I N G.

I can say something stupid two weeks ago, and still be asking myself why I said it today.

I've started crying more than ever in the past 2 months. Even certain song lyrics or a TV show can send me off the edge.

I don't eat normally. I don't know if this is an eating disorder, but it's
not healthy. I'll go for a while where I obsess over calories and exercise
and work out every day and won't eat more than 600 calories, but then I'll
completely forget it and binge every day.

I'm getting worse. I want to hurt myself so badly. Last week I was so
upset and I was running my hands through my hair and I just clawed at my
scalp, I scratched it as hard as I could and it was such a release that it
scared me... I think I would do something like that again. I get the
strongest urges to make myself throw up and I have tried to do it, but I
stop myself because I want to be healthy again. A few days ago the urge
was so strong that it was all I could do to stand in the middle of my room
and just take it breath by breath, see how long I could stand there.

I'm finally seeking therapy, which I'm just now admitting that I've needed
to do for years. I'm so scared that my dad will find out. My mom finally
sees that I'm hurting myself, but if my dad finds out that I'm seeing a
therapist I'm so afraid he'll talk about me like he talks about my cousin
with depression. I've just screwed up everything, I feel like I'll never
be good enough for him or for anyone.

And it's this attitude that drove me to get help. It's eating me alive. I
know I need help because I feel like such a failure... but I feel like a
failure for getting help.

I want to stop hating myself, and I want to stop hurting myself before it
gets worse.

I'm not in shape because I can't go to the gym. It gets out of control. I
go once and I start obsessing over food and exercise, until I make myself
stop because I know it's not healthy, so I eat and eat until I feel like a
fat pig and I start all over again.

I don't want to tell anyone about how I eat because I am underweight. I
think if I bring attention to this, people will look at my weight and
realize I'm underweight and try and shove a bunch of food in my face. I
don't want to gain any weight, because I've finally lost the weight I've
been trying to lose for months! I'm not unhealthy, I am physically fine.

My best friend has been talking about losing weight lately. She thinks
she's overweight and feels bad about her body, and it scares me. She's
been trying to lose weight through a healthy diet and exercise and it
hasn't been working and I'm afraid she'll start feeling as bad about her
body as I do about mine. I don't want her to take the same path I am
taking.

All I want is my ex boyfriend. I want to go back to last year when I still
loved myself and he still loved me. I'm the reason our relationship ended.
We broke up because I have too many problems and I've been so afraid to
get into therapy for them. He doesn't even know how bad things are, and I
don't either really, I hadn't recognized how screwed up my perception of
food was until I wrote it all down. But I want to try a relationship
again, and I'm afraid. I'm afraid I'm not comfortable with myself, I'm
afraid I'll screw it up again. I'm afraid I'll have sex with him like I
want to and we'll break up in a few months when he leaves for college and
I'll regret it. I'm afraid I'm not ready to try again.

I hate everything so much. I am trying SO hard to put on a happy face and
meet new people, go out and do things, pretend to have fun at these stupid
parties. I'm committed to changing how I think because this is horrible.
But there are some days where I just want to say screw it. There are some
times where I just want to give in and cry or yell or fight or anything
and not think about it, not try and deal with it better, not try and
analyze what I'm feeling. And I feel like such an awful person because I'm
lazy about this. How am I going to make these changes if I'm lazy like
that?

I really have been trying. I've been trying but I don't feel like my heart
is in it. I don't feel like I'm getting anywhere because all I see is how
I mess up in what I'm trying to do. I can't see anything positive in
myself or my own actions.

I'm scared for people to know how messed up I've become. My only identity
growing up was being the perfect kid- well-behaved, so smart, the great
dancer and musician, polite, mature and respectful. Now, not only am I
mediocre at all of those things, I can't even deal with my problems on my
own. What has happened to me?

I've only had sex with one person, and I only ever wanted to have sex with one person... but there's this little feeling inside that makes me want to go out every Friday night and have sex with whoever I meet. I don't know why - to me that feels like a bad thing, yet I really want to. I feel the same way about weed, I don't want to try it, but then again the want to try it is so overwhelming at times... and I have resources so I could...

I really want to die. Life feels so pointless. Like honestly what do we do - we're born into this world to die. I wish I wasn't born, I wish I was a vegetable. I wish I didn't have to live. I found some Vicadin the other day and I've been thinking about taking it all. I know I'm not going to, but I want to. I wonder who would come to my funeral.

Sometimes I hate my friend. She has never done anything wrong, she's a good person, but sometimes I just hate her. She has everything but she doesn't even realize it and it makes me so mad at her.

