James just had his third, and last, appointment with his dentist.

At his first appointment, there were a couple of small spots of decay. They drill out the spots with decay, and "fill" them with a monomer, which was never intended to be permanent, but was intended to be sort of a place holder, until the time that James was able to sit still to get a proper filling.

At his appointment today, his dentist says that one of the spots with the monomer, it didn't take. The decay is continuing to develop, and it needs to be given a proper filling.

She begins to explain the procedure to me. They use conscious sedation, which means he is sedated, but awake, and they will swaddle him in a type of wrap, so that he can't move his arms.

And for all this, I'm out of the room.

I said I totally wasn't down with that. I said I didn't have to be where James could see me, I didn't have to be where I could talk to him. I'll even stand in another room and look in the window if you want. But I'm not going to let you take my kid out of the room, sedate him, and strap him down. Sorry, no.

She says that when he's four, he'll be out of my sight for every procedure. Fine, we'll deal with that when the time comes. In the mean time, we're talking about a kid that's a month past his second birthday, and your NOT taking him out of the room, sedating him, and strapping him down. Stop asking.

So, it eventually boiled down to the dentist saying "Do it my way, or find a new dentist" (she didn't say those exact words, but that was the idea).

So, we're in the market for a new dentist.

Am I out of line for thinking that that's HELLA out of control? The whole thing - the sedation, the taking him out of the room on his own, the whole nine? She looked at me like she couldn't believe I'd dare to question her authority, and I kind of can't believe more parents aren't questioning it...can you say "recipe for being scared of the dentist"? My cousin started at this same dentist, and is now so petrified of the dentist, that she has to have a vallum before every appointment.

So, my first two phone calls on Monday are going to be to my regular dentist, and to the dental school in Ann Arbor. I don't know if either will take him, but it's worth a shot...

I just happened upon this thread on the hot list, but since when do kids get taken away from their parents for procedures? My mom stayed in the room when I had my wisdom teeth out last summer, and I was 18! I don't know about the procedure itself; I didn't get any cavities until I was 12 or so (and now I have about a million, sigh), but making him be by himself seems completely irrational. I would definitely change dentists.

...My mom was in the room until I chose to go alone. James' dentist is a wack job.

Ugh I would have walked...no RUN out of that office. Thats ridculous to expect any parent to be okay with that. I highly recommend a pediatric dentist group called Kool Smiles, I don't know if they have them where you are, but they are awesome. I use them for my daughter, and the kids I have at work are sent to them and they do good work and are so friendly. Might be worth looking into!

I agree, you were smart to leave. I am 19 and my mother still comes in with me to the dentist and the doctor. My dad was with me when I was 17 and got my wisdom teeth out, he was with my 14 year old sister last week when she got 4 teeth pulled. Smart decision

It's pretty common place at this dentist that the kids go back there alone. But, it's also worth tossing in the mention I guess, that James is the youngest patient I've seen in the office - most of the other kids that I've seen go in are school age. So they are another beast entirely.

I'm from the UK so I don't know how they do things in the US, but if I experienced this kind of policy i'd change my dentist too. My brother is a lot older than your son, but he had to have a filling or two when he was about five and his dad was there throughout, and i'm sure i'd have heard about it had they strapped him down so we can safely assume that didn't happen.

My mother has a very intense fear of the dentist, it's horrible to see her in such a state every time she has to go) and this started we think by her first dentist doing something that upset her, so you're absolutely doing the right thing walking away from that dentist and trying to find a more child-friendly one.

Your dentist sounds like a mad man!! I wouldn't let him look at my dog's teeth let alone my son's if he has that attitude!
To be honest I've never heard of a 2 year old needing a filling, so it makes me wonder if this treatment is really necessary. (I guess you have to pay for treatment, so he's racking it in1)
On the subject of dentists, I have severe dental phobia so took my kids from 6 months ld to get them used to going. They go every 6 months for check ups. We took Kenzie last month and the receptionist said they don't normally see kids until they are 3. Surely it's best to start from a young age so they are used to the dentist not suddenly thrown in at the deep end at 3?

Queen_Jojo

I still go into the surgery with all my lot!

They actually recommend that they start going as soon as they have teeth. James ended up going because he had spots of decay in his tooth.

