Forum: Arts / Philosophy

Are you only supposed to love one person?
By nic_dancezonemember has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Tue Jun 23, 2009 02:08 PM

This is a pondering I welome all ideas or opinions. If not on right board please let me know.

Background first: I have just split up with my bf of five years. I was 18 when I got with him and now 23. I thought he was the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I thought he was the only person I could ever love and needed to be loved by. The majority of our relationship was long distance and we did not live together. the decision to split was mutal. I am also in the middle of my parents splitting after 25 years of marriage.

Are we only ever supposed to love one person and be with them forever? Is marriage just a social pressure that we feel we need because soceity expects it? (I understand there are religous reasons to get married but I am not a religious person at all) Instead are we not supposed to experience love in many different forms and these do not need to be within marriage? Or is love just the feeling of being wanted by another person?

Yes I loved my ex but I see that I am now ready for a new take on the world and maybe being single is about self growth rather then constant compromise with someone. Maybe I will fall in love again and that person I will grow and develop and be happy before needing that self growth again or find someone different.

I believe in fate - I would not have met my ex if certain bad things had not happened. And there have been several other reasons why I believe it in as well as this meeting but thats a nother story.

I am not suggesting that you love two people at the same time and affairs happen. Thats not my pondering.


5 Replies to Are you only supposed to love one person?

re: Are you only supposed to love one person?
By dangslowmember has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Sun Jun 28, 2009 01:46 PM
I think lots of people are compatable with each other. You had a relationship, it didn't work out, and now you are trying to pick up all the pieces. Sometimes its just a good thing to hide back within yourself for a while. Just be alone for a while to see what YOU are about. You had been together long enough to have common interests, so it's time to see what you really like.
re: Are you only supposed to love one person?
By irishdancer92
On Thu Jul 02, 2009 09:39 PM
Muslims permit polygamy (sp?). They believe you can marry and love more than one person, there must be some logic to their views, right?
re: Are you only supposed to love one person?
By AlwaysOnStagePremium member
On Fri Jul 03, 2009 06:23 PM
Of course you can love multiple people. Even that forever-and-always together-forever serious-relationship love. There are SO MANY people in the world, we're bound to be compatible with many people. I'm more interested in an argument if someone believes that you CAN"T or DON"T fall in love with more than one person. It seems to me that the debate is "Can anyone make an argument for why people can only be mono-amorous?"
re: Are you only supposed to love one person?
By SOADftwmember has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Tue Jul 07, 2009 12:25 AM
I think you can love more than one person, but I feel you should only love one person at one time. I'm only speaking romantic love of course.

I went through a situation similar to yours. I met a guy when I was 17, fell head over heels, and thought he would be the one I would spend the rest of my life with. Three years later, we split up permanently (he had split up with me a year before but we got back together - it was ugly and complicated). The breakup was not mutual - I decided to end the relationship because I had grown and matured and he had not, and subsequently I was not being treated like I should be. I loved him, I really did, and breaking up with him was a difficult but necessary thing.

Now I am in a new relationship with someone who his much more "on my level." We've been dating for almost four months, and although we haven't said that we love each other, I feel it will happen soon. Anyway, I am so glad that I am in this relationship and that I didn't stick with the guy I thought I was going to marry (we had rings and a date set and everything). I am glad that I got to experience love more than once. (Well, the very good potential for love anyway.) I think it allowed me to grow an incredible amount and realize what I need in a relationship.

Also, getting to be with more than one person takes the mystery out of relationships. Speaking in a sexual sense, I can't imagine only being with one person now that I have been with two. When I thought I would only be with one person for the rest of my life, I always wondered what it would be like to be with someone else. Not because anything was wrong, and not like I would act on it, I was just curious. Humans are naturally curious, and I think being able to love and have an intimate relationship with more than one person satisfies this curiosity.

If someone allows themselves to love more than one person, I feel that marriage and loving someone forever becomes easier. They know what it's like to love, they know what they need out of a relationship, and the curiosity is satisfied. Now I know this isn't true for everyone, but it works for those who marry with the intention of being with their spouse forever (as opposed to people who sign prenuptial and get married for the benefits, etc).

My main point is, I think you definitely can (and should) love more than one person. I learned so much about myself by this.
re: Are you only supposed to love one person?
By flower_facePremium member
On Tue Jul 07, 2009 09:51 PM
I think the answer to "can" we love more than one person for most is an absolute "yes, of course. " Should we, I don't know, depends on the person. If you fall in love and are happy with that person and never fall for someone else, no problem. If you stop being with that person , for whatever reason, then some may fall in love again, some may not, and some may not want to be with someone else.

Romantic love is of varying priority to each person. For some they might say "I did that, didn't work out, now I want to go build kayaks by myself until I die" . ( or whatever else that makes them feel fulfilled and happy.) Not all people find it super important to have that kind of love even once. Some people are kind of take it or leave it, so the "should" comes down to what is right for each person. We all have to decide on that for ourselves , and it may change through our lives.


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