Forum: Advice / Girls & Guys


Girls & Guys
Just a Little Somthin’ I Noticed. (karma: 22)
By Incarnadinemember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 9923, member since Thu Oct 25, 2001
On Sat Apr 05, 2008 12:10 PM
Made sticky by Theresa (28613) on 2008-04-07 10:02:39

This really applies to all boards in general- but because this is most often seen in the advice boards, I thought this would be the best place to put it.

Also please note before reading- IÂ’m not pointing fingers at anyone in particularÂ…this is just a general observation. There have, however, been many posts in particular the past few months that inspired this thread.

ItÂ’s really annoying when people ask for advice and then throw a fit when they didnÂ’t like the answers they got. Even worse is when they are given perfectly sensible advice from lots of different people, but because they didnÂ’t like it they have their last word and then lock the thread.

To me this is the DDN equivalent of stomping your foot and saying “You guys are mean, I’m taking my doll and I’m going HOME!”

Thankfully the vast majority of members arenÂ’t this way. If they were, these boards wouldnÂ’t even exist because no one would bother reading the threads, let alone bother posting comments.

But hereÂ’s something IÂ’ve noticed: the MODs arenÂ’t letting it slide as much as they used to. TheyÂ’ve been unlocking these threads and letting the members have a go at it.

***I want to give the MODs major props for this.***

One thing I like about the advice boards here is that there are consistently high numbers of members who give really helpful and caring advice. In virtually every thread there will be at least one person who takes the time and effort to say something really caring and helpful, and considering weÂ’re a bunch of strangers - I think that says a lot about the quality and character of people here.

But when a person posts a thread and then throws a tantrum or gets rude and defensive because they didnÂ’t like what they are told- then it really defeats the purpose of these boards.

Moreover- if a person is doing something irresponsible, harmful, dangerous or just plain stupid- I think we have both a right and a RESPONSIBILITY to say something. Even when I think the person is too thick headed to listen- I will sometimes post for the benefit of people readingÂ…not even necessarily for the original poster.

For example if you say: “I have unprotected sex all the time and I don’t care of it’s risky. I haven’t gotten pregnant yet- so I probably won’t. *LOL*”

Then I will assume you are an idiot. (Yes, I called these people idiots.) However I will sometimes respond- not for the original posterÂ’s benefit- but for the young girls who might come across this thread. In this case, I assume the person is going to do what they want and if theyÂ’re too stupid to care how risky their behavior is- why bother telling them the obvious which they probably already know? But there will be other young girls reading this thread who need to hear that itÂ’s not ok and itÂ’s dangerous. So in that case, itÂ’s worth it to me (and obviously others) to say something about it.


But if the thread is prematurely locked- then the opportunity to get that message across is lost. So IÂ’m glad MODs arenÂ’t letting it end on that note. They seem to see it too. And IÂ’m glad.

Secondly- if you post a thread- you need to be aware that NOT everyone here is going to post comments YOU LIKE. In my opinion when you click “Submit” you should be aware of what you are submitting- and what you are submitting TO:
1. This is the internet where anyone and everyone can read what you wrote.
2. As members, we have a right to respondÂ…which is kind of the point of a message board. (HELLO?)
3. Not everyone is going to agree with you or see your situation the way you do.
4. We will be sure to tell you what we thinkÂ…regardless of whether you like it or not.
If you canÂ’t handle it- then donÂ’t post in the first place. IsnÂ’t the POINT of posting a thread to get opinions, answers and advice in the first place? If you donÂ’t want any of that- then donÂ’t waste our time.
5. Be prepared for the thread to run itÂ’s course- even if you donÂ’t like what course is takenÂ…in other wordsÂ…if you donÂ’t like the common sense given to you- be prepared for your thread to take that direction regardless of whether you care to have people point out the obvious to you or not.
6. If you are incredibly sensitive or stubborn- be aware of those qualities and donÂ’t set yourself up by posting stuff you donÂ’t want to have opened up and talked about. i.e.
~ If you are trying to hook up with your friendÂ’s boyfriendÂ…NO ONE is going to tell you thatÂ’s a cool thing to do.
~If you are having sex with anything and everything with a heartbeat and not even using protectionÂ…people are going to point out how dangerous and stupid that is.
~If you tell us your boyfriend is cheating on you and treating you like crap-and you want to now how to make him love you- donÂ’t be surprised or defensive when we tell you to dump him.

