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Miscarriage's, i don't want to upset anyone but would love to share your views x en>fr fr>en
By lilmissellesmum Comments: 1185, member since Tue Jan 31, 2006
On Wed Jul 30, 2008 12:21 PM
Edited by lilmissellesmum (150708) on 2008-07-30 12:45:49

Hi my name is Louise and i have two children aged 11 and 9, in between both pregnancy's i experienced a miscarriage of twins, i seemed to grieve and get over the experience very quickly and don't look back,

but two months ago i experienced a second miscarriage and it has really blown my life apart,
i really appreciate my two gorgeous and healthy children and although this pregnancy wasn't entirely planned i am at a loss,

i Keep wondering what if all the time and blubber at the silliest of things,
i get so angry when people say don't worry you already have two and they are so much older you wouldn't want to start again, but i keep thinking what do they know!!!!!

i really started to get used to the idea and now i fell numb
my husband said he would like to try again (probably not just for the baby lol)
but i feel so raw

is this normal or am i over reacting, i don't remember feeling this way last time
sorry i this has upset anyone, it is not meant to hurt anyone or bring back unwanted feelings i would just like to feel normal again

thank you in advance for your replies, Louise xxx

25 Replies to Miscarriage's, i don't want to upset anyone but would love to share your views x

re: Miscarriage's, i don't want to upset anyone but would love to share your views x en>fr fr>en
By EvieandIslasmummember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 3028, member since Mon Jan 30, 2006
On Wed Jul 30, 2008 12:28 PM
I haven't experienced a miscarriage but I feel for you :(

I don't think you're being over the top, at the end of the day we all deal with grief differently. You have had a loss and obviously it wont be easy for you.

My thoughts are with you though. Hope you are okay x
re: Miscarriage's, i don't want to upset anyone but would love to share your views x (karma: 1)  en>fr fr>en
By TobyTmember has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 1479, member since Wed Jun 14, 2006
On Wed Jul 30, 2008 12:39 PM
You are not silly or over-reacting, you are going through a process that is individual to you, and the baby you lost.

I had two miscarriages, one was fairly late on at 15 weeks. I reacted differently to both of them. The first one ! - I was gutted, and really very upset and weepy for weeks after until I conceived and got through the first 4 months with Ronnie.

The second one, was at 8 weeks, I felt just disappointment really, but quite matter of fact, not at all like the first.

The are so many reasons why you feel like this, you will feel better, but allow yourself space to grieve for your baby... this was something you seemed to have really come around to celebrating, and it has been taken from you... you are going to feel raw for a bit.

You have to do what ever it takes to help you get over your loss, which may very well be trying again - it was for me.

Don't be so hard on yourself! - and chat to your dr if you feel it is really getting on top of you !

Love Teresa x
re: Miscarriage's, i don't want to upset anyone but would love to share your views x en>fr fr>en
By stunningkiamember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 16788, member since Sun Jul 22, 2007
On Wed Jul 30, 2008 12:43 PM
hiya xx

I feel for you. I no just what it is like as I have had 2 miscarriage befor I have my little one.

I dont think you will ever forgot it xx

take care xx

love gemma xx
re: Miscarriage's, i don't want to upset anyone but would love to share your views x en>fr fr>en
By nickynoo Comments: 2004, member since Mon Jul 16, 2007
On Wed Jul 30, 2008 12:50 PM
hi I personally didnt get over it I had 2 miscarraiges to my past partner 1st one was 7 weeks unexplainable but my 2nd we was 13 weeks but it was molar pregnancy which meant it died off medical reasons and was slightly easier as there reason for it still killed me inside as was both planned, I then moved away met my new partner and we planned for a baby 6yrs being togeather and again I miscarried t 6 weeks to be honest it heart reaching no matter how far you are and in opion I did not stop feeling lost or happy till I found out I was expecting again (got 7 weeks left) I was about to see a specialist so maybe you could ask your doctor to look into why it keeps happening but normally they wait till you have had three before they invesagate. hope this helps your not alone at all
re: Miscarriage's, i don't want to upset anyone but would love to share your views x en>fr fr>en
By carolines100 Comments: 443, member since Mon May 26, 2008
On Wed Jul 30, 2008 01:45 PM
Hi I know how your feeling I had two miscarriages before my little boy. The pain didnt really go away until he was born.

