Poll: Adults / Parents Only

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re: Does it bother you when other people try to tell you how you should parent?
By ChristinePremium member Comments: 6815, member since Wed Feb 04, 2009
On Sun Jun 14, 2009 02:02 PM
It used to bother me when people made blunt remarks without knowing my children or me. But after I while I developed the habit and forcing myself to just suck it down.

Now, when someone says something like, "You're such a big girl? Why does mommy have to carry you? You should be carrying her!! ha ha ha" I just repeat this mantra ....

"Smile sweetly and do as you please" Sometimes I have to repeat it to myself several times but after doing this for a few years, I've gotten better at it.

Great question!
re: Does it bother you when other people try to tell you how you should parent?
By Gailynn Comments: 22, member since Sat Jun 20, 2009
On Thu Jun 25, 2009 10:47 PM
I live with my in-laws, which has it's pluses and minuses. I do get unsolicited advice occasionally and just grin and nod...then continue to do it my way.
re: Does it bother you when other people try to tell you how you should parent?
By tozer Comments: 12, member since Mon Nov 02, 2009
On Tue Nov 03, 2009 02:20 PM
I'm a new parent with 2 little ones so not much experience yet. But I did have an experience where someone in a bakery physically touched my 2 year old because it bothered him that he was opening and closing a drawer.

I quickly got between them and yelled at the guy to get his hands off my child. He yelled back at me to control my son. (I didn't think my son was doing anything dangerous or harmful, just exploring). I told him to mind his own business. I then called him a psycho as he grumbled away.

As time goes on I feel I let him off the hook too easily. It amazes that some people think they have the right to actually touch a stranger's kid.
re: Does it bother you when other people try to tell you how you should parent?
By Fiona_Frost Comments: 20, member since Wed Dec 22, 2010
On Thu Jan 06, 2011 12:25 PM
When I had my first my husbands mum always 'offered' me advice! Like how she started potty training my husband at 6 months, and to add baby rice to the last feed to make sure they go through for you!!! I politely advised that I was following the advice of my midwife and health visitor instead!! Drove me nuts though!
re: Does it bother you when other people try to tell you how you should parent?
By Leigha_Ballerina Comments: 490, member since Tue Dec 17, 2002
On Fri Jan 07, 2011 02:48 PM
My dear departed gran who was 1 of 11 and had 9 herself said on the question of rasing kids, there is only one thing to keep reminind yourself, took me a bit to understand this one until I was old and wise.

She said there is no such thing as a good parent just some lucky ones.
re: Does it bother you when other people try to tell you how you should parent?
By mirrimmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 753, member since Sat Apr 05, 2008
On Fri Jan 07, 2011 04:40 PM
If it is unsolicited advice, then I ignore it. Obviously if I am looking for advice from my mom or sister or friends I will take it kindly, even if I don't agree. I tend to do things a little differently than then norm around here. I wanted a natural birth (ended up with an emergency c/s though), I cloth diaper, I am in no hurry to wean, and I did Baby Led Weaning, so no purees, just went straight to table foods.

I over heard my mother talking once. My aunt asked her if my sister or I ever told her to stay out of it when she gave advice. My mom said "I learned long ago that when it comes to (mirrim) it is just best to keep my mouth shut". Haha, I have a tendency to speak my mind. :P
re: Does it bother you when other people try to tell you how you should parent?
By PureTapPremium member Comments: 1082, member since Sat Jul 12, 2008
On Fri Jan 07, 2011 05:27 PM
I'm naturally an argumententative person (oh really? everyone asks), so if anyone suggests something to me about parenting, I'll usually argue with why my way is better until they give up in disgust. Works every time! :D

Otherwise, I've been fairly lucky, anyway - no one has really just walked up to me out of nowhere and told me to do my job. Probably because I was 32 when I had my first and 37 when I had my second, so they probably figured I probably knew my way around the world (or I was the kid's Grandma, as one 17 assumed I was one day!)
re: Does it bother you when other people try to tell you how you should parent?
By PARNABY Comments: 35, member since Mon Mar 29, 2010
On Fri Jan 21, 2011 02:05 PM
No it dosent bother me when people try to tell me how to parent. I just listen to what advice I think I need too know and forget about the rest.
re: Does it bother you when other people try to tell you how you should parent?
By Gloxinia Comments: 21, member since Wed Apr 06, 2011
On Wed Apr 06, 2011 04:39 PM
Nothing bugs me more than if anyone interferes in my parenting of my daughter, although I will keep constructive criticism in mind as I know I am not perfect and willing to evaluate my parenting style in case I can do it better. Which of course I can't, as I am perfect already. he he ;)

