Forum: Advice / Girls & Guys PG-13

Girls & Guys PG-13
Are You Ready For Sex? (karma: 4)
By MaxwellPremium member Comments: 1476, member since Sat Oct 27, 2007
On Thu Jan 01, 2009 04:49 PM
Made sticky by TheMidlakeMuse (78507) on 2009-01-02 13:01:32 Made sticky

At the request of DDNer dancingbookworm, here is a reply I posted in another thread, on its own thread.

Am I Ready To Have Sex?

I refuse to tell you one way or the other, because it isn't my choice and it isn't my business.

Only you can decide when to have sex. If you can't decide you want to and have to ask other people, it is a pretty good indicator you don't actually want to.

If you need some guidance in making this decision, why don't you look over this guide from YA author/former sex education teacher/online advice columnist/really smart person Michele Jaffe.

Read it all, here: michelejaffe.blogspot.com . . .

But I think you need to pay special attention to this part:

You are NOT READY to have sex if:
You are not prepared to be mature and safe about it
You don’t even know what ‘mature and safe’ mean in this context
You can’t say the words penis or vagina to your partner
You don’t know how to use a condom and have never practiced putting one on an item from the vegetable drawer of the refrigerator.
You think I’m kidding about that.
You don’t have an additional method of contraception.

You ARE ready to have sex if:
Ha! Like I said, that’s personal and different for every person.
I’ve put together 10 questions that both you and your partner should go over, to help figure out if the time is right.

AM I READY TO HAVE SEX QUIZ:
1. Am I doing this because I genuinely want to, not because I think I should to please either my partner or my friends?
2. Do I know my partner well enough?
3. Do I feel comfortable enough to do this sober?
4. Do I know enough about sex? Do I understand my anatomy, my partner's anatomy, how sex works and which parts of my body are the most sensitive?
5. Do I understand the risks of sexually transmitted diseases,
HIV and pregnancy, and how to minimize those risks?
6. When I’m older, will I be glad I lost my virginity at this age and in this way?
7. Can I talk to my partner about sex and contraception? Can I use words like penis and vagina, and explain what feels good to me?
8. Do I have a condom, and know how to use it? As well as a second method of contraception?
9. Does this fit in with my beliefs?
10. Is it legal in my state?

If you answered no to ANY of these questions, you’re not ready.

If you answered yes to ALL of them, you MIGHT be.


Seriously, you can't put an age label on these things, but you can put a maturity label on them.

Sorry if my post is too ranty and all-over-the-place, but I have some really strong opinions regarding sex, some of which could be seen as odd by many people.

And above all, if you do choose to have sex, whether or not you are really mature enough for it at all, use protection, which I see no need to get into as there are plenty of threads about that already.

21 Replies to Are You Ready For Sex?

re: Are You Ready For Sex?
By Tori_Ayla Comments: 47, member since Sun Feb 10, 2008
On Thu Jan 01, 2009 04:55 PM
This is awesome, I think it provides a nice checklist for any one who may be considering having sex.

I think the KEY part was "If you answered yes to ALL of them, you MIGHT be."
I'm sure that she is not saying if you answered yes, feel free to do it, because that's just not the case.
Great post!
re: Are You Ready For Sex?
By TeaCupBallerinamember has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 601, member since Mon Nov 13, 2006
On Thu Jan 01, 2009 08:12 PM
Great post! Hopefully this will minimize these kinds of questions on the boards.

Sticky anyone?
re: Are You Ready For Sex?
By UberGoobermember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 6414, member since Sat May 15, 2004
On Thu Jan 01, 2009 08:20 PM
Wow. That's really great.