Sometimes I wish I was born a boy. Things would be easier if I didn't have to deal with girl stuff. I'm not a lesbian, I think that's gross, but sometimes I just wish I was a guy.

I wish I was pregnant. It honestly seems to solve everything - everyone becomes happy when you are having a baby. I know getting pregnant comes with all sorts of strings, but it seems like in the big picture, it makes things easier and happier.

I wish I wasn't American. I hate our image - I hate how stupid and fat and lazy Americans are, and even though that's not true for all Americans, it is certainly the majority. WHenever I travel I want to pretend I'm from somewhere else - from Canada, just so that people don't assume things because I'm American. I hate America, I plan on leaving when I can, but I will always be considered an American.

i'm still in love with my ex-boyfriend (haha so original), but i am

i don't feel bad about the bad things i've done. i know they're wrong, but the pain i feel when i admit to them is too great to bear, so i choose not deal with them.

i'll never understand the world. why everyone is so happy all the time. i've never been that way and will never understand it.

i wanted to know how it felt to kiss someone so i made out with a guy when i was drunk and he was drunk. i still can't consider this my first kiss because it was so fake.

i hate my breasts because one is lower than the other and i worry that no one will ever find me attractive.

i hate how all of my friends have perfect skin without even trying. they're all beautiful. and i have to have orthognathic surgery to improve my appearance.

colormeGreen wrote:

I've only had sex with one person, and I only ever wanted to have sex with one person... but there's this little feeling inside that makes me want to go out every Friday night and have sex with whoever I meet. I don't know why - to me that feels like a bad thing, yet I really want to. I feel the same way about weed, I don't want to try it, but then again the want to try it is so overwhelming at times... and I have resources so I could...

I really want to die. Life feels so pointless. Like honestly what do we do - we're born into this world to die. I wish I wasn't born, I wish I was a vegetable. I wish I didn't have to live. I found some Vicadin the other day and I've been thinking about taking it all. I know I'm not going to, but I want to. I wonder who would come to my funeral.

Sometimes I hate my friend. She has never done anything wrong, she's a good person, but sometimes I just hate her. She has everything but she doesn't even realize it and it makes me so mad at her.

Sometimes I wish I was born a boy. Things would be easier if I didn't have to deal with girl stuff. I'm not a lesbian, I think that's gross, but sometimes I just wish I was a guy.

I wish I was pregnant. It honestly seems to solve everything - everyone becomes happy when you are having a baby. I know getting pregnant comes with all sorts of strings, but it seems like in the big picture, it makes things easier and happier.

I wish I wasn't American. I hate our image - I hate how stupid and fat and lazy Americans are, and even though that's not true for all Americans, it is certainly the majority. WHenever I travel I want to pretend I'm from somewhere else - from Canada, just so that people don't assume things because I'm American. I hate America, I plan on leaving when I can, but I will always be considered an American.

Advice please?

Not quite sure how to explain the situation, so pardon the length this may be...

There's this boy (you know things that start like that can't be too good) that I like, umm, a lot. We're like best friends..talk online all hours, hang out after school, we just have fun together. He knows I like him, but...issue is... he has a girlfriend. A girlfriend who I met once years ago so don't really know, but according to others and from what I've figured out, she's very jealous and has an attitude. While I hate being "just friends" with this boy, I basically accepted it, but then...

Well, last night we hung out with 2 other friends (A & B) at one of their houses. We were watching a movie, but it wasn't working so A went upstairs for something. In the interim, as a joke (because B thinks my guy friend and I would be perfect together), I straddled my friend (and he was perfectly fine with it). Then B went upstairs to see what was taking A so long. In that time, this boy and I basically took turns straddling each other...all in good fun though. Umm, except that I'm sorta positive he had a boner, which was about the point I stopped jokingly straddling him, although he jumped on me when A and B came back. Afterwards though, we sat normally watching the rest of the movie, the boy and I snuggling very very close.

Talking to him later, I said something like, I dare think what B thought when she came back downstairs. So he said, well, we weren't actually doing anything. And, half kidding, I said, unfortunately. To which he responded yup. I stopped him, noting that his response meant he agreed with me, and he said mhmm. So then I said, you're not supposed to... and he said, nope.

Then today, I was talking with another friend, also friends with B, and she said that B has been trying to convince my guy friend to ask me out...but that he's afraid to... and that he knows I'm going to college this year (he's a junior), and is holding onto his gf as a "security blanket" (mind you this is from what friend B told this other friend, so this is definitely not from my guy friend's mouth).

Also, the girlfriend is now extremely jealous of me and afraid that I'll take away her boyfriend. According to most anyone who knows of this girl though, she doesn't deserve him, and he's too sweet and good to her (as she's his first girlfriend). But from my own conversations with this boy, he does like her a lot, and I wouldn't want to break that up, especially since I'm only around another few months. If they were to break up, I don't want to be the cause of it.



