I need some advice. I have been hired at a dance studio, where the studio owner is not a dancer, she was a parent who couldn't let it go when the first owner left.

She has let the parents get way too involved. And tells me that we have to please the "Paying customer".

I have one student who slows my class with bad behavoir, her parent thinks I have a personal vindeta against her 8 year old, and turns out she hasn't paid tutiton all year. This girls recital costumes were even purchased. And of course are not paid for. I find this unacceptable. My studio owner doesn't want to "Lose a customer", I say they aren't even a customer because they don't pay.

Second, I just choreographed a great hip hop routine, taught it, in the ending three back girls lay on their back, put their feet in the air, and catch a girl from in front of them, Kinda like the girls end up floating. One of the parents (a personal friend to the owner) threw a fit that you couldn't see her daughter since she was on the ground. (This same girl has a solo, so What's the problem?!). I came into competition practice Saturday and told by the owner that I MUST change the ending of my routine. Because a parent told their daughter if we do that ending to walk off the stage!

I have just told my studio owner. If we do not have a meeting and set some REAL rules that we ACTUALLY follow, I am resigning. And there are two other teachers leaving for location reasons, but I am to be the lead teacher next year.

PLEASE!! Any advice, new rules that we should set, something. We have no set dress code, the parents are too involved, and this has just become a personal thing way too much.

I feel like all my creativness was stripped away from me when I gave into that parent. And her daughter doesen't even do the dance correctly!! How can I do my job when I am told what and how to do it??!!!!

Frankly, it sounds like resigning might be your best option. You've spoken with your SO and put your cards on the table. If she won't change the way she does "business" (and smoke was coming out of my ears just reading what's going on there!), your choices are to put up with it or look for another studio that operates differently. You really can't change anything without the owner's support.

Unfortunately, whether the parent has paid or not, it is up to the SO whether she throws them out or lets them stay. As a SO, I would never let a parent tell me (or any of my staff) how to choreagraph my dances or my staff's dances. As long as there is nothing innappropriate, my staff is free to their own choreagraphy. BUT, I do not let the parents walk all over me.
I think you should have a meeting with her and tell her how you feel about things. But in the end, she is the owner and can do things as she pleases. If you do not like the way things are, you have the right to leave and find another studio to work at where you are more comfortable with their policies. You could come work for me, LOL we need another experienced teacher.

Thank you for the support. It breaks my heart to have to leave this being my first year at this studio and my first year teaching. I was a competitive dancer in high school and also on the college level. I missed dance badly for 3 years and thought I found my heart again here at this studio. But I can't get walked all over. I am just glad I'm not being a difficult first time teacher.

working for an SO who is not a dancer (or at least doesn't understand what we go through as teachers) is bad news to me. she will automatically side with parents becuase that is who she identifies with. you put in the hard work and your creativity does not deserve to be stifled.

i agree with the above, have a meeting with her and get your views out on the table. if she doesn't want to budge, then i would find another studio home.

good luck to you.

Walk away...there is no saving this mess

I'm with Triskit on this one. I say quit. Don't keep a job that you are always fighting with the boss for reasonable rules.

Well,I agree with you 100%. I could see changing the choreography if it was tacky or suggestive, but because a parent's child couldn't be seen? Come on!!!! Once the parents start telling the teachers what to do, you just opened a whole new door to trouble. Music choices, costumes, places in line will all be affected!! If you don't want to look forward to that, then get out now OR the SO could stop it just as it starts by putting her foot down, NOT changing the choreography, and go from there. If the girl walks off the stage, let her. She'll look like a fool. Then I would repeat the entire dance AGAIN without her. (As a matter of fact, plan on placing her on the floor but not where it will matter if she's there or not. That way, her absence won't make any difference. By the way, it's the dance she ISN't in I would put on the video tape.) Let her mom explain to others why she walked off stage in one of the coolest numbers in the show. They'll both look like fools. Oh, the lessons one must teach in dance.

I think it would be incredibly difficult to work for a non-dancer owner. Having said that, and agreeing that resignation is probably the best option, I have been trying to think of a way to salvage the immediate situation. Maybe the mom and your SO would both be placated if the dancers who are on the floor at the end could stand to take a bow before exiting the stage. Good luck.

I agree with everything everyone is saying. I am glad to see that people in the dance world don't agree with what is going on at my studio.

I do think I should leave. Although I am very torn, I want to teach, I will miss my students, but I cannot be walked all over. Okay now I am needing some strength to walk away from this studio. I'm worried that I won't be able to walk away from dance again, and end up stuck as a door mat!

It may be helpful for you to understand that once you start to stand up for yourself and define what it is you really want from your job, you will be more likely to find it.