I really like what they had to say about understanding anatomy and which parts are most sensitive. Education truly is power, if you take the time to learn about how your body acts and responds then you will probably have a better overall first experience.
re: Are You Ready For Sex?
By MarlaSingermember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 3906, member since Fri Jul 25, 2008
On Fri Jan 02, 2009 12:21 PM
Thanks for making this! I hope it really helps some of our younger members out!
re: Are You Ready For Sex?
By DancinSweetheartmember has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 224, member since Sat May 10, 2008
On Fri Jan 02, 2009 12:25 PM
*chants* STICKY STICKY STICKY!

very good post, :)

Comment #7837179 deleted
Removed by hylndlas (107168) on 2009-01-02 12:30:21 double post

re: Are You Ready For Sex?
By Lauretta Comments: 1048, member since Wed Dec 01, 2004
On Fri Jan 02, 2009 02:21 PM
I totally agree that this needs to be a separate post.

Also, does anyone else think that we need a pregnancy FAQ somewhere? There may be one already and i've forgotten about it but I see so many "should I take the MAP" "could I be pregnant if ____ " posts that I think one is probably called for. I'd offer to write it myself but i'm not really that well known a member here.
re: Are You Ready For Sex?
By x_Nic_xmember has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 2157, member since Sun Jun 10, 2007
On Fri Jan 02, 2009 02:53 PM
^ I agree with that, and I definitely think it should be someone who's well-experienced with pregnancy (as a lot of our DDN members are) so it can be very accurate. If you've got the experience and the know-how, feel free to write it yourself - you don't have to be a well-known member!

Good thread - I'm glad this is a sticky. Peer pressure means teens younger and younger are having sex and it's a shame some of them probably couldn't even tick "yes" to ONE of those questions, let alone all ten. Hopefully your wise words will affect the decisions of a few DDNers for the better :)
re: Are You Ready For Sex?
By Lauretta Comments: 1048, member since Wed Dec 01, 2004
On Fri Jan 02, 2009 02:57 PM
Edited by Lauretta (114873) on 2009-01-02 14:58:32
Edited by Lauretta (114873) on 2009-01-02 14:59:02 keep missing things out, grr
^Perhaps I should leave it to someone who has been through a pregnancy, you're right. I do know quite a bit about pregnancy, I was seriously thinking of becoming a midwife so I did all the reading and then some, but someone who has given birth is better placed than me to write what I think is quite an important post. In any case if a FAQ does get written and the author isn't from the UK I can provide UK specific advice for where to go for help.
re: Are You Ready For Sex?
By keepdancingx19 Comments: 21, member since Mon Dec 08, 2008
On Tue Mar 24, 2009 09:55 AM
i agree!