I had one at 7 weeks which was unexplainable and one at 17 weeks that was a partial molar pregnancy. That was particularly hard as we were told everything was fine at the 12 week scan.

Hugs xx
re: Miscarriage's, i don't want to upset anyone but would love to share your views x (karma: 1)  en>fr fr>en
By staceysmummember has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 1111, member since Wed Jul 20, 2005
On Wed Jul 30, 2008 02:20 PM
Edited by staceysmum (136460) on 2008-07-30 14:27:24
hi ya

I had a hydatidiform mole pregnancy they are meant to be quite rare 1 in 1000 in the uk, I was devastated when I had mine about 13 years ago as not much was said about it and being my first baby as well. mine regrew into tropoblastic disease which is even more rarer and I had to have chemotherapy sessions by injections and my first lot was in London as it was the only place in the UK that dealt with it,(there was only me and another lady from France at the hospital at the time) then they were given by district nurses,I had to have 2 lots of chemo as it regrew again after the first lot and they said that if the 2nd lot wasnt effective then I woulod have major chemo with hair loss and everything. I was so ill and also got taken in to hospital for pneaumonia.With all this going on I was unable to cope and was given counselling sessions and was on anti depressants.

I always wondered why, and what if and at the time there wasnt many answers about for the condition I had, I cried many tears,and was in a prettyn bad way,the counselling did help as it is a bereavement its a loss of your baby, even now I sometimes think the baby would of been a teenager now and was also difficult at the time as my stepsister had her baby when mine was due to be born.

anyway on a good note, I got preganant when I was in recession which I wasnt meant to do on the chance that it could regrow yet again, but luckily enough everything was ok and I had Stacey, I was on follow up for quite a few years but all ok now-touch wood.

if you ever need a chat just pm me

chin up I know its hard,it does get easier.

love angie x
re: Miscarriage's, i don't want to upset anyone but would love to share your views x en>fr fr>en
By DaisyDot Comments: 1328, member since Tue Aug 09, 2005
On Wed Jul 30, 2008 02:29 PM
Hi Louise

I also had a miscarriage inbetween my two older girls.

You never forget and will always remember but you will move on. If people have never had one I dont think they understand how much it effects you.

Everyone deals with it differently there is never a right time for a baby. Daisy was a blast out of space for us but look what she has brought to our lives my life would not be complete without her. No time is right you have to adjust but as a family she has made us all complete.

Keep strong and deal with it in your own way whatever is best for you and your family.

Lots of love
Julie
xxxx
re: Miscarriage's, i don't want to upset anyone but would love to share your views x en>fr fr>en
By Beckysmum1 Comments: 687, member since Fri Dec 07, 2007
On Wed Jul 30, 2008 02:47 PM
Hi Louise.

Just want to say sorry about your loss,

I too have had three miscarriage's and know what your going through. It takes a long time to come to terms with it, and alot of people don't understand if they haven't experienced it.

Good luck if you try again, thinking about you,

Love Lesley x
re: Miscarriage's, i don't want to upset anyone but would love to share your views x en>fr fr>en
By thebridlebunch Comments: 2141, member since Fri Jan 21, 2005
On Wed Jul 30, 2008 02:48 PM
Louise,

my thoughts are with you and your family.

I had a miscarriage 11 years ago. I still think about it. I fell unexpectantly and my husband and I had just got used to the idea when I lost it. We were gutted and grieved together but I always felt at fault. However a few months after we fell again and Hannah was the result. I often say that my miscarriage was meant to happen as if I had not had it I would not have Hannah.

We all grieve in different ways. Take each day as it comes as there is no right and wrong way to deal with this.

Take care and Pm if you need to talk.