Having just ANY job is not what is fulfilling when you are a teacher. You should be working for an SO that thinks similarly to the way that you do. Being a doormat is always uncomfortable.

Try to make a list of exactly what you want from your next job before you look for one. This should help you define more clearly what it is you would like and thereby make it easier to attract.

Good Luck!

I definitely agree with the above post, even if your SO agrees to change her practices the damage is done. Plus she will never understand being held back creatively, because she has never been in your shoes.

And eventually her practices will shut her business down. So I suggest leaving with your head up high, and get that resume ready to send out!

Good Luck!

My SO told me that I am taking this one choreography instance way too personal. Am I? I was also told that I shouldn't leave over one little thing. Which was probably a start into her guilt trip.

I was also then told that when you have jobs sometimes your boss will tell you to do something different. Mind you I told her I am 23 years old and I am an office manager during the daytime at a construction company. This is not my first job! I told her that I am not writing a memo in an office. And no one would ever tell Van Gogh that they couldn't see enough red in a painting and make him change it.

Am I overreacting?
Or taking this too personal?

OF COURSE you are taking this personally!! Who wouldn't? She gave you a job that you are qualified to do and is now telling you that you must change it because an unqualified parent was whining about it. The analogy about this boss is no good because a boss is usually more qualified than the employee. Not in this case. This is an unprofessional, democratic studio run by people who don't know what they're doing. Get out now. It will probably end up folding soon. These kinds of schools usually do.

You are not overreacting, your reaction is normal and there's nothing wrong with it! I left a studio that got bought by a parent (at the end of the year) who was a former cheerleader with no dance experience. I was suppose to stay but after doing one summer camp for her, I quit and got another job. I could smell trouble. And shes had similar problems that it sounds like this lady is having. Not only is she not experienced in dance, but it also sounds like shes not a very good business woman. If shes letting people have free costumes and what not, doesn't sound like her business is going to last too long. Maybe you should get out of the situation so you aren't dragged down with her? She seems like a people pleaser and you can't please everybody. I don't know the lady but from what you've said... you should leave. If you do decide to stay tell the SO, you want to have creative freedom unless the dance is inappropriate. If it happens again you for sure have a really good reason to leave. Good Luck!

This SO is not on your side. She is not supporting you. She is a parent and doesn't understand what the difference is between being an employer and a costumer.

You asked for rules to put down with your 'SO'. In general it would be: "Support me/us as teachers when confronting parents. If you choose parents side in a conflict, you are showing you are against us, we feel left alone and loose our motivation to deliver quality in our classes or to work for you any longer."

But you will have to quit anyway. This situation is not workable.

Quit now, quit now. I was in your situation. The SO up and left a mom bought the studio from her, a year of hell ensued. Needless to say, leaving was the best thing I ever did. Oh and I never received my W2 from my former boss - the IRS can have her head on platter now. Sic 'em. Leave before she goes bankrupt and you find yourself jobless with no possibility of hiring on elsewhere. Resume in hand, go job hunting now. That year was awful for me get out now while you still can.

My SO doesn't allow the parents to do anything CLOSE to that crap. He holds a meeting in the beginning of the year stating his rules, that way if there are parents who have issues with the rules, they can leave before their child gets too involved in the dances and creates choreography problems via quitting. He allows them to watch at the end of class only 3 times a year. If someone complains, he tells them that those are the rules and they will see the dances onstage anyway. If parents try to tell him how to handle anything associated with the studio, he puts them in their place, and he also tells the parents not to try to pull anything with the other teachers because we know how to do our job without them butting in. Last year I had parents trying to tell me how to fix a dance (we had a girl break her ankle so I had to redo their dances and one ended up being totally rechoreographed) and said they liked it better the way it was before. Mind you, they had only seen about 1/4 of the new dance and none of them had any personal dance experience. By the time the new dance was finished, everyone loved it. But it aggravated me that parents were trying to tell me what to do and then sending their kids in and saying "my mom says she likes this part better the way it was before so you should put it back to that." I told them that their mom is not their dance teacher so I will do my job the way I see fit. When the SO heard about all this he held a meeting specifically to tell the parents to back off because he will not allow them to run his studio for him or try to control his staff.

Your SO needs to either lay down the law, or you should walk. If the SO continues to let that kind of stuff go on, she will lose her business shortly because she eventually will let all those parents walk all over her and she will stop making money because of it. Maybe losing all her teachers will be a wake-up call for her, and if not, she will have to learn the hard way- when she loses her business to psycho parents.


Some rules that could be considered would be:
-Parents can't control the choreography, no matter how much they don't like it, unless it involves inappropriate moves.

