Tips for Developing your Ballet Diva Skills
by Ida Nevasayneva of Ballets Trockadero

1. Always hold the arabesque balance at the end of your variation until whichever screams first—the audience or your bunions.

2. Don’t allow anything or anyone to upstage your lipstick, mascara, or tiara. Remember that your face is always your center of gravity.

3. If you start to lose your focus during your 32 fouettes, spot the patron in the fifth row center – the Russian guy who owns several corporate conglomerates. It helps.

4. Your eyebrows are capable of expression 73 subtle emotions. Use them liberally.

5. If your bows and ovations don’t clock in longer than the coda of the piece you just danced, you flopped. Back to the corps.

6. Always complete your makeup with large Ballet Russe red dots in the medial corners of your eye sockets. They help to evoke inconsolable grief in the Dying Swan or rage in La Bayadere when, as Gamzatti, you smack Nikiya upside the head.

7. With age our backs can turn into ironing boards, arches become petrified, and extensions may lose their oomph. But port de bras and mannerisms are forever.

8. If you splat face down center stage, crawl gracefully offstage on all fours – in character.

9. Prima ballerinas require discipline, commitment, poise, and perfect eye shadow – not necessarily in that order.

10. If a ballerina drops dead backstage or accidentally gets locked in a broom closet, always be prepared to jump in her costume. And please remember: Never say never!

I hope you enjoy these. They really made me laugh.

I love the Tocks. They're so funny, and they're really very talented as well. And these quotes are too good! I giggled

haha so so funny!! I adored this:

3. If you start to lose your focus during your 32 fouettes, spot the patron in the fifth row center – the Russian guy who owns several corporate conglomerates. It helps

That was a killer!!!

Haha! I loved these! These made me laugh! I shall keep them in my mind every day!

MK

Haha, those are great!
Thanks for sharing them, they made for a great laugh!

tiny

I laughed a lot on the first and third one! lol

I love these! The last one cracked me up, "accidentally locked in a broom closet!"

haha, 8 and 4 have to be my favorite.