My mom never ever went to back in the room with any of us when we went to the dentist. I guess when she was raising kids that just wasn't done. If it was my kid I wouldn't have left him alone at this age!

I do think that some kids would be more manageable if their parents weren't in the room and the more people in the room the less room the doctor and his assistant have so I appreciate that, however if I am paying for the services for my kid and he will feel better if I am in there then I would find a dentist to accomodate that.

I am totally afraid of the dentist and Jerry always goes to hold my hand when I have my teeth cleaned and I am 34!! I think you just need to find a dentist that is in line with what you want and I think taking a child to a dentist that ONLY works with kids helps a lot too.

My mom actually DID allow a dentist to do this to me. I wasn't as young, I must have been like between 5-7 because I can remember it. But I was SO FREAKIN' SCARED. Being strapped down was the worst part, so creepy. The dentist didn't know how to work with kids and didn't understand why I was so scared of the loud sounds his instruments made. I pretty much had a hysterical fit, and my mom had to find a new dentist after that because I would NOT go back there. She was really pissed, too, that the dentist had no idea how to handle kids.

She found one that specialized with kids (periodontist, I guess?), and it was awesome. They had a "treasure chest" of toys you got after an appointment, rewards for having clean teeth, different flavors of toothpaste, etc. It made me WANT to go to the dentist, I was never scared!

You did the right thing, find a kid dentist!

Your dentist sounds off her head. I have a four year old and there is no way on gods green earth id allow it. You were absolutely right in looking for a new dentist. Us parents are here to protect our kids not subject them to unnecessary trauma! I hate the dentist myself but at least when you are an adult you can understand that it is just one of those necessary evils in life, but let me tell you if somebody strapped me down, sedated me against my will to give me a filling, id sue! So ye to round that one up your dentists mad and you are a good parent! loads of love Ruth xxx

Theresa wrote:

James just had his third, and last, appointment with his dentist.

At his first appointment, there were a couple of small spots of decay. They drill out the spots with decay, and "fill" them with a monomer, which was never intended to be permanent, but was intended to be sort of a place holder, until the time that James was able to sit still to get a proper filling.

At his appointment today, his dentist says that one of the spots with the monomer, it didn't take. The decay is continuing to develop, and it needs to be given a proper filling.

She begins to explain the procedure to me. They use conscious sedation, which means he is sedated, but awake, and they will swaddle him in a type of wrap, so that he can't move his arms.

And for all this, I'm out of the room.

I said I totally wasn't down with that. I said I didn't have to be where James could see me, I didn't have to be where I could talk to him. I'll even stand in another room and look in the window if you want. But I'm not going to let you take my kid out of the room, sedate him, and strap him down. Sorry, no.

She says that when he's four, he'll be out of my sight for every procedure. Fine, we'll deal with that when the time comes. In the mean time, we're talking about a kid that's a month past his second birthday, and your NOT taking him out of the room, sedating him, and strapping him down. Stop asking.

So, it eventually boiled down to the dentist saying "Do it my way, or find a new dentist" (she didn't say those exact words, but that was the idea).

So, we're in the market for a new dentist.

Am I out of line for thinking that that's HELLA out of control? The whole thing - the sedation, the taking him out of the room on his own, the whole nine? She looked at me like she couldn't believe I'd dare to question her authority, and I kind of can't believe more parents aren't questioning it...can you say "recipe for being scared of the dentist"? My cousin started at this same dentist, and is now so petrified of the dentist, that she has to have a vallum before every appointment.

So, my first two phone calls on Monday are going to be to my regular dentist, and to the dental school in Ann Arbor. I don't know if either will take him, but it's worth a shot...

Holy Crap T!


No...you aren't out of your mind! Find a new dentist ASAP!

I had a REALLY Good dentist when I was a kid.....I can't remember a time when my mom wasn't allowed to sit with me while I was having a tooth pulled, getting a filling or having a cleaning.

Wow....I guess I didn't realize how good I had it.....yet more more thing to keep in mind when I need to find a dentist for Little M.

I talked to my cousin. She's a periodontist in Chicago, works in a big, thriving practice, tons of patients, tons of education, the whole nine.

She said, like my mom did, that it's not that big of a deal. That it sound wicked scary, but in reality, it's not that big.

Which is fine that they say that, and I'm sure I'll come to find that they are right, but in the mean time? No!

I called the school, and got James an appointment. I have always liked the students at the school - they're real careful, and super thorough, and more then happy to explain everything that they're doing to you, so you know everything going on all the time. He's got an appointment there next week.

I asked about the possibility of watching, and the woman said that it was up to the instructors whether or not the parents came back into the clinic, but that it was pretty rare that a parent was told that no they couldn't watch. Which immediatly put me at ease.