-Don't let the parents observe classes 24/7. That avoids the whole issue of choreography control.

-As far as tuition goes, that should usually be controlled solely by the SO, but clearly she isn't doing anything about it. Some things to encourage her to instate would be a specific due date every month for tuition, and if people are late paying it, a late fee gets tagged on. Another good one would be if a parent pulls their kid after a certain day in the year (ours is November 1st, and we start in the beginning of September) the parent is required to pay for half of the remainder of the year's tuition for causing issues for the SO and the teacher of the kid that leaves. The only ways around this fee would be injury/sickness or something beyond the parent and student's control.

-As far as costume fees go, always purchase the costumes whether the parent has paid for them or not, but don't tell the parents about this. Again, set due dates for costume and competition fees, and tag on a late fee. For costumes, don't send the costume home with the kid- don't even TELL the kid or parent you still purchased their costume- until they pay for it. We actually have a "costume deposit" that we require all parents to pay around November or December. It's basically a flat fee per costume and then if the costume for that dance ends up being more than the deposit, they have to pay the remaining balance later on.

-Also, solos and duet/trios are NOT a right, they are a privilege. The parent you spoke about who had an issue with her kid being on the floor seems like one of those parents who would DEMAND that her kid have a solo even if the kid didn't deserve it. The rule we have is that if a parent is interested in their child doing a solo or duet/trio, they can speak to the SO about it and the SO will converse with that child's teacher (unless the SO teaches the kid himself) and decide whether or not that kid deserves/is ready for a solo or duet/trio.

-We also have the parent's meeting in the beginning of the year MANDATORY. Unless the parent is sick there is no excuse. It's usually held on a Sunday afternoon. That way most parents can't use the "I have to work" excuse, and if by chance they do have to work, there is another parent who can attend the meeting. If the rules aren't sticking halfway through the year, another meeting becomes necessary and at that point, the parents need to suck it up and let the SO run their business, or they will be told that they're not welcome back the next dance year.

-No dress code?! Jeesh! We have a strict dress code! A sample one would be for ballet, pink or white tights, and black leotard, hair in a bun, ballet shoes required. For boys, it'd be a tank and form fitting shorts or ballet tights, and ballet shoes. For jazz/lyrical/any variation of those, a leotard, tights and booty shorts are acceptable, and hair always has to be out of the face. No socks EVER, and shoes are at the teacher's discretion depending on the dance. Hip hop is the only "free expression" style where pants, sneakers, etc are allowed. Sneakers have to be dance sneakers though, as we don't allow any street shoes on our dance floors.

-We also have a contract that all students AND parents are required to sign at the start of each year before the student is allowed to even step into the dance room- this basically states that the student and parent agree not to sue the studio, the SO, or any staff member if the student gets injured while at the studio, and that the student walks into class at their own risk, and the parent allows this at their own risk as well.


Clearly this SO of yours is being very non-supportive, and leaving is probably still in your best interest, but I gave you a few ideas anyway, just in case. What really gets me is a non-dancer SO. What the heck?? Obviously she isn't REALLY fit to be an SO with her mindset. Did she just wake up one day and say "I think I'll open a dance studio today" ???

Honestly I'd just leave. That is all so ridiculous and she isn't going to really understand how you're feeling because she doesn't know what it feels like to have to do all the choreography and all the extra stuff that comes with that i.e. being told to change it, etc.

Best of luck either way though!

Get out, run away as fast as you can and don't look back.....I would say look for another studio that appreciates their staff and actually runs a business. Sounds like she's just entertaining friends more than caring about the education of her students. I do think our parents need to be treated with respect and kindness but if you allow them to walk over you, ultimately the WON'T respect you or what you are doing. Sounds like they don't respect you anyway....best of luck!

*hugs* From one young teacher to another.

When I left my 'first' studio that I taught at (in this instance, 'first' relates to a studio where you expect to teach for at least a year on weekly basis) I was heartbroken because although I'd been unhappy there, I'd built relationships with my students and the parents and was sad to see them go. I was worried I'd never find anything like that again.

To my great suprise and pleasure, the next studios I taught at were not only more preferable for me to teach at (non-recreational for one, and SO's who were interested in the 'full package' of me - training, experience, personality, teaching style, other life pursuits - gee whiz!) but I have found some new students who I absolutely adore, and who seem to enjoy coming to my classes too

Your current situation sounds absolutely horrible and I strongly encourage you to get the hell out of there. No good dance teacher can be expected to do a good job when their SO doesn't support them, or when there are significant conflicts between methodologies between teacher and SO. Leadership comes from top down!

Leave so there is space in your life to teach at a studio that DOES make you happy. I did, and am so glad I did