I apologize in advance for the long vent...but I know many here will understand what I mean, and hopefully have some advice...

Long story short, I coach a high school dance team at a private school. Last year the team was really able to take off due to some very dedicated parents and myself. Their 1980s uniforms were replaced, they finally had a choreographer, went to their first competition, lots of good things were happening. This year we have really stepped up even more, getting new poms and team warmups, going to competition again, more difficult choreography, etc etc.

All of these things cost money, obviously. Poms, warmups, competition fees, music for competition, etc. I would never want each team member to have to front the money for all of these things, especially at our small private high school, where they are already paying tuition. All each member had to pay for this year was shoes (if they didn't have them), their jacket, and the team t-shirt. We do a lot of fundraisers to cover as many costs as we can, and are a part of our school's fine arts association, which donates money to us from the fundraisers it holds, which we are supposed to (and do) volunteer at. We have sold candy bars, held a kids dance camp, are holding a dance festival (with portions from the festival going to charity), and are planning 2 car washes this summer to raise money to continue to be able to cover costs.

Tonight I had a mom FREAK OUT at me over the cost of her daughter's warmup jacket ($45.00) They were actually $60.00, and we used money from our fundraisers to offset that amount. We will be using this jacket for the forseeable future (as long as I'm around, and probably at least 3 years....her daughter is a freshman) She complained about doing all these fundraisers, but still having to pay money for the jacket (last night she complained about having to pay $5 to get into the basketball game to watch her daughter dance) I was completely taken aback. I spend a lot of time trying to manage our budget and take into account the things we want and need. It's not like I'm throwing our fundraiser money around recklessly (which I almost feel like is what she was implying!!!!) We have a decent amount of money now, but what about next year? I have 3 girls whose uniforms practically don't fit anymore, an entire team that feels uncomfortable in their not-that-flattering uniform pants, and the hope that they might be able to go to a summer dance camp and/or do 2 competitions next year. I tried to explain this to her, but she was not satisfied. Other teams like cheer and flags have to pay money up front just to be ON the team to cover costs. I also feel like she thinks I don't know what I'm doing because I'm young (in my mid twenties). On top of all this, this particular team member also does competitive studio dance. On one hand, I understand that money is tight between paying private school tuition, dance studio tuition, and the cruddy economy. On the other hand....really? $45.00 and a t-shirt and you're going to complain??? My parents were shelling out HUNDREDS of dollars when I was competing (for which I am very thankful). I'm terrified to tell this woman that admission to our competition is $15.00. Needless to say, while the other parents were handing in their daughter's jacket money, this mother was on her way out.

What do you do in a situation like this? I feel like once she finds out what the admission is she's going to come back to me and complain AGAIN, and it makes me wonder if she'll let her daughter be on my team again next year (the daughter is a wonderful person and dancer, by the way). I feel hurt and offended, like she thinks I'm not doing my job....but at the same time, I'm angry that I was confronted about this in front of my team and all their parents, because I AM doing my job, and spend a lot of time and energy on these girls.

Any thoughts???

You are doing your best and it sounds like a lot of effort is made to keep costs minimal. Good for you. I'm sure the other parents appreciate this. Honestly, do not let what this woman says bother you. There are some people who just complain about everything, if it's not about the cost of the jacket or entrance fee, it's about something else totally non dance related. Stand up for what you are doing and offer to show her a breakdown of the costs. If she still has a problem with it then she can leave. Trust me, as a studio owner I've learned it is better to let people go then bend over backwards for them.

Also, keep in mind, it is very smart to give a breakdown of all costs at the start of the year. That way people know what they are in for financially. I do this along with a calendar of events for the entire year, when certain things are due, policies, etc. EVERYTHING goes to them.

It also sounds to me like you are doing the best that you can. In your situation, I would have a parent meeting and get the other parents support. Bring the issue of costs for this and that out in the open in front of all your parents. Discuss the situation with them openly. Parents that complain to you are also complaining to the other parents. She will have no one to complain to if you get their support.