If youÂ’re not interested in people giving their opinions- then donÂ’t set yourself up to hear them.

LetÂ’s review shall we?

Ultimately we have no control over what you decide to do- but if youÂ’re being stupid, doing things that will put you at risk or just generally lacking in common sense- be prepared for the DDN members to point it out. And if youÂ’re willing to post threads asking for advice- be prepared for whatever possible advice youÂ’ll get- and some of it isnÂ’t going to be exactly what you want to hear.

If you are looking for everyone to pat you on the head and kiss your bumÂ…and you intend on having a hissy if anyone says something you didnÂ’t want to hearÂ…then by all means donÂ’t bother posting in the first place.

If you do post something and then regret the can of worms you opened- why not just say “Ok, thanks for your comments” and go about your merry way?

By being rude to the people trying to help you, youÂ’ll only be adding fuel to the fire you started.

P.S. IÂ’ll be taking my own advice in posting this. If you donÂ’t agree with me- letÂ’s hear it, bring it on. I can take it. :D

19 Replies to Just a Little Somthin’ I Noticed.

re: Just a Little Somthin’ I Noticed. (karma: 3)
By Peridotmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 2389, member since Mon Dec 27, 2004
On Sat Apr 05, 2008 12:36 PM
Great post, Crisy!

I just wanted to add that when you do get advice, please at least do us all a favor and come back to the thread, update us on what's going on, and thank people for their comments. This is important for two reasons:
1. It's nice to thank people for the time and effort they've put into giving you advice. Some members give especially insightful advice, so why not express your gratitude? You don't have to take the advice, but it would be nice if you would acknowledge the comments and thank people for their input.
2. People want to know how things are going. If you post something that could potentially turn into a dangerous situation, then we want to know that you're alright. Don't just drop off the face of the planet! (If somebody posts something like, "I'm going to kill myself," and then doesn't reply back to their own thread, it makes me really worried, for example.)

~Dot
re: Just a Little Somthin’ I Noticed.
By BooPopsmember has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 960, member since Thu Aug 16, 2007
On Sat Apr 05, 2008 01:38 PM
I ABSOLUTELY agree with you. Fantastic post! Some people don't realise that no one's trying to start a fight, they're just stating their opinion in order to answer whatever the OP said. It annoys me when people get upset over it because they have asked for people's advice. As you said, millions of people can read what they have written, and these people will all have different points of view so you're BOUND to get some people disagreeing with you! Thanks so much for this.
re: Just a Little Somthin’ I Noticed. (karma: 1)
By Mendelmember has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 1920, member since Wed Feb 23, 2005
On Sat Apr 05, 2008 02:04 PM
Great post as usual!

Just wanted to mention one thing that's implicit in your post:

If you ask for advice on how to do something stupid, we will advise you not to do it at all. I've seen lots of threads where someone is advised against doing something, and the poster replies with "if you're not going to tell me how to do it, don't bother replying." I've even seen other members reply with "she asked for advice on how to accomplish X, Y, Z, not whether you think it's right or wrong." If we think it's wrong, we are going to speak up. It is our responsibility to advise against stupidity. If someone posts here saying they want to blow up their school and asks for the best explosive to use, we won't limit our comments to the merits of various explosives. We will point out what a rotten idea it is. So even if you ask how to do something, be prepared for comments discussing why you shouldn't do it.
re: Just a Little Somthin’ I Noticed.
By Believemember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 1855, member since Sat Oct 14, 2006
On Sat Apr 05, 2008 02:20 PM
Thank you so much for this needed post.