This question made me remember when my daughter was younger and we would walk home in company of my daughters friend and her mother. This mother would act as a parrot when I would ask my daughter to do or not do something, repeating what I had said, followed by a 'Listen to your mum', and this would drive me mental as my daughter would normally listen to me anyway and this mother butting in undermined my authority. I ended up just asking the friends mother to please stop parroting me, and explained why I found it so annoying. The mother accepted what I said and the problem was solved. :)
re: Does it bother you when other people try to tell you how you should parent?
By RinceMama Comments: 24, member since Wed Sep 14, 2011
On Fri Sep 23, 2011 01:40 PM
Yes, very much so. But I am confident enough to ignore uninvited advice. That said, I do listen and digest good advice or experiences shared by others who have been in my shoes.
re: Does it bother you when other people try to tell you how you should parent?
By jigdancer1Premium member Comments: 15, member since Sat Sep 24, 2011
On Sun Sep 25, 2011 12:26 AM
If someone is giving me unsolicited advise it does bother me but I usual just politely respond or ignore it.
re: Does it bother you when other people try to tell you how you should parent?
By darlin_dancer Comments: 398, member since Sat Jul 31, 2004
On Tue Nov 15, 2011 01:22 PM
I normally can let advice go in one ear and out the other or take what I want (if unsolicited). We live with my MIL and I have only experienced a few episodes where I would like to punch her. She still treats my hubby like a child, making him feel insecure if he is with the baby by himself. I trust my MIL advice, however, she has once or twice overstepped and contradicted me in what I thought was best for my daughter. I don't care how many children you have had, this is mine and my hubby and I will do what we think is best.
re: Does it bother you when other people try to tell you how you should parent?
By taxi4ballet Comments: 137, member since Fri Sep 07, 2012
On Wed Nov 14, 2012 06:31 PM
For me it depends on whether I've actually asked for their advice or not!
re: Does it bother you when other people try to tell you how you should parent?
By CaffeinePremium member Comments: 3194, member since Wed Aug 08, 2007
On Wed Nov 14, 2012 09:33 PM
It drives me mental when people - especially those who don't have children, or who were not hands-on with their own kids when they were tiny - try to tell me what to do with my son. One of my favourites was a visitor telling me not to pick up my then 2-week old whe he was starting to cry because he wasn't crying 'enough'. No.

MiL started her eldest on solids at 2 months because he had a voracious appetite. My son is now 7 weeks old and she keeps suggesting we give him weetbix because some days it seems he's always feeding. No. Just no.

I know they mean well, but it does my head in sometimes. I try to take it in the spirit it was offered (clueless kindness) and do it my way regardless. Fortunately I haven't been accosted by strangers (yet) - I don't know how I would react...
re: Does it bother you when other people try to tell you how you should parent?
By highlandlassie Comments: 2895, member since Wed Feb 18, 2004
On Thu Nov 22, 2012 06:03 PM
For me it really depends on the spirit in which the advice is given. My sister-in-law and I are able to exchange advice in a very helpful and productive way. I think the key to it is:
1 - We truly want to help each other,
and
2 - We completely understand if the suggestion doesn't or won't work for the other person, and don't push it.

Too often advice is given with the tone/attitude/etc. that implies that the suggested way is the best way, and that the person giving the advice feels that is definitely should be done that way. That is unhelpful, unproductive, and only causes bad feelings.

It also depends on the situation. Unsolicited advice is also less likely to be received well, as it is more likely to be as I described above. But I have definitely received some truly helpful parenting advice, and even if it ends up not working for me I am definitely not bothered when it is given in the right spirit!
re: Does it bother you when other people try to tell you how you should parent?
By toroandbruinmember has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 3627, member since Fri Oct 10, 2008
On Sat Nov 24, 2012 09:53 PM
I assume we are talking about unsolicited advice, right? Yes, when my kids were little I found it annoying. Some discussions on the subject of parenting were fine. It was OK if a friend said,
"Have you seen the new XYZ design for babyseats? What do you think -- is it really a better design or just a way to get people to pay twice as much for the product?"
re: Does it bother you when other people try to tell you how you should parent?
By smileywomanmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 11032, member since Sat Sep 17, 2005
On Sun Nov 25, 2012 01:33 AM
It drives me nuts and I try not to show it OR ignore it the best I can.