So...I'm asking for advice. Should I lessen our friendship, hang out less often, etc? Or should I let things continue as they are, with us basically being boyfriend/girlfriend minus the kissing/physical intimacy aspect of a real relationship? That I don't think is fair to me or his girlfriend. But I don't think he knows what he wants, because, if it's true that he wants me, but is afraid of my leaving for college, he should at least tell me right? We tell each other EVERYTHING. I don't want to make him choose me or his girlfriend, but it's torture to be so close without being in a relationship, and it makes me feel guilty that he doesn't tell his girlfriend anything, I just don't know what to think...

Advice very welcomed please.

I think that I might have OCD. I've kind of self-diagnosed it so I don't know for sure. I told my best friend about it and she kind of just takes it as a joke, but I am totally serious about it.

I feel like I can never be the person that I really am. Nobody has seen the real me, barely even my family. My best friend (the one mentioned above) thinks that I am this conservative person who is so predictable and is always quiet. That is not who I really am. I am a good person who has morals but I'm not some 2 dimensional person. And the thing is, when I've tried to show the real me, she and the rest of my friends don't except it. I get the "alsdf, I didn't know that you would do that!" I don't live in a convent for goodness sakes. I wish my friends would except all of me. I wish I could find friends who would except all of me.

My dance teacher was trying to figure out who was going to be lifted for this part of our dance tonight and so she decides on a girl who is tall and skinny. (Not in a bad way, she is one of my good friends and she would be good to lift.) But then she says, "I don't want to use (Me) or (this other girl who is about the same size as me) because you two are.... a bit more.... muscular." How else would any girl take that other than it meaning how she thought we were fatter than everyone else? You may think I am over exagerating but you should have seen and heard the whole thing. Neither one of us needs to lose weight but that comment made me feel like I did. Other things that my dance teacher has said makes me feel like I need to lose a bit of weight. And I've tried to before, but now, when I finally have a bit more self esteem, I'm not going to let her do that to me. But seriously...how could she say that? Maybe I took it the wrong way but it did not have any other meaning to it.

Advice would be much appreciated. About any or all of it. Any experiences with any of this would be good.

I don't really want to get into it but my mom also gets really drunk almost every night. I hate it so much. And I hate the part of her that she becomes when she drinks. Any advice on that would be great too.

God bless.

I think you are a total loser if you don't go out and party by the age of
17.

Drinking is cool, smoking is cool, and drugs are cool. You can keep
telling yourself "I'm being good!" "I'm just smarter than everyone else!"

No, it's not the case. You're a total loser AND YOU KNOW IT. Get over
yourself and start partying like everyone else. People are not dumb
because they party and drinking and doing drugs is not going to kill you.
It's not bad, it's normal.

If you never do it, you don't know anything about it, so you can't talk.
I don't care if you went through the DARE program in elementary school.
If you've never gotten drunk, if you've never gotten high, if you've never
snorted a line of coke, you don't know what it's like and you don't
deserve to say anything about it, for or against. PERIOD.

I look down on every straight-edge person. Especially those who look down
on me. You can sit up on your high horse and feel special because you're
a lightweight virgin, but we all know the truth.

To my high-school friends especially: I HOPE you feel left out when me and
my best friend and boyfriend (oh by the way - you're all single, aren't
you? Hmm!) are laughing and talking about our experiences and how much
fun we're going to have tonight. You never give us a straight answer on
whether or not you're going to the party. We finally ditched you, went to
her friend's house, shared stories and a bottle of Pinot Grigio, Miller,
and Yaeger. Later, we went to the party and danced the night away. I
asked you the next day what you did. "Oh, we just talked."

Please! You sat there awkwardly discussing your high teachers! You
didn't have anything to say to us because we had moved out of town and
moved on with our lives. She's happily gone through several boyfriends
while you've 'never-been-kissed,' and I'm about to get engaged, and we're
both eagerly looking forward to the future (and turning 21) while you just
smile your fake smiles at each other and think you're so cool because you
have jokes from high school we don't know. GET OVER YOURSELVES. You're
in COLLEGE. GROW UP!

Do you really think you can get through college without stepping foot in a
frat party? Do you even want to? Do you really never want to experience
getting totally wasted? Don't you want to know what a 'trip' is? We
talked about it later and we realized that we know what's up: you want
to, but you're too scared. We saw the looks on your faces and we know you
want to do that - but you never will, because you're 'good.' If you want
to go through life being scared, fine. The danger is part of the fun of
it. Hell, driving a car is more dangerous.