I was talking to my student (I also go to the school) about bringing my son in, and he said that the worst possible thing parents can do to their kids is say "It's OK, the dentist isn't going to hurt you...". He pointed out that parents say that all the time about the dentist, but you never hear a parent say that when the kid is going to dance class, or playgroup, or the grocery store. He said that the most important thing was to make it just no big deal. "We're going to the dentist,your going to get a cool toothbrush...". But I already did all that.

t

I was one of those children who had to go into the office alone, and if I could put words into your childs mouth I would say PLEASE PLEASE question the practices of this dentist and call around to other dentists in your area to see what their practices are. I went to a pediatrac dentist, the same place my older brother went, my cousins and another friend. The last time I saw that dentist was when I was 12, and now 14 years later, I am still so terrified of the dentist that sometimes I just don't go. Our dentist was aweful, had no regards for pain or the feelings of a child. I had teeth pulled at the age of 5, and I don't think they should have shown me the size of that needle before trying to stick it in my gums. I remember it to this day. I won't get in to too much detail, but lets just say one day out of no where that dentist took all of his patients records, closed the doors and took off somewhere. Now, none of us have dental records from our childhood because he must have been doing something really shady to take off like that. Only because I know what its like, please check out other options. It's awful to have to live your entire life being afraid of something so important.

^I don't even like to look at the needle now! Yowza!

My brothers went to a dentist who used to stick his fingers down their throat and gagged them to make them stop crying. My oldest brother Scott doesn't react to Novocaine, so when the guy would start drilling my brother always felt it and would scream. Once the guy put his knee on my brother's chest. My mom never knew any of this was going on, she could just hear them screaming in the back and was always embarrassed that her boys were always so bad. My brothers never told my mom because they just thought that is how the dentist always was.

Once my mom took them somewhere else my brother Craig said, "He was nice. He didn't even try to choke me!" My mom said, "WHAT??" So then everything came out. In the early 70's you wouldn't sue a doctor over that especially in a small community like ours. My brothers still hate going to the dentist because if it and has only had great dentists ever since!

My phobia of dentists started with my orthodontist who was awful and rough. That is why I didn't see a dentist for another 10 years. I go to a fantastic dentist now and my fear is much much better. He is a dad of a dancer at our studio. I still need Jerry to come with me though. I am a big wuss.

I am going to also through out support for the pediatric dentist - I had my last appointment with mine just before my 23rd birthday and now i've got to go find myself a grown-up persons dentist!

Anyway, the environment is totally kid friendly and welcoming and they understand concerns of parents and kids and are very patient. As an added bonus mine has an orthodontist in the same office, this means that the dentist and ortho are in communication and it is totally convenient.


I would really question anyone who is going to sedate a child for work on his baby teeth - i mean pulling them out just takes novicane (sp?) so why not just leave them and then pull them later if it comes to that? I also think it is worth looking into the cause of the decay, there is a school of thought that feels that tooth decay and cavities are caused by viruses in the mouth - not sure if this is the case with your little man but what ever the cause it is worth nipping it in the butt now before the big boy teeth come in.

(If you have any other questions feel free to ask as i have had nearly every possible dental & orthodontic procedure done, and i still like the dentist!)

Sometimes it's not the nature of the work that requires sedation, but the nature of the child.

Though I'm sure James is a good child, not very many kids of his age will sit still for the dentist to do work on him to the extent that he needs.

Is there anyway that he can get his teeth coated to help prevent further decay?

The school is pretty cutting edge (because they have to make sure the students are learning the newest stuff, of course), so if it's possible, they'll know.

They asked me how James behaves around the dentist. He's tearful, but generally cooperative. At his second visit, he cried, and kicked me in the face, and they still said he was among the better behaved kids his age that they see.

And the kicking in the face isn't normal behavior for him at all. For some reason, he was being examined, and was really agitated with his shoes, so I loosened up my arms, so that he could get his legs free, which was my mistake, because once they were free, they were flailing!

you know back in the day, my mum went to the school dentist... (early days NHS)

he used leather straps to hold the kids arms down while he operated.

She got given one injection for 2 fillings. One injection didn't numb me enough for 1 filling... and that's nowadays.

So she squealed in pain as he did his thing, and his reaction was to slap her legs and shout at her.

My gran went right on up to the school and shouted in his face. He got sacked.

My mum always accompanied me. I was more scared of her reaction if I was a nuisance, so in her company I was better behaved.

My dentist is brilliant however and so very civil and careful, and nothing can be too comfortable. She's very good.

From my mum's story I would never be too careful. I know things are better regulated now but just because a person is educated and in a respected position doesn't mean they need to be trusted with everything.

James is your son and your sole responsibility is to care for him so I wouldn't even entertain your crazyass dentist for a minute. And have the complaint recorded!

