Well this is a Ballet story about one girls dream to become a professional ballet dancer. I havnt done much yet but more will come. This part is like the Prologue.

Fly Away
My story begins in 1997 when I, Bella Farfalla first steped onto the floor of the dance studio, unaware that this moment in time would not only shape my dreams but my destiny.

As I looked around the studio, I noticed a bar on the wall. “What’s that for?” I wandered. I then looked at the girls surrounding me, staring at me with curious eyes. I stared straight back at them. They were waring... stockings? They looked like stockings only they were a pink colour and looked tighter. They also wore a light pink leotard, a small rap around skirt and small ballet shoes.
I did not know at the time but some of these girls would slowly depart one by one while the others would remain my dancing sisters for years to come.
“Why are you waring your shoes like that?” said one of the girls. I looked down at the ballet shoes I was suppose to be trying on. Instead of putting my foot through the elastic so it sat on top, I had placed it over my foot so that the elastic was around my ankle. Embarrassed I looked up at the girl who had spoken and made a quick lie, “that’s how I try on ballet shoes. When I’m actually dancing I’ll put them on properly”. I looked at my mum who was kneeling next to me and I could tell by the look on her face that she knew I was lying. Ms. Lynn the ballet teacher just smiled and played along, “Just for now, could you please put your foot the other way, just so we can make sure they fit right.”

First off i think your story is very intersting, but if i may offer some friendly criticism. You've made a few spelling mistakes, like wander, which means to stroll, so i am assuming you meant wonder.

Otherwise i think your story is really good, and you describe things very well. Can't wait to read more!

babu

^^ thank you. Yes your right about the spelling . sorry, I've never been a great speller.




10 Years later

Bella silently laughed at herself as she recalled her first ballet class. Bella than laughed even harder when she looked down at her foot where she had put on her ballet shoe the exact same way 10 years ago, with the elastic around her ankle. She than took off her shoe and put it back on correctly.
“What are you laughing at?”
Startled, Bella looked up and saw Ms. Lynn. Smiling at her with that same smile she had 10 years ago. “Nothing” Bella replied with a giggle.
“sure” said Ms. Lynn who couldn’t help herself but to laugh as well, “5 minutes till class starts and you haven’t even stretched yet”. Said Ms. Lynn, now serious.
“Sorry Ms. Lynn”
Ms. Lynn just smiled again and walked away.
After putting on her ballet shoes Bella started to warm up.
Now 16, Bella is one of the most promising students in her class. Bella started ballet simply because she liked the idea of being a pretty ballerina, just like every other young girl in the world. Others start because their parents force them into it, others because their friends are doing it but when truth be told, the majority start because of the same reason Bella started. “That’s how it usually starts” Bella thought to herself; “something small that tugs at the minds of innocent boys and girls and leads them into the world of beauty, grace and freedom. The ones who escape ballet’s arms when their still young can get away easy, but once you’ve truly experienced ballet for what it is, there is no easy escape. For some it’s a curse, they see it as time consuming and painful mentally as well as physically, but they still feel that love for ballet when they dance or watch it performed. So when they try to leave they feel that hard tug in their heart and soul forcing them back into the arms of ballet. Others however, like Bella, see it as a gift. A way to escape those haunting memories that dance away in their mind, a way to tell all secrets, a way to escape all troubles and the stress of the out side world and a way to feel a freedom like no other. This fiery passion will burn inside of them until the end.

First of all, I really loved the end, the way you described ballet. It was truly beautiful, well done

Make sure you correct your grammar and spelling before you post it, however. Mistakes, particularly spelling mistakes, are like little interuptions that take away from the magic of your writing.

To be honest with you, I really can't stand "My story begins..." "It all started when..." etc. That's when it all ends for me. There are much more creative ways to begin a story, particularly prologues which should be slightly more elusive. You're a talented writer, I can tell just by reading this, so I'm sure you could think of one.

Also regarding the prologue, show me, don't tell me. Show me the room, the barre, the little girls staring at her. Show me how she feels, show me her embarrassment at putting her shoes on wrong. Show me, don't tell me.

Just a little bit of grammar stuff, your last paragraph lost it a little, and switched to third person without ending what Bella was thinking. I played around with it a bit. How does this look? It was quite hard to do, of course, not knowing where Bella stopped thinking. You should revise that section, see what works best for you.

Now 16, Bella is one of the most promising students in her class. Bella started ballet simply because she liked the idea of being a pretty ballerina, just like every other young girl in the world. Others start because their parents force them into it, others because their friends are doing it but when truth be told, the majority start because of the same reason Bella started.

“That’s how it usually starts” Bella thought to herself; “something small that tugs at the minds of innocent boys and girls and leads them into the world of beauty, grace and freedom. The ones who escape ballet’s arms when their still young can get away easy, but once you’ve truly experienced ballet for what it is, there is no easy escape."

For some it’s a curse, they see it as time consuming and painful mentally as well as physically, but they still feel that love for ballet when they dance or watch it performed. So when they try to leave they feel that hard tug in their heart and soul forcing them back into the arms of ballet. Others however, like Bella, see it as a gift. A way to escape those haunting memories that dance away in their mind, a way to tell all secrets, a way to escape all troubles and the stress of the out side world and a way to feel a freedom like no other. This fiery passion will burn inside of them until the end.

Overall, it was really good, and you do have a lot of talent. I'm enjoying reading it already, and you've barely even gotten into the plot. Post more soon

^^ Thank you so much for your advise. You gave me alot to think about and I will try to remember everything you've said when I write more.
You gave me plenty of helpful tips, thank you.

Im sorry to who ever is actualy reading this, I promise I will post more soon.

^ thanks i really like it so far

I really like your writing style.

Sometimes online I can't read a potentialy good story because I hate the way people sometimes write.

I like the story so far.

Keep it up!

Kayla Badayla

HI I am so sory I sort of dissapeared for a bit there. School just started and im swamped with home work but Iv managed to write a bit more but not enough to post just yet. SO I'll write more very soon. I wont leave you hanging.

I did however, have to write a story for english which I recently posted so check that out if you want. It's called "Mute".