Forum: Advice / GLBT PG-13

HELP! Threesome Questions... (karma: 1)
By GhillieGhal
On Wed Sep 13, 2006 08:24 PM
Image detached by Lirit (28370) on 2006-09-14 06:03:17 Picture irrelevant to the post.

HELP! I have mucho questions about Threesomes and stuff like that.

Ok, I dont know if this is.. safe? ok? right? I'm 16 (and bi) and I just started going out with two others. A bi girl and a guy. They had been going out for a few years before (2 maybe) And just asked me out a few weeks ago, they said they both really like me.

My question is. I'm 16 and they are 18 and 19. Is that too much of an age difference? And also, are threesomes ok? Does anyone have advice on dealing or working with threesomes? I'm perfectly fine with it: I love both of them extreamly - I just want a second (or more) oppion.

We have talked and we're comfortable with eachother. And they have expressed their concerns with me feeling nervous (ect.) with having a threesome and going too fast and such. I dont think that, but they have talked to me, cause some times i wont say how i feel, and they know that so their being extra sweet about everything.

And also, I want to show them I care, I just don't know really how to do that... I'm not good at making first moves. Any advice?

And again: Are their any other Threesomes here that would be willing to talk to me?

THANKS MUCHO!

9 Replies to HELP! Threesome Questions...

re: HELP! Threesome Questions... (karma: 3)
By panicmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Wed Sep 13, 2006 11:29 PM
You're obviously not perfectly fine with it, or you wouldn't have posted this. Clearly, you have some reservations. And for good reason. Threesomes don't work. Even most 2-person relationships don't work out in the long term, and adding a third wheel doesn't make it any easier. Especially when the other two people are already an item. Be cautious.
re: HELP! Threesome Questions... (karma: 1)
By smilnsingermember has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Thu Sep 14, 2006 12:20 AM
if your nervous about the age difference or the threesome, then it shows it needs to be thought about. dont go into anything unless your sure. and if your worried about dating one of the people after you think about it, then just date one. only allow yourself to go as far as your comfortable with.
re: HELP! Threesome Questions... (karma: 4)
By Ayamember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Thu Sep 14, 2006 01:28 AM
Well, for one thing, them having sex with you is ILLEGAL. You are underage, they are adults. I don't have an issue with age gaps, except in the case of teenagers. Three years when you're a teen IS a big difference. They're either in their last year of high school or already in college (or working); you're, what, in 10th grade? It sounds like they might be taking advantage of you.

You "just started going out" with them but you already "love both of them extreamly"? Sweetheart, that's not love, that's lust. Cool your hormones for a second and look at this objectively.

I do not approve of polyamoury. It's not something I'm comfortable with in any way, and tend to believe it's manipulative at best. I especially do not think a 16 year old needs to be getting into a poly relationship (a regular monogamous relationship is difficult enough at that age!), and even more so when the other two people are significantly older. If that makes me a crappy GLBT person because I'm intolerant of this, so be it.
re: HELP! Threesome Questions... (karma: 1)
By DeStijlmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Thu Sep 14, 2006 07:44 AM
^ it doesn't make you a crappy GBLT person :P

I was in a relationship that involved polyamoury last year, and I was 18.
It tore me up completley.

Im going to be blunt, and just advise you to avoid the situation. I know right now it feels like you're heading into something new and exciting, but I think the age difference could make for some HUGE issues in terms of how each of you deals with the releationship.

I couldnt handle a polyamourous relationship as a legal adult, and when I think back to being 16, I couldnt have handled it then either.

Find yourself a nice girl/guy and save yourself the hurt that can come with those kinds of relationships, wait until you're a bit more experienced with dealing with peoples emtoions etc in relationships, before diving headfirst into something like that.

If you have any questions, I'd be happy to disucss my 'threesome' relationship troubles with you, just PM me, its not exactly DDN friendly stuff. ;)
re: HELP! Threesome Questions...
By Ayamember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Thu Sep 14, 2006 09:03 AM
Thanks, DeStijl. I always feel like saying polyamoury squicks me will get a backlash, because I know I ought to be tolerant and all that crap, having gone through the "you're gross and wrong!" end of accusations myself. But--and I want to make it crystal clear I am NOT drawing comparisons outside of the fact that they all give me a "ewwww" reaction--no one expects me to approve of bestiality or necrophilia or heavy (blood drawing) S&M, and yet there seems (of late) to be a sort of "Well, you're queer, you deal with homophobia, why are you hating on the poly?" attitude in a lot of circles. I'm glad ddn isn't one of them. I'm a tad off topic now, so I'll be quiet again.
Right answer
By Celestialdancer
On Sat Sep 16, 2006 10:45 AM
Right answer... when it doesn't feel right, then it isn't!!!
re: HELP! Threesome Questions...
By Ayamember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Tue Sep 19, 2006 06:28 AM
I just read your post on the Ask A Parent board about moving out because he yells at you, and specifically moving in with these two people you lurve so much, and wanted to say, publically, that THAT idea is possibly the most unwise thing I could think of at this point in your life. Please, please, please try to objectively look at the situation. You said that they are both in college already--that's uni, to you international folk--and that you have three years until you are out of high school. These people are USING YOU. I am very concerned for you and the situation you've found yourself in. If there is an adult you can talk to, please do--a teacher, a friend's parent, someone needs to sit down with you and talk this over.
re: HELP! Threesome Questions...
By GhillieGhal
On Sat Sep 23, 2006 06:42 PM
Aya... I've started to get some help. I've talked to my boyfriend and girlfriend about how i feel and told them about my dad. I tried to talk to my dad about it, he wont listen. He told me that he does not want to hear anything I have to say, becuse "nothing you have to say is worth listening to". I told my b/gfriend about it and they decited along with me that they would pay for my counceling and they are helping me break me of my OC-habit of riping/pulling my hair out (i'm going bald at the front/top of my head cause of it.) i'm not going to be moving in with them. i can put up with my dad for another 2 years (it only 2 years, sorry, not 3)

And to your other note:
"You "just started going out" with them but you already "love both of them extreamly"? Sweetheart, that's not love, that's lust. Cool your hormones for a second and look at this objectively."

I just started going out with them about 3 or 4 months about... but i've known them both for about 2 - 2 1/2 years.

Oh and their not using me... clearly. cause they are triing to help me. they come to visit me at luch eveyr day (or most every day) and a couple of times i told them that i wanted to cut my last two classes to go have fun with them, like bowl or shop or just hang out, and they said point blank "NO" they wanted me to stay in school. and gradurate. and they would not alow me to cut school to be with them. if i wanted to hang out with them, ask my dad frist when i;m not in school. like on a weekend or after wards if i dont have homework.

and...

"Well, for one thing, them having sex with you is ILLEGAL."

I know that. And they do too. They wernt even going to ask me out beacuse of the 2 year age differene, but i kept keeping in touch with them and after two months of this, they asked me out, but were nervous of asked me, incase i did not want to. and they have talked to me, like how i feel. the guy once asked me if it was alright, dating both of them. cause he was concered that i felt odd dateing two people. and he wanted me to feel ok with them and not like i had to prove or anything to them. so i guess now that i take a step back. they do care about how i feel about this. being that they have repeadly talked to me about it, they would not even say "i love you" untill i said it first, so they knew i was ok with it...

so.. yah. i guess every things geting better...

THANKS EVERY ONE!
re: HELP! Threesome Questions...
By Ayamember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Sat Sep 23, 2006 07:30 PM
I'm glad you're going to get counselling. Hopefully a good therapist will be able to make you see that what you are doing is NOT good for you at this stage in your life, since my words clearly just glossed over your head.

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