Angie xx
re: Miscarriage's, i don't want to upset anyone but would love to share your views x (karma: 1)  en>fr fr>en
By blaynemember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 2643, member since Sat Mar 12, 2005
On Wed Jul 30, 2008 03:36 PM
I lost two babies before i had Blayne the first one was at 8 weeks and i was really upset
The second one was at 15 weeks and i was devestated as I had scan photos of the baby I still have them and also the little gifts that my family bought me when they discovered I had past the 12 week mark
I will never forget them the second baby the hospital removed on the 28 dec so to me thats his birthday
I belive that things happen for a reason and a few month after I was pregnant with Blayne then the big surprise was Reese he definelty was the surprise of the centuary HAHA but I wouldnt change himm for the world
If you need to chat please pm me and I will give you my phone number
It will take you a wee while to get over you never forget but it does ease with time
Take care
Love Agnes
xxxx
re: Miscarriage's, i don't want to upset anyone but would love to share your views x en>fr fr>en
By calandniamhmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 5177, member since Mon Jul 30, 2007
On Wed Jul 30, 2008 03:37 PM
Edited by calandniamh (183428) on 2008-07-30 15:43:36
Hi

I have 3 beautiful children and I have had 8 pregnancies
so totally understand how you feel!!!

Miscarriage is a terrible thing to have to deal with
and makes you feel awful, some people deal with things
different to others!!! And I found that people say things
to you and you always take it the wrong way as you feel
so low in yourself!!

As time goes on am sure you will feel better in yourself
and able to come to a decision as to whether or not you
try again for another baby.

Take one day at a time, and don't beat yourself up
or push yourself until you feel ready to do whatever
makes you feel happy!!!

Love
Sam
xxxx
re: Miscarriage's, i don't want to upset anyone but would love to share your views x en>fr fr>en
By divajades_mom Comments: 5905, member since Fri Jul 18, 2008
On Wed Jul 30, 2008 03:53 PM
Hi

so sorry to hear your sad news you are not over reacting people deal with grief different

I also had a miscarriage 11 years ago

my thoughts are with you

lisa x
re: Miscarriage's, i don't want to upset anyone but would love to share your views x (karma: 1)  en>fr fr>en
By cheekysmiler Comments: 770, member since Sat Sep 18, 2004
On Wed Jul 30, 2008 04:18 PM
Hi Louise

I really feel for you as I too suffered from 2 miscarriages the first was at 21 weeks when the baby was found to have died ( I just didn't feel right one day so GP sent me for a scan) The second was much earlier at only 10 weeks however both left me feeling at a total loss and even a failure as a wife at some points.

The thing that made it hard for us was that we were struggling for me to even concieve and then it seemed that when I did I could not carry the pregnancy. I was really lucky in that I found a new GP who was brill and although they would not look into the reason for the miscariages (needed to have 3 in a row) what she did agree to was commence with test similar to those for people considering IVF which would find the same answers if there was a mediical reason for he problem.

Anyway to cut a long story short I have Lauren who is 13 and we had her no problems and I now also have a 7 year old son Daniel. I will not lie and say the age difference was not a massve shock and I had forgotton how hard work a newborn was but I truly felt like he was my little miracle.

I don't think we wold have Daniel now (who was concieved naturally) without the support of my GP as she fouf that I was not ovalating properly, had edometriosis (sp) and a few other things. An early scan detected the growth of cysts on my ovaries and these were closley monitored as there was concern they would cause a risk to the pregnancy however Daniel was born by emergency c-section at just over 34 weeks and weighed 7lb 7ozs. They also removed the ovary at the same time due to the dmage caused by the cyst.

I would suggest go and have a good talk with your GP and see if there is anyhing they can do to offer you some answers that may then help you deal with your loss

I HAVE GONE ON FOR AGES SORRY!!!

PM me if you want a chat and good luck if you and your hubby decide to keep trying.

Love Jane xxx
re: Miscarriage's, i don't want to upset anyone but would love to share your views x en>fr fr>en
By cheekysmiler Comments: 770, member since Sat Sep 18, 2004
On Wed Jul 30, 2008 04:22 PM
Hi Louise

I really feel for you as I too suffered from 2 miscarriages the first was at 21 weeks when the baby was found to have died ( I just didn't feel right one day so GP sent me for a scan) The second was much earlier at only 10 weeks however both left me feeling at a total loss and even a failure as a wife at some points.

The thing that made it hard for us was that we were struggling for me to even concieve and then it seemed that when I did I could not carry the pregnancy. I was really lucky in that I found a new GP who was brill and although they would not look into the reason for the miscariages (needed to have 3 in a row) what she did agree to was commence with test similar to those for people considering IVF which would find the same answers if there was a mediical reason for he problem.

Anyway to cut a long story short I have Lauren who is 13 and we had her no problems and I now also have a 7 year old son Daniel. I will not lie and say the age difference was not a massve shock and I had forgotton how hard work a newborn was but I truly felt like he was my little miracle.