A complete different situation to make something clear: I used to work at a "health care insurance office". A woman called us, being angry because she had to pay 200 euro for orthopedic shoes. She knew she had to pay part of it herself, but TWO HUNDRED euro!
We told her: "The shoes are handmade and cost 2,000 euro." She shut up.

This woman you met either doesn't know what the real costs and incomes are, OR she is suffering to much from all her bills and this was just the limit.
I agree with the posters above. It is not your fault, you are really doing your best.

My two suggestions: inform all parents about all the costs and all the income, so it is clear why there is still money for them to pay.
Second suggestion (ethically not the best one, but it works for me): Do not inform parents about what they need to buy. Tell the students what they need and by what date. My experience is that parents are more willing to accept what their child is telling them ('I need new shoes, all the others already have them too'), than a teacher telling them 'You need to pay for ....', that is like a red flag.

I too think that based on what you have told us you are doing everything you can to keep costs down so that your students can enjoy what they love. Unforunately, our business is just like all of the others, you will not please everyone no matter what you do. There will always be someone who either cannot afford the activity, or who can afford it and complains anyway. First and foremost, make sure everyone is informed about charges as you know about them. If you know that events 1,2 and 3 are going to cost $XXX amount, inform the parents of this. Alot of people get defensive when it comes to paying for things because they really don't understand either what they are paying for or how you got to that amount. I would say either have a team meeting with the students and the parents to talk about the teams events for the year as well as any financial information that you currently have. If you know they are going to have to pay a certain amount of money for an activity, be upfront about the cost. If they are informed it seems they are less likely to complain.

Any way you look at it, dance is an expensive activity. It's great that you are doing things to cut costs for the students and parents. I hope you continue to succeed in your work. Please remember that there are some people you just can't please. Unfortunately, if her mom can't or won't pay for it there is nothing you can do if she cannot return. Don't let her make you feel bad, your doing a great job.

Sounds like you are going above and beyond.
We have our team sign a contact, they know what they will be paying for, how much and when it is due. They can fundraise for the money or it comes out of their pockets - it is up to them. Some folks don't like to fundraise.
It is all spelled out and they sign an agreement. There is a $ penalty if they leave the team early since some things are paid for throughout the year and if they quit early we may have already paid for those things.
She has a choice, she can choose not to participate. I don't think parents rememeber this. You can politely tell her this.
If I don't like something or cannot afford it, we don't do it.

Thank you all so much for your replies and advice. I was having a really rough week and this mom just kind of put me over the edge! I appreciate all the moral support and the suggestions. I will definitely be adding something into our team agreement for next year about what we use our money for, what each member will be required to pay etc.

Thanks so much

I definitely see you are a very active and involved coach, don't change that it's very rare. You can tell that you love what you do.

In the past when I coached especially for a school, I would designate fundraisers. In example:

March Car Wash- funds will be designated for Camp

Then if camp cost $350 per girl and you raised $2000 and you have 12 girls. I would divide that by 12 which would allocate $166.66. The balance would be $183.34 per girl, and that is very clear how much the beginning balance was. Then the amount raised from the fundraiser and then the balance following the fundraiser.

Just a reccomendation!

Having been a high school dance coach as well as a studio owner and parent to 2 dancers, I understand what you are going through as well as the parent. First you need to tell them what is mandatory for them to purchase and what is not required. I did this prior to try outs so that the expectations were known when they made the dance team. I do not feel that $60 is an unrealistic amount, in fact, I feel it is very cheap! As far as fund raisers for the teams, we did not make it mandatory for them to participate, but if they did not then they had to pay $10 to be excused from it. We also had some fundraisers that went directly to an individual account used to offset some of their personal expenses. For your dance show that you are having, are you having parents help with it? If you need volunteers, I would assign duties and tell them in lieu of sitting in the stands watching, they could get in for free if they took admission or helped with concessions. This could be helpful to you in more than one way and you would come across as a hero! You are never going to make everyone happy, but the key is to be consistent with every dancer and parent, you will get more respect. If you need any suggestions, please pm me. Good luck and congratulations on building a successful program. It sounds as if you are doing a great job, and age has nothing to do with it!