OH WAIT - YOU'RE 20 WITH NO DRIVER'S LICENSE!

God, I'm so glad I left high school.

---

I got off on a tangent there, but this is also referring to all those DDN
posts, "It's okay to not drink." "No, you're totally right in feeling
that way." Keep saying that. I know you know the truth.

I am by no means a party girl, but SERIOUSLY. Stop lying to the posters
and stop lying to yourselves.

He's going to propose and I can't say no.

colormeGreen wrote:

I think you are a total loser if you don't go out and party by the age of
17.

Drinking is cool, smoking is cool, and drugs are cool. You can keep
telling yourself "I'm being good!" "I'm just smarter than everyone else!"

No, it's not the case. You're a total loser AND YOU KNOW IT. Get over
yourself and start partying like everyone else. People are not dumb
because they party and drinking and doing drugs is not going to kill you.
It's not bad, it's normal.

If you never do it, you don't know anything about it, so you can't talk.
I don't care if you went through the DARE program in elementary school.
If you've never gotten drunk, if you've never gotten high, if you've never
snorted a line of coke, you don't know what it's like and you don't
deserve to say anything about it, for or against. PERIOD.

I look down on every straight-edge person. Especially those who look down
on me. You can sit up on your high horse and feel special because you're
a lightweight virgin, but we all know the truth.

To my high-school friends especially: I HOPE you feel left out when me and
my best friend and boyfriend (oh by the way - you're all single, aren't
you? Hmm!) are laughing and talking about our experiences and how much
fun we're going to have tonight. You never give us a straight answer on
whether or not you're going to the party. We finally ditched you, went to
her friend's house, shared stories and a bottle of Pinot Grigio, Miller,
and Yaeger. Later, we went to the party and danced the night away. I
asked you the next day what you did. "Oh, we just talked."

Please! You sat there awkwardly discussing your high teachers! You
didn't have anything to say to us because we had moved out of town and
moved on with our lives. She's happily gone through several boyfriends
while you've 'never-been-kissed,' and I'm about to get engaged, and we're
both eagerly looking forward to the future (and turning 21) while you just
smile your fake smiles at each other and think you're so cool because you
have jokes from high school we don't know. GET OVER YOURSELVES. You're
in COLLEGE. GROW UP!

Do you really think you can get through college without stepping foot in a
frat party? Do you even want to? Do you really never want to experience
getting totally wasted? Don't you want to know what a 'trip' is? We
talked about it later and we realized that we know what's up: you want
to, but you're too scared. We saw the looks on your faces and we know you
want to do that - but you never will, because you're 'good.' If you want
to go through life being scared, fine. The danger is part of the fun of
it. Hell, driving a car is more dangerous.

OH WAIT - YOU'RE 20 WITH NO DRIVER'S LICENSE!

God, I'm so glad I left high school.

---

I got off on a tangent there, but this is also referring to all those DDN
posts, "It's okay to not drink." "No, you're totally right in feeling
that way." Keep saying that. I know you know the truth.

I am by no means a party girl, but SERIOUSLY. Stop lying to the posters
and stop lying to yourselves.

Getting "wasted" is all right to you? Apparently you haven't had to deal with anyone getting drunk and going into a drunken RAGE. Or have one of your parents almost leave because your other parent gets drunk every night? What about having your drunk parent start going off into one of their rages infront of your friends? What about having to watch as a loved one slowly kills themselves because they drink too much? What about having to decide everynight if it's alright to get into the car with them because they might not be all the way drunk yet? Have you ever had to deal with drunken promises that were never going to happen and are slowly breaking up your family?

I don't know you. Maybe you have gone through it all. Maybe you are going to drink away the pain of your parents drinking. I don't know your reason for getting passed out drunk or getting your high to the heavens. I'm guessing because it's "fun", right?

But how can you sit there and say that the people who don't drink are so bad? Maybe they have had to deal with the outcome of someone getting wasted EVERY SINGLE DAY. Maybe seeing you get drunk and high all the time has showed them someone that they don't want to become.

Sure, maybe I have never gotten drunk or high before but I have seen alcohol and its effects firsthand through one of my parents. But you seriously expect people, like me, to want to go get drunk after watching one of my parents go through that EVERYNIGHT?!

I'm sorry for arguing with whoevers secret this is but I think that you need to take a step back and look around.


babsabbs

(I'm sorry if I went a little bit overboard. If this needs to be deleted, Mods, go ahead. But this is a topic I feel very strongly about)

Do you really think you can get through college without stepping foot in a
frat party? Do you even want to? Do you really never want to experience
getting totally wasted? Don't you want to know what a 'trip' is?