I don't think we wold have Daniel now (who was concieved naturally) without the support of my GP as she fouf that I was not ovalating properly, had edometriosis (sp) and a few other things. An early scan detected the growth of cysts on my ovaries and these were closley monitored as there was concern they would cause a risk to the pregnancy however Daniel was born by emergency c-section at just over 34 weeks and weighed 7lb 7ozs. They also removed the ovary at the same time due to the dmage caused by the cyst.

I would suggest go and have a good talk with your GP and see if there is anyhing they can do to offer you some answers that may then help you deal with your loss

I HAVE GONE ON FOR AGES SORRY!!!

PM me if you want a chat and good luck if you and your hubby decide to keep trying.

Love Jane xxx
re: Miscarriage's, i don't want to upset anyone but would love to share your views x en>fr fr>en
By lolli_b_1 Comments: 337, member since Fri May 13, 2005
On Thu Jul 31, 2008 01:58 AM
HI

Sorry to hear of your sad loss and I am sure you will eventually gain the strength you need to move on, although you will never forget.

Like many above, I have also suffered a miscarriage at 13 weeks due to a chromison(SP) defect, which I kind of took comfort from as my baby would have been badly disformed/disabled if I had went full term, although I would have loved butterbean regardless.(my wee name for him/her as thats what it looked like at the scan).

I was devasted for what seemed like forever and eventually decided to plant a rose bush in my garden and now take comfort from watching it grow. I also named a star butterbean as well. I felt that by doing something allowed me to move on as the toughest part was not being able to say goodbye, as to the parent its a death with no funeral or closure.

I sincerely wish you all the best for the future, feel free to PM anytime.

luv n stuff

lorraine xx
re: Miscarriage's, i don't want to upset anyone but would love to share your views x en>fr fr>en
By Jess_and_Jakemember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 4659, member since Sun May 27, 2007
On Thu Jul 31, 2008 02:17 AM
Aww I'm really sorry that you are feeling so sad :( I understand how you feel in a way. I had a little boy (Kurtis) at 23 weeks. He lived for 4 weeks but suffered for his short life. I had to register his birth along with his death. He never came home from hospital, which in a way lookin back was a good thing for me. People ask me if I would of rather had miscarried in the early weeks, my answe was no, as although he suffered, I had 4 weeks with him that I will cherish for the rest of my life.

You have to greive like any parent who has lost a child. Although you never got to hold your baby, it was still there and was still real.

If you need a chat, just pm me.

Look after yourself and take care.

Liesl Xx
re: Miscarriage's, i don't want to upset anyone but would love to share your views x en>fr fr>en
By BaileyBoomember has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 7827, member since Sat Jul 29, 2006
On Thu Jul 31, 2008 02:42 AM
hiya

I had an eptopic pregnancy
and lost my fallopian tube as a result.
It was a shock at the time but i knew straight away
that things werent right (I bled for weeks)
After the initial shock and operation i tried to
have a positive outlook (everything happens for a reason, etc)

The doc had said because i only had one tube it might take longer to conceive again but 6 weeks later i conceived my
gorgeous twins Bailey and Kai, lol.

take care
vanessa xxx
re: Miscarriage's, i don't want to upset anyone but would love to share your views x en>fr fr>en
By Diamond_WPremium member Comments: 341, member since Thu Mar 27, 2008
On Thu Jul 31, 2008 04:26 AM
hi i,m so sorry for your loss. i was told i could not have children and had been married 9 years when i fell pregnant with Rachel which was a total shock (a really nice shock) . i had a couple of problems but every thing turned out well . i fell pregnant again after i had Rachel but miscarried at 15 weeks i was totally devastated my way of dealing with my grief was to take the decision to not have any more children i know it sounds a bit extreme but at that time i could not have gone through it a gain . i think you women that have had more than one miscarriage are so brave i don't know where you get your strength from . i don't regret my decision i think i,m so lucky to have Rachel . i do still think of what might have been but life goes on and it will get easier , but you never forget.
all my love
wendy xxx
re: Miscarriage's, i don't want to upset anyone but would love to share your views x en>fr fr>en
By Dancingtinky Comments: 422, member since Wed Apr 02, 2008
On Thu Jul 31, 2008 04:52 AM
I've read all these posts with tears in my eyes. I've never had a miscarriage or lost a child and my heart goes out to all of you that have. It must be one the hardest things to have to cope with. Your all very brave women.