Meanwhile, this makes me think of the years my husband has had to listen to "advice" (really criticism) from two brothers who are not married, do not have children, and do not have any experience with children. Yeah...
re: Does it bother you when other people try to tell you how you should parent?
By marinafever Comments: 20, member since Mon Dec 03, 2012
On Wed Dec 05, 2012 04:47 PM
What if friends (close friends I mean) are just trying to give you honest advice because they see certain hings or behaviours which might not be entirey appropriate in the circumstances?
re: Does it bother you when other people try to tell you how you should parent?
By SiyoNqobamember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 7113, member since Fri Aug 02, 2002
On Wed Dec 05, 2012 08:56 PM
I'm still only pregnant, but have already discovered that I need to keep very quiet about my philosophy about childbirth and babyhood. People are very passionate about that stuff, and can get very, very forceful. My husband tells me to just say how I feel, but I hate stuff being pushed on me, so why would I push it on others? So, poor guy, he just has to deal with me venting at him, haha.
re: Does it bother you when other people try to tell you how you should parent?
By nessi124 Comments: 7, member since Mon Feb 04, 2013
On Wed Feb 06, 2013 10:07 PM
it bothers me if people try to force the information on me, I like to ask when think I need help.
re: Does it bother you when other people try to tell you how you should parent?
By cheriatra Comments: 20, member since Tue Mar 12, 2013
On Sun Mar 24, 2013 03:17 AM
When I had my first baby she was very colicky - I was breastfeeding as well and my mum was visiting. My mum insisted that it was the breast milk causing the colic and that I should go to the doctor and "have my breast milk tested". She was very adamant about this and would not back off. The main reason this drove me crazy though - I am a medical doctor and you can not have your breast milk tested!!!! She refused to believe me!!!!!
Needless to say - my mum is still very vocal with her opinion on parenting, but as she lives on the other side of the world, I am happily ignoring her.
re: Does it bother you when other people try to tell you how you should parent?
By AprilMaria Comments: 23, member since Mon Jul 29, 2013
On Tue Aug 13, 2013 01:03 PM
I'm not a mother I'm kind of a stepmother in the fact that I'm not married yet but my partner has a biological daughter from a previous marriage and his ex wife eldest son also thinks my partner is his father and they both come to stay with us a lot. And to be quite honest some people need interference, his ex wife is a useless mother and my partners mother goes to her house to look after the children for her when there is no aupairs there (she has 3 kids and a few times they had an aupair each) She seldom works and when she can hold down a job its only part time, she lives off of her wealthy boyfriend I wont go into further details because you would think i was lieing but I'm not. My partner isn't great either, hes very loving and caring but has no idea how to correct his children or how to put them in their place and they are badly behaved as a result, not in the funny ADHD kind of way like is normal in my family (a lot of people in my family have ADHD even as adults) but being completely disrespectful and thinking that their wants are the most important things in the world. If they were mine i wouldn't be long putting them in their place if they were, and its small things that would fix it. I mean one time they cut up chair covers belonging to some one else that i had borrowed along with cutting patches of fur off of my cat and sprinkling the hair all around the room, then another time they plastered chocolate yogurt across 2 dance dresses i had made for a woman that were being collected the following day so i had to put her appointment back a day and get new fabric and stay up working for 48 hours to complete them without sleep or even stopping for proper meals, another time they plastered chocolate sauce all over my sisters room in my mothers house for no reason, then they cut up an expensive pair of feather earrings belonging to me, and when things like that happen its my fault for not hiding my things, not their fault for getting up at 5AM and sneaking into rooms they have no business in the dance dress incident was in my work room at the opposite end of the house from their bedroom. It has since stopped because when I found the feather earrings he was gone to the shop so I slapped them up and down the house with the wooden spoon and told them if they ever laid a hand on anything belonging to some one else again i would feed them to my German shepherds, so now they are like little angels around me. They aren't little kids either the boy is 9 and the girl is nearly 7, the girl is shoulder high to me and the boy is about an inch taller (that said I'm 5ft 2) I don't mind troubled kids or kids with problems but down right brats i will not tolerate and i don't care whose kids they are.
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