My dentist, who I ADORE, won't take kids until age 3. I'm going to try to schmooze him into taking James now. I've found that he's very realistic about treatment, he doesn't give you/recommend treatments you don't need. In fact, he taught me how to read x-rays, just so I could know that he was actually giving me the fillings that I really needed!

Not out of your mind at all. My mum came into the dentist with me whenever I was having anything done, checkups, fillings, x-rays - you name it, she was there.

Mostly because she liked the dentist and was far better conversation for him than I was, with the water and suction in my mouth.

And good on you for sticking up for yourself and for not being bullied by the dentist. Too many people let themselves get bullied into things they don't really want, or don't really need, by medical professionals who think they're God.

Erin.
::righteous babe::

My mom definitely came in with me until I was probably 11-12. She still comes with me to some Drs appts (I'm 20) because she knows more of my medical history than I do.

Not to defend this dentist... I'm not a parent either, but I did work in a dental office. I found that in a lot of cases the kids were completely unmanagable when the parent was in the room, but when the parent left the room they were easy enough to deal with. Sometimes the parents were a bigger bother than anything at all... the stupid things that some parents say. They should just leave and let the dentist/hygenist/assistant take care of things at times.

I DO however think that in this case he's too young to be completly left alone... BUT I do know that conscious sedation is the same thing they used when I had my wisdom teeth out, and I was completely out, really having someone there would have had no purpose. Having you there while he is being sedated and coming out of the sedation I think is really where you would need to be there.

Do you have any pediadontists in your area? Maybe your dentist knows someone he can be reffered to?

I go with my kid to every treatment, every therapy, every whatever he gets.

Nah, T, you were so right. When I think of my little man when he was 2 or 3, there was no way I'm leaving him with anybody to do anything to his little self without me standing there. He's almost 5 now and I still won't allow it.

Actually, the dental school that I go to has a pedodontist department, and I'm going to call there Monday. I like the school real well, and I have always had good experiences there, and they'll do OK.

I'd call James' pediatrician and talk to her about it, but she's got another 5 weeks of maternity leave left.

Isabella had some pretty extensive dental work performed as a little one, and I accompanied her into every cleaning, filling, and cap, holding her hand, patting her leg, keeping her calm. Now that she is almost 10, I still accompany her and sit right next to her during all of it.

You were totally right-on in your decision, and this dentist sounds like a freak show. Completely out of control.

My pediatric dentist sat on top of me because apparently I didn't cooperate with her when I was 3 years old...HELLO i was only 3, what do you expect?

My mom wasn't in the room because I apparently behaved somewhat better when she wasn't there, so they asked her to leave and go out to the waiting room. I only wish my mom had been in the room when the dentist sat on me to hold me down, because she never believed me about it and I was severely traumatized by it. I would throw up and have panic attacks before anything dentist related, and although when I was 16, I finally was allowed to switch to a regular dentist that is awesome, I still get dental anxiety and have to take xanax before appointments.

I hope you can get James to your dentist or another one that will allow you to be with him! Good luck!

Yeah, that's a little strange. My mom came with me to every dentist appointment I had until I was probably a teenager and old enough so that she could go do other things while I was getting my teeth cleaned.

Was that just a regular dentist? Like for adults mostly? It sounds like he'd mostly had school-age kids in there anyway, so it's probably good you're looking for a new one. I was going to suggest a pediatric dentist (there's a really good one in my area that works on one of the kids I work with, useless I know, but it made me think of it) but it appears that's already been done.

I guess I'm lucky because I've never had anything major done at the dentist - the most intense procedure I've ever had was getting a tooth pulled when I was 10 or so. My mom couldn't be in the room for that one because she can't do blood, but it was okay anyway.

Wow! I have been in the room for every dentist/orthodontist visit with both kids. For DD's first visit at 3, after many, many, many practices, she wouldn't open her mouth. The dentist didn't charge me or make any untoward suggestions and we went back 6 months later, with a happy open mouth.

When the same DD had her braces on last week her ortho was talking about some of the cases he had been involved with in his role as an insurance/indemnity administrateor. The practices suggesed by your son's dentist sound a bit like one of the cases the ortho was talking about.

I would definitely not go back, and maybe even discuss the practices with your own dentist or the dentist school you mention.

