Forum: Arts / Poetry

So, I don't really see it as a song... but it needs to be... any tips?
By toji_667member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Thu Jun 25, 2009 08:53 PM

The bass rippling through you,
Smile on your face,
Screams in your lungs,
Drugs in your system,
Lights flashing,
And its all leading to that moment
when the bass stops,
and the power lead begins.
The crowd roars
sending energy through you...
you scream as well.

You take a deep breath
and stop for a moment...
just listening,
and before you know it,
your body
begins to dance to the beat.

Laughing and screaming
your friends near by
that song you've been waiting for
plays, unable to do
anything but jump to the beat
You can't stop smiling,
and you realize,
this is what life is about.

Liven the life
Loven the moment
Liven the life
Loven the moment
Just dance,
Just dance.


of course... I'm going to change it from 2nd to 3rd person but any other tips?

3 Replies to So, I don't really see it as a song... but it needs to be... any tips?

re: So, I don't really see it as a song... but it needs to be... any tips?
By bella_mia224
On Sat Jun 27, 2009 08:29 AM
So you want it as a song right?....

Well usually a song consists of:
verse
chorus
verse
pre-chrous/bridge
chrous
and sometimes another verse or repeat the chorus.

Not all songs are like this and yours doesn't have to be that is just a basic outline to go of.
the pre-chorus/bridge is a connecting 2 or 3 lines (sometimes more)that go from the verse to the chorus.

You could possibly use this stanza/verse as the chorus: It seems that if you repeated it would still make sense.

You take a deep breath
and stop for a moment...
just listening,
and before you know it,
your body
begins to dance to the beat

I think with this you song it doesnt need a pre-chorus/bridge but that is just my opinion, Its completely up to you.

I really like these lyrics, I felt that they really connected with me.

Are you going to be putting music to it? And if so do you know what style/genre it is?

I hope I helped a bit. :)

Evonne.
re: So, I don't really see it as a song... but it needs to be... any tips?
By toji_667member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Sat Jun 27, 2009 04:09 PM
So, the reason I need it to be a song is because I'm one of two composers for my band and I haven't been writting much latly and I really felt like this was something I wanted heard. I'm not sure what genre to consider it because the instrumentation is harsh orchestra and a techno style guitar. I'm glad you were able to connect with these lyrics (: and as for the song format... the reason it isn't like that is because the lyrics wont nessisarly be sung... more of a rythmatic speaking but not like rap at all. and also I was kinda trying to force the last stanza to act as my anti-chorus chorus (if that makes sence?) but I like what you said about the one stanza to be the chorus.. that is a good idea. thanks for your help (:
re: So, I don't really see it as a song... but it needs to be... any tips?
By toji_667member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Sat Jun 27, 2009 04:19 PM
The bass rippling through her,
Smile on her face,
Screams in her lungs,
Drugs in her system,
Lights flashing,
And its all leading to that moment
when the bass stops,
and the power lead begins.
The crowd roars
sending energy through her...
She screams as well.

She takes a deep breath
and stops for a moment...
just listening,
and before she knew it,
Her body
begun to dance to the beat.

Laughing and screaming
her friends near by
that song you've been waiting for
plays, unable to do
anything but jump to the beat
She can't stop smiling,
and she realizes,
this is what life is about.

Liven the life
Loven the moment
Liven the life
Loven the moment
Just dance,
Just dance.

She takes a deep breath
and stops for a moment...
just listening,
and before she knew it,
her body
begun to dance to the beat.

Liven the life
Loven the moment
Liven the life
Loven the moment
Just dance,
Just dance.


of course, that isn't final, but its another step toward final (:

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