this is very helpful.
thanks!
re: Are You Ready For Sex?
By JoeyDancer91 Comments: 60, member since Sun Nov 02, 2008
On Thu Apr 30, 2009 02:14 PM
Great post! I wish I had someone who wrote about this for me when I was like 13! well done :)
re: Are You Ready For Sex?
By irishdancer92 Comments: 173, member since Sat Apr 05, 2008
On Mon Jun 29, 2009 07:07 PM
1. Am I doing this because I genuinely want to, not because I think I should to please either my partner or my friends?
-yes.
2. Do I know my partner well enough?
-2 years
3. Do I feel comfortable enough to do this sober?
-yes
4. Do I know enough about sex? Do I understand my anatomy, my partner's anatomy, how sex works and which parts of my body are the most sensitive?
-gr. 4 health classes :)
5. Do I understand the risks of sexually transmitted diseases,
HIV and pregnancy, and how to minimize those risks?
-yes
6. When I’m older, will I be glad I lost my virginity at this age and in this way?
-i hope so
7. Can I talk to my partner about sex and contraception? Can I use words like penis and vagina, and explain what feels good to me?
-yes
8. Do I have a condom, and know how to use it? As well as a second method of contraception?
-yes, and they cost me 10$!!
9. Does this fit in with my beliefs?
-agnostic, so yes
10. Is it legal in my state?
-province. and yes.
re: Are You Ready For Sex?
By dancer2422member has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 387, member since Tue Oct 21, 2003
On Mon Jul 06, 2009 06:59 PM
such a great sticky. I really hope people read this first.
re: Are You Ready For Sex?
By Broadway_Baby14 Comments: 3, member since Sun Mar 01, 2009
On Tue Jul 21, 2009 10:59 PM
This is a really great idea to post on the internet. I bet you have influenced lost of people not to have sex. i'll give you a gold star! XD
re: Are You Ready For Sex?
By MaxwellPremium member Comments: 1476, member since Sat Oct 27, 2007
On Sun Jul 26, 2009 07:11 PM
^Thanks, but I should remind everyone that the intent of this isn't to stop people or scare people from having sex. It is to provide a loose guideline to when most people are mature enough to handle sex, and something that you should consider before having it for the first time. I know I've gone off on this before, but I feel so many people automatically say that you should wait until you are 16/an adult/marriage/when you are truly in love/whenever you can just get it over with with a random/etc. The fact is, none of those neccesarily equal maturity and intelligence, and not being one of those doesn't neccesarily mean you aren't mature and intelligent. You can be 15 and meet every requirement here or you can be 30 and not even close. People are different, people should make different choices. Whatever works best for them.
re: Are You Ready For Sex?
By LaDiva_ Comments: 20, member since Mon Nov 02, 2009
On Mon Nov 02, 2009 04:16 PM
I think everyone, should be comfortable enough with their partner, and take steps towards sex. Not to rush into something, to prove a point, to others or yourself. Sex is a big thing, and you just can't go back to holding hands. Things resulting from sex can happen, if you don't take proper precautions. Pregnancy, STD, STI, HIV, can result. So you must know, to protect yourself, before taking such a big commitment. It should be with someone you love, not just a one night stand.
re: Are You Ready For Sex?
By kaileykat Comments: 122, member since Wed Jun 24, 2009
On Sun Nov 15, 2009 07:03 PM
Is there a thred anywhere on how to ask you mom/dad about going on the pill?
re: Are You Ready For Sex?
By MaxwellPremium member Comments: 1476, member since Sat Oct 27, 2007
On Sat Dec 05, 2009 10:08 PM
LaDiva_ wrote:

It should be with someone you love, not just a one night stand.


The entire point of me starting this thread was because that is a myth, and an extremely irresponsible one to live by at that. There is a difference between love and trust, safety, and maturity. You can love someone and not trust them enough for sex and not be mature and safe enought to handle that. Stupid kids (and really,stupid adults too) think they're in serious love and should automatically be having sex because love=sex. You can have strong, loving feelings for someone and still not trust them fully for sex. On the other hand, some mature, safe people miss out on what could be an extremely fufilling sexual relationship with someone they trust because they don't fancy themselves in love. Some people have the maturity to handle one night stands. Some people need to be in love, whatever that means to them. You cannot apply the same logic to everyone.

I also really hate the whole "you can't go back to holding hands once you have sex" thingy. Of course you can. If you don't want to, don't, but you don't become an unstoppable sex robot once you start.

Is there a thred anywhere on how to ask you mom/dad about going on the pill?


If you tell us more about your relationship with your mom and why you want the pill, maybe I or someone else could help you.
re: Are You Ready For Sex?
By Bobbypins Comments: 22, member since Mon Apr 08, 2013
On Sun Apr 14, 2013 10:45 PM
This would of been super helpful for myself and friends when we were younger, I'm glad teens have access to this type of thread so they can make better informed decisions.
re: Are You Ready For Sex?
By Dancewiththewind Comments: 24, member since Mon Jun 10, 2013
On Sat Jun 15, 2013 10:19 PM
I know that I am ready to have sex when I find someone I love, but how do you not turn something amazing into something regretful. And when I mean regretful I mean like over thinking something as amazing as sex. I know that everyone should go through a sort of checklist and I am confident but I tend to over think things. So how do I no do that?

Sorry I don't make any sense!
re: Are You Ready For Sex?
By dancer_aimyXomember has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 962, member since Wed Oct 15, 2008
On Mon Jun 17, 2013 04:47 AM
Very well Siad ! Well done

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