Love Claire.xxx
re: Miscarriage's, i don't want to upset anyone but would love to share your views x en>fr fr>en
By chrissie1 Comments: 119, member since Fri Jan 27, 2006
On Thu Jul 31, 2008 05:50 AM
Hi there
Know exactly how you feel.
I had a miscarriage at 7/8 weeks 13 years ago which was really scarey, but when I fell pregnant again after only a couple of months I was over the moon. 19 weeks into pregnancy I went for my anti natal appt and when midwife couldnt find heartbeat everyone started to panic. A scan showed my baby had died and so I was admitted and induced and had to give birth naturally which I felt was really cruel.
Apart from being totally devasted by his death the most overwhelming feeling I remember is lonliness. Seems daft really with all those people around but it was such a lonely time.
We went on to have a beautiful daughter a year later but I will always remember little Billy, we have his photos and feet and hand prints which they did for us in the hospital.
You will get over this in time but dont try and hold your feelings in, let them go and have a good blubber when you want to, your going through a very natural grieving time.
Good luck my thoughts are with you

Chris
x
re: Miscarriage's, i don't want to upset anyone but would love to share your views x en>fr fr>en
By lilmadzmember has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 3099, member since Sat Aug 04, 2007
On Thu Jul 31, 2008 06:24 AM
Hi hunnie

I know how you feeling, in october last year after weeks of problems etc, we found out i had miscarried twins at seperate times, one at 7 weeks and agin at 12 weeks. As you know Pete and I didnt want more children after being told i wouldnt have any then going on to have Madison and Jimmy we had our miracles not without problems but there are here are well. On doctors advice told to have no more so was a total shock to find out we had lost twins, i know we wasnt aware of our pregnancy until we had lost them but it still hurts thinking of what could have been.

As everyone has said youll never get over the loss hunnie but time is a great healer and remember we are all here to help you get through this sad time, you know i am alwyas here if you need to talk, thats what friends are for!!!

love you hunnie

cant wait to give you a big hug when you come up

Marie xx
re: Miscarriage's, i don't want to upset anyone but would love to share your views x en>fr fr>en
By Elemia Comments: 473, member since Thu Feb 01, 2007
On Thu Jul 31, 2008 10:46 AM
hi
my eldest daughter had five, one was twins one in the womb one in the tube, then ten years later with almost zero fertility had another miscarriage after getting pregnant totally naturally, my third eldest daughter had a miscarriage with twins exactly as her sister had, after having her first daughter, then had another two in quick succession, so we have one happy tale and one not so happy, there is no more in our family so how this happened twice is beyond me, I do know from a mothers point of view how you must feel , its the future that is missing, or will be, so sorry for your loss
june
re: Miscarriage's, i don't want to upset anyone but would love to share your views x en>fr fr>en
By sarahboo Comments: 76, member since Wed May 16, 2007
On Thu Jul 31, 2008 11:47 AM
maybe you found it easier the first time because your oldest was still a baby and needed a lot of looking after something similar happened to me I have lost 3 babies all together ilost my very first baby then I had my eldest who is 11 then I lost another 2 before I had my 9 yearold looking after beth kept me busy and although I was upset i knew i had to go on Inow have another daughter who is 3 and although she was unexpected she is much loved and wanted I think if you both want another baby go for it iknow for me personally having another baby to love helped me grieve and move on love helen , beth sarah and colettes mam
re: Miscarriage's, i don't want to upset anyone but would love to share your views x en>fr fr>en
By lilmissellesmum Comments: 1185, member since Tue Jan 31, 2006
On Fri Aug 01, 2008 02:28 AM
WOW Thank you soooo much for all your comments,
you have all shared some really personal experiences and im so overwhelmed, I have cried through out reading them and im in oar of all of you, how we all cope with situations like this is amazing, I truly believe it must make us stronger people (eventually lol)
I have gained such comfort from all of you and I will never be able to say thank you enough
im trying to PM all of you with my thanks for your support but im working and it may take me a while so please accept my thank you on this post for now
loads of love and hugs for you all
Louise xxx
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