Well, I bit my dentist at one point... so maybe....


Actually, the first couple of times that I needed dentistry, if my mother wasn't in the treatment room with me, she was close by and within calling distance.

Second opinion?

Ask your local cohorts whom they send their kids to?

Double-check some FAMILY dentists -- ????


Good luck!

Did this dentist mention any arguments WHY the child needs to be restrained and WHY the mother cannot be in the room??????

(someone had a beef with people using more than 3 ?'s.. figured I'd up my ante.....)

I'd be rather concerned, myself. T, I think you have done and are doing the right thing. James needs a new fang dude.

S.

Not to defend this dentist... I'm not a parent either, but I did work in a dental office. I found that in a lot of cases the kids were completely unmanagable when the parent was in the room, but when the parent left the room they were easy enough to deal with. Sometimes the parents were a bigger bother than anything at all... the stupid things that some parents say. They should just leave and let the dentist/hygenist/assistant take care of things at times.

When my son was in NICU, I wasn't in there every second. When I wasn't in there, they forgot to use to the cool mist function on the incubator and he basically cooked to death until he died. Hell no I ain't leaving my daughter with any physician alone- ever. If she has surgery, they better be prepared for me to scrub in. I will never leave another child of mine alone. I'm not ragging on the poster I quoted, just sharing my experience.

T- go find a pediatric dentist or one who is more interested in the well being of your child instead of their own convenience.

It's funny because I don't remember anyone coming with me to see the dentist ever. The only thing my mom accompanied me to was doctors appointments.

To each their own, but when kids get old enough to go on their own best to let them go on their own.

A pediodontist is your best bet quite honestly, they work only with kids (or big kids like my friend who refuse to go to regular dentists).

I don't know if I'm allowed to post here or not but here's my thought on this:

I'm 19 now but up until I was 18, I went to a pediatric dentist. They had a couple of private rooms - for the older children getting fillings done and whatnot. But, the majority of the room was a huge open space with dentist chairs lined up everywhere. The children were never left alone, there were game consoles in the room (and the waiting room) and a private TV for each child. Even if it's just a cleaning, parents get to sit with their children, or if they choose, a little further from them (there are chairs everywhere for parents).

I can't imagine that your precious son would be strapped down for it. I've never seen a child strapped down to get a procedure done - talk about scaring him for life! The dentist, with all the drills and noisy bits, is scary enough.

If you have a pediatric dentist in your area, look him up. They're probably better with handling children.

On another note...is the procedure really necessary? Aren't baby teeth due to fall out in a couple years, anyway?

I just talked to my mom about it.

She says that I'm kind of making it to big of a deal. She says that because I've never been through anything like this before, it's all really new, and really scary, but that in the moment, it isn't nearly as big of a deal as it sounds.

Which may well be the case (I mean, she did raise five kids. She's been to her fair share of dentist appointments!), but I don't want a dentist that isn't even willing to entertain me a little.

She did say though, that I did the right thing by leaving. She said that the bigger issue is my distrust and discomfort with this dentist, and that clearly, I wasn't in the right dentist office.

I emailed my cousin Jill. She is a periodontist in Chicago, and she went to school here in Michigan, and actually dated my dentist when they were both still in college. lol! I just wanted to see if she had any friends that she would recommend, or if she had any ideas. James' now former dentist gave me a referral to a dentist office in Novi, but I figure if I'm going to be driving that far (Novi is 30 minutes or so if the traffic is good), that I may as well driving to see someone that I kind of know.

T, I wouldn't be leaving Elijah alone with a dentist at his age either. You did the right thing looking for somebody else.

Actually, I probably need to take Elijah to the dentist as I haven't done that yet. I've been procrastinating.

Helen

As young as he is it is surprising they want to put him through that for milk teeth. Trust your instincts. If you are uncomfortable then seek another Dentist. The first Dentist my children went to did not allow parents to come back with the child. The place we go to now allows you into the large open room where many children are attended to. My kids are old enough now that it does not matter to them if I am there or not. My daughter had a tooth pulled at age 11 and they invited me to be present in the private room. Don't feel bad about it, he is young and I can tell you that I would have a hard time leaving my kids (at your son's age) alone during a procedure like that.