I too agree people need to think before posting things, especially if they either can't take the comments they don't want to hear, or if it's a common sense (I had unprotected sex, can I be pregnant?) questions.

Great post, karma for you. :)

-Ashleigh.
re: Just a Little Somthin’ I Noticed.
By AmyJoJomember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 2238, member since Wed Jan 14, 2004
On Sat Apr 05, 2008 08:15 PM
What are you all talking about? I think this post is stupid. I have a right to get mad when I don't get I exactly what want! I'm a princess, and I should be treated like one! Doesn't everyone KNOW that????

:P ;)

I'm SO kidding, of course. Wonderful post! All the people who replied also have great things to add. You worded everything beautifully, and it was well explained and thorough... and it needed to be said. Thanks so much! :)

Mods! Sticky?

-Amy-Jo
re: Just a Little Somthin’ I Noticed.
By MuffinHeadmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 5172, member since Thu Jun 10, 2004
On Sat Apr 05, 2008 08:57 PM
I 100% agree, there are a ton of people who witch and moan about the advice they're getting. But I've noticed members getting angry over a different type of whining.

Some members in their posts don't put ALL the intimate details. So for a few advice replies they'll say, "No, that won't work." or "Nope, not gonna do that." But they won't explain why-- because I do know that sometimes certain pieces of advice won't work because of the smaller details of the situation that they're not discussing with us.

I encourage members posting advice questions/rants to do it in Word. Take a WHILE and make sure that every little, tiny detail that is relevant to the story is included. Even walk away from the post for awhile and come back later to make sure there's nothing you want to add. THEN post it later when you're sure you've checked over it a few times.

I know that I post in haste a lot and it bites me in the bum later because there are unanswered questions.
re: Just a Little Somthin’ I Noticed.
By Incarnadinemember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 9923, member since Thu Oct 25, 2001
On Sun Apr 06, 2008 08:12 PM
Edited by Incarnadine (15186) on 2008-04-06 20:13:35
Yeah, I was sure it wasn't just me who has seen this rash of "hissy fit and lock syndrome."

IÂ’m just glad the MODs aren't letting them off that easy anymore.

YouÂ’ve all brought up some excellent points about the situation as well. Thanks for adding your points of view.
re: Just a Little Somthin’ I Noticed.
By ShadowLunaCatPremium member Comments: 8820, member since Sun Sep 12, 2004
On Mon Apr 07, 2008 10:17 PM
Well, Maybe that this post has been created we can go back to our "reality" programming.

about time this came out!

Now, let's see who actually READS it!

Hmph!

S.
re: Just a Little Somthin’ I Noticed. (karma: 1)
By AllemandePremium member Comments: 1341, member since Wed Feb 15, 2006
On Mon Apr 07, 2008 11:58 PM
I love that picture, lol.

I absolutely loathe individuals who post for advice and throw hissy fits because the answers they received are not what they expected. So you tell us you are having unprotected sex all the time and have never gotten pregnant and...what? You want us to tell you that, sure, keep doing it, if it hasn't happened yet, it never will!

Right. Get real.

Most times, people who post to tell you (generic you) things do so because they know better, not because they think they know better. So many of us have gone through the exact same experience and want you (again, generic you) to just have a different, and probably better, ending. Nothing wrong with that.

And locking threads is just cowardly. If you can't take the advice given and any controversy stirred up, then you're not mature enough to be posting here. Come back when you're able to take what other people have to say.
re: Just a Little Somthin’ I Noticed.
By Incarnadinemember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 9923, member since Thu Oct 25, 2001
On Tue Apr 08, 2008 12:05 AM
Edited by Incarnadine (15186) on 2008-04-08 00:13:15
I wanted used this ^ one- but I thought it was way too mean. It cracked me up though.

I went on Google images to look for a really funny picture to use and found some great ones…but when I came across the “complaint pad” I was like “OH OOOH- THAT’S IT!”

