Forum: Advice / GLBT PG-13

Call people what they want to be called! Oy.
By doomed_fairymember has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Sat Nov 18, 2006 03:00 AM

My friend, formerly Luke, is now Lucy. Technically (and ONLY technically), she is still male. But this being a relatively small town, a lot of those who knew her before as Luke are not being very considerate.

Obviously she wants to be and is in most respects female. Yet in conversation, when referring to her, WAY too many people use the term "it" or "the cross-dresser" or even "that transvestite dude." I find myself trying to be civil to people when I'm correcting them--"she." I just assumed that she would prefer the entire school didn't know about her decision, but apparently others aren't so considerate.

Is it so hard? If I say my name is Samantha and that is what I want to be called, people will. Why won't people cooperate for a transgendered person?

7 Replies to Call people what they want to be called! Oy.

re: Call people what they want to be called! Oy.
By panicmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Sat Nov 18, 2006 12:00 PM
I have a formerly-male friend who is now a female. She's been living as a female for about 15 years, and I still have a hard time not calling her Dwayne. That said, no person is an "it". But changing genders is really difficult (for both the tranny and for everyone else), and anyone who is dealing with this issue should realize that. Personally, I don't care what you want me to call you. And honestly, "Dwayne" is seriously one of the most beautiful girls I've ever met. But even though I'm very open-minded about this subject, I really don't get it. And if it confuses even me, then I'd expect rednecks and conservatives to be downright contemptuous about it. The only solution is more education about transgender issues. We need to be patient with people who don't understand, because it's really confusing.
re: Call people what they want to be called! Oy. (karma: 1)
By amarathPremium member
On Sat Nov 18, 2006 05:53 PM
If these people aren't genuinely bad people, they might just not know the appropriate thing to say. I realize that this isn't the perfect way to go about saying things, but I've had success before by explaining -- yes, he was a man, but SHE identifies as a woman, and her name is Lucy. I realize that that's not the best way to say it -- I'm still using the word 'he' at one part to refer to her -- but people seem to get it better if you say it that way.
re: Call people what they want to be called! Oy.
By doomed_fairymember has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Sat Nov 18, 2006 07:50 PM
Thank you for the tip. I'll try to be patient.

The other part of my frustration is that one girl in particular almost seems like she's bragging about the fact that she knows Lucy. You know the type? Ex.: "Oh, I'm totally going to go ask that one cross-dressing guy about the male ballet part--he used to take ballet!" I said, "do you mean Lucy? Because she never really did dance in a masculine way..." Which is true. But this girl didn't really want to hear it.

Admittedly, I have to be careful when referring to Lucy. But the difference is that I try, whereas so many people I know just go ahead and disregard Lucy's choice and call her a "he." This is not the deep south; I live in a place where everyone is an ethnic minority. I don't think understanding is too much to ask of my peers.
re: Call people what they want to be called! Oy.
By pharmadancermember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Sat Nov 18, 2006 08:35 PM
Removed by pharmadancer (87219) on 2006-11-19 06:08:43 weird double post
Actually, if your name was Mary, and you started telling people you wanted to be called Samantha, a LOT of people would start referring to you as "that-girl-who-used-to-be-called-Mary-but-is-now-called-Samantha", or "Mary" or "the-girl-who-changed-her-name" or "Um...what's-she-called-again?"...

That's not to say that these people shouldn't be making an effort. And, like panic said, changing genders is going to be difficult... Some people won't bother making an effort, some people won't know how to, some people won't want to know how to, and some people will.

If you get annoyed by other people, just correct anyone who uses "he/it/the tranny/etc..." by saying - actually, her name is Lucy. Act like it's anyone else. You'd correct someone if they got your mom's name wrong, right? Don't lecture, and don't take it to heart if they don't follow your example. There are lots of ignorant people out there - you can only change the world in little baby steps.
re: Call people what they want to be called! Oy. (karma: 4)
By pharmadancermember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Sat Nov 18, 2006 08:36 PM
Actually, if your name was Mary, and you started telling people you wanted to be called Samantha, a LOT of people would start referring to you as "that-girl-who-used-to-be-called-Mary-but-is-now-called-Samantha", or "Mary" or "the-girl-who-changed-her-name" or "Um...what's-she-called-again?"...

That's not to say that these people shouldn't be making an effort. And, like panic said, changing genders is going to be difficult... Some people won't bother making an effort, some people won't know how to, some people won't want to know how to, and some people will.

If you get annoyed by other people, just correct anyone who uses "he/it/the tranny/etc..." by saying - actually, her name is Lucy. Act like it's anyone else. You'd correct someone if they got your mom's name wrong, right? Don't lecture, and don't take it to heart if they don't follow your example. There are lots of ignorant people out there - you can only change the world in little baby steps.
re: Call people what they want to be called! Oy. (karma: 1)
By Katja144member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Tue Nov 21, 2006 12:22 PM
In part it's also the fact that these people have known her as Luke all her life, and now that has changed, and it's hard to get used to. Ever seen the trouble people have just getting their relatives and other people they've known all their lives to call them by a different nickname (say, "James" instead of "Jimmy" or whatever) or to drop some "baby" nickname (like "Butterbean" or something) they had when they were a little kid? Next to impossible. So imagine if one were trying to get these people to also get used to one having a different gender. It's gotta be a nightmare.
re: Call people what they want to be called! Oy.
By Pongomember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Sat Nov 25, 2006 09:20 PM
Edited by Pongo (76122) on 2006-11-25 21:20:59
Removed by pharmadancer (87219) on 2006-11-27 06:46:47 wrong post
edit: sorry, replied to the wrong post!

ReplySendWatch

Powered by XP Experience Server.
Copyright ©1999-2019 XP.COM, LLC. All Rights Reserved.
XL
LG
MD
SM
XS
XL
LG
MD
SM
XS