Hi,

No T you arent out of your mind at all. NO way on this earth would I have let that dentist do that to my kids. You did the right thing for your child and dont let anyone tell you that you are over-reacting.

Both my children regulary attend a dentist and are fine with him, Aiden is same age as James and he has just started to open his mouth to let the dentist look at his teeth. Lauren has no problems going to the dentist and has no fear at all in the procedures.

Lauren had a filling in her milk teeth too but no sedation or anything was needed for this procedure and I was in the room at all times, She certainly wasnt strapped into the seat!! A few times my hubby has took her to the dentist and I think he sat out in the waiting room but he wasnt specifically asked to do so.

I am petrified of the dentist, I had major work done on my teeth as a young child, caps from when I was 7 I think, orthadontic work around age 11 and root canal and crown when I was 12/13. I remember when I was about 7 my dentist being not to good with me and Im not sure if that's where my fear origins from. One of my fillings has fallen out just now and a bit of tooth too, I know I really need to go to the dentist but I am sooo scared to make the call! You dont want James to be like me when he is older and would rather have constant pain than go to the dentist.

Good luck finding a new dentist, let us know how you get on

Love Caroline xxx

Some dentists are good at working with kids and others aren't. It has nothing to do with their medical knowledge. When my kids were pre-school (before losing baby teeth) they didn't have any dental problems that needed fixing so I don't know what my dentist's policies would have been. When they were elementary school age I was lucky to be living close to a dentist with a marvelous reputation for working with children. He explained everything to the young patients in terms they could understand. The kid's "job" was to hold the suction thingy until the dentist or assistant needed it. At that age, the parent did not stay with the kid but came in at the end of the session. I was a bit worried about my daughter upon her first visit when she had just turned 7. But when I went in she was quite relaxed, feeling very grown up and independent, and quite important holding the suction gizmo. I asked him and his long-time assistant if they'd ever had a young patient they couldn't handle (he was in his 60s at that time). They said that over the years there had been only 2 cases where they had to tell the parents to find another dentist. So keep looking for a someone with a great reputation for treating kids who are your child's age.

Had our first appointment at the school yesterday!

There was a little bit of a language barrier between me and James' new dentist, which I was sort of suprised by, but probably should have expected. Michigan has one of the top dental schools in the nation (my student dentist that I go to is a military man from Seattle - the military specifically paid to move him to Michigan and is paying for his education), so I'm sure people come from all over to go to school here.

She said that he had five cavities. I was aware of three. So that proclamation was only a little bit of a suprise.

He did great! We practiced all day long on how we were going to show the dentist our teeth, and we talked all about how she might use her special "teeth camera" to take pictures of his teeth (x-rays), and how he'd probably get to get a new toothbrush, and he was a total champ! He didn't even cry until the end, which is unusual for him, he usually cries all the way through - and when we got done, he even let the dentist hold him!

While they were filling out the paperwork and what not, I showed James how to press all the buttons, and he was having great fun spurting out the air, and there was probably water across the room. Hee!

All in all, he thought going to the dentist yesterday was SUPER cool, which I was elated to see.

Now, for the big question - the sedation.

They do also plan to sedate him, and they also use the papoose board. I'm not opposed to them doing it that way, I am however, opposed to the "cloak and dagger" aspect of it. If your doing something to my child that I am forbidden to see, then you probably don't need to do it.

At any rate - they use the sedation and the papoose board, and I will carry him into the room, and help them get him up into the chair, so that he can see that I'm there, and that everything is OK. Then I kind of sneak off.

They said that at any point, if I have any questions, or want to see what is happening, that they will page a nurse from the room, and she will come get me, and take me back there. They kind of talked like they wished I wouldn't watch - because they said he'd be crying, and that's kind of scary, and sometimes parents get scared seeing their kids strapped down like that, but that I was certainly welcome to do so.

His appointment is at 7:45 in the morning (YIKES!) on December 2. His student said that she wouldn't necessarily be the one to always see him. They try to run the clinic like a "real" dentist office, and so they all have "days off" where they don't see patients, so whether or not she'd see him would just depend on when he came in. But when we did the consultation for the next appointment, a different student did that, so I don't think that she'll be the one doing that appointment.

He had five cavities, and they need to do x-rays, and they said that they planned to do as much of that as possible while he's sedated. They didn't talk like the cavities were big, but they were a little nervous to promise that they'd get them all, because of how far spread out in his mouth they all were.

And...I think that's everything! A few times, his student did a few things that I was like "What's the matter with you?!" (like leaving me in the consultation room for ten minutes. Grr...), but overall, I'm very pleased with her, very satisfied that they've taken out the "cloak and dagger" aspect of the procedure that the last dentist wanted to bring to it, and absolutely elated with how well James took to going to the dentist there!

thanks everybody!