I just opened it up in Paint and scribbled it out and had such a laugh making it.
re: Just a Little Somthin’ I Noticed.
By AmyJoJomember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 2238, member since Wed Jan 14, 2004
On Tue Apr 08, 2008 11:37 PM
Yay, it got sticky-fied! Good thing, too. Wonderful post!

-Jo
re: Just a Little Somthin’ I Noticed.
By superdancer1992member has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 624, member since Fri Oct 28, 2005
On Sat Apr 12, 2008 07:07 PM
Major props for voicing everyone's(or most everyone's) concerns on this topic! I definately agree, what some people say is ridiculous! If you are going to ask for ADVICE, then you better be prepared to here EVERYONE'S advice. Not just what your opinion is, thats not really advice then is it? Thanks :D
re: Just a Little Somthin’ I Noticed.
By Ninemember has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 1387, member since Mon Nov 06, 2006
On Sat Apr 12, 2008 07:19 PM
Good post. I like the picture too.
re: Just a Little Somthin’ I Noticed.
By mrslovettmember has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 1372, member since Sun Jan 06, 2008
On Tue Apr 22, 2008 06:55 PM
AmyJoJo wrote:

What are you all talking about? I think this post is stupid. I have a right to get mad when I don't get I exactly what want! I'm a princess, and I should be treated like one! Doesn't everyone KNOW that????


Hahaha I TOTALLY thought you were like %100 serious! :P

Anyway - I totally agree with this post. It really bugs me when people try to be helpful and just end up getting slapped in the face.
re: Just a Little Somthin’ I Noticed.
By Silvergladegirl Comments: 22, member since Thu Jun 26, 2008
On Mon Jan 05, 2009 11:27 PM
People often don't want to face up to the facts, especially when someone else is telling them something they don't want to hear. I see a chance for character building!! ;)
I am touched that the people on DDN care so much, and are willing to spend the time talking about these things.
re: Just a Little Somthin’ I Noticed.
By jennalovespinkmember has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 659, member since Sun Jan 09, 2005
On Mon Jan 05, 2009 11:35 PM
great post! I really think people need to grow up and take that to heart
if you're looking for certain advice, like just one side, you probably shouldn't be asking for advice as you pretty much know the answer

haha, and that "alternative" poster cracks me up!
re: Just a Little Somthin’ I Noticed.
By katielou1529 Comments: 20, member since Sat Aug 16, 2008
On Thu Jan 15, 2009 01:01 PM
Thanks so much for posting this. There are people who definitely need to hear this and realize that they are being given common sense whether they like it or not. I just want to give props to all the members on here to take the time to post helpful comments on the boards.
Gracias!
Katherine
re: Just a Little Somthin’ I Noticed.
By ocean_rox Comments: 52, member since Wed Dec 22, 2004
On Wed Dec 22, 2010 04:34 AM
Just a question,

I always feel rude not thanking people for responses but I noticed in one thread a mod had deleted a post and the reason was "There's no need to thank members for their responses"

Should it not be one rule for everything?!

Thanks in advance!
re: Just a Little Somthin’ I Noticed.
By Chaconnemember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 6359, member since Thu Jul 12, 2007
On Wed Dec 22, 2010 07:09 PM
^The Mods actually do this quite a bit, perhaps in forums you do not habituate. Courtesy is one thing, but cluttering up the boards is quite another. On some very busy boards, particularly those concerning good wishes for upcoming competitions or congratulations for a past competition, if every posting had a thank-you, it would push the postings off the boards so fast no one would be able to see it. It is not uncommon to see 20-30 of these good wishes, particularly in the Disco boards. If the person being congratulated or offered good wishes thanked everyone, the board would become nearly unreadable. There are good technical reasons why we discourage thank-yous and agressively remove them in some of the higher traffic forums. That is why we have made this a rule not to post thank-yous on the open forums. There are other high volume forums that we enforce other regulations. People are not allowed to post photos in competition result forums for the very practical reason that photos take up a lot of room and the results people want to see would soon get pushed off the forum before others had a chance to see them.

Jon DDN Moderator.

ReplySendWatchDraw