Forum: Advice / GLBT PG-13

Having to pretend..
By Elfinn
On Sat Oct 14, 2006 01:15 PM
Edited by Elfinn (125316) on 2006-10-14 13:18:01

Hi, I'm in need of some venting and reassuring, I guess. I'm in a relationship with another girl, and we're really happy. She's absolutely stunning, all the guys fall for her. She thinks she's bisexual. Thing is, we're keeping it secret from everyone at our Uni, apart from her flat mates (all girls). Since coming out to her flat mates, things have been much easier, we don't have to sneak about everywhere and pretend we're just best friends. I've just got back from her flat, though was sitting with two of her flatmates and their new guy friend (My girlfriend wasn't there, she was in a rehearsal.). He kept talking about how fit and stunning my girlfriend is and how he's planning to get her extreeemely drunk when he has this 'party' for her 20th birthday in December (of course, MY idea for a joint birthday party for both my girlfriend and I went totally out the window). The two girls were laughing at him and giving me these side-glances to see how I was reacting, but I could only stare at the TV. I took an instant dislike to him as soon as he opened his mouth, before all this started. He kept talking like he knew everything, and was very up his own arse, to be frank. VERY irritating.
It was so, so hard for me to sit through him drooling over her even though she wasn't there at the time, it put me in such a bad mood. She's quite flirty with guys, her eyes are always very sparkly etc, so guys always flirt back with her; which is worse for me to stand back and have to watch than when she's NOT there. I'm not jealous (well, not TOOO jealous...) because I totally trust her and I know she'd never cheat with anyone. But...I just wondered if anyone had any similar experiences and/or advice to help me sit through the drooling, because I know there's gonna be a lot more of it to come throughout our relationship.
Thanks for reading if you got this far, sorry it was long!
xxx

5 Replies to Having to pretend..

re: Having to pretend.. (karma: 1)
By Orangesmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Sat Oct 14, 2006 01:31 PM
Edited by Oranges (97412) on 2006-10-14 13:32:27 heh
Wow..if my ex girlfriend had a DDN name she would tell you about her experience with me. lol That sounds kind of odd, but the way you talk about your relationship sounds like the one I had with her. We ended up breaking up because the secret was too much on us even with our closest friends knowing. Now we are just best friends and look back and laugh at different things from our relationship.

I think the best bet is just to become open with your relationship. That or kick the guy in the koogles and say how horrible it would be to do such a thing...talking as a best friend of course! :P
re: Having to pretend.. (karma: 1)
By DeStijlmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Sun Oct 15, 2006 10:47 PM
Reguardless of wether or not she was my best friend or my girlfriend... I would have smacked that guy one in the face, REALLY HARD.
What kinf of wanker says something like that? That guys an idiot.

Talk to your girlfriend about it. Tell her what that guy said about her, just bring up in conversation, even as a joke.
re: Having to pretend..
By Orangesmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Tue Oct 31, 2006 12:15 PM
SO how is everything going? Any change? Have you talked to her bout all this?
re: Having to pretend.. (karma: 1)
By Liritmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Wed Nov 01, 2006 11:45 PM
There's a young adult novel titled "Keeping You a Secret". It's a quick read, and you can find it on Amazon, but it does a decent job exploring some of the issues that come with keeping a relationship in the clost.

Being in the closet is hard. It's self-preservation gone cockeyed, you know? As a general rule, it doesn't work any better for relationships than it does for people.

My theory is this: if you're too ashamed or uncomfortable or whatever to not be dying to tell people you love me, you must not love me enough for this relationship to be worth my time and energy. Too many people get hurt when secrets like that are being kept and I'm not down with that. It's a question of respect, you know?
re: Having to pretend..
By caitiecc007member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Fri Nov 03, 2006 04:18 PM
I'm in the exact same situation as you, though its difficult for me to keep tabs on my girlfriend though, as she is at school 8 hours away from me.

All you can do is trust her, regardless of whether you trust the guys